Okay, so this recap is later than usual, but I must say that I have been rather busy these past few days. Without delving too much into my personal life, I will say that a local wrestling promotion that I work for was featured on a local network news channel on Monday and Tuesday, which took up most of my time, not to mention that I am having orientation for my new job on Tuesday and Wednesday. Don’t fear, though, Lost will still be delivered to the Inside Pulse on its regular Thursday date, and I promise all of my faithful readers that this kind of gaffe will never happen again.
With that, it’s onto the recap!
Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Zach reveals to Bree that he knows why his mother, Mary Alice, killed herself, although what we only hear in the previously is that “Mom killed herself”. Not sure why that is. Anyway, the other Housewives are kinda freaked out by this announcement that Zach knows a secret but isn’t sharing just yet, Creepy Plumber Mike and Susan are one step closer to getting it on, and Mama Solis arrives as a wildcard to enter into the Gabrielle/Carlos/John relationship. Carlos thinks that Gabrielle is cheating on him, and Mama Solis says that she will take care of it. The husband and wife Van De Kamp are returning from a dinner, alert as they’ve heard that someone has broken into their house. Alas, it’s Zach, and he’s taken some weird liberties with his breaking and entering, decorating the interior of the house with plenty of Christmas decorations. Zach doesn’t know why he did it, but Paul arrives to scald his son, and Zach is scared straight, as Bree comforts him by holding his hand…
…and we’re off to Wisteria Lane, as our dead narrator introduces the basic message of tonight’s episode, that suburbia is a battleground, where all kinds of battles take place between husbands and wives and parents and children, but no battle is more fierce than the battle between women and their mother-in-laws. Gabrielle and Mama Solis have been fighting for control of Carlos ever since he proposed to Gabrielle, and Mama Solis has been whooping on Gabrielle ever since. From the pre-nuptiual agreement that Gabrielle had to reluctantly sign, since Mama Solis was there watching over her, to the choice of wedding music that Gabrielle despised–a Mariachi band, and the color of the house paint that she hadn’t wanted. Now that Mama Solis had suspected Gabrielle of having an affair, this war would be the most brutal yet. Yao Lin arrives as the three are eating dinner, as she announces that she is off to the market. Gabrielle thanks her as she leaves, and once Yao Lin is out the door, Mama Solis is incredulous to why Gabrielle even has her around. Gabrielle says that it’s a big house and she needs help, but Mama Solis says the definition of help is only applicable when Gabrielle is doing some of the work herself. Gabrielle says that she supervises Yao Lin, but Mama Solis isn’t done yet. She does the math in her head and figures out that since Yao Lin is paid $300 a week, that comes to $15,000 a year, and then she points out how Carlos has always said that he hasn’t put away enough for retirement. Carlos immediately gets the point and suggests to Gabrielle that maybe it is time to cut expenses. Gabrielle can’t believe that she is being expected to take care of the Solis house all by herself, but Carlos points out that other women manage. Mama Solis is pleased with another victory in the war against her daughter-in-law, as Gabrielle gives Mama Solis the ol’ stink-eye.
Cut to the Solis’ bedroom, as Carlos is reading, until Gabrielle arrives in some sexy lingerie, mounting Carlos and giving him kisses all over. Carlos likes that, and Gabrielle says that she’s going to miss it. Carlos doesn’t know what Gabrielle means, but Gabrielle explains that since she’s going to be doing the housework like all the other Housewives, she’ll be exhausted at the end of the day and there will be no time to do the Horizontal Bop, as the kids call it. Until she builds her stamina up, of course. And that could take two years! Gabrielle lets that sink in for Carlos as she kisses her way out of the camera shot, leaving Carlos to think for a moment before the obvious fellating takes place. Mama Solis unfortunately had ignored the first rule of warfare: Never underestimate your enemy; as Carlos wakes up in the morning and tells Mama Solis on the way out that the maid stays.
You’re watching Desperate Housewives, which is somehow getting better ratings than Lost.
