[Deconstructing the Moveset] – Lies and the Lying Liars Who Told Us John Cena Was Stabbed


I heavily apologize, but I found myself in San Francisco for the week without an internet connection. So I am in the Apple Store in downtown San Francisco typing this intro and using this column I e-mailed to myself before I left. I have Tivo Gems and e-mail ready for the week, but I (foolishly) didn’t e-mail them to myself before I left.

So here’s the San Francisco version of Deconstructing the Moveset!

I apologize in advance for spelling mistakes, I have not had a chance to really run this through spell check. Edit 11.02.04 – Spelling has been checked. Thank Goodness.


“SmackDown! General Manager Theodore R. Long was saddened to confirm last week that John Cena was seriously injured in a melee at a Boston after hours club the previous weekend. According to reports, the former United States Champion suffered several puncture wounds, some of which came dangerously close to his kidney. WWE.com is shocked by this tragic turn of events, and shares the concern of all Cena’s fans the world over. “

When a wrestler takes time off from his craft to either shoot a movie, go on vacation, spend time with their family or heal up/get surgery/liposuction/breast implants, usually it’s either explained to the wrestling fan in some manner or the other. More likely than not, they are injured on TV or are suspended by the general manager.

When Steve Austin needed his final neck surgery, he was hit by a car at a Pay Per View to explain this. When the Big Show recently took time off to heal up his knee following Wrestlemania XX (cha-ching), he was suspended for choke-slamming Kurt Angle from a second story balcony onto concrete. This worked two-fold as angle healed up as well. As Kane is off to shoot Eye Scream Man supposedly, his neck got Pillmaned by Gene Snitsky. Shawn Michaels’s wife was going to have a baby, his neck got Pillmaned by Kane. Then there’s also the case of the Rock, where the WWE makes no qualms about where he is at all times.

Okay, okay. you get the point.

Needless to say, it’s not uncommon for the WWE, or any organization for that matter, to stretch the truth about what a wrestlers’ true intentions are with their actions/injuries/whatnot. Matt Morgan just lost the OVW title in a match where he said if he did not win, he’d leave the company. Or he’ll simply get bumped up to the WWE’s Smackdown! roster again.

So why are we told that John Cena suffered from puncture wounds in an “after-hours” club in Boston? Let me explain something to my readers and the WWE viewers:

If it’s in Boston and it’s a club, it closes at 12:30 am like everything else. How “after-hours” could it have been?

I can believe that maybe it was a private club or whatever, suspension of disbelief. But there’s another larger problem here. Children watch wrestling. It’s a proven fact that children will not stop watching wrestling, and will probably never stop. What kind of example has the WWE set here? Yes, John Cena is supposed to be a thug from West Newbury Massachusetts. West Newbury is not exactly thug central, but whatever.

The Smackdown! announcers have changed this from puncture wounds to “he was stabbed.” This whole angle might have a lot more gravitas than the WWE was willing to bargain for. When Hulk Hogan’s face was burned by Sergeant Slaughter so many years ago, children were crying because of that. Children were screaming in terror when the Macho Man was bitten by a de-fanged snake. These were things that happened on screen however.

To just simply be told that “John Cena was stabbed in Boston.” is unacceptable to me. This is a flat out lie while Cena makes the Marine and attempts to fit into Austin’s shoes in the process (the movie was written for Austin in mind). The WWE has made a huge deal out f John Cena saving his kidney, and Teddy Long doesn’t know if “the kidney will make it.” This is absurdity that we are just taking this and not thinking and talking about this a little more.

If Cena was injured on-screen during his match with Triple C, then we’d understand a little easier. If they showed us a specific point in the match where Cena landed awkward on something and said that he fractured a bone, tore a ligament, had a tendon sprain, we’d understand easier.

But a stabbing?

Was that really the road the WWE wanted to go down? Is this the example they want to set for children? Now I’m not saying that everything done by wrestlers should be under a microscope because there are children watching, but this is a bad, bad, bad thing to expose to children.

When one person has a problem with another, they STAB THEM. In its most basic form this is what we’re talking about here. Teddy Long has accused Triple C of STABBING JOHN CENA MULTIPLE TIMES. I’d have no problem explaining to my five year old nephew as to why these two guys were going to fight in the ring. But I would be stuck for words as to why Carlito would stab his opponent that evening.

Think back to when it was revealed that Rikishi ran down Stone Cold, or attempted to at least. The WWE treated that situation with a lot of care because of the severity of the issue. They nearly made fun of it having Mick Foley interrogate people. Then it turned out that it was Rikishi who did it, all for the Rock. The Rock said that it was a bad idea and Rikishi never should have done it, Rikishi fell out of the title picture in time because everyone realized that he’s a big joke, and event went on to cheer him again.

What light-hearted character does the WWE have to put a lighter spin on this subject? None. The WWE has taken this angle completely seriously. While Cena is out, the focus is on who did this to him, never letting the fans forget through one sitting of Smackdown! or Velocity that this occurred.

I don’t like being lied to blatantly. I know why he’s gone for the moment, and that’s fine. If he wants to go make a movie, make a damn movie. Hell, tell us he’s off to make a movie. Or injure him in the ring or backstage. However, do not, and I mean under any circumstances, use a lie to pull a wrestler off of the air. It’s a cowardly way to do things and it sets the wrong example for children who are most certainly watching the show.

Again, I’m not saying that wrestlers should be model citizens on screen, but that maybe the WWE should watch the example that they set for their younger viewers.