During the ’80s and ’90s, whenever a pal would mention an upcoming trip to Holland, my first question was not “business or travel?” I would ask them if they were going to smoke weed or drop by a brothel. The Red Light District in Amsterdam was a land where so many vices could be explored without getting busted by Dutch Vice Cops. Most people either laughed off the question, but quite a few asked if I had any recommendations. This was the time before Yelp reviews. There were warnings about bad things that might happen to you in the Red Light District including getting mugged, getting rolled or getting an STD. The weirdest thing was people getting too high and falling into a canal. At no point was there a warning about sharks. Red Light District Shark Attack is a fresh nightmare for a vice seeker in the land of Tulips, Cheese and wooden shoes.
Tommy (Ryan Martel) is a rather scummy guy who lives in a trailer in a pal’s driveway. He wakes up one morning and takes care of business using a shop vac. His pal (Bobby Canipe Jr.) with a bright orange Days of Thunder Hardee’s baseball cap drops by to accidentally realize that there’s no vacuuming the floor. Tommy is excited for more than one reason. He discovered a wild brothel in Amsterdam that has an installment plan so he can party now and pay monthly. His pal is interested too but Tommy goes alone to his dream vacation. Turns out the brothel doesn’t make you choose between getting freaky and getting high. The ladies working there are also chemist making up special party favors to share with their clients. Tommy picks out a girl (Angel Bradford) that doses him with an untested potion with hallucinogenic properties and precious fluids from a shark. After a brief encounter, the drugs kick in. Tommy doesn’t merely freak out, but becoming a bit of a sideshow freak. He now is part shark. This transformation turns the hooker into his lunch. The owner of the brothel isn’t sure what to do with mutant Tommy preying on her staff.
Red Light District Shark Attack is a low budget affair. Not to shock too many people, but it appears they didn’t transport cast and crew to Amsterdam for the shoot. They do have vacation video footage of Holland to set the mood. Most of the film takes places in the brothel house. I enjoyed this film because it feels like someone’s indie comic book turned into a low-fi movie. Writer-Director Cagney Larkin doesn’t get lost making wild shots as if he’s working in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The short running time keeps the action from getting bogged down. Larkin is always cutting back to the mutant shark taking on more of the hookers. There’s even a light saber battle.
This film is a fun throwback to those days when Holland was a Vice Playland. Now we don’t have to go all the way to Holland. You can legally smoke in so many states. And there’s legal brothels that take credit cards in Nevada. Even with this change, you should take the advice of Red Light District Shark Attack: Avoid any drugs involving shark fluids while partying.
The Video is 1.78:1 anamorphic. You’ll get that lo-fi vibe on the screen. The transfer brings out the Day-Glo elements. The Audio is Dolby Digital 2.0. You’ll be able to understand the Dutch characters easily. The movie is subtitled.
Audio Commentary includes writer-director Cagney Larkin, Angel Bradford, Jamie Apple, Bobby Canipe Jr and more. They joke about their Dutch accents and shooting on location. Jamie Apple admits among her special effects is her character’s body. They keep swearing they had hired a shark wrangler.
Trailer (1:21) promises us a brothel full of hot scientists.
SRS Cinema presents Red Light District Shark Attack. Directed by Cagney Larkin. Screenplay by Cagney Larkin. Starring Ryan Martel, Bobby Canipe Jr., Sam Gibbons, Jamie Apple, Angel Bradford & Kelsey Baker. Running Time: 74 minutes. Rating: Unraated. Release Date: May 7, 2024.
