TNA Impact – 09.24.04


TNA Impact 9/24/04

I intentionally didn’t read the spoilers, because I *know* they are going have a super extra good first Post PPV Impact. Honest.

Reading my recaps is like reading my recaps on LSD.

And to start we get Dusty and a small part of me dies inside. They go out of their way to remind us how instead of Monty vs Jarrett we’re going to get Jarrett vs Monty vs Raven vs IT DOESNT MATTER who else gets thrown in cuz of the super special run in, yo, chico. The one from Outside. Wink wink.

We get a new slo mo intro featuring Monty, Jeffiecakes (SQUEAL!), AJ, Jarrett, Raven, Abyss, and 3LK.

Larry Z is down at ringside with Those Crazy Mismatched Tag Champs and Two Other Guys. Larry lets us know that while Vince isn’t here tonight, Dusty is, unfortunately. Preach the word, Brother Z! Apparantly the tag teams want a match with the normal pairings to determine the champs. Since it would make too much sense, Larry says no. I think we ended up with the normal teams facing each other in singles action later, but I’m only guessing.

Jerelle Clark vs Petey Williams (w/ Da Coach n Team Canada) non title

Tenay does, bless him, try to explain What Just Happened, but Dusty’s name was mentioned, so all bets are off. They start with the flippy floppy right away, and a Rana by Clark sends Williams outside. Team Canada does a confab, just in case Clark wants to bust a tope or pescado or somthing, but Clark is still a little green and doesn’t know all his Wrestling Cliches yet. Back in and Canucklehead Shenanigans turn the tide for Williams. I really could use a commercial break right about now.

This week’s PPV is the Best of 2004. Um, isn’t is STILL 2004? I am soooooo confused. When did they change the meanings of “to” and “from”??

We come back during the resthold. We also get to see What We Missed, as Jerrelle gets tied to the Tree of Woeand gets punched. Suplex Combo by Williams, and then to more restholds. Weird. Clark tries to elbow out, the follows with a clothesline and flying leg kick. Cockscrew Springboard Elbow isn’t quite as impressive as it sounds. Clark follows with an Inverted Pumphandle, but Clark counters with a White Russian Legsweep, followed by the Destoyer, smooshing Clark into a fine gooey paste. ** There was nothing wrong with this match that another 5 minutes or so couldn’t fix.

A new mini video package for AJ, and 3LK next! Er, Huzzah! Hooray beer!

And please, for the lub of Jeebus! Vince, Jarrett, SOMEONE listen! NO MORE COMMERCIALS DURING THE MATCHES! Just a little planning and pre-production can make it totally unnecessary. There, I feel better.

Mike Hannigan and Marcus Dillon vs Ron Killings and Konnan.

I think it’s Konnan but it’s a little hard to tell as he is fully do-ragged. Ah yep, it’s him. Where his dogs at? Odelay! They show some skinny kid dressed up like Hardy with green hair and armbands and one of his good friends really should have a talk with him.

Back in the ring and Konnan works the jobber over with his, well, let’s be kind and call it “unique” offense. 3LK then unashamedly steals the Whassup Drop. Konnan with an odd roll thru sumbission thing that the jobber didn’t roll through, and Konnan looks pissed. Tag in to Killings. He gets a slam and NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE! Sorry Scott, I couldn’t resist. Konnan with the hot tag (don’t ask me, he’s acting like it’s a hot tag instead of a four minute squash) and he sends that same jobber from the beginning over the top rope and he can’t even do THAT right. Killings finishes this mess with a Pedigree. DUD If you have a jobber who can’t hit all his spots yet in a squash tag match, he probably shouldn’t be the one to do most of the work in the match. Just sayin.

