A few weeks ago (on the August 27th weekend), I decided on a whim to attend Ethan Zohn’s One-To-One Soccer event in Lancaster, Pennysylvania.
While I was originally undecided about attending, I realized that Boston Rob would be attending, and I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Rob is in my opinion, the greatest Survivor player of all-time and I have become a good friend of his after attending a few Survivor/Charity events together. I still hadn’t seen him since the All-Star finale and I was itching to congratulate him. I also was excited about the prospect of meeting Amber.
Time for one of my many tangents. Amber Brkich (the All-Star Champion) and I have gone to a few events together. Even though we were both at these events, I never approached her. I just have a tendency to ‘Murtz’ out at these events. Eventually Widro will get my article archives over here, and I will show you what that means but the reader’s digest version is that I am often to intimidated to approach the women of reality TV (which has often resulted in many hilarious stories). As you will see later in this report, it also played a part at this Lancaster thing.
In addition to Romber, many of the All-Stars would be there. The advertisement that floated into my mailbox said that Tina, Colby, Lex, Jenna Morasca, Jenna Lewis, Shii Ann, Kathy, Rob Cesternino, and Rudy Boesch would all be there. I also talked to Mitchell Olsen from Survivor Australia and when he confirmed his attendance, I finally was convinced that the trek was up there. Besides, I had never seen Amish people before (except on that new UPN show)!
I called up Terri Givens (the event planner) and confirmed my media access. She was absolutely amazing and in all honesty, I was more excited to meet her than anyone else at the function.
Anyway, I decided that Pennsylvania was pretty close to where I am and thought that driving was the best option. Mapquest said that it was like 8 hours away. Come on! Does anyone actually believe that Mapquest reading. I always just assume that they offer the most conservative estimate around in case you are like the old guys balcony guys on the Muppet-show. I am like… we can do it in 4 hours and still have time to stop at White Castle.
I was wrong. The one caveat about Mapquest is that they only show you one route. So if a highway ever closes, you are out of luck. And so on our like ninth hour of driving we thought we were there when suddenly we reached H-ell. Literally. And H-ell was actually H-arrisberg. It was a disaster because they had closed the I-230 or something and we had no idea of where we were going. So after pulling over to a Wendy’s (literally the only building I saw in all of Harrisburg), we saw this cop and assumed that he would know how to direct us into East Peterberg/Lancaster.
The guy didn’t have a clue.
I apologize to all residents of Harrisburg, but your police officers suck.
Anyway, we literally parked ourselves outside of the Wendy’s and asked every patron to direct us to the Lanco Fieldhouse. The first ten actually looked at us like we were on some type of chemical enhancer. Finally some dude pointed us the right away.
Ethan’s event was a soccer game between the All-Star Survivors and some old professional players from Manchester United, The Republic of Ireland, World Cup Teams and others. There were two games scheduled with one beginning at 7 PM and the other starting at 10 PM.
It was 8 PM when I finally reached the Fieldhouse and I was already annoyed about having missed the first game. I walked around and was impressed with the vastness of the arena. There were two indoor soccer fields which were laden with artificial grass. I saw a number of fans around, and wasn’t sure where to go. I decided to walk back outside and attempt to find Terri to get the details on what was happening. It was funny because I only had a brief description of what she looked like, so it was trying to find Waldo in a sea of people.
Some woman asked me if I was ‘media’ at the door and I was kind of annoyed when she asked me to validate it. Apparently they had run out of the media passes, so I had to keep proving that I was ‘Murtz Jaffer from InsidePulse.’ Luckily I had some of my recordings/newspaper articles from back home (always carry them with you… it’s the key to getting chicks. Kidding) and she immediately was floored when she saw them. Yeah… sorry woman. Step aside.
I eventually managed to get a hold of Terri and waited with another guy who was a sponsor while she finished some last-minute business. She said that she would take us ‘backstage’ and I knew that this would be cool so I just chilled until she was free.
When she was available, she led us to the back and I saw quite a few people. I saw Rob Cesternino hanging around as well as Shii Ann. I also saw quite a few journalists and was immediately jealous that they got the pass that I was denied. I blamed Harrisburg for the entire thing.
