Leave Your Spandex At The Door 4.17.04: HEAVEN LLC chat with Wayne and Dave

WARNING: This column contains adult content. Reader discretion is advised…seriously. -Ben

Welcome to the 30th instalment of Leave Your Spandex @t the Door!

Without second thought, my favourite LYS@D column from 2003 was the chat I had with Dave Crosland about his Puffed mini-series from Image Comics. Now he is back in full force, along with the Unsurpassable Wayne Chinsiang, for an interview that is sure to get me booted off 411Camp for good! Wayne and Dave’s new graphic novel Heaven, LLC goes on sale this Wednesday, from Image Comics.

You can learn more info about the guys through Dave’s website, and “Tastes Like Chicken”, the site Wayne is editor of.

The solicits for the GN read:

HEAVEN, LLC

THE CONCEPT
Heaven is not all puffy clouds, harps, and angels. Like most things, it’s all about business. When Heaven, LLC’s CEO (that’s God) turns up missing, all Hell breaks loose! The Board of Trustees sets out to find him… even though no one likes him. Hijinks ensue! Huzzah! Written by WAYNE CHINSANG – the editor of the humor and entertainment publication, tastes like chicken – and drawn by DAVE CROSLAND also of tastes like chicken and PUFFED fame and starring a cast of characters like John the Baptist, The Holy Spirit, Lucifer and Jesus, this is one graphic novel destined to entertain. Or at least that’s what my pastor tells me.

Written by WAYNE CHINSANG
Art by DAVE CROSLAND
Cover by DAVE CROSLAND & DEBBIE
BW 144 pgs. $12.95
Graphic Novel
MATURE READERS WARNING
HEAVEN, LLC is ™ and © Wayne Chinsang, Justin Shady & Dave Crosland, 2004. All Rights Reserved.

Dave has provided 411Comics with the first 11 pages of the Graphic Novel as a special appetiser.

Manolis

What is the high concept of Heaven LLC? and what does LLC stand for, actually?

Dave:

Limited Liability Corporation

Wayne:

And the concept of Heaven, LLC is that Heaven is run like a business. God is the CEO of Heaven, LLC. And there is a board of trustees. Adam, Eve, Lucifer, John the Baptist, The Holy Spirit, ex-Saint Christopher, Joseph, Abraham, The Pope and Jesus. And, basically, God is a moron. And the board is the real brains behind the company.

Manolis:

How did you come up with such a wacky concept?

Dave:

Wayne and I were on a road trip last year and the idea just sorta popped into his head.

Wayne:

Well, we were driving in Ohio, and I said to Dave, “You know what would be funny? If Heaven were run like a business”. And then we just started talking about it, bouncing ideas off of each other.

Dave:

I think it was just brought about by past dealings with office-minded people

Wayne:

Yeah, because it’s about religion, for sure. But it’s also about business. About jobs, the work force, etc.

Dave:

It’s a pretty common situation. I mean, from McDonald’s to the government, the guy in charge is usually a moron and the underlings are the ones who really keep shit running.

Manolis:

Comparing Heaven to McDonalds… we’re off to a good start

Wayne:

Well, you know, it’s the same thing. I mean, I don’t believe in Heaven, but I don’t believe in McDonalds, either.

Dave:

St. Peter, the fry chef. Dude, McDonalds is VERY real, just look at my waistline!

Wayne:

As is the ass drool it gives me after I eat it.

Manolis:

Ok, so you told me who is part of the Board. How did you narrow it down to these guys?

Wayne:

The REAL story of Heaven is this. The Board hates God. So each character had to have a problem with him. Something we could point at and say, “If I were them, I’d hate God.” So it had to be “real” so to speak

Dave:

Which wasn’t hard to narrow down at all. There are a shitload of people in the Old Testament who just got f*cked over BIG TIME by The Almighty.

Manolis:

The Old Testament was a f*ck-fest indeed. I can under stand Adam, Eve and Abraham, but where does the Pope get off hating God? I mean, he’s his livelihood, right?

Wayne:

Good call. The Pope is the ONLY person on the Board that doesn’t hate God. But he’s Heaven’s connection with Earth. Every current Pope gets a seat on the Board. In all honesty, the Pope is a very minor character.

Dave:

He doesn’t hate him outright, but he recognizes that God’s a moron. Plus, being a representative of God on Earth, the Pope’s gotta feel kinda like a schmuck for representing someone he doesn’t even have faith in as a leader. I think there’s some underlying Pope drama that the book doesn’t really focus on, ya know?

