Saturday Evening Post

Hello, it’s Flea. Just to ease my mind, these reports are
also online at, in
the flashback section under Saturday Evening Post. That’s just in case you read
this at Inside Pulse and the formatting looks like a Two Bit Crack Junkie
Peanut Monkey put it together. Hey, I’ll take full responsibility for the
content of my columns, but when I write and then post them at 1ryderfakin, they
look good – the way they are supposed to look. But, things sometimes get lost
in translation when it gets posted on IP… something that drives me absolutely
batshit crazy. However, I’m not one to complain and knowing that YOU know where
the correct version is (or will be) will allow me to get back to whatever cloud
I was riding without someone or something else on it.     Widro’s note: Flea is the only person on the staff not to do his own HTML tagging and thus sends me garbled Microsoft Word-generated HTML


I may or may not get around to a recap of the TNA PPV show… I
watched in, found it to be extremely depressing and just wasn’t in the mood to
mess with it. Check back this weekend.   


For all of you in New York City – hold on to your hats, the
Republicans are coming to town! Normally, that would be good news, seeing as
the Right Wing is pretty low key in public… but every weirdo protester who
doesn’t know what’s good  for themselves or this country will be loose on the
streets, up to no good, no doubt. Combine that with a pissed off Police
Department and a general ugly vibe that is surrounding this whole thing –
yep… there is going to be trouble. It’s just a matter of how much, how often and
who’s to blame. If you are smart , take off to Atlantic City for the week… you
will be thankful.        


Come on, let’s go




On Monday, WWE released their financial numbers and it was,
for the most part, the same results and a reiteration of what I was typing
about this time last year. Cash flow is good… house show, ratings and PPV’s are
not at the level of the boom period, but are also nothing to be ashamed
about… and most importantly (and what I tried to explain to everyone) the REAL
money is in the archival footage and having old school wrestlers like Flair
spill their guts in print. There was nothing that caught my eye when the
Quarterly Report came out – just more of a confirmation that the sky is in no
way, shape or form falling, Chicken Little.


I did several columns on the business of WWE and the long
term outlook, go check this one out for the condensed version



Now then – not to be a prick about this and I really, at
that time, wasn’t doing much more than giving a basic long term financial
outlook, but you have to remember that the common theme last year was “WWE will
be out of business in two years”. And no, I’m not making that up. Go check
anyone’s archives from last Spring, Summer or Fall – Gloom and Doom, the end is
near, et al. I don’t even give these things a second’s thought anymore, just
because, in my opinion, anyone who wrote about or read about / bought (or is
still buying) into any of the Gloom and Doom is a moron, plain and simple. I
gave up a long time ago trying to give financial advice… I’ve got mine and
honestly don’t care how, where or if you get yours or not. But, because several
people asked (i.e. expected) me to chime in about it, I’ll go over Linda
McMahon’s Conference Call and then rake some jerkoff wrestlers (and the writers
who support their nonsense) over the coals…


Here is Mrs. McMahon from Monday:  


WWE: It was pointed out that there were four PPV events in
this quarter, as opposed to only two PPV events in this quarter for last year,
due to the way the events fell on the calendar.


FLEA: Yep. Luck of the draw and makes the Q numbers look
that much better. And no, for Christsakes, WWE is not “cooking the books to
paint a rosy picture”.  I’m amazed what people actually commit to print
sometimes looking for a way to be negative.     


WWE: In a prepared statement, WWE Chief Executive Officer
Linda McMahon put over the value of the tape library WWE possesses, mentioning
the success of the Chris Benoit DVD set, and stated that WWE expects the Eddie
Guerrero and "Rise And Fall Of ECW" DVD to do well for the company.
She later put over the success of Ric Flair’s DVD release and book. Linda’s
statement also mentioned WWE 24/7, and that the company expects a big demand
for "classic" merchandise and releases.


FLEA: Yes, yes, and yes – more good news right in line with
what I was saying last year. If you are still on the fence about picking up
some stock, the 24/7 programming should get you out of your shell. That portion
of the Fed’s business is moving along much quicker than I thought it would, but
with the exception of the fight between Marvel and WWE Hogan’s name, all
systems appear to be set firmly on “Go”. I’ll do more on that when the time
comes – being a wrestling fan for almost 30 years now, the 24/7 Wrestling
Channel is something I can’t really put into words at the moment. If you are
old enough, think about life before the Internet or cable TV. Just about the
same thing as far as mark value goes.     