Anyway, I eventually got past my sulking and approached Rob Cesternino. We talked about the event and the new Survivor Board game (which I helped to launch awhile back with Dave Johnson). We also talked about the event in general and Rob was raving about his exemplary soccer skill in the first game. I tended not to believe him (kidding Rob), but ultimately he was right because played pretty well in the second game that I did see. I asked him if Rob Mariano was around, and he mocked me for my admiration of him. It was funny. As I mentioned earlier, Boston Rob is by far my favorite and probably one of the coolest people I know. I said that I would talk to Cesternino later and made my way over to Survivor’s power couple.
Rob was sitting down and eating pizza. We discussed all-star for a bit, and I told him how I had known that he and Amber had been the Final 2. I even showed him the article that was in the Toronto Sun and Amber suddenly showed up and peeked over his shoulder.
It was funny. I finally admitted to Rob that I had never met Amber and he seemed surprised. He called her over and we were ‘properly’ introduced. I then told them about why I hadn’t ever approached Amber before. I said that before the event, she was one of those girls that was too hot to approach. I am sure everyone knows what I am talking about. The head cheerleader at the center cafeteria table. The school president who always knew where the party was. The girl that everybody talked to, but you just never could. So I said initially that was why I could never bring myself to talk to her. And she said, ‘well what about now.’ I said ‘well now you’re Boston Rob’s chick, so it’s even harder to talk to you.’ They both laughed and Rob put his arm around her. It was a cool moment.
Jenna Morasca then walked in and Terri Givens told her that ‘Murtz was here.’ Jenna was like ‘oh really?… where’ and came over to say hi. Big props to Jenna. That was very cool of her. We talked for a bit and I filled her in on all the gossip from the events that I have been to over the summer.
Ethan Zohn (aka host extraordinaire) came over and also thanked me for coming. I told him that I was having a good time so far, and he said that he was glad. I also said that I liked the unique concept for this event. Usually these charity things are just like a dinner or something and I thought that the concept was original. He said that he wants to take it all over the place and I said he had made a good start. I also asked him where Lex, Colby, and Richard were. He said that Lex couldn’t make it. Colby was apparently supposed to arrive the next day for a black-tie cocktail dinner. Rich apparently also bailed.
I then saw Mitchell and he asked me what the hell I was doing there. It’s funny. Mitchell and I love to make trouble and for all of our insanity, he is the only one that has been to every event so far. We hit Cincinnati twice, Toronto once, and now Pennsylvania. We joked around for a bit. He said that he was going to do commentary during the soccer game, and I told him that was cool as long as he didn’t sing this song. For those of you that don’t know, Mitchell has this Survivor parody song that he sings (to the tune of The Little Mermaid’s Under The Sea). I swear he has been asked to sing that song everywhere he goes, to the point where it is the most overplayed song not on the radio! There’s always Ashlee Simpson for that role.
I made my way over to talk to Shii Ann. She was nice as well, but obviously aching from the Soccer game. I told her I sympathized.
Finally I went back inside and watched the game. The score was trivial as the hundred people or so were just having a great time. I do remember that Rob Cesternino scored, so I apologize for ribbing him earlier about his skill. I also want to make sure I include that fact in this summary.
Rupert (wearing the tye-die shirt and jeans) was in net for the All-Star team and Ethan dominated as expected.
After the game concluded, there was a big line-up for autographs. I managed to talk to Tina Wesson and Rupert Boneham (who I had never spoken to before). They were both great to talk to. I also conversed with the two Rob’s again and met Cesternino’s girlfriend Nicole. She was very cool as well.
At the end of a long night, I decided to head back to my hotel and turn in.
The next day I attended a soccer clinic that Ethan, Jenna Morasca, and Tina attended. It was fun and all three are great with kids. I talked to Ethan about the event and a story about the racial-profiling I get at the airport. He told me that he would be headed back to Canada in the near future and I said that he should just get a dual citizenship. I then bid adieu to everyone and prepared for the 10-hour ride home.
Moral of the story? Harrisburg sucks.
What doesn’t suck is Ethan’s charity Grassroot Soccer. It is a great cause and supports children afflicted with AIDS in Africa. Please support it and don’t forget to check out Ethan’s site.
