Saturday Evening Post

Speaking of which, when The Ultimate Goddamn Warrior is more coherent than
you are, maybe it is time to take a break and check your ID Card.

 – Flea, in the InsidePulse
debut edition of Saturday Evening Post

Yep, I’m still Flea, regardless of what
you may or may not have read last week. Sweating a hurricane ain’t easy and for
those of you who questioned – it was not a drunk column. They are columns. Just
mater of degree, that’s all. 

I forgot to plug the WRESTLING
DEAD POOL last week, so there you go – have fun. Effective immediately,
Tenta is off limits; all prior entries will be honored…I will explain more on
Page Six.

I heard a rumor today about something
to do with Ricky Morton, but I’m not allowed to say ($).

To follow up on the Brock story from
last week, looks like he made the grade. Shows what the experts know – 

Brock Lesnar was attacked and
beaten up, in a good way, on the last day of Vikings camp. It’s a tradition to
do that to rookies. As practice ended, Lesnar noted people weren’t leaving the
field, figured it out, and started running. Running back Larry Ned caught him
and tackled him, and as everyone was holding him down, Kelly Campbell started
doing pro wrestling moves on him. He was also doused with water and had his
ankles taped together. It’s actually considered a positive, as it’s a sign the
players consider him one of them. The Vikings are also merchandising a #69
Lesnar jersey.

 – Wrestling
Obersever.com

I’ll leave the door open for the hazing
jokes, but if they would have walked off the field ignoring the guy, that would
have been a bad sign, as mentioned above. Good for him. Considering he would be
jobbing to UT, then Angle and then probably JBL all over the world, I’d say he’s
happy. 

Come on, Let’s go!

TOP STORY

As you most likely have read, Stone
Cold Steve Austin is in the news again. This time, it appears as though he is in
the right. Can’t seem to get the bitch off his cloud, says Steve…although he
is still "possibly" in love with her. GRUT and Hyatte have the links
to her pics…not a bad looking girl, but for sure not my first choice,
especially if I was in Hollywood and had Austin’s money. But, in their haste to
provide style without substance, the two aforementioned writers missed
this…   

http://www.tessbroussard.net/

This is Austin’s crazy old lady’s
website – and as you can see (if you click), she has a special message for all
of her fans, including how to contact her, if  you would like to show your
support. How about this for a contest, InsidePulse!!! Hey BOSS! Let’s hire The
Lovely Miss Tess for a "personal appearance" and give a date away to a
lucky reader! Or better yet, a lucky WRITER!…yes,  InsidePulse Writers
would be eligible this time around, GRUT. Something to think about
anyway…dinner with her sounds like more fun than a night at the carnival.
"Hey Tess! Would you like to play circus! What’s circus? That’s when you
sit on my face and I guess your weight! THE WIT!($)…or for the brothas in the
audience wanting to keep it real – ask her to play "Road"

"What’s Road, baby?"

That’s when you lay down and I blacktop
ya! Biyatch!

YOWZA! (Where’s Jotsky($) when you need
him?)

Flea Advice: There is one surefire way
to keep a chick from stabbing you at dinner – just keep eating. She is only
after attention anyway…no sense in letting the braciole and wine go to waste.

HEADLINES

Ever wonder what Hulk Hogan is up to?
And in my opinion, these fall safely into the "This Don’t Look Good"
Column: 

First, the Continuing Saga of the Get
My self Daughter Over Tour –  

Hulk Hogan and daughter Brooke were
on the Nickelodeon show SPLAT yesterday co-hosting for a day. After Brooke sang
a song, Hulk dumped green slime on her and then started posing to the crowd.
Brooke was a good sport over it and played to the crowd with her dad.

Now that’s just mean. But par for the
course…The Days of Putting People Over ended with Mr. America.

 – Real quick – for the first
person that sends the correct answer to the question below to me at ryderfakin@yahoo.com,
I will plug whatever you have. "HAWr! You say! No one reads Flea!! But they
read everyone else, who in turn, always (steptoit) remember to plug whatever I’m
up to…therefore, you WIN anyway you look at it! So, to have YOUR whatever
plugged next week! Here at Inside Pulse! Just answer the following question:

Back in the 80’s, Dusty Rhodes had a
Masked Gimmick – The Midnight Rider. His main adversary at the time was Kevin
Sullivan (doing devil worship when Undertaker was no selling school lunch)…in
response to Dusty’s masked shenanigans, Sullivan himself donned a mask…