Manolis:

Maybe you could shed some light on in the sequel.

Dave:

Sequels are for sucks

Manolis:

Of course, mister “Stay Puffed”

Wayne:

Oh, NO SEQUEL. I decided when I finished writing it that I wanted it to be self-contained. With no chance for a sequel. At least in my head. Now if someone wants to come up and buy it for millions of dollars and then have OTHER people do sequels and totally f*ck it up, ala James O’Barr, then fine.

Dave:

I think you could easily squeeze a sequel out of damn near ANY story, but so many stories get ruined, because instead of leaving well enough alone, creators expand on things and over explain things to the point of driving it all into the ground.

Wayne:

Hollywood, listen up, I am ready to sell you this idea for assloads of money. And it is a merchandising paradise. Shirts with Satan and God on them! Swearing and shit.

Dave:

Get some Satan thong undies!

Manolis:

I have Satan undies. it’s a lil cute Satan buggering an angel. Are there any plans for “Heaven, LLC: the Movie”?

Wayne:

Actually, I’ve been approached by someone for Heaven already. But we’re going to wait for awhile after it comes out and see what the reaction is and see if we can get any other interest from any other parties. So, you never know. But the DIFFERENCE is if we have Heaven get picked up eventually, it will KICK ASS because I actually originally wrote the script as a screenplay not as a comic.

Manolis:

Cool facts! Had you tried pitching it then?

Wayne:

No, I wrote it and showed it to Dave to read and he said “I’d like to draw this.” so we pitched it, and within 24 hours it got picked up BUT Dave and I know some people in LA, so we showed it around to a few actors, etc. a writer/director whom I won’t name. But, fact is, someone got into it, so there is some interest. But, you know Heaven LLC is very near and dear to me. That’s why I’m not interested in sequel stuff so i want to make sure that whatever i do with it after the book comes out, that it feels right, you know?

Dave:

Yeah, like sex with midgets. It just feels right

Wayne:

Exactly…

Manolis:

What would the soundtrack of the comic be?

Dave:

Funny you should ask! I was JUST thinking of a Heaven, LLC soundtrack a couple days ago. Dude…Sympathy For The Devil by The Stones would have to be on there

Wayne:

Ah, you know, it’s just all over the place. you know, like some hall & oates mixed with some Doors. Basically, the comic takes place in three places: Heaven, Earth, and Hell.
So, in Heaven– which is a business– they’d have Muzak pumping through the speakers.

Dave:

I think we should hire Bananarama to score all the Hell scenes

Wayne:

On Earth, it’s all about the gospels. Or techno that they play at clubs. And then in Hell, it’s all like fun rock and stuff. Manson, Electric Six, the Stones, etc. Feel good music. Music that is good LOUD

Dave:

Some Black Keys here

Wayne:

Yeah. The Black Keys from Ohio. Some dirty f*cking rock, man.

Dave:

A little Estradasphere even? Like, “Body Slam”! Dirty f*cking rock, or dirty rock for f*cking?
Depends on where you’re at in the story, huh?

Manolis:

Good choices!

Manolis:

This whole movie talk just begs for a ‘CASTING CALL!’ shout. Who would you cast in the main roles?

Wayne:

Well, I wrote god as Patrick Warburton, the Tick.

Dave:

Honestly, Maisy could be Robin Tunney, Abe Vagoda as The Pope and Demonda could be Parker Posey. RAWWR! That’s all the casting I need

Wayne:

Christopher is Bill Murray. Adam is kind of Jason lee-like. Lucifer is the hard one because i originally thought of Marilyn Manson as Lucifer, because i thought that would be funny

Dave:

Lucifer… Jamie Kennedy? Vince Vaughn? See, Lucifer is really suave so, someone that is hip and cool, tall, good looking, skinny.

Manolis:

What would you do if YOU were made GOD tomorrow morning?

Wayne:

Well, i tell you, I’d line up the HOS! Honestly, though, if I were god I’d probably start off by starting over. wipe out everything and start again because shit is f*cked right now. But that’s just my view

Dave:

Dammit! I was gonna say that I was gonna say, I’d scrap it all and start from scratch. Fucker! Stop stealing my thoughts!

Manolis:

What would you leave out of the new world?