WWE: Linda stated that WWE Films will have a combined budget
of $20 million dollars for their first two feature projects. The "Taboo
Tuesday" PPV in October will be an "interactive" event, with
fans being able to vote on "events" that will take place during the
show, via


FLEA: “WWE at The Movies” is not something I’m all that
crazy about, as the company is, admittedly, Stone Cold failures at anything
other than wrestling. But hell, at only $10 million a pop, the movies will
pretty much take care of themselves financially… it’s just things like this (and
Diva Search and Tough Enough and WWE Records) are a vain attempt to be a
credible entertainment company and, quite frankly, an embarrassment and the
main thing that is keeping the stock in the 11’s instead of 16’s or 17’s. I
would like it a hell of a lot better if they just stuck with what they know
(wresting – and pumping out archive footage DVDs) instead of continually
pissing up a rope with this other crap, but you sometimes have to take the good
with the bad.


“Taboo Tuesday” could go either way. I haven’t seen enough
detail to give an opinion either way (who knows what people will be voting on?
and will this pave the way for shows booked by fans?), but as long as they have
the technology in place to pull this off, it never hurts to be “interactive”
with your audience.            


From the Question and Answer session:


WWE: Linda talked about how their acquisition of tape
libraries allows them to put out DVD releases on wrestlers like Chris Benoit
and include footage from throughout their career, something no other group was
ever able to do before. She also talked about the success of
"classic" action figures and toys, and how they are looking to create
more DVDs that take advantage of the tape library.


FLEA: always good to hear and it’s a good sign that they are
acknowledging history instead of blatantly re-writing it (although the Monday
Night War DVD certainly got a little one sided – f*ck it, they won). I’m real
interested to see what they get around to saying about Montreal when the Bret
Hart series is released.


WWE: There is nothing specific planned for The Rock,
although he will continue to make "occasional appearances" on the
shows, but he is not returning to the active roster at this time.


FLEA: nothing new there. But doesn’t it seem like Rock-E’s
crowd pop gets less and less each time he shows up? I do have fun singing the
Rock’s theme song with Eric S. in mind… got the tune in your head?


Baaaaaa… ba ba da dum… .da dadada da da… Baaaaaa… ba ba da
dum… .da dadada da da… (The Rock says) Baaaaaa… ba ba (The Rock, The Rock) da
dum… .da dadada da da…


I just imagine Eric watching and BOOM! “If yaaaa
smmeellllllllllllllllllll”… and out comes Rock-E to the tune above…


Haaaaaa… Ha Ha Ha HAAAA!. Ha HaHaHa Ha Ha!… Haaaaaa… Ha Ha Ha
HAWR!… .Ha HaHaHa Ha Ha!… (Fuck You) Haaaaaa… Ha Ha (The Rock says Fuck You) Ha
hawr… Ha HaHaHa Ha Ha…


You probably had to be there. But I’m glad you weren’t.


WWE: There are plans to do more overseas TV productions
(like the upcoming UK tour which will culminate in Raw and Smackdown tapings)
in the future.


FLEA: damn straight – who needs Jersey. And to all of you
Canadian assholes that bitched about (and ruined) the PPV with your wise-ass
chants and alleged “disgust and therefore we will shit on your product, Vince”
attitude… don’t forget to buy your tickets the next time they come to town. Like
you WON’T. If you are really that concerned about making a statement DON’T BUY
A TICKET AND DON’T GO TO THE SHOW. Yeah, that’s real hard to figure out. Suckers.


WWE: Linda said the release for "The Rise And Fall Of
ECW" DVD is now set for November.