Back to Wisteria Lane, as our dead narrator explains that no suburban tradition is more cherished than the neighborhood yard sale. The whole ‘hood has gathered to sort through the personal belongings of someone they don’t really know, searching for a bargain that they don’t really need. That’s very true, why would anyone have yard sales on such a high-class neighborhood as Wisteria Lane? You’d think that it’d only be applicable for a moving sale or something, which seems to be the case here as the sale is being run by the Young family–more specifically, Paul, as Zach is nowhere to be found and his wife is too busy killing herself and narrating this show to sell her bric-a-brac. Susan starts up a conversation with Paul, as she can’t believe that they’re selling Mary Alice’s award that she was given for helping out the community. Paul and Zach are moving, however, and they don’t want to carry more than is absolutely needed. Of course, Susan understands that, but she was just figuring that Zach would want to keep that award (which is basically a glass bowl) to remember his mother by. Paul snatches the award from Susan’s hand and tells her that Zach does not need a piece of glass to remember her mother, and wraps the award in a piece of clothing and says that he’ll take ten dollars for everything Susan has currently. Susan asks about Zach, as Paul explains that Zach’s been feeling a bit depressed and Paul figured that he needed a little change of scenery, so he sent Zach to stay with some relatives, but no relatives that Susan would know. Susan leans in and asks Paul about the fat lip, and Paul says that he got it the usual way–asking too many questions. Susan walks over to Gabrielle and says that she got no new information except that Susan knows for sure that Zach isn’t staying with relatives.
Cut to Mama Solis and Carlos who are standing near a far table, as Carlos is being driven crazy looking at all the men gathering at the sale, saying that any one of them could be the one person who is having an affair with his wife. Mama Solis tells Carlos not to worry about it, since she has an eye on her at all times. Carlos sees a man in the distance shaking hands and exchanging a friendly kiss on the cheek with Gabrielle, and Carlos seems ready to kick some ass, but Mama Solis says that a person that Gabrielle would talk to in public is not someone who she would have an affair with. Carlos is disappointed and asks if he has to kick every man’s ass in the neighborhood, and Mama Solis explains that marriage takes work, as Carlos walks off and goes right past John, the gardener, who must have overheard that comment about Carlos kicking ass.
Over to the Housewives, as Lynette isn’t very surprised that Paul isn’t revealing too much. Bree talks about how Zach explained that Mary Alice killed herself over something that Zach did wrong, but there’s no way to figure out exactly what he did unless they find Zach and get the information out of him. Bree can’t believe that Zach could do such a thing since he’s such a sweet kid. Gabrielle points out that Zach did break into Bree’s house, so he’s obviously troubled.
Cut to a juvenile rehab center, as an orderly there explains to Paul that Zach is severely depressed and is on the borderline of a personality disorder. Paul is aware that his boy is very troubled, but he just wants to keep Zach on medication and not have him go through any psychotherapy or anything of that nature. Paul says that no new treatments should be attempted without his permission and walks off.
And now, a word from our sponsors…
…we return to a group meeting of women, as the leader talks about how she feels that the version of Little Red Riding Hood should be very exciting, and it will be the help of the other mothers that will make the Scavo’s private school play enjoyable. The leader turns over the floor to the “parent coordinator”, as she explains that they have new versions of the Little Red Riding Hood script, as she went with another mother to the rehearsal and was a little troubled by the ending. She has a problem with the wolf being killed at the end of the story, as it sends the wrong message to kids: “Animals should only be euthanized as a last resort.” Lynette finds this hilarious, as she begins to laugh, but none of the other mothers are amused. Lynette thought that she was kidding, but she isn’t, so Lynette allows her to continue. The new story is that the wolf is aggressive because he has a thorn in his paw. The woodsman will take the thorn out of the wolf’s paw and send him on his merry little way! All of the mothers seem pleased with that, except for Lynette again, as she points out that the wolf is a bad guy in Little Red Riding Hood and he does eat Little Red’s grandmother, so letting him go after taking a thorn out of his paw will just lead to more grandmother-eating. None of the mothers are agreeing with Lynette on this at all, and the parent coordinator asks Lynette exactly who she is. Lynette introduces herself and says that her twins are playing oak trees in the play. The parent coordinator recognizes Lynette as the person who is…supposed to take tickets at the front door the night of the show. With all due respect to Lynette, she believes that the creative decisions should be made by those who are doing the heavy lifting. Lynette seems shocked and ashamed as she agrees and puts her head down.
