The SmarK RAW Rant – August 9 2004

The SmarK RAW Rant — August 9 2004

– Live from Cleveland, OH.

– Your hosts are JR & King.

– Randy Orton interrupts the opening diva crap and handles the elimination himself (“”¦and the loser is”¦”) and then segues into the Benoit match at Summerslam. Nicely done. He goes on a bit long, and Benoit of course makes his way out, bearing gifts of footage — Randy Orton tapping out. Of course, that doesn’t exist, so he slaps him in the crossface and makes him tap. And now there’s footage, which they replay.

– Stacy, Victoria & Nidia v. Gail Kim, Molly & Jazz. Molly works on Victoria with a wristlock, and they reverse off that until Victoria gets a hiptoss and clothesline. Molly brings Kim in, but Victoria stays on the arm. Stacy comes in for the Nash choke, but gets tossed in lame fashion. Back in, Gail drops a leg for two. Jazz gets some shots in and a double-arm suplex gets two. Blind charge hits boot, but Molly cleans house on the faces and prevents a tag. Stacy comes back with a sidekick and makes the hot tag to Nidia, although the crowd doesn’t seem to care particularly. She cleans house on the heels, but walks into a neckbreaker from Molly that gets two. Gail tosses Victoria and baseball slides her, but Nidia gets a rollover pin on Molly at 3:55. They went through the motions of a good match, but Stacy and Nidia in particular are so far below the level of the rest that it looked like indy night. *1/2 Afterwards, Trish comes out and convinces them all to work together on something.

– Meanwhile, at the hotel, Eugene and William Regal are hanging out and hiding from Evolution. However, Eugene waits until Regal goes to the bathroom and he leaves for the arena.

– Meanwhile, Lita reveals to Matt that she FINALLY had a DNA test done, and it’s Kane’s baby. Matt doesn’t take it very well. I wonder if you can get a Hallmark card to cover that sentiment? “Dear Matt: Sorry your unborn child turned out to belong to the mutated freak I had a one-night stand with” So Kane’s father dies at the Bash, and now he has a son. Truly it is the circle of life.

– Contract signing! Yes, it’s Matt and Kane signing their name, and since Matt is from the south it must be tough. Well, that’s why X was invented. Anyway, since this IS wrestling and it IS a contract signing, Matt attacks Kane after signing, and then puts his face through a birthday cake and smashes the trophy.

– Meanwhile, diva hopefuls have fun with ice cream. Truly the great minds of the world have been tapped into thinking up stuff for these chicks to do each week for $250,000.

– Chris Jericho v. Edge. This is non-title. And the match that Summerslam should have been. They fight over a lockup to start and trade hammerlocks. Jericho whips him into the corner and starts working on the back with knees, then suplexes him in from the apron and works the back for two. He goes to a surfboard and throws some chops, but Edge fires back and it starts to get going a bit. Jericho comes back with a slam, but hits knee trying a splash. What is he, the Ultimate Warrior? Edge now starts working the back over as the match sputters again, and Edge hotshots him into a rollup for two. Another one gets two, but Jericho uses the old thumb to the eye to stop the offense. Forearm puts him out as Lawler gets his first good line in forever: “I love a good rake to the face in the name of competition”. Jericho tries his springboard dropkick, but Edge moves and Jericho splats. Whoops. Edge follows with a spear off the apron, as Jericho takes a nice bump into the front row. We return with Edge working the chinlock, and giving Jericho a knee to the gut. He goes up, but lands on a Jericho dropkick. No idea what Edge would have even done there had he landed, but that’s wrestling for ya. They slug it out and Jericho gets a leg lariat, as he makes a comeback and dropkicks Edge into the running choke. Edge counters the bulldog with a big boot for two. Jericho comes back with a rana for two. Jericho clotheslines him and sets up for a spear, but Edge boots him to counter. See, I like that — Edge doesn’t wrestle like a big man enough, which he is. Edge then teases the Walls of Edge, but catapults him into an Edge-O-Matic instead, for two. Edge whiffs on a dropkick and Jericho whiffs on the Lionsault, so now it’s time for Edge to try the spear. Jericho ducks out of the ring to avoid that, so Edge baseball slides him into the railing. Man, Jericho’s taking a BEATING tonight. Edge decides to go up after tossing Jericho back in, but Jericho recovers and tries to bring him in with the superplex, but Edge counters and Jericho hits the mat. He follows with the missile dropkick for two. DDT is countered to the Walls, but Edge reverses to a small package for two. They slug it out and Jericho goes down, but he recovers with the Flashback for two. Jericho charges and gets sent into the corner on his favorite muscle, but then Edge tries a spear, misses, and Jericho gets the pin using the ropes at 20:33. Great finish. **** Batista destroys Edge, and Jericho does nothing. Serves Edge right for being a jerk lately.

– Eugene finally makes it to the ring and calls out HHH, but he ain’t there. Instead, he’s at the hotel, beating the holy hell out of Regal since Eugene stupidly revealed that he was leaving on national TV. NICE.

– Brett Albright & Chris Cage v. Rhyno & Tajiri. The ECW faction has to win in 2:00 or less to get a title shot. Tajiri kicks away on Albright and gets a leg lariat for two. Rhyno comes in and whomps on the jobbers a bit, then hits Cage with a spinebuster and it’s GOAR GOAR GOAR, but La Rez distracts the referee and no pinfall is made. So no title shot.

– Randy Orton & HHH v. Chris Benoit & Eugene. Eugene is back at the hotel, so Benoit decides to go it alone. Benoit hits them both with elbows and starts chopping Orton, then baseball slides HHH out of the way and suplexes Orton. HHH comes back in and Benoit hits him with the rolling germans and goes up, but Orton brings him down and begins the abuse. High dropkick and HHH comes in for the beatdown in the corner. Benoit tries a chop, but HHH takes him down and Orton throws some forearms and whips Benoit into the corner. HHH comes in with a delayed suplex and kneedrop for two. Orton cranks on the CHINLOCK OF DOOM and drops a knee for two. HHH slugs it out with Benoit and gets the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for two. Flair gets some shots from the outside and HHH gets two. Benoit keeps fighting, chopping at Orton, and getting a cradle for two. Orton takes him down with a lariat and goes up, but Benoit crotches him and then shoves HHH into the corner. Superplex follows and Benoit makes the comeback, backdropping HHH and hitting him with a backdrop suplex. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but gets dumped as a result, and Benoit takes Orton down with the Sharpshooter. Benoit breaks to attack Flair, and Orton tries the RKO, but it’s crossface time, and Flair runs in for the DQ at 10:41. I’m not a big fan of handicap matches. **1/2 Eugene makes his unsurprising return and saves Benoit from an Evolution beatdown, end of show.

The Bottom Line:

Didn’t really do all that much to get me hyped for Summerslam, but then I’m working that day anyway. The Jericho-Edge match was great, however, and the main event served its purpose, so this was another good show by my book at any rate.