FLEA: This one should be interesting. On one hand, the
“misuse” of the current ECW talent will be right there in front of everyone’s
face… however, WWE has gone out of their way to “slow down” matches – showing
the wild brawls and crazy bumps that made ECW famous will most likely untrain
the unwashed masses who are finally learning to accept psychology and a slower
pace. Also, how much of an asshole do you think they will make of Paul E? Sure,
they can throw around terms like “genius” and “revolutionized the business” but
the bottom line is he burnt a hell of a lot of people out of serious cash and
ruined the feasibility of any “independent” company getting that far again. I
hope his weird fetish for Justin Credible is explained, along with why, when
things started going wrong at TNN (a bad deal to begin with), Paul E felt the
need to “shoot” on the network, further stigmatizing wrestling for any other
company not named WWF(E). I’m sure * his * explanation will be along the lines
of “nothing to lose”. I still can’t figure out why it’s a mystery to some folks
that Heyman is viscerally hated by many, many people in the business but I’m
sure Vince and Company will go out of their way to enlighten us.             


And that’s about it for the business news… what was I saying
about raking a few people over the coals? Fuck it. I was going to type a bit
about the grumbling being reported regarding the discontent that many wrestlers
and non-televised employees are expressing due to actually having to work for a
living, but why bother? It’s just nutty that people drop lines like ” so and
so’s payoffs are smaller, but Vince and Linda are making millions”… you know
why? Because Vince Fucking McMahon works 18 hours a day, running a billion
dollar company. So the wrestlers have to travel… whoop de doo. Don’t like it?
Get a real job. And why do people always complain about the Bosses raking in
the most dough? Are you qualified to run WWE? A good majority of this lazy
country can’t even manage to figure out that buying on credit at 13% interest
is a BAD THING, but goddamn, they just had to have that High Definition TV. I’m
more offended that The Undertaker isn’t pumping gas somewhere instead of
continuing to hog the Main Event scene than I ever would be about someone like
Vince McMahon getting rich.        




While I’m on the topic – from the newslines…


As previously reported, WWE management has a strict
policy that no WWE wrestlers are to get near or even socialize with the Raw Divas
candidates in or out of arenas. Management wants to avoid any personal issues
causing problems or even legal complications should the winner be involved with
a wrestler at the time she wins. Along with the dress code, in-ring rules
they’re to follow as far as their match style (making Kurt Angle take less
risks for example), and Vince McMahon’s pep talk a couple weeks ago telling
wrestlers there is no room for them to ask for any days off until business
turns around has led to a feeling in some circles of the locker room that WWE
has become a bit of a police state. This will probably affect morale in the
locker room.

A “police state”… that’s a hoot. Just leave the business,
assholes. Let’s review:


My job as a wrestler – an overview of required behavior:


Don’t f*ck a Diva.  


Dress like you can afford to pay back a loan


Quit landing on your head


Work as hard as Vince himself is willing to work.


Boy, McMahon has some nerve doesn’t he? This is exactly why
wrestlers will remain independent contractors and never members of a “wrestling
union”. Could you imagine the hassle if a RAW or Smackdown show is held up
because people like Bob Holly refuse to work until they can wear their tank
tops and sweats on a plane again? Sure, it would be damn funny, but one would
think that Vince would just get rid of everyone and live off the archives
before he would have to deal with any of that.    


Speaking of humor…


RAW, which scored a 3.6 overall cable rating this
Monday night, was given a big bump from the Kane/Lita wedding segments.

Hour two received a 3.9 rating, with the final quarter hour (4.0) and overrun
(4.9) some of the highest ratings for quarter hours that WWE has seen in a

Notice how the more the IWC shits on something, the better
rating it gets? Keep that in mind next time you get all worked up over ratings
and angles. I thoroughly enjoyed Raw from top to bottom, with one of the
highlights being all the dummies in the crowd chanting “HBK” because they read
on the net that he * could * show up. Hawr. And how about that Regal / Flair
match? Just a really fun show, which is all I ask. Try watching TNA sometime
and see if your head doesn’t cave in. Whatever you think is wrong in WWE,
multiply that 10 fold and then add Russo and Dusty Rhodes. All a matter of


Quick break for some inside stuff… from Hi-Rate’s “Omega”…



country music?

I don’t know nothin’ from country less their names are Willie, Waylon,
George, or Conway.

Flea: A man who hates, HATES the
sound of crumbling paper. Who knows why, but it’s a surefire way to get rid of

Conway? Think Flea spent a weekend or two in a tent at Twitty City? I think
he did and I DEFINTELY think he shouted, "YEEEEHAW" a few times.