Cut to Bree who is pouring coffee for Mama Solis and Gabrielle, as Bree is jealous of how much time that Mama Solis and Gabrielle spend together, since Bree’s mother-in-law would never want to hang around her for an extended period of time. Gabrielle says that Bree’s mother-in-law sounds like a nice one. Suddenly, John and Bree’s daughter arrive home from school, as Gabrielle greets John, surprised that he knows Bree’s daughter. They go to the same school, though. Gabrielle nods in agreement with that, and Bree’s daughter says that if her mother needs anything, they’ll be up in her room studying. Oh man, I wouldn’t trust my daughter to go up and study with John if I knew what Gabrielle knows. Gabrielle asks if Bree is nervous that her daughter is alone with another boy upstairs, but Bree has no problem with it since both Bree’s daughter and John are in the Abstinence Club! Gabrielle immediately spits out her coffee in a rush. Nice. Gabrielle says that the coffee’s a little hot, as she wipes up her mouth.
Cut to Susan reaching in for her mail, as a mailbox cam watches Paul walking up to his car. Our dead narrator explains that Susan has become frustrated with Paul’s evasive answers, and has become convinced that Paul is hiding Zach and the truth. Finding one will reveal the other. To get the answers she needed, Susan was going to have to be evasive herself. Susan rings a doorbell and an elderly lady answers, as Susan explains to her neighbor Mrs. Greenberg that she needs to get two eggs back from the eggs that were borrowed at Christmas time. Mrs. Greenberg is fresh out, however, and offers to go to the store, but Susan is fine with having two less eggs. However, since Susan is at the Greenbergs, she’s wondering if the Mrs. still has the hatchback in the backyard. Susan would like to borrow it for a couple of hours, but Mrs. Greenberg isn’t so sure that that is a good idea. Besides, Susan let Mrs. Greenberg borrow her two eggs for a whole year.
And now we go to Dr. Goldfine’s office, as he is pleased with the progress that Bree and Rex have made together. Bree feels really good about it, but Dr. Goldfine explains that there are some facets of the relationship which haven’t really been touched on yet. Bree is curious as to what they could be as Dr. Goldfine allows Rex to explain. Rex says that he has been confessing in the private sessions with the doctor that he is unhappy with his sex life. Rex is having trouble continuing, so Dr. Goldfine finishes by saying that when they have intercourse, Rex doesn’t feel as connected as they should be, as if Bree is thinking about other things during intercourse. Dr. Goldfine says that that kind of disconnection is often rooted to a deeper problem. Rex reveals the idea of a sexual surrogate, a licensed professional who would be enlisted to help them with any sexual problems the two of them might have. What would this sexual surrogate do? She would coach Rex and Bree. Bree is surprised to hear that it’s a female, and Dr. Goldfine explains that Bree will hardly notice that she is there. Bree realizes that that means that the surrogate would be in the room with Rex and Bree during the intercourse, so that they can reach maximum sexual potential. Dr. Goldfine asks if there are any questions, and Bree has only one: How much longer is Rex’s midlife crisis going to last, since she’s really getting sick of it? Bree then walks out before Rex or Dr. Goldfine can think of anything to say.
Over to the Housewives, as Lynette rushes up to the table to join the other three, saying that they have no more than an hour so that it’s time to play cards. Lynette starts to deal as Gabrielle grabs her hand and browses through it, while Mama Solis watches creepily from afar as she crochets. Bree asks Susan how everything is going with Mike, and Susan says that it is finally going, as they have their first official date coming up in the near future, as Mike will be taking Susan to see some kind of play. Lynette suggests the production of Little Red Riding Hood, as Gabrielle asks about how the twins are handling their debut on the stage. Lynette says that they’re fine, and she’s the one who is dealing with all the drama backstage. Bree knows that Lynette has met the parent coordinator Maisy Gibbons, and Lynette describes her as a total nightmare and wishes she wouldn’t have challenged her on the changes made to the play since no one on the play committee will even speak to her now. Susan compares that to Girl Scouts in some crazy metaphor that I won’t even bother transcribing here since it’s just silly filler. A horn honks outside and someone says something intelligible from outside the house, as Gabrielle throws down her hand and leaves the table, as Lynette talks about how she likes the way that men fight: They go face to face and whoever emerges the victor is top dog. Gabrielle isn’t interested in this conversation at all even though she’s talking through it, as she looks out the window and sees John unloading a lawnmower from the back of a truck, which is likely the vehicle that was honking. Gabrielle says that the guacamole has a kick to it and so she must be going to the little girl’s room, and that the other Housewives should go on and play without her, since she’ll be awhile. Mama Solis’ suspicions have been raised, but instead of going off to chase Gabrielle to wherever she’s going, she simply sits and crochets. Lynette doesn’t like to play three-handed poker and suggests that they all take a break, but Mama Solis throws her hat in the ring, saying that she played a little bit of poker with her grandfather, and Susan offers her to pull up a chair. Well, this is rather strange, I figured Mama Solis would be off to hunt Gabrielle down by now. Maybe she doesn’t want to look suspicious around the other Housewives. Mama Solis suggests that they play for money, and offers that it be one dollar a hand. O…kay.