Wayne:

Republicans. the bush family. i mean, my main thing is, and I’m totally serious here, i just don’t understand why people can’t just chill the f*ck out and let everyone live however the f*ck they want. no politics or rules or laws or restrictions, just let people f*cking live but, unfortunately, it’s human nature to want to rule over shit, over people, over companies, etc.

Dave:

People

Manolis:

No people? Who would read the comics then?

Dave:

Okay. I’d repopulate the world with talking animals like in that Cats and Dogs movie

Manolis:

Captain Carrot would become an instant top-seller

Dave:

See, the thing is, once people become involved, it all turns into laws and restrictions and control. That’s the nature of humans. That’s why I’d keep people out of it. Then, of course, I’d get fired for f*cking things up on my first day as God. They’d have to call in the old God, back from retirement

Manolis:

Making appearances in titles like Preacher, Lucifer, Howard the duck, and even the Fantastic four (or so i hear) recently. Do you think there was a taboo about showing religious themes in comics in past decades? Is the afterlife the new cool thing nowadays?

Dave:

I think it really depends on people’s moods. Like, there are tons of references to things about God and the afterlife in all forms of popular entertainment and a lot of them could be seen as taboo, depending on any given person’s personal beliefs. But people tend to let some things slide by, and then get totally fired up about others

Wayne:

I don’t really think so. I mean, religion is just a touchy subject, so I think people try their hand at it because they want to tackle something difficult, or because they just want to piss people off. Personally, I think we’re going more toward a God-less world, and that makes it okay for others to talk about. Creates more freedoms with it. Granted, people still get pissed off. But I don’t really think that as many people get pissed off now as they would have, say, back in the Fifties. And I don’t think it’s bad that we’re going toward a God-less society, personally. I just think that religion isn’t as powerful as it was years ago. It’s no longer like “Don’t talk about THAT!”, it’s more fair game. But, with that being said, I STILL wouldn’t show my book to my grandmother

Dave:

I think that’s because people are more willing to question things these days. I’m sure people questioned things decades ago, but I think people are more comfortable questioning things nowadays.

Manolis:

Do you come from religious backgrounds then?

Dave:

My grandmother is the most TRULY religious family member I have. She’s uber-southern Baptist. My nuclear family is loosely religious, whatever that means. but I went to Catholic School for 9 years… all the sculptures and stained-glass-windows are kinda what fueled my interest in art when I was a child… it wasn’t the only influence, but it was there

Wayne:

I was raised Lutheran. Went through the whole thing. Sunday school, confirmation, communion, etc. My mother was a Sunday school teacher up until last year. But my church, where I went, it didn’t really stress God, The Bible, Jesus, that stuff. It was more about community, relationships, and friends. Or at least that’s what I got out of it. BUT, over time, I lost religion. I looked into other religions, checked out their beliefs, but I ended up choosing nothing. So, I wouldn’t really say I’m atheist, so much as I would say that I’m nothing. I don’t really believe in anything to be honest. I think I’m going to live, die, and become dirt. Period. So, that’s my belief. BUT, Heaven really doesn’t push forth that view. It’s not a commentary on my beliefs, you know? It’s all fiction.

Manolis:

What’s your favourite version of God from comics or movies?

Dave:

My favourite version of God would have to be by Jose Garibaldi in the Teen Heaven online Sunday comic. he drew God as a glowing, furry, Muppet-looking thing. that was AMAZING

Wayne:

Milton Berle. Ha ha, no no. ah, I’m thinking. You know, I don’t really have an answer, I guess. I saw Dogma, but I wasn’t big on it. And wasn’t Alanis Morissette God in that? Or was it Eddie Murphy? Can’t remember…

Manolis:

Yeah. Alanis was the perfect god casting choice in my mind

Wayne:

ANYWAY, I guess my favourite God is Manolis. Since the only God I am familiar with is Alanis in Dogma, Manolis is now my God.

Manolis:

Thank you Wayne you will be rewarded with many hoes in the afterlife. Dave will land in hell and play around with Saddam.

Wayne:

No problem. Line ’em up! Ha-ha

Dave:

At least I’ll be warm

Manolis:

Saddam will keep you cozy

Wayne:

You can wrap up in his beard

Manolis:

Flip question, favourite version of Lucifer?

Dave:

Favourite Lucifer is Tim Curry as “Darkness” in Legend. I love that part where he dances around and goes into the giant refrigerator then hacks Meatloaf up with a chainsaw. Classic!