For crying out loud – it’s Willie, Waylon, HANK or George.
You could have worked in that “YEEEEHAAAW(r)” joke in without f*cking it
up… take some pride in your work. And you should have used the abortion one


Back to wrestling…


The latest on Brock Lesnar is that he has resigned himself
to the fact that he is not going to make the cut. It seems that his progress to
be a defensive lineman has “leveled off” (he ain’t getting it) and they won’t
even sign him to the practice squad. Again, I think that is a huge mistake,
given his athletic ability and desire to play… I still can’t figure out what is
wrong with him playing special teams. It looks like the “experts” ended up
being right all along – but not because they knew a f*cking thing, it was just easier
for them to take the negative attitude that “he will never make it” and then
change their tune if he actually did. It’s not like there is any kind of
respectability or accountability in the sports media anyway. I think they
should start putting money behind their “expert” opinions – a thousand bucks
each time they spout off and are wrong… hell, who am I kidding – most of these
clowns wouldn’t bet a nickel to watch an ant eat a bail of hay, much less put
their money where their mouths are. Too bad for Brock – I was really hoping he
would make it. Despite the fact he quit the wrestling business and pissed all
over WWE leaving the way he did, at least he actually * did * what all the
other aforementioned WWE employees only whine to the dirt sheets about – Brock
didn’t like the life of a wrestler so decided to try something else. For a lot
less money. That takes guts… maybe not a whole lot of brains, but he has my
utmost respect for going through with it. The word now is that he may play in
the NFL Europe league, although it would be sweet if he came back to WWE… he
would be the biggest heel in the business. But to hell with that – Goddamn
Undertaker and Angle would still have him doing the j.o.b. Play minor league
football and bang Sable three times a day… it could be worse. He could be YOU.




Staying with the repetitive topics, here’s more from Hulk
Hogan! In last week’s column, the Hulkster took a trip to Universal Studios,
made a fool of his daughter and toured the TNA TV taping arena, brother. This
week, The Vanguard caught up with
Hogan for a Q and A session! Here are some highlights…


Q: Tell me about the first time you met Chris Hyatte and
what his action was like with the ladies!


A: "It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Everyone
tried to pick him up and couldn’t. Unbelievable."


Okay, quit howling, Gunga Dim… .DIDN’T I?!?!?!?!


The interview, from The Vangawrd


Q: How hard was it to body slam Andre the Giant?


A: "It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Everyone
tried to pick him up and couldn’t. And in practice, I couldn’t do it either,
but we did it. Unbelievable."


FLEA: Everytime he tells this story the legend grows. By the
time Hogan is 80, Andre will weigh a 2 tons.


Q: What happened to Hulk Hogan Vitamins?


A: "They went down the trail. There was a huge problem
with the federal government and they indicted Vince McMahon for distributing
steroids while I was in WWF and he was innocent and just the bad press made the
vitamins go away. They were awesome. I have a couple boxes left in my freezer
now. I’m saving them."


FLEA: That’s a nice way of saying he threw Vince to the
wolves and most people at the time laughed at Hulk Hogan vitamins – now with


Q: Was it (wrestling) worth it?


A: "Yes, because my family’s secure. But it’s tough.
I’ve got a degree in finance and management and I do marketing merchandising
that sort of stuff, that’s what I do. I produce TV with the Baywatch guys, do a
lot of stuff like that. The old life was as a studio musician for 10 years but
my main thing was making bread because once I got married, my whole focus
changed to security so I want that for her only because she wants it. She wants
this lifestyle and I kept telling her, it’s long days. I call her Brook-aholic
because she’s relentless. She’s tougher than most wrestlers. A lot of guys I
wrestled with. If they break a finger they need six weeks off. Where in the old
days we never took any time off. If I broke my thumb or my nose I’d wrestle the
next night. So she’s got that drive and only because she wants it do I want it.
I was really gonna be happy sitting at home counting the waves, surfing
everyday and basically watching my kids grow up next thing you know I’m on the
road with her, so only because she wants it do I want it."


FLEA: This sets up the rest of the interview quite rightly.
Hogan’s new gimmick appears to be “back in my day… “. You’ll see in a minute.


Q: Boxers or briefs?


A: "You’re brutal. Briefs. I’m old school, c’mon."