For any plug you want, next week here
on InsidePulse…

What was Sullivan’s name when wearing
the mask?

ryderfakin@yahoo.com

…back to Hogan – and for those of you
that think that was some kind of dumb ass tangent – 

Hogan stole the Mr. America mask
gimmick from Dusty…The Midnight Rider

Two Degrees of  There You Are

So, Hogan books his kid a gig at
Universal, then proceeds to make her look the fool while he relives his
Hulkamania glory…again. But, the real warning signals should go off at
this… 

Hulk Hogan
and his daughter Brooke were at Universal Studios on Tuesday for an appearance
at the Nickelodeon Studios and met up with his long time friend Jimmy Hart who
was doing publicity in the amusement park for TNA.

Hart gave Hogan and Brooke a tour
of the TNA Impact! studio at Soundstage 21, which is located adjacent to the Nickelodeon
Studio at Universal.

Now that TNA is
"re-organized", look for Hogan to go into his "They are desperate
enough to give me a payoff, Vince will have to wait" mode. Any of you that
have followed Hogan over the years know that he has a weird fetish about
"one more run"…combine that with suckers that think nostalgia works
longer than two shows (especially when you have to put the f*cking BELT on the
guy) and here we go again. A few months ago I would have given Jarrett and
Company the benefit of the doubt, but their continuing failure to make the best
of what they have makes me hedge my bet against them pulling something like
this. Hogan positioned himself quite rightly the last time the "Three Hour
PPV" idear was TNA’s hot item, even taking a guitar shot from JJ to sell
the feud. He is right there waiting again… 

And I just realized – Hogan pulled the
exact same thing at Universal Studios back in 2001. The XWF. And during his most
recent visit was probably not to far from the spot he delivered a promo stating
the XWF would be the next hot thing in wrestling. It’s like the same movie over
and over.  

Another guy that never seems to get the
hint, Goldberg…crying the blues about misuse…still – 

I don’t miss it (WWE) one
bit,"…"The only thing I miss is the ability to go out and touch
the hands of the young fans outside the ring. It is such a cutthroat business.
It’s very trying and taxing and creates much more stress than I’m willing to
endure at this time in my life."

"I’m not going to demean the
business in that it gave me the opportunity to do everything I’m doing right
now. I owe everything I’ve obtained from wrestling to wrestling. But that
doesn’t make the time I spent there any more enjoyable."

"I think the way they (WWE)
handled my character was moronic," said Goldberg, who agreed to wear a
wig for one skit. "People didn’t want to see Goldberg have emotions or
laugh. They wanted to see him rip people’s heads off."

He does have a point – the
Goldberg character should have been a monster. The problem was – WWF (WWE) fans
HATED HIS GUTS. So, he couldn’t be the hero – except in places like Omaha where
the marks still rule – but he was perfectly positioned to be a monster
"take no prisoners" HEEL…at least until the WWE audience perceived
him as "cool" instead of "that prick Goldberg". Which they
would have eventually…but Goldberg never wanted to "play" heel,
because of "the children". 

Between him and Bret Hart, I don’t know
who is a bigger mark for "kayfabe", themselves, and how the business
is perceived. I can’t honestly believe that Goldberg thinks a "Make A
Wish" kid gives a hoot about him "being bad"…and if a dying 8
year old cares enough when you show up top give you hell for jap-smacking The
Hurricane into Row 7, then God Bless Him. Wouldn’t that take his mind off of
probably not making it to the ripe old age of getting laid? I don’t recall Rock
or Foley having these problems…and I specifically recall Hogan being treated
like God, regardless of his "Hollywood" NWO persona. I quit caring
about Goldberg 4 years ago…and whatever he does in life is his business, but
damn – I just wish he would get on with said life. We don’t want you anymore
than you want us…feeling is mutual, go make your movies. 

Also from the newslines:

Jeff Hardy and Sabu stayed in
separate hotels last week at the TNA events. There was some talk in the locker
room that the office tried to keep them apart because they like to party
together after the shows. Although they did party together on Wednesday, both
ended up being late on Thursday. Hardy had been showing up on time for the
most part, although he did make the bus wait for him two weeks ago in Orlando.

That’s just sad. Can you imagine what a
"cry in your beer" session would been with those two freaks? I’d
probably be the one flying over the table with a knife.