Wayne:

Goddamn, I’m pissed now, because I don’t know about any God in anything else. I should probably know that. Favourite Lucifer is easy. Fucking Gary Oldman in that BMW short film with James Brown and Marilyn Manson

Manolis:

You didn’t do your research before writing the comic

Wayne:

See, though, I don’t like looking up other stuff that is similar, because I don’t want it influencing me. That’s why I don’t really watch movies. That’s why I don’t read comics.

Manolis:

You don’t read any comics?

Wayne:

No, not really. I read Dave and Jim’s stuff, but I don’t read anything else. and I only read their stuff because they give it to me for free! I liked Puffed. Dave and Layman did kick ass jobs, on both ends. And, I should back up, I USED to read comics. But I haven’t read anything in over ten years now. But, back in the day, I really liked indy stuff. Scud, Hate, etc.

Dave:

You were big on the Sandman stuff… Vertigo and shit like that, ya see. I’ve been thru a lot of different stuff, from mainstream to indy to complete shit and back

Wayne:

And Sandman. Gaiman, mainly. and then also the monster like Sin City, Watchman, Dark Knight. But I didn’t really read superhero stuff.

Manolis:

Why did you quit reading? What’s the last comic you read, that made you say, ”i’m not picking any more comics after this”?

Wayne:

Ah, Well, I worked in a shop for about 3 years in high school. But then I moved out of state to college, and it because less important to me, because I was poor. So it was either comics or eat. I chose food. So I just fell out of it, and never went back to it. Even with Heaven, I wrote it for screen, you know? But I knew Dave, and he had Puffed going, so we pitched it. So it just kind of fell into the realm of comics. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it as a comic. And I think the genre is really powerful. A great way to tell stories. But I just never got back into the whole world of it.

Manolis:

This is your first comics writing work then right?

Wayne:

Yeah. This, and then Bad Ideas, and then I have a shitload of ideas lined up

Manolis:

Did you have difficulty adapting your writing to suit the comics script format?

Wayne:

Ha-ha. You know, I didn’t adapt it at all. I dumped it in Dave’s lap as is, and he worked it all out. I didn’t do page or panel breakdowns at ALL. I just handed him over 100 pages of writing and said, “here. go.” and he handled it really well. i had written a bunch of direction in there as well, like camera movement, cropping, etc, and he translated it all to the page

Manolis:

The question should then be directed at Dave. How difficult was it to translate the script to comics form?

Dave:

Well, it wasn’t really difficult. As much as it was just a shitload of work. The thing is Heaven LLC is a very character-based story. Events take place in it and all, but the real driving force of the story is the people it involved. So I wanted to make sure the comic translation of it captured every little nuance that was written down in Wayne’s script. The number of pages I had to work with was sort of open ended but, at the same time. I didn’t want to end up with a 500 page tome. still, even in trying to conserve space and all… if there was mention of a glance between characters, or s certain “look” on someone’s face, I wanted to keep that, because that’s where the core of the story is how these 15 or so people who all hate each other and have all this inner-group drama are forced to work together and deal with this f*cked up situation and, of course I got to go buck-wild with a lot of the content.

Manolis:

Had you outlined the whole thing from the start, or do you think of the thumbnails as you draw each sequence of pages? How far have you gotten now?

Dave:

I’m actually done. I outlined it all (in thumbnails) back in late summer/early fall. that book damn-near killed me but I just put my head down and plowed through it. It got to a point where, I was only working on Heaven, from the time I got up, to the time I went to bed. Whenever I’m drawing and I start feeling like I should bitch I just think “hey, it beats working at a bank”. Nobody’s forcing me to draw comics. I draw because I love doing it. And no deadline or all-nighter or carpal tunnel bullshit is gonna take that away from me. Now, A GIRL… that would change everything. Eh, just kidding

Manolis:

Ha-ha… yeah right. So, which did you prefer? Old Testament or Testament: the sequel (a.k.a. New Testament)

Wayne:

I prefer the Satanic Bible written by Anton Szander LaVey

Dave:

I dug the Old Testament more. It had all the action and the magic and the ILM special effects. The New Testament had some of that, but there was that whole love story worked into it too. That just killed it for me. Kinda like Titanic and Pearl Harbor…

Wayne:

Yeah, see, Satan is where it’s at. Lucifer is, by far, the best character in the book. Personally, I think, at least.