Meanwhile, Gabrielle is looking suspicious as she goes into Lynette’s bathroom, straightens herself up and sneaks out the bathroom window, eventually falling into the brush. She reaches her feet again and scrambles to the fencing, looking at John mowing the lawn from afar, as she climbs a wood pile to get over the fence but the wood pile fails under her weight and she is forced to make a jump for it, leaping over the fence and landing badly on her back on the other side. John notices someone doing all this flailing around and brings the lawnmower to a stop, rushing over to Gabrielle as she struggles to get back to her feet. John asks what Gabrielle is doing, and Gabrielle is wondering why John hasn’t returned any of her phone calls. Well now, if only Carlos would look at the phone records, I’m sure that he would get a good hint as to who the mystery affair man is. Anyway, John says that he’s been busy, and Gabrielle knows who he’s been busy with. John is offended and says that Danielle (Bree’s daughter) is only a friend, but Gabrielle reminds John that before he gets any friendlier, that Gabrielle can do things to John that Danielle can’t even pronounce. Nice. But what good does that do John since Mama Solis is everywhere? John suggests that they not see each other for awhile, but Gabrielle insists that she has everything under control. Gabrielle and John share a kiss, and Gabrielle then tells John to give her a boost back over the fence. Gabrielle then rejoins the kitchen as she asks what she missed. The other Housewives look beat as Mama Solis explains that she’s had a few friendly poker hands with the girls, as she gathers up all of the money that she’s won. Mama Solis is a hustler of poor Housewives. Nice. Susan gives an incredulous look to Gabrielle as she watches Mama Solis gather up all of her winnings.
And now, a word from our sponsors…now, see, the writers are finally returning to their form that made this show great. They’re not only keeping the main plot running, but they’re keeping the subplots interesting. Obviously, the love triangle with Carlos, Gabrielle, John and the wildcard in Mama Solis remains the most interesting of the subplots, since I have to wonder exactly what Mama Solis will do to Gabrielle once she finds out the truth, but the potential of Rex and Bree having intercourse on this show is great, because I will personally mark out when I see Rex crying as he ejaculates. The writers have to give us that much, because we demand it to be so.
…We return to find Maisy sharing the bad news with the rest of the mother committee on Little Red Riding Hood, as she announces that the costume maker has been injured. She wonders if there are any volunteers to help with the rest of the costumes, and Lynette immediately stands and offers her help. Lynette knows how to sew, and Maisy thinks that that’s great, and they all give her a round of applause. Lynette wastes no time in using her new status as a “heavy lifter” to stand at attention and immediately suggest some new changes to the script. Of course. Lynette walks to the front of the group and explains that all of the ladies grew up with Little Red Riding Hood, and they survived it despite all the scary stuff in the story, so to hell with political correctness, let the children experience Little Red Riding Hood like they did so many years ago. Lynette gets a round of applause again for her speech, but Maisy interrupts the applause as Lynette takes her seat by saying that “that ship has already sailed.” However, one of the mothers doesn’t agree, saying that they still have time to change the ending back. The other mothers murmur in agreement as another rises to her feet as saying that it’s only a fairy tale, how could it possibly upset the children? Maisy thinks that that mother is wrong, but Lynette says that the great thing about democracy is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and everyone has a right to vote. So, Lynette puts the ending debate to a vote, as all of the mothers agree that the ending should definitely be changed back to the way it was.
