Terminal Velocity- The WWE Velocity Report 09.26.04

Saturday night time, folks, so that must mean Velocity’s on. I’m Bootflap and I’m extremely tired right now, so excuse me if anything you may read is incoherent.

Not much to talk about this week, really. I’ve been busy as hell with school and haven’t had time for much else. So, with that being said, I’ll spare you this week’s opening comment and go right into:

WWE Velocity- September 26th, 2004

-Opening vid and pyro. Our hosts are Bill n’ Josh, as always. Josh says the SmackDown 5th Anniversary show was off the chain, as the FBI make their fabulous entrance. Looks like only Nunzio’s in action.According to Josh, Bill is excited because No Mercy is next week. What the hell is wrong with him? Josh mentions Kurt’s shaving of Show’s head of hair, and here comes Akio, who’s set to open up Velocity for the 2nd week in a row.

-Nunzio vs. Akio. Lockup, headlock by Nunzio, Akio reverses and they separate. Anio antagonizes the Bull, who’s standing ringside. Three fireman’s carry’s by Nunzio get him a 2 count. Akio scurries to the outside and tries to get Bull to hit him. Josh thinks it’s so he can get Nunzio disqualified. Swift one, that Josh Matthews. Nunz sends him back into the ring but once in there Akio takes control of the match. Russian Leg Sweep gets 2 for Nunzio. Nunzio goes up top but Akio scores with a hard, loud Enziguri that sends Nunzio back down to the mat. This only gets 2, so Akio chokes Nunzio on the ropes. Akio whips Nunzio to the ropes and tries to catch him with a sleeper, but they f*ck up and Nunzio falls. Akio locks on a sleeper anyway, clearly not discouraged. Nunzio gets up from the sleeper hold and gets a victory roll for 2, but Akio hits him with a hard clothesline. Akio with another resthold, this one a rear chinlock. Crowd starts to get behind Nunz, who fights out, though Akio reverses into a front facelock. Akio tries a sunset flip but all he gets is a hard front dropkick to the face by Nunzio. Both men down now. Back up, Nunzio gets a beautiful flying headscissors. Akio to the corner, he tries to jump over Nunzio, but he gets caught and brought down face-first. Nunz tries for a tornado DDT, but he gets pushed off by Akio. Nunzio ducks a kick by Akio and scores with an Enziguri. Both men down again. Back up, Akio tries to get a cheap roll up with his feet on the ropes, but Bull pushes his feet off. Akio gets angry and stares at Bull, but when he turns around Nunzio bounces in with the Ariva-Derci (springboard armbreaker) for the win in about 7 minutes. Afterwards, Bull military presses Akio on the outside of the ring for good measure. **1/2, it had a decent flow.

-Now we get to see Steve Austin’s favorite SmackDown moments. They are of course traveling to Irag to visit the troops, and the classic singing skit with Kurt Angle and Vinny Mac.

-Still to come on Velocity, Hardcore Holly takes on Rene Dupree..

-Up next, the extremely lame Taker vs. Gangrel/Viscera match from SmackDown.

-Ladt Ride match promo. Like I’ve said, it’s the dream match come true, people. Open your eyes!

-OK, we’re back. Josh tells us that Taker had his hands full in his handicap match on SmackDown, which we segue into. Maybe the worst”¦.handicap match”¦.ever, but Gangrel’s still cool. Let’s just say that Gangrel and Taker do the majority of the work, Viscera did 1 move (which promptly took him a minute of struggling to get up from) and just stayed still mostly doing nothing. Just a Taker squash, as he pins Gangrel with the Tombstone after destroying both of them. After the match, Taker gives Vis the worst chokeslam ever. Then Taker sends a message to JBL by chairin’ Vis’ throat. Taker motions that OJ and JBL are next.

-Josh n’ Bill hype the Last Ride match for No Mercy.

-Up next, Charlie Haas and Rico are in action against the Bashams.

-Walking Tall DVD ad. Didn’t see it in theaters, might pick the DVD up.

-Ahahahahahaha, my TV description for Velocity says “Frenchman Rene Dupree vs. Hardcore Holly.” Why the freaking hell did they have to put that ‘Frenchman’ in there? I don’t know why, but this is strangely humorous.

-And now, the WWE Slam of the Week: Little Johnny reciting a lovely poem to Vinny Mac. Josh says that Heidenreich is walking tall over the entire SmackDown lockerroom. Here comes Haas and Rico, or as I like to call them, Technically Flamboyant. Yeah, it sucks, but it’s better than nothing.