Dave:

He was definitely the most fun to draw. He is a pimp. No matter what situation he ends up in, he’s always on top

Manolis:

Not true. Remember South Park, the movie?

Dave:

Ha-ha! Sheeeit! THIS Lucifer is a lot different than that one, although there is a giant dildo to go with this one, too. Geez… I didn’t even notice that common element until now?

Manolis:

Satan’s Dildo… there’s your merchandising chance, right there. You can make it available through Previews Adult

Dave:

Dude, there are Baby Jesus Butt Plugs. I kid you not

Wayne:

He’s not kidding; he has one in right now

Dave:

Like Wayne said, I’m a user. It’s only for leisure, though. But yeah, there are a shitload of religious sex toys

Manolis:

Interviewing you is always a surreal experience Dave

Dave:

I aims ta please

Manolis:

How high does the baby Jesus butt plug rank for you then?

Dave:

Jackhammering Jesus… everything! The BJBP? It’s about a 6,2 out of 10… I think the lack of girth really pulls its grade down

Wayne:

I really like the way Jesus’ hands slide in and out. The hands are the best part.

Dave:

The hands ARE the best part. I’m breaking out in a sweat just THINKING about it

Manolis:

You’ve opened my mind to a whole new world of sexual perversion…

Wayne:

Manolis, what’s the best sex I’ve ever had? Tick-tock, tick-tock…

Manolis:

-bites fingernails- I’m drawing blanks here

Wayne:

DING! Time’s up. Spring 1998. Crosland’s mom in the back of my 1992 Buick. Best sex I ever had.

Dave:

It was pretty sweet. I got to hold the light and everything. I had no idea my mom was that flexible.

Manolis:

Is this interview the first time Dave’s father will hear of this?

Dave:

Whose idea do you think it was, dude? My dad’s always been into that sort of stuff. that probably explains why I got into drawing comics. Lord knows there’s tons of sexual perversion to be had in this industry

Manolis:

Oh, was he the one driving during intercourse, then?

Dave:

It was me, when Wayne was doing her. My dad was on duty in Maui at the time.

At this point, Manolis gets a phone call and disappear for a bit

Wayne:

Is Manolis dead? MANOLIS IS DEAD! FUCK

Manolis:

I’m not dead! I pulled a Lazarus!

Wayne:

You dying would suck. Because then no one would be left to put the baby Jesus butt plug in Dave’s ass.

Manolis:

I know… what would you do if I actually DID die on you during the interview? Who would you have called?

Wayne:

Um, pizza shuttle (this pizza place by our house) because i want a large pepperoni.

Dave:

My mom. for some sexual healin’. Then pizza shuttle

Wayne:

I want to write this article for TLC called, “RONALD REAGAN DIES. WAYNE MAKES A SANDWICH”. but i have to wait for Ronald Reagan to die before i can write it.

Manolis:

I would just become worm food, wouldn’t I? Damn! I knew I should have interviewed Bendis instead. Bendis cares.

Wayne:

No, he doesn’t. Believe me. I talked with Bendis and he doesn’t care. You know the story about Bendis, right?

Manolis:

You could fill a book with stories about Bendis.

Wayne:

How he stole all of my scripts and sold them to comic publishers?

Dave:

Yeah! it’s totally like Flynn in Tron.

Wayne:

you know his books? Powers? Mine.

Dave:

The Torso? Wayne’s

Wayne:

Fucking x-men cool guys, or whatever it was called? Mine.

Dave:

Fortune and Glory”? Wayne’s

Wayne:

Fucking watchmen? Mine

Dave:

Ultimate Namor? Wayne’s

Wayne:

Fucking league of extrasuper guys? Mine. Fucking the movie Armageddon? Mine. The Bible? Mine.

Dave:

Wayne writes a LOT

Manolis:

You are very talented, Wayne

Wayne:

I try. You should see my doggy style.

Dave:

And there are people all over the world, just taking advantage of his talent. He’s prolific but doesn’t take the proper measures to protect his creations. Hence, everybody else getting rich quick off his goods

Wayne:

Right. You name it, I made it. Go ahead. Name something

Manolis:

Marville

Wayne:

MINE!

Manolis:

Oh, you pervert! Youngblood

Wayne:

DUDE, FUCK THAT. That’s Liefeld’s

Dave:

Wayne can’t write EVERYTHING. Buuuut funny you should mention Liefield. heheh.

Manolis:

Oh, do diss!