Cut to Susan in Mrs. Greenberg’s hatchback, looking very mysterious in a goofy hat and equally goofy sunglasses as she watches out the window, seeing Paul walking to his car once again. Susan has some trouble with the stick-shift but eventually gets the hang of it as she sets off to follow Paul around town. Paul arrives at the juvenile rehab center, and Susan pulls up as well as she notices where she is.
Meanwhile, Bree is getting some wine poured at a restaurant as she notices out of the corner of her eye that Dr. Goldfine has arrived. Bree takes a drink and then walks over to Dr. Goldfine, noticing that he is dining alone and then offering to pull up a chair so that they can dine together. Dr. Goldfine doesn’t socalize with clients as a general rule, however. Bree has so much to say after the fiasco with the sexual surrogate the other day, but Dr. Goldfine doesn’t seem to be taking the bait, and Bree says that she supposes that it can wait. Bree walks back to her table as Dr. Goldfine waits a moment and then looks up from his reading material, noticing Bree staring at him as Bree quickly looks away back to her menu. Dr. Goldfine finally gives in and offers her a seat at his table with a motion of his hand, and Bree looks very grateful.
Back to the Solis house, as Gabrielle is talking on the phone with someone who lost to Mama Solis in poker, as Carlos listens in, just arriving home from work. Carlos asks what the phone call was about, and Gabrielle explains that it seems Mama Solis is quite the card shark. Carlos can’t believe that Gabrielle allowed Mama Solis to play cards, as Gabrielle wants to know why that’s such a problem. Carlos never told Gabrielle this, but Mama Solis used to have a very serious gambling problem. Uh-oh. I think Gabrielle might have scored a knockout blow here. Carlos says that it was very bad as Mama Solis went into debt and started dipping into her savings and putting up jewelry for betting. Gabrielle says that it was only a friendly neighborhood game, but Carlos says that it doesn’t take much for her to fall back into her old habits. Turns out that gambling is her major weakness. Gabrielle comforts Carlos, as she gives a little mischevious smile behind Carlos’ back, knowing that she has Mama Solis’ Achilles heel.
Going over to the restaurant again, as Bree is still drinking it up with Dr. Goldfine, as Goldfine says that he has to treat this dinner as a session. Goldfine asks whether or not she thinks there is any truth to what Rex said, and Bree says that she doesn’t. Dr. Goldfine says that it is not uncommon for those who are sexually repressed to be like Bree and distance themselves from the act, but Bree is shocked that Dr. Goldfine sees her as a prude who “lays there like a cold fish.” Bree says that she loves sex, everything about it as she begins to go into detail about what she loves about it. This is another big long rant that I won’t transcribe, but the good stuff comes when she explains the only thing that she doesn’t like about sex:
“The scrotum. I mean, obviously it has it’s practical applications, but I’m just not a fan.”
Dr. Goldfine doesn’t quite know what to say, as the waiter asks if the doctor needs anything. The doctor asks for the check, but he hasn’t ordered anything.
And now we’re off to the Torch Lake Casino, as Gabrielle drives up with Mama Solis, saying that this casino has the best buffet in town. Mama Solis is anxious to go inside, but Gabrielle says that there’s going to be a problem if they eat there. However, Mama Solis has an itch for crablegs, lying as she offers Gabrielle to just drop her off here and pick her up later. Oh, how cruel. Gabrielle has no problem with this, as she drives off, calling John and telling him to be at a motel in ten minutes.
And now, a word from our sponsors… you know, business is really going to pick up when Carlos finally finds out exactly what his gardener is up to. That should be a very, very good episode.
Back to the scene of the play, as Lynette has finished up with a boy’s costume and sends him on his way. Maisy drops by the criticize Lynette’s work, and Lynette explains that she is in the middle of a “costume crisis,” meaning that she’ll have to work a little bit faster or the job won’t get done. Maisy does not see that as an excuse, since some other random woman who we’ll never see again works concessions, paints the sets and still finds time to take care of her three kids and husband. Maisy thinks that the other kids shouldn’t have to suffer simply because Lynette doesn’t understand the concept of time management. Lynette doesn’t think that the kids are going to suffer without a little bit more coonskin on their cap, and Maisy says that she’s willing to make a creative call–let’s cut the oak trees. Lynette says that her boys are the oak trees, which Maisy obviously knows, but she suggests that they’ll find something to do backstage, after all, that’s where all the action is. Lynette says that she’ll finish the costumes, and Maisy considers that a crisis averted. Ugh. Good work from the writers here, as I want to cave in this woman’s face with a tire iron.