ROLL THE DICE

Surfing around for some news, I wanted
to type something about Angle and him being FORCED into slowing down ,doing a
"mat-based" style…basically what he should have done to begin with
when he had a golden opportunity to do so, instead of popularizing a billion
different suplexes, all of which end up in neck fusion, for almost all parties
involved. Still, he can’t seem to get it through his thick skull that, if done
right, basic wrestling will sell. Hardcore, at least the type of hardcore that
was popularized in the mid-late 90’s was a fad and the lack of reaction /
endless string of injuries has caused most wrestlers to, if not "play it
safe" – play it a little safer. But not all.

Despite their efforts, on TNA last
night a brutal, stiff contest between Petey Williams (who has the coolest
finishing move in wrestling at the moment – The Canadian Destroyer) and Chris
Sabin ( a young talent who seems to be able to perform basic moves at three
times the speed and impact as anyone I have seen lately) was not only decided
by, but relegated to the sidelines in abject ignominy…all for a stupid angle
between Scott D’Amore (Williams’s Manager), Dusty Rhodes and Vince Russo. Go HERE
to read my TNA review of the match. While I appreciate the effort, why continue
to murder yourself in vain? I’ll get around to doing more about this,
specifically about Angle, but for now, back to surfing…

So I see the Angle Headline on a1wrestling.com.
Which leads me to Lords
of Pain. All well and good – second from the top is what I was looking
for…yes, the IWC rules sometimes.

But then, one headline below – 

Major
Details On DX Return; Is The Nation Of Domination Really Coming Back?

WOW! I haven’t heard anything about his yet! Note – the above is the LOP link
provided (part of it anyway)…but when I clicked on it – I was sent here

http://www.headlineplanet.com/main.html?go=home

Which looks a little suspicious.
Luckily, six links down is what I need

Rumors
Regarding DX & NOD Returns

PAGE SIX

The other day John
"Earthquake" Tenta – Quake – had this to say:

Well, I don’t know how to say this
other than I’ve NEVER been kicked in the balls as hard as I was last Wednesday.
Thinking I was licking this thing, I met with my chemo doctor ready to ‘Quake
the cancer. Well… I now have a new tumor in my left lung and two lymph nodes
are enlarged in my heart. I go in for chemo tomorrow for a four-day session.
(The beginning of many) I’ve been given 13-18 months to live. I’m not giving up
and hope to of course live longer, but that is what I’ve been told, and that it
is incurable. I don’t really know what else to say, it really caught me off
guard. I’ll try keep you posted, but no guarantees folks. Thank you for all your
kind support, and may God bless you all. 

 – Quake,
8.18.04

Which kind of leaves me in a quandary…according
to imdb.com, his date of birth
is 6.22.63, which would have made him 41 this year. So basically 42 if he
doesn’t beat the Big C. Looking over the rules of the Wrestling Dead Pool:

Note 2 – this list is not
“age” based. So people who die from natural causes or due to an age related
illness (Stu, Lou Thesz, Gordon Solie – or future soon to be gone Mae Young,
Moolah, etc) are excluded. This is strictly a Death By Misadventure / Next One
To Die Young List.

  – Wrestling
Dead Pool Rules and Guidelines

Cancer is hardly a natural cause and,
by his account, it appears he will unfortunately die young. But this is not what
I had in mind at all for the Dead Pool list. There are several entries for
Earthquake and I suppose I will honor those when (and if) the time comes, but
from this point on, don’t (or in several instances STOP) being a wiseass and
quit including him on your lists. Thank you.

Everyone else is fair game, within the
rules, of course. I just received a flood of Austin picks after his recent
tumultuous tussle with his old lady who appears to be Stone Cold Nuts. Also
popular lately is Teddy Hart, which is strange – no reports of drug or alcohol
abuse…it must be because he has mortal enemies in about 40 states, 4
provinces, 3 continents and Philadelphia for actions unbecoming a
wrestler…damn that’s pretty low. Hell, Bruiser Brody just had a problem
jobbing to a couple of Japs and look how he turned out – and he was a bad ass,
by all accounts. 

At any rate – enter to win! With all
the "Legends Conventions" going on, you know there will be trouble.
Deep dark depression, excessive misery…as reality mixes very unfavorably with
excessive drinking, bad payoffs, Bruce Mitchell’s smirk and having some Smark
kid coming up to you and ask if you "Ever Met Goldberg? " Autograph?
Tommy who? Didn’t you suck a cock for your run as champ?"

Enter to win and enter right
now!.

Thanks for reading

FLEA – ryderfakin@ayhoo.com