FLEA: I still can’t figure out why that question is asked
and has pretty much been ingrained in popular culture. Does it matter? I’m sure
there is some kind of psychological rationale behind whatever you answer, but
who gives a rat’s ass? Boxers or briefs… .spit or swallow? Pitcher or catcher? Left
or right? Can we just see your cock, Hulkster? Fortunately, the interviewer
redeems herself…  


Q: How many bandanas do you own?


A: "I don’t know but I know that I probably own at
least 30 black ones. You know, I got a bunch of them. I got work out bandanas,
formal attire. I’ve got a bald head. I’ve got work out stuff. It’s weird, when
I’m not working I’m always running around the neighborhood bald-headed. And
people say, “Oh my God, Hulk, I didn’t know you were that old. When I take the
bandana off it takes me from my normal age, 51 years old, and as soon as I’m
bald-headed it makes me look 61. Instantly. Because I’m really bald-headed.
I’ve got this real small Bozo ring around my head. People see me without the
bandana, even the wrestling crowd, I go to the ring with the bandana, and I
throw the bandana off into the crowd, you know, I’m very sensitive. I can hear
the people say, ‘oh.’ It’s horrible. It really freaks them out. But it’s


FLEA: like this is something new? The guy has been bald for
20 years! But he is right… suspension of disbelief flies right out the window
when Baldylocks shows up.


Q: How many t-shirts have you ripped over the years.


A: "Millions. It’s really funny because when my wife
and I first got married I wanted to show my arms, right, so she cut the sleeves
off my shirt. Because my arms used to be really big. And then the shirt was
real tight and so she made these slits in the shirt and instead of just hanging
she stretched it out to give it that hanger look. You know I was selling
millions of those things for, like, $20 a piece, kids were ripping them off
when I was ripping them off and we just kept selling them. I think in 1986
alone, I beat General Motors. I did a billion dollars in revenue, worldwide."


FLEA: Well, I’ll give him about 20 years of the gimmick –
around 7, 300 days… that’s about 140 shirts per day… between five and six per
hour – one t-shirt every 10 minutes! I think The Hulkster is exaggerating. But
he is probably right about those hacks at GM. What’s the world’s biggest car
company compared to the drawing power of Hulkamania?


Q: Do you think the media and the entertainment industry is
taking over the wrestling industry?


A. "Oh, definitely. There’s too many choices now. It’s
a bad Jerry Springer show now, brother. The art form is lost.

Like when I would start a fight with you. If this was like
November and I would start a fight with you, we’d start in November and maybe
wrestle in March. Now you turn on the show at 8:00 and I’ll start a fight with
you. We fight by the end of the show. TV moves so fast trying to keep up with
the Joneses because there’s so many choices with Satellite and also the reality
shows. People surf so much that they’re afraid to lose the quarter hour. They
live by the numbers. If you have a bad quarter hour there’s all kinds of
meetings, people panicking. They don’t let things ride. People are job scared.
It’s a whole different business now. I think that if you really gave them
something with some meat on the bones and really got back to the art form of
creating emotion and good vs. evil. It’s real easy stuff. It’s the KISS theory:
Keep it simple stupid. And they’re just over-thinking things."


FLEA: He’s right about that. But hearing “elder statesman”
Hogan, who was the Poster Boy for the cartoon wrestling bullshit I despised,
spout of about the “art form” is a little ridiculous. I’ll give him credit
though – his finger always manages to catch the right drift of wind and he can
re-invent himself at the drop of a hat accordingly.    


Q. Would you get rid of the Diva stuff?


A. "Not all of it but I sure wouldn’t abuse it. Nothing
against the women, but if you use them that way, they don’t draw a number.
People have to be able to live vicariously through the characters and they have
to like the characters and like the people. And what they’re doing. Well, I’m
giving a speech tonight and nobody’s clapping so [screams in character voice] Welcome
to Mobile! There’s a way to establish characters and keep interest and create
emotion and draw money. Like I said, it’s an art form so you have to get back
to the basics."


FLEA: Cause basically, not everyone was blessed with the
“it” factor like Hogan and he makes damn sure you remember that. And what’s
wrong with a little cheap heat? If people are dumb enough to say “He said Mobile!


Q: What’s next for you?