Jarrett (w/ El Kabong) comes out in streetclothes. They show the crowd and that kid with the green hair has a girl next to him similarly Hardied up, so he has an out there, pun intended. Jarrett wants to know NOW who his next opponent is. Jarrett will take on Hardy, or Abyss, or Killings (heh) or an Outsider. Monty comes out along with The Usual Gang Of Idiot Refs And Security. Monty tells Jarrett not to worry about Hardy or Abyss, and his Hardy impersonation is better. Jarrett dismisses Brown as an ex-jock that couldn’t make it in the NFL, and he’s a Double A player trying to make the major leagues. The ring isn’t the Serengeti, it’s Jarrett’s Mountain Kingdom and he slaps Monty. We get the Gang Of Idiots trying to separate them, and that goes about as well as you might expect. Dusty comes out and puts his hands up in the air. Only time will tell if it was like he just don’t care. And will said skills pay the bills?

We come back from commercial and Larry is out to try to figure out what Dusty is doing. Good luck, Brother Z! Dusty accuses the Championship Committee of Incompetent Boobery. Larry yells at Dusty, appropriately telling Dusty he has no power and has no business being here. Larry threatens Dusty (and all of us) with Terry Funk vs Dusty next week.

Frankie Capone vs Abyss

Wasn’t this going to be the Show Of No Squashes? Capone attacks Abyss from behind to start, putting the over under on this match at about 90 seconds. Clothesline, Stinger Splash, Drop Torture Rack, Black Hole Slam. DUD This show is making me SUCH a sad panda.

Those Crazy Mixmatched Tag Champs (Skipper and Harris) vs Those Other Guys (Daniels and Storm) for the Tag Team Titles

If *I* was in charge, this is were Jim Mitchell would come in and psychologicall screw with an obviously fragile Daniels, but what the hell do *I* know? Anywho, it’s not two singles matches, it’s one tag match. WAIT A SECOND, THIS ISN’T A SQUASH! HOW IS IT GOING TO ADVANCE THE STORY??? AMW comes out together as does Triple X, which is a little surreal. Skipper jumps Storm to start with an arm drag and kick. Storm skins the cat to take charge with an inverted atomic drop and clothesline. Skipper tags in Harris, and Storm doesn’t think so, so it’s Daniels and Harris. Lemme tell you, this is a bitch to recap keeping the names in the right place. Daniels with the kneelifts then an enzugiri. Tag in to Storm, but he won’t work over Harris while he’s down. Elix tags in and gets beat down, but Daniels won’t tag in either. We need a commercial and I need to clear my head before somehow Jericho gets involved.

We’re back with Skipper with an armlock on the mat. Storm powers up but Skipper pulls his hair to get him back down. Inverted suplex is reversed by Storm, and both make the tag. Back body drop on Daniels, a bodyblock gets two for Harris. Full Nelson Slam gets two. Daniels with a Suplex. Storm tags in, shoves Harris into Skipper, forcing a tag in a clever spot. Harris and Storm bump into each other blindly, but before anything can happen XXX jumps the appropriate opponent. Catatonic by Harris, but he clotheslines Skipper when he threatens Storm with a chair, allowing Daniels to hit a Rock Bottom on Harris. BME (Best Moonsault Ever) only gets two to Daniels’ disbelief. Skipper starts to work on Storm in the corner as Daniels sends Harris outside. Daniels picks up the chair but Skipper catches him with it. Communication breakdown as Daniels denies Shenanigans. He turns to get rid of the chair, and while his back is turned Storm wallops Skipper with a superkick to get the pin and the titles. *** I really hated this angle when it started, but I’m really warming up to it. I like the subtle stuff, like how Skipper and Storm are coming off as heels (note the look on Storm’s face as he RIPS the belts from the ref) yet constantly going after each OTHER instead of the face partners.

As a whole, this was one of those “Hated Absolutely Everything Except The Main Event” type deals, and I’m still not quite sure what to make of that. Are we going to love (and maybe over rate) any non squash on Impact because, well, it’s not a squash? The match itself was fine, as you would expect from two more than average teams. I *think* this angle should wrap up sooner rather than later, unless they are going to go The Full Monty (POOOOOUNNNNNNCCEEE) and turn one or more of the participants.