Mike\'s Soapbox: The Gay and the Bold- A Special Team-Up Edition


It’s been a busy week, to say the least, and next week just looks as busy. Finals are rolling in, and months of academic procrastination are finding a way to bite me in the ass. I always seem to pull a decent grade out. I wish I would’ve learned more this semester, but this was a hectic one, what with the hurricanes and such.

I started reading Edge’s book, I’m about sixty pages in and I must say it’s rather good. I’m not the biggest wrestling fan(especially in comparison to some of the staff here, that’s for damn sure), and I lean towards the markish side of things moreso than the smark side. Benoit bores me and watching Yokozuna do a banzai drop still makes me cringe. The names of various Mexican and Japenese wrestlers blur together after awhile and Snitsky entertains the hell out of me.
I’ve read several wrestling books, and this is one of the better ones(so far). Wrestling books have a tendency to follow the same formula, and while Edge’s book falls into it, he’s a talented enough writer to keep it interesting. His parenthetical intrusions(like this), his Foley-esque similes, and his lack of pretension give the book a casual atmosphere I find missing from most of the books in this genre. That’s probably because Edge wrote the book himself, without the aid of a ghostwriter. I look forward to finishing it soon, when time permits me to.

I also bought my first wrestling DVD ever his week, “The Rise and Fall of ECW”. Well actually I only paid half, since my friend who collects WWE figures wanted the exclusive Rob Van Dam figure. So I keep the DVD, he keeps Rob, and we both paid eight bucks Not too shabby. I’ve never seen any ECW matches and don’t know much about the promotion outside of what I’ve read here and there. I’m not sure how a diehard fan would like it, but as someone unitiated to the world of ECW I enjoyed it immensely. I only planned on watching the first hour when I got it on Thursday, but stayed up through the whole documentary, with eager eyes. I’m sure there are rabid fans who will find a million things wrong with it, but who gives a shit, if you like something, you like it.

On to the column, proper-

In the 1960’s Batman and Robin teamed up with Green Hornet and Kato to battle an evil stamp collector. In the 1970’s the Harlem Globetrotters joined forces to thwart the plans of evil rednecks dressed as ghosts. In the 1980’s Nancy Reagan teamed up with Gary Coleman to w . In the 1990’s Steve Urkel parachuted into the Foster’s/Lambert’s home to help Mark compete in a science fair.Now in that grand tradition, I bring you another epic crossover, the likes of which you’ve never seen. Me and Brian “Cable Guy” Macloone discussing a T.V. issue that matters to us, and possibly you guys too.