A: "I’m getting ready to do a VH-1 show on a consistent
basis with my family. Fox and ABC have pitched shows to do a reality wrestling
show. And I was like ‘How in the hell do you do a reality wrestling show?’ And
basically the premise of starting out in minor league wrestling doesn’t mean
anything to anybody. Basically, they approached me with Hulk Hogan with one
foot in the glue factory. All of a sudden, he takes his foot out and saves the
art form. Because of some of the guys who want to work for me that used to work
for me when I ran Turner’s company like Goldberg, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and
Sting want to work for me. The whole thing is that everyone knows that the WWF
means wrestling but so does one name: Hulk Hogan. And the public opinion is to
start my own thing like the past is now the future type deal. That with
Goldberg and Sting and Stone Cold and Nash, we could probably take over pretty
easily. I’m thinking about it. We may go back to the old days again for a


FLEA: Oh man. Never mind his “ran” Turner’s company line… of
course, his “running” of WCW was the catalyst in the rise Steve Austin. Austin
went from WCW to ECW and basically got his “attitude” via in-character shoot
interviews on Hogan (and Bischoff and Dusty) keeping him at the mid-card level.
If you have never seen them, go get the latest Austin DVD and check the extra
features. I just watched them again the other day they hold up remarkably well.
Long story short, Hogan and his “me, me me – I’m the only one that can draw”
bullshit begat Austin and the Attitude era. I think Meltzer said it best: Hogan
made Vince McMahon a Multi-Millionaire, but Austin made Vince a BILLIONAIRE.
And the nostalgia trip of 2003 didn’t do jack shit and still leaves an ill
feeling in my stomach. No one cares about Goldberg. No one cares about Sting.
Only Hi-8 gives a shit about Nash. People still go nuts for Austin… oh, that’s
only his girlfriend that goes nuts for him. Besides, Austin’s crippled now
anyway. Done. Kaput. Finito. End of the road. Time is up. Sayonara. (now go
back and insert “what?” after each of those words – are YOU going to pay to
hear that?).


If Hogan finds a money sucker for this, it will be
comparable, at best, to the AWA – Old man Verne Gagne on top surrounded by a
bunch of washed up old farts whose only saving grace is being able to draw
2,000 people who don’t know any better to a beer hall in Green Bay. And wasn’t
it Gagne’s attitude, favoritism and refusal to make Hogan the top star the
spark that ignited Hulkamania in the first place? Its weird how all the stars
align when you start thinking about this stuff. Gagne’s nonsense beget
Hogan… Hogan’s nonsense beget Austin. Now it’s back to Hogan, wanting Austin to
help him imitate what Gagne did. Yeah, they’ll beat the pants off WWE… no doubt
about it.


A more likely scenario is Hogan conning TNA into something
and then using that to springboard into yet another run in WWE. Scary as it
sounds, people are probably going to buy into it.


As far as Austin goes, I was watching the dumbest match in
history, the Benoit vs. Angle cage match (more on that next week) and Austin
joined JR and Heyman (who was filling in for Lawler at the time) on commentary.
Great stuff – I would LOVE for Austin to come back as a third man on the RAW
announce team. Hell, if he has to come back (which he will) might as well put
him to good use… his broken body just ain’t going to be able to cash the checks
his redneck mouth is writing.                 




Last week I asked the following question:


Back in the 80’s, Dusty Rhodes had a Masked Gimmick – The
Midnight Rider. His main adversary at the time was Kevin Sullivan (doing devil
worship when Undertaker was no selling school lunch)…in response to Dusty’s
masked shenanigans, Sullivan himself donned a mask…


For any plug you want, next week here on InsidePulse…


What was Sullivan’s name when wearing the mask?


We have TWO winners! The first one is Dustan ‘BlackBeltDude’
Dewey, who asked that 1) His name appear in lights, for bragging purposes and
2) the following site be plugged



There you go! Congrats!


Second winner is Kyle Freaking Mccarty, once upon a time
known as “Fab Glitter” – Number 100 on the original IWC 100 list and author of
one of the best columns I ever read… which you can read for yourself here:



Congrats to you too!


Thanks to all that entered…




To close today, I would again like to remind you to check
out the Wrestling Dead Pool . We are
getting near the holiday season, which always means trouble for anyone with an
addictive or abusive personality. Get those entries IN before the wrestlers
check OUT!  


Thanks for reading