-Technically Flamboyant vs. the Basham Brothers. It’s kinda sad when the Bashams, an established team that’s been with WWE for what, a year now, look like bigger jobbers than some of the nameless, unimportant entranceless jobbers we get on Velocity. Anyway, Haas and Doug are in to start. Lockup, headlock by Doug, followed by a shoulderblock. Haas with a Firemans carry, drop toe hold, and a quick exchange to send Doug to the outside of the ring. Back in, arm wrench by Haas and a tag to Rico. Rico reverses a go-behind into a, erm, yeah”¦”¦ Rico giggles, but gets hit with some shots by Doug. Rico fights back with ass smacks and a dropkick. Danny comes in and slaps Rico after Rico blows a kiss. Rico takes control and tags in Haas. Shoulder ram into the corner by Haas, followed by an Exploder for a 2 count. The Bashams pull the switcharoo, and the switched Basham takes out Haas with a clothesline. Elbow and choke by the Basham, who I can’t even recognize because I wasn’t paying attention, tag to the other Basham who I think is Doug. Double team kick, followed up by an arm/chinlock onto Haas. Charlie fights his way to his feet, but Doug takes him down and tags in Danny who hands out some more shots to Haas but gets drop-toeholded into the turnbuckle. Both teams tag and Rico cleans house and nails a back kick for 2. Rico with some Karate kicks in the corner that send Doug to the outside. Haas hits the awesome springboard cross-body axe handle onto Danny to set him up for a beautiful moonsault by Rico for the dubya. Demott says the move is called the ‘High Hard One’ or something like that. Danny plops out of the ring. Alright match, **.

-JBL/Mick Foley debate promo..

-DOR ad.

-Stupid Skittles as with the guy in the bird’s nest. I just don’t get it.

-Back here on Velocity, here’s Josh n’ Bill. Yes, that’s what I’m gonna call them from now on. They’re discussing Kurt’s ‘big surprise’ from SD, which we segue into. Nice to see Jindrak on SmackDown. Now I don’t have to review his matches. Luther takes Eddie out on the outside of the ring, allowing Kurt to tranq show in one of the most ridiculous moments in SmackDown history. Right up there with Steve Austin’s net gun on Kevin Nash. The trio of Angle, Luther, and Jindrak proceed to shave and cut Show’s hair. If they really wanna build up the Show/Angle feud, they should have it so that Show’s so insanely enraged that he just shows up to SmackDown with his hair all butchered as it was when SD went off the air. ‘Cause we all know his hair’s getting shaved completely anyway, ala Kane. Kurt poses for a lovely pic with an unconscious, dopey looking Show. Bill tells us that Show will be LIVID! I remember when that was JR and King’s favorite word. They’d say it like 30 times a Raw. Josh then goes over the Kidman/London match for Sunday, and he and Bill run down the rest of the No Mercy card, including RVD/Rey vs. Dupree/Kenzo, Eddie/Luther, Booker/Cena, and, of course, Taker/JBL.

-Up next, Hardcore Holly takes on Frenchman Rene Dupree. Josh warns us that Holly should be on the lookout for Kenzo and Hiroko.

-And now, the WWE Rewind. It’s Kenzo/Dupree costing Rey Rey the Cruiserweight title on SmackDown.

-Here comes Rene, complete with the Dupree/Kenzo amalgam theme.

-Frenchman Rene Dupree vs. Haadkow Haaly. Dupree points out the crowd because they’re chanting USA. MIND GAMES! Dupree gets frightened by Holly, then he struts. Lockup, Dupree takes Holly into the corner and SPITS on him. Oooohh, that takes balls. Then he runs for his life to the outside of the ring. Dupree’s already flopping freely here, ugh. Dupree takes his French flag and waves it around before re-entering the ring. Lockup, Hardcore takes Dupree into the corner, but Rene escapes and runs off again. Headlock by Dupree, shoulder block and strut, but he gets a shot from Holly in return, followed by some chops in the corner, though Dupree scores with a knee lift and mounted punches. Dupree gloats and throws Holly to the outside, right in front of Kenzo, as we take a commercial break. Methinks Kenzo’s gonna get involved during the break.

-Back here on Velocity, Rene’s firmly in control. As I predicted, Kenzo did in fact get involved during the break. Neck vice by Dupree, Hardcore fights up and hits some shots, but Dupree scores with a back elbow and falling headbutt for 2. Leg lock body scissors by Dupree, though for some reason Dupree switches it into a standing headlock. The 2 men trade punches, and are both knocked down by a huge shoulderblock. Back up, Holly fires up with some shoulderblocks and a dropkick for 2. Hardcore takes it up top and comes down with a flying clothesline for 2. Boot by Dupree, who rolls Hardcore up for 2 and performs the French Tickler. Rollup attempt by Holly stopped by Dupree, but he walks into a powerslam for 2. Holly signals for the Alabama Slam, but Hiroko distracts the ref, allowing Kenzo to interfere, which distracts Holly long enough to turn around and walk right into a Michinoku Driver for the 3, though his foot was on the rope. Rediculous beginning aside, this was an ok match, though not the best of the night. *1/4.

-We leave with Josh reminding us that the last stop to No Mercy is this week’s Smackdown.

My Thoughts: OK show all around, I guess, though it seemed like it was a lot sorter in content than last week’s. No S2H and no Random Entranceless Jobber, though. Like I said, OK show, but that’s it really.