Meanwhile, back at the Mayer household, Julie reaches in for a glass as she tells Susan she has lost her mind. Susan says that she has done her research and figures that she puts Julie in the juvenile rehab center undercover, as she goes to find Zach. That sounds like a very poor plan. Julie doesn’t know how she’s supposed to blend in, so Susan presents the idea that she try to be builimic and gag a little. Oh man, what great parenting we have here. This is one of those rare times in Hollywood productions that you see a mother ENCOURAGING an eating disorder for their child. Julie thinks that when the smoke clears that they need to have a serious talk about her parenting skills. Julie wants to help her mother, but she doesn’t know why it means so much to her. Susan says that Mary Alice was a wonderful person, and now everyone thinks that she did this selfish thing to herself by committing suicide. Susan thinks there’s more to it than that, however, and she owes it to Mary Alice to find out the truth about what happened.
Gabrielle pulls up the casino as she notices Mama Solis sitting on a bench solemnly. She doesn’t answer when Gabrielle asks what’s going on, so Gabrielle leaves her car and goes up to Mama Solis, as she confesses that she didn’t go to the buffet. Shocker there. She went gambling instead, but Gabrielle doesn’t think that it could’ve been much. Not true, as Mama Solis used Carlos’ credit card to gamble some more. Oh my. This is the end of Mama Solis. Mama Solis says she doesn’t know how much she charged, but at one point it stopped working. That can’t be possible since that card has a $15,000 credit limit, but Mama Solis is silent and Gabrielle knows just how serious the gambling problem is.
Over to Rex’s hotel room as he gets a knock on the door while eating. Turns out that Bree is at the door, wrapping herself in a fur coat as she says that there were no vacancies, wondering if Bree would mind if she bunked with Rex. Get out the tissues, it’s time for Rex to cry! Bree asks if they can discuss why she’s at the motel inside, and Rex invites her inside. Bree says that the temperature is nice and toasty as she removes her fur coat…to reveal a nice red lingerie number. So THAT’S why it was TV-14 DS instead of the standard TV-PG LDSV. Huh. Rex says that Bree looks amazing, but as Bree crawls up onto the bed, Rex doesn’t know what else to say. Bree invites Rex to say nothing at all and they share a kiss, and Rex looks ready to go to town on Bree but Bree notices that a piece of Rex’s sandwich that he threw on the bedside counter is about to drip off onto the hotel floor. Bree begins to freak out–you knew this couldn’t last forever, as Bree tries to take her mind off of it but saves it at the last second, getting some of it on his fingers as Rex realizes that Bree hasn’t changed at all. Bree doesn’t see why Rex is making such a big deal out of it, but Rex opens the door to his hotel room and says that now is not a good time, and as Bree leaves she says that it’s obvious Rex has never had to remove a cheese stain. Rex shuts the door behind her, looking frustrated with her as usual.
And now, a word from our sponsors…well, we almost got to see Rex cry when he ejaculates, but it just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.
The Costume Crisis continues as Lynette scrambles to get all of the costumes ready for the Little Red Riding Hood play. Jordana has finished with her painting and offers to help, as she says that she doesn’t have much time, but she’ll add trim to a few pieces of costume. Lynette wonders how she crams all of her work in, and Jordana asks Lynette to keep a secret as she grabs her purse and brings out ADD medication. It has the opposite effect on those without ADD, speeding them up instead of slowing them down. Lynette can’t believe that she takes her children’s medication, but Jordana asks if she’d like to take a couple. “That’s very kind of you but I just smoked some crack a little while ago so, better not mix.” Jordana has a nice chuckle at it as Lynette stares in amazement at the medicated one.