Wayne:

Remember that f*cking 501 jeans commercial he did back in like 1991 or whatever?

Dave:

Dude, I have that on tape

Wayne:

Okay, well, you know why they had him be the spokesperson, don’t you? They were button-fly jeans, and they had to make them especially for him because he couldn’t figure out to work a zipper and even when he got LUCKY once in awhile and WOULD figure it out he was constantly getting his vagina stuck in it! And that’s the TRUTH, RUTH!

Manolis:

Does he just have a vagina, or ALSO a vagina?

Wayne:

No no. just a vag. That’s all. So, is Youngblood like the coolest comic ever, or what?

Manolis:

Wow, we got an exclusive news story! We’re gonna get CNN coverage here

Wayne:

Dude, I’ll get you coverage. You want some? go here.

Manolis:

I actually bought some Youngblood comics once. Still haven’t read them, couldn’t get past the cover

Wayne:

Oh man. You should be shot with Crosland, because motherf*cking Crosland is a comic artist BECAUSE of old “million teeth” Liefield.

Dave:

Hey, I was young. I didn’t know any better and my only other option was heroin. does that make Liefield my arch-nemesis?

Wayne:

Dude, if I have a kid and they’re like, “dad, it’s either Liefield or heroin” I’m gonna shoot it for ’em. I’ll be like, “come here, Billy. Let daddy get you f*cking high.”

Dave:

Yeah, looking back the heroin would have probably done me better. at least, on drugs, a guy can get laid. Try telling beautiful women that you draw comics for a living

Wayne:

“This is your brain. this is your brain on the Liefield.”

Wayne:

Dude, here’s a f*cking exclusive for you. I, Wayne Chinsang, of tastes like chicken, am officially challenging Rob Liefield to a boxing match at the Chicago Comic Con this summer. I’m 100% serious. Bring it on, Rob! I saw you walking out of the Hyatt last year with your pudding cups, and I should have fought you right then and there.

Dave:

dude, he won’t accept. Remember last year when he jumped behind that plant, because he thought DJ Kirkbride was gonna punch him?

Wayne:

So, Rob Liefield, if you are reading this, email me at wayne@tlchicken.com, and accept my boxing challenge. And, if you win, I will claim you as my lord and saviour. I will write an original graphic novel script, which you will illustrate, and I will hand over all rights to you. You can make ALL the cash on it. I will GIVE YOU a book. But if I win, you must STOP FUCKING MAKING COMICS, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!! PLEASE GOD OR ALLAH OR BACON DOUBLECHEESEBURGERS!!!

Dave:

That guy is to comics what The Cat is to WWE wrasslin’

Manolis:

I hope he accepts. It will surely be fun, all 10 seconds of it before you K.O. him

Wayne:

Dude, I’ll f*cking dress up as a Youngblood character and fight him. Wouldn’t that kick ass? To have one of his own characters, whip him?

Manolis:

Oh oh, which one?

Wayne:

Dude, I don’t know those characters to be honest.

Dave:

Your costume would have to change every time someone looked at you. you’d have to get some giant shoulder pads and a belly bag that fits around your thigh and add pockets…LOTS OF POCKETS

Wayne:

Ah, I’d probably dress up as MR.-HUGE-LEGS-AND-ARMS-AND-TINY-ANKLES-AND-FEET-AND-MILLIONS-OF-TEETH-WITH-CHANGING-OUTFITS-AND-MILLIONS-OF-USELESS-POUCHES-FOR-NO-REASON-MAN!

Dave:

I remember him. from New Mutants #234, right?

Wayne:

Okay, so, in short, if you don’t like rob Liefield, but Heaven, LLC and Bad Ideas by Wayne Chinsang and Dave Crosland and Jim Mahfood! And, if you DO like Rob Liefield, don’t buy my books. Buy a gun.

Manolis:

On to the last part of the interview: SLUGFESTS!! Dave will recall them from the first interview.
For our last segment, I have to ask you to outline how the fight between Wayne and Rob Liefield would pan out. Who wins and by what foul means?

Dave:

Awww yeah! I don’t even think it would get to the fisticuffs stage. I think Wayne would just say something to Liefield. He’d go into a crying fit, and end up suffocating on his own tongue like Multiple Miggs in Silence of the Lambs

Wayne:

Well, no doubt, I’m gonna win. If he accepts the fight, I’m gonna train.

Manolis:

I’m forwarding a link to the interview to rob when it goes online

Wayne:

You guys interviewed rob?