Mike: Hey Brian
Brian: Hey Mike
Mike: Great column this week
Brian: You too
Mike: So what are you watching now?
Brian: I’m watching some good Paris and Nicole action
Mike: There’s a “good Paris and Nicole anything”?
Brian: Yeah, CNN is playing the tape of their brutal death
Brian: Ah a boy can dream
Brian: What about you?
Mike: I‘m watching “I know What You Did Last Summer”
Mike: “Sadly this is my form of nostalgia”
Mike: It’s on AMC
Mike: They’ll play anything
Brian: Well it has Sarah Michelle Geller in it and you know I have a love for all things Buffyverse but why is a movie starring Freddie Prinze Jr on AMC?
Mike: Last month they had Dutch
Brian: And the other day they had Die Hard 2 on it as well
Mike: No film directed by Renny Harlin can be considered an “American Movie Classic”
Mike: Can they even rightfully call themselves that anymore?
Brian: Well they do play America Movies for the most part but Classics, I dunno
Mike: Am I just being a misinformed liberal again? I’m out of touch with how much the country loves Dutch
Brian: Well since Dutch didn’t exactly win many Academy Awards I’m going to go with hating Dutch
Brian: Although seeing a man get burned by fireworks is pretty funny
Mike: I wouldn’t say winning academy awards automatically makes your film “great” or “classic”
Mike: look at Gladiator, Rocky, and 8 Mile
Brian: Well I’m just a normal American and I only believe its a good film if the Academy gives it an award
Brian: And I swear if you ever mention 8 Mile again I will hurt you
Mike: Remember when they used to only show films from way back when on here
Mike: It wasn’t worthy of AMC if more than half the cast was still alive
Mike: Now they’ll show any piece of crap
Brian: Yeah, it was nice when I was a kid, while everybody else my age was fasinated with Jurassic Park I was watching great movies. Its the reason I’m a film nut today
Brian: Including a crappy reality show
Mike: The first Jurassic Park was good but the second was awful. I can’t believe Speilberg had the audacity to make that velociraptor job to that little black gymnast Goldblum adopted
Mike: Maybe they’re what caused the extinction of dinosaurs
Brian: That just shows you that age hasn’t been kind to Speilbergs mind
Mike: Speaking of Speilberg, they seem to show any Jaws film outside of the original.You know, the one that might actually be considered a classic
Mike: Hey, I just had a great idea
Brian: You’re right, when Jaws: THe Return (the crappy 4th one) is playing on AMC you know the apocalypse is near
Brian: Whats that my idea having friend?
Mike: We could make this into a column. You know how internet columnists are always just cutting and pasting the conversations they have and posting them whenever they run out of ideas
Brian: But what does internet columnists putting crappy conversations in their column have to do with TV?
Brian: Oh wait I got it, the AMC being crap thing, thats why they call you the college kid and me the dropout kid
Mike: You learn a thing or two about cutting and pasting in college
Brian: You and you’r crazy college education
Mike: If we play our cards right, we can expand this into two columns, that way both of us get fill up columns with nothing but witty banter and complaints about decrepit music channels
Mike: Which will of course give us time to work on the major T.V. feature(coughing up a plug)
Brian: Yeah and the masses will love it since the idea of a crossover column is kind of new
Brian: Thats not the major TV feature where I am working on the cable section since I deal with all things cable, is it?
Mike: It’s the one where I’m working on UPN since I’m all things black sitcoms and sci-fi
Brian: Ah that crazy Moesha, what will she do next?
Mike: That show hasn’t been on for years.
Brian: Oh yeah, the only thing I ever watched on UPN was Buffy, I miss that show so much.
Mike: If we could go five minutes without you bitching about Buffy, we might actually get this column done
Mike: Do you ever watch AMC anymore?
Brian: Well you know I get cranky if I don’t get my James Marsters , but I’ll try to hold out by staring at the picture of me and him, arm in arm
Brian: Yeah, not nearly as much as I used to but occassionally they will show a good film, the other day The Great White Hope was on, watched that even though they cencored some of it
Mike: See that’s a big problem. Why do they show films if they’re going to censor them
Mike: I watched “They Live” for the first time last year and iheard Roddy Piper say “I Came to hear to kick butt and chew bubblegum”.It’s not the same!!!
Mike: Butt and ass are entirely different. You know that.
Brian: Because the FCC might complain and since we can’t watch Saving Private Ryan it shows the power they have. Hey didn’t I start off on IP by talking about censorship in your column and Murtz was so immpressed by my talent he hired me immediatlty and gave me a better slot than you?
Brian: Oh yes, I do know the diffrences between ass and butt, but you’ll learn all about that soon (Bwahaha, gay refrences=ratings!)
Mike: It’s not the FCC. Different regulations on cable. You should know that, “Cable Guy
Mike: Know we’re bickering, like Darkwing Duck and Gizmo Duck
Brian: Uh, yeah I was just trying to test you, see if you knew that. Thats all
Mike: Remember that episode where they were trying to stop Steelbeak. That was f*cking awesome
Brian: Dumbass, Darkwing Duck and Gizmo Duck were never on the same show. Only Launchpad was on both Darkwing Duck and Ducktales. God I’m a dork.
Mike: Gizmo Duck appeared on Darkwing several times
Brian: You’re right, damn once again I look like the idiot. But I’m used to that
Mike: He was a member of the Justice Ducks, only the greatest Duck team of superheroes. Well they had Steg-mutt and that fish-chick too.
Mike: Fish-chick. That’s redundant.
Mike: They air commercials now too
Mike: It completely ruins the flow of a film
Brian: I know, I can’t stand commercials either so even when they play a movie I would really like to see I just pop in the tape instead.
Brian: Whats sad is the mass audience is buying it, the ratings are going higher than they have ever been, But hey, reality shows are huge as well so what do the masses know
Mike: There’s got to be an alternative
Mike: A network for the common man
Mike: Who happens to like their films pure
Brian: I wonder if such a network exists?
Mike: We’ll find out Tuesday in your column
Brian: Same Cable Day, Same Cable Site

Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your holiday and be sure to catch part two of this crossover as well as my Simpson’s review later tonight.