Gabrielle is working up a plan to deal with Mama Solis’ gambling problem, as Gabrielle offers to sell off some old jewelry and pay off the credit card debt–Carlos will be none the wiser. Mama Solis asks if Gabrielle would do such a thing for her, and Gabrielle asks why she would do such a thing, since, for starters, Gabrielle hates Mama Solis. Gabrielle is in a very cheery mood since she was touched by the power of John’s unit, however, as she says that Mama Solis is overstating it…a little. Gabrielle says that no matter how much she dislikes Mama Solis she loves Carlos more. So, if Carlos was to find out about the money, he’d be devastated, and Gabrielle doesn’t want to see him hurt. Mama Solis seems reluctant to take up the offer, and Gabrielle takes it to the next level, saying that she’s going to call Carlos and let him know the bad news. But Mama Solis finally gives in and says that she believes that Gabrielle will help Mama Solis out, as our dead narrator hails Gabrielle as the one who knows how to bluff the gambler.
Back to the juvenile rehab center, as Susan arrives, holding Julie back for the moment as she talks to the receptionist about an appointment with the doctor. As the receptionist goes to fetch the doctor, Susan beckons Julie over and gives Julie the gagging motion as Julie scoffs and goes out into the recreation area with all of the other messed up kids. The doctor arrives as he tells us what Susan’s cover story is…she’s doing research for a children’s book. Nice.
Going back to Julie now as she has infiltrated the obviously highly secured rehab center, and notices Zach sleeping in a room. Julie walks through the door, as Zach greets her, saying that he has been made sleepy by all the pills they force him to take. Julie came to see how Zach was, and to ask Zach about what he did to make Mary Alice kill herself. Zach says that after his mother’s death, he started to remember things that he did when he was little, including what happened to Dana. Julie hasn’t heard of any Dana, but a nurse interrupts the conversation, asking what Julie is doing. Julie says that she was just visiting a friend, but Zach isn’t allowed to have any visitors. Julie takes her leave, and says that she is very sorry before leaving.
Bree sits at a table painting a mug green with a nail polish brush as Rex arrives in the house, saying that he’s come for some important papers. Bree explains that she’s fixing a chipped mug. Why not buy a new mug? It’s better to fix what you already have. Oh my, here come the metaphors. Rex tries to talk about what happened at the motel, but Bree interrupts him and says that Rex humiliated her for no good reason. Rex apologizes, but Bree says that normal men don’t say no to a woman who is ready and willing to go at it. Rex was upset by Bree acting like Susie Homemaker in the middle of everything, however, and I can’t say that I blame him. Bree doesn’t think that that’s the reason why Rex stopped, however, as she thinks that there is a sexual disconnect in their relationship…but it’s coming from Rex. Rex is understandably startled by this, and calls it ridiculous. Bree questions how many times Rex has wanted to ask something during lovemaking and then stopped. Bree accuses Rex of being unhappy with their sex life because he’s not getting something from Bree but he’s too afraid to ask. Rex says that he couldn’t focus because Bree was always too focused on the housework. Bree offers Rex to take her right now since the house is spotless and there is nothing to draw her attention away. Rex isn’t in the mood, however. Why not? They haven’t had sex for months, most men would be going nuts. Rex doesn’t want to do this, however, and starts to back away as Bree offers to do whatever Rex wishes, and Rex wants Bree to stop talking like that since it’s making her sound like a whore. Bree says that she merely sounds like a woman whose husband won’t touch her. Rex turns away from Bree and goes to lean on the counter, but Bree continues, explaining that after Mary Alice’s suicide, she realized that everyone has their secrets, and it’s time for Rex to tell her his secret. Oh no, this could end badly. After a long pause, it seems like we’re going to get some kind of answer, but none is offered as Rex simply just says that he’s going. He grabs his important papers and heads out the door.
And now, a word from our sponsors…okay, so Rex and Bree just got a little bit more interesting. I’m kinda hoping that they don’t go the low road and decide to do the whole “Rex is gay” thing, because that’s a total copout on the storyline and Rex as a character. At least that’s how I feel.
Fearing that she would not be able to finish the costumes in time, Lynette is just about ready to flip her lid, having stayed up for eighteen hours straight and worrying that her sons would miss their stage debut. Finally, she gives in and takes her sons’ medication, as she then turns into a workaholic, making all the costumes as she keeps working and working and working. Lynette finally takes a break at noon to realize what she’s done, as she looks in the mirror and says “My, what big eyes you have,” before walking off. Poor Lynette.
