The Haley News And World Report 01.07.03


A very slow news week, so let’s start off with some fun first. I was writing our Commander-in-Chief last night, to tell him that this report would be a little late, when this happened:

Gimmick Infringement

Haley: captain
Widro: o captain my captain?
Haley: you’re on the hot seat
Haley: who wrote that
Haley: cmon widro, this is all you
Widro: it was in dead poet’s society, but it was something in literature
Haley: and going in my report
Widro: the hot seat? why thats my gimmick
Widro: although i took a 3 week vacation
Haley: correction
Haley: WAS your gimmick
Haley: squatter’s rights baby
Haley: one last chance
Widro: yeah we’ll see which column mistakenly is posted for 2003
Haley: oh captain my captain, author please
Haley: 3….
Haley: 2….
Haley: 1….
Haley: X X X
Widro: whitman
Haley: oh, that is correct but the 3 Xs were clearly up first
Widro: no way dude
Haley: it’s there in plain type man
Widro: mine is first on my IM box
Haley: consider it the officials’ review

My favorite part was that he claimed the Family Feud-style X X X came up after his response in his IM window. Hey, I know in my mind about how long it takes to Google search the title of a literary work!

I think I might be the last person on this site who has used Widro for entertainment in his column. The man is a saint. I’ve heard I might get my retribution in the Hot Seat this Friday, so be sure to look for that. I’m already afraid of the geometry zinger I’m going to get for this

Knuckle Dragging

For those of you who read Cam’s always great report over at the Music Zone on Friday, I’d like to proudly announce that I’m the knuckle dragger in the wrestling zone who won the staff fantasy football league. I defeated Smilo’s squad in the finals, helped in large part by a dominating performance by Jamal Lewis and the Ravens D Sunday night against the Steelers.

This really isn’t news, just a chance to plug two of my favorite writers on the site. Oh and to gloat, can’t forget that. My squad finished the season 11-3 and won the points championship to boot.

Eat your hearts out, everyone else on this site who thinks they know stuff about sports.

The Little Things

Wrestling? Sure, why not. Let’s do this

1. Don’t Forget To Call My Lawyer With Ridiculous Demands

I know some people on this site had a problem with the confrontation between Austin and Teddy Long in Memphis on Monday. Some felt that it was a little too racially charged (and some of Coach’s commentary was pretty charged to be fair), insensitive, etc.

Lighten up, people.

The best thing about Teddy Long is that he is old school. You don’t see managerial antics like his in this day and age of wrestling. You barely see managers period and this column/news report has argued for a long time that they are underutilized tools in developing wrestling characters. As boring as Mark Henry is, he’d be infinitely more boring without Long.

Some of Long’s best moments were the “I’ve got Johnnie Cochran on speed dial line”, the shameless begging for mercy complete with hands praying and his running around the ring, which he had to adjust when Austin drove his four wheeler into the ring like an idiot.

Enjoy Teddy Long. He doesn’t have Bischoff’s grace on the mic, but he has a character all his own. Belee dat, playa.

2. Learn From History

Again, despite some griping from some members of this site, I thought RAW made at least a decent attempt to start the new year off by making fans pay attention to history. The Dupree/Spike match was supplanted with the footage from Spike’s nasty bump to make us care just a little more, we got some scenes from last week’s HBK/HHH match and they followed up from last week’s promise with a decent script that focused on Long. I’m not saying it was perfect, but the idea is a good one. If the fans can remember things that happened long ago, it will make them care more about the current product and keep them watching.

It’s about time they did this. We’ve been long overdue for an Ass Cream flashback.

3. Six Shooter

I thought HHH’s promo was also long overdue. Most of his promos are nothing but a bunch of drivel that talk about how good he is, how he has beaten everyone and what happened during a match. Last night, he actually showed the ability to make fun of someone in that snotty Greenwich manner he used to have that was halfway appealing. While not exactly current, the Mayberry jokes gave a slightly different dimension to HHH’s condescending attitude that has been lacking as of late.

4. Shower Scene

While I could devote this part to Jericho’s priceless reaction to Mae, the most important part of that scene was the suspense. In hindsight, lots of IWC writers (again, some on this site) can easily sit back and complain that Mae being in the shower was a letdown, blah blah blah. But be honest with yourselves, jerkies, you didn’t know it was Mae. Some thought it was Trish, some Lita, others like myself were thinking Christian for a real dagger, but nobody really knew for sure. That’s what made the scene interesting.

They need more of this, too.

5. Always And Forever


Turning Jericho face is a bad idea, but it’s even worse when you consider that we’ll lose this when it happens.

The Main Point – The Big O

Eric hit most of the major news stories this week, so I’m going to spare you my thoughts. I’d instead like to focus on a wrestler that has had me thinking here and there, Mr. Randy Orton.

Randy is by far and away the recipient of the biggest push any of the new stars has experienced. Based primarily on his looks and his heritage, management figures that the guy is can’t miss, he just needs time to develop his skills and his personality. This is going to be a slow process, but reader Michael Shockley picked up on a little thing from his match with Booker T that shows he is getting there:

just noticed a Little Thing during RAW that a lot ofpeople probably overlooked. During the IC Title match, thecrowd was really hot and into it early on, then it died down abit. After a moment of relative silence, a “Let’s Go Booker”chant started to grow while Orton was dominating. Just as it started to get loud, Randy showboated for the first time in the match – drawing a round of boos and completely killing the pro-Booker chant before it even really got started. Great timing by Orton in preventing his opponent from drawing energy from the crowd, and a very subtle but important Little Thing.

This sense of timing will come with time (ironically enough). The vignette that aired this past Monday will also help, but ultimately, Randy is going to need to be involved in some plots that really piss people off to get his heel character over. Kicking Mick Foley down a flight of stairs and spitting in his face, along with RKOing Lawler in Memphis are good starts, but ultimately he’ll have to make his mark in an even bigger way down the road. All of the above matters were things that aren’t exactly surprising or that we couldn’t have expected from Orton. He needs to do something that we can’t see coming

We’re talking RKOing Ric Flair type stuff here. Which I think is ultimately where they will go with him. It’s dastardly, has face elements to it and would be wholly unexpected by a lot of fans because Evolution is such a tight knit group. HHH would also be a good candidate, and that has been rumored, but it’s not as believable to me. Randy, being a young guy, would start with someone he could top before going after the big shark.

The point is, he is getting a big push and whether he deserves it or not, be patient with him. He’s going to do great things, both little and big in the future.

I’m done for the week. Sorry it was a little late.