Manolis:

No, we are classy :-p
Ok, second match-up. Dave versus his mom in a mud wrestling pit

Wayne:

His mom. By FAR

Dave:

Ha, yeah. I’d let her win, just so she could lay on top of me for the pin. Rawr! I admit it… she’s gonna kick my ass. She knows all my weaknesses, and I owe her money!

Manolis:

Before we close, tell me about your other upcoming projects.

Dave:

Did you read anything about the print issue of TLC that’s coming out in April?

Manolis:

I saw it mentioned, but didn’t read more about it. It’s coming in April, yes? A best of?

Wayne:

Yeah, it’s going to be a best of issue of our web exclusive content from June 2003 thru February 2004. It’s going to be in magazine format. And it will feature a few things you can’t find on the site. A few celebrity interviews, some all new art, a new comic. We’re pretty excited about it.

Manolis:

That’s a good idea; I don’t believe I’ve seen this sort of thing done before

Wayne:

There will just be a new strip in the issue that you can’t find anywhere else. On our site, no where. It’s an all new, original comic

Manolis:

What will it be about?

Wayne:

The new comic is something we’re trying out. It’s called “The Rotating Space” and what it will be is a space for a new artist to do something in every month. For the best of issue we have this kid from Texas named Shane Hillman, who has done some stuff for us before. He’s great. To recap: Dave and I are doing Heaven, LLC together, which is a 150 page graphic novel. THEN, we’re also doing a two-issue mini-series together with Jim Mahfood called Bad Ideas. Then we’re also putting out this 68-page magazine– a best of the TLC web exclusive content. That magazine will feature the best of the web exclusive content, as well as a few interviews, some art, and a new comic that you CAN’T find on our site. That comic is done by a kid named Shane Hillman.

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Coming up soon: Previews-Scope for June 2004. (a moth late, it seems). You know you love it!
As always, I’m waiting for your comments through email or in the official LYS@D discussion thread.

Manolis Vamvounis
a.k.a. Doc Dooplove

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In the tradition of the first Dave Crosland Interview, this baby comes packed with “DVD extras”, scenes from the interview that had to be cut from the column, due to… well, read on! 😉 Adult material warning and so on….

Manolis:

I’m working with full stomach his time, guys.

Wayne:

Nice! I’m working with an empty ass. Ask Dave

Dave:

Oh yeah. He dropped a few pounds at the pool

Manolis:

I would honestly be more worried if you said you were working on a full ass, really. Inside the pool? Aren’t you potty trained in this day and age?

Wayne:

No way! Potty trained is for losers

Manolis:

So do you prefer diapers or commando style?

Dave:

Man… I’m scared to find out what this answer is going to be

Wayne:

Cleveland steamer

Manolis:

What is that?

Wayne:

When you shit on a chick’s chest during sex

Dave:

Damn!

Manolis:

Oh f*ck. There’s actually official terminology for that?

Dave:

Yeah. Don’t worry, man. She’s allowed to bathe… after an hour or so

Manolis:

Is there a special fan club or something?

Wayne:

Yep. TCSFC: the Cleveland steamer fan club

Dave:

Wait until we tell you about felching and pearl diving

Manolis:

What is Dave’s mom’s position on all of this?

Wayne:

On her back

Dave:

Dude, you name it, she’s doing it. I just hold the camera, honest!

Manolis:

That’s true professionalism

Dave:

Well, I try not to mix my business with incest

Manolis:

Does she travel?

Dave:

Only with the circus

Manolis:

Do you mind if I meet her when the circus comes to my town? I wanna congratulate her on her boy’s funnybooks. yeah, that’s it

Dave:

Dude, are you asking me to hook you up with my mom? That’s just wrong. Anyway… make a check out to…

Manolis:

Hashanah! Does she accept major credit cards?

Dave:

Yeah, there’s a scanner in her ass. Just swipe your card thru the crack. Is that “swipe card thru ass” joke completely tired yet? Has that been done too much?

Manolis:

I hoped you would have gone with a novel approach, yeah

Dave:

damn!

Manolis:

Swipe card through boobs isn’t so common a joke

Dave:

My mom’s pretty flat –chested. I don’t think that would apply

Wayne:

Yuck! okay, can we start these questions because I’m gonna puke

Manolis:

Hahahaha

Dave:

I already puked twice. I’m licking it off my keyboard right now