Gabrielle goes to leave for the store and asks if Mama Solis wants something, but she’s fine. Carlos shares a drink with her mother, as he asks her, once Gabrielle is gone, what the deal is with her. Mama Solis thinks that the more she watches Gabrielle, the more she becomes convinced that Gabrielle truly loves Carlos, no matter what other imperfections Gabrielle might have. Carlos sees that as such a relief, and then says that he thinks that Gabrielle really loves Mama Solis, too. Carlos spills the beans about informing Gabrielle of Mama Solis’ gambling problem, and the plot thickens. Mama Solis has been had. Mama Solis is surprised that she knew, and then ponders what to do next over a drink.
Over to the Mayer house, as Susan can’t find anyone named Dana that Julie and Zach went to school with. Julie makes it clear that Zach didn’t say it was someone he went to school with, and I begin to wonder if Dana was a sibling of the Young family who met her demise at the hands of Zach. That’d be pretty damn morbid. Susan wonders if it was a relative, but Julie says that all she got out of him was “Dana.” Julie is worried about Zach, but he can’t get out of the rehab center since it’s up to his father. Julie wants to visit again, but Susan doesn’t think that’s a good idea has she watches Paul stop his lawnmower and look out over at the Mayer’s house. Susan just has a feeling that it isn’t a good idea. Well, it’s obvious that Paul heard about a visitor coming to see Zach. Probably wasn’t a good idea to do it in the first place. Paul continues with his mowing as Susan looks on, worried.
Bouncing back to the Solis’ house, as the dead narrator says that Mama Solis is more convinced than ever that Gabrielle is having an affair. But with who? Well, the answer is right in front of her eyes, if she realized it, as John is doing some gardening work as Gabrielle pulls up into the drive. Gabrielle moves past John awkwardly as Mama Solis remembers her own advice, that it wasn’t the men that Gabrielle talked to that she had to worry about. Mama Solis seems pleased at finally figuring out that it’s John, as John is none the wiser.
And now we go to the stage, as the play is going through final preparations. Lynette arrives with the costumes as she puts each of them on the rack, and Maisy apologizes that Lynette is not credited with doing the costumes, because there was no time to tell the printer about the change. Maisy has been so busy, after all, with all the script changes being made. Lynette seems fine with this as she walks off, handing a coonskin cap and plastic sword to Maisy as she begins to walk off, but Maisy makes a big mistake of telling a fellow worker to take the coonskin cap, since it looks like roadkill. Bad move. Lynette comes to a stop and turns around, telling Maisy that “that’s it.” Maisy tries to take the high road by remaining civil, but Lynette suggests that they put an end to this whole thing right now, offering Maisy to take it outside. Take what outside? “Your sorry ass, we’re throwing down.” Maisy calls Lynette crazy but Lynette says she’s just being practical, as the other mothers watch on. Lynette even offers to let Maisy take the first shot, as we allude to Lynette talking about men fighting and going face to face as she gets in Maisy’s face. Maisy seems ready to go, but she finally pulls herself back and says that she doesn’t have time for such shenanigans, walking off as Lynette tells her that when they do Bambi in the spring the mother is going to take a slug to the heart and Maisy is going to like it! Maisy walks out the door as Jordana gives Lynette a smile.
The dead narrator goes into her final spiel, as she says that the battle for power begins at a young age, as children are taught that the power of good always prevails over the power of evil, but that isn’t true…because traces of evil always remain. The camera pans over the glass award given to Mary Alice…and then zooms in on the piece of clothing that was used to wrap the bowl…with the name Dana sewed in the fabric. Bingo.
What’s up with Rex? Who knows, but as previously mentioned, I hope it’s just not a whole thing with Rex being gay, because that’s just ridiculous. It’ll be interesting to see this pan out, however.
Dana? The long lost fourth member of the Young family, meeting her demise because of something that Zach did. This has the potential to be something very morbid, which is something this show has really been needing as the darkness of the show has kinda been fading into lighter moods lately.
DH will be pre-empted on November 14th for the American Music Awards, so I’ll be back in two weeks with the next DH recap.