Okay, so I had the ending spoiled to this episode by somebody, so I’m not feeling the whole recap thing like I should be, but I’ll try and get you all through it. Anyway, Desperate Housewives is getting the bump once again, this time for The Five People You Meet In Heaven, so this episode should try and deliver. At least in my eyes.
Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Edie is helping Paul Young to help sell the house as fast as they can, but when Edie has to leave in a hurry, she leaves behind paper that is similar to the one The Note was written on. Paul doesn’t understand why Edie would want to destroy his family, and the private investigator lays the deal on the table to either make her hurt, or make her gone. Meanwhile, Lynette continues to be addicted to the A.D.D. medication, almost out of necessity to keep her family moving. John has second thoughts about being a garden boy/slut for Gabrielle because of Mama Solis’ involvement, and John is right to worry as Mama Solis gets a money shot of John and Gabrielle…but unfortunately runs away with the camera…heading into the street as a car slams into her, being driven by none other than Andrew Van De Kamp.
Dead Woman Narrating starts talking about the Bible and how some of its readers don’t feel guilt about the bad things they do, even while they’re reading it…as we see Bree thumbing through the pages of the Bible, likely not long after hiding the truth about Andrew’s accident with Mama Solis. However, Bree is indeed one of those people who feels guilty while reading the Bible, and has spent most of her life feeling guilty. Whether it be not getting straight As in school, letting her boyfriend go to second base, or waiting three weeks to get out her thank you cards after her wedding, nothing could compare to her latest sin.
Danielle asks if they can just not go to the police, but Rex reminds her that it’s not a simple DUI. Not only was Andrew sloshed behind the wheel, but after hitting Mama Solis he left the scene of the crime, making it a hit and run. Andrew comes up with a miserable idea of going to Canada to outlast the statute of limitations, and Danielle shoots that down by suggesting that Rex and Bree wouldn’t foot the bill, not to mention that, as Rex points out, should Mama Solis die, there is no statute of limitations on murder. While they argue about all of this, Bree finally speaks up, saying that they have to get rid of the car. She actually has this planned out. Instead of selling it where there could be DNA evidence on the car, they’ll go to a bad part of town, leaving the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked. If the police don’t find it, they’ll get the insurance money, and if the police do find it, then it wasn’t in their possession, so how could any of the Van De Kamps have hit Mama Solis? Andrew is quick to agree to this plan, but Rex is as serious as cancer and asks Bree if she’s sure, and Bree is sure, because she doesn’t want to see their son spend the rest of his life in jail. Bree knew that she was going to do something wrong, but like most sinners, she would worry about her guilt tomorrow…as she puts the Bible back in the drawer. Bree suggests that everyone go wash up, since they’re having pancakes for breakfast. What a cold, cold woman she is.
You’re watching Desperate Housewives, and this show is getting a hell of a lot of ratings. So many people watch this show. It’s ridiculous.
Back to Wisteria Lane, as for the first time since Mary Alice’s suicide, violence has intruded upon the heavenly living of this suburbia neighborhood in a very strange manner. Fortunately, the other Housewives are there to clean up the mess. Lynette brought the broom, Susan brought the trash bags, and Bree brought the industrial-strength solvent. Bree explains to Lynette that she doesn’t want Carlos and Gabrielle to come home to this ugly reminder of what happened in front of their house. Susan tells Bree that she went with Julie to the hospital, and explains that Mama Solis was in a coma after coming out of the emergency room, and no one knows when, or if, she’ll wake up. Susan is hoping for a speedy recovery, however, so that Mama Solis can tell them who was driving the car that struck her. Bree doesn’t sound too enthusiastic about that, but adds a “We can only hope” to not raise suspicions. After this, a car swerves through the street, and Lynette gets upset, telling the driver to slow down in a residential neighborhood and then pitches her sponge at the car window. Susan is amazed at Lynette’s powerful throw, but Lynette explains that she has four kids, and she was reading statistics online all last night. For example: One out of every four traffic accidents happens on residential streets. Lynette hopes that whoever hit Mama Solis gets put away for life, as Bree suggests whether or not that’s extreme, but Lynette doesn’t think so.
Over to a random hospital, as Carlos is close to Mama Solis’ side, but Gabrielle is a bit more distant, looking at her nails as she suggests that Carlos goes home and gets some rest, perhaps take a look at some of his many messages regarding work. Carlos has to be there if she wakes up, but Gabrielle doesn’t want to see Carlos going on like this. Carlos wonders what would happen if Mama Solis dies, since people slip into comas all the time and never come out. Gabrielle continues to look about as unconcerned about this as possible, suggesting that they think positive. Just then, John arrives with a flower, surprising Gabrielle as John feels sorry about what happened to Mama Solis, and Carlos finds that it was meaningful that he came as he gives John a great big hug. John reluctantly returns the hug, and then Carlos decides to go down to the church and pray for Mama Solis’ good health. Gabrielle decides that she can stay with Mama Solis in the hospital room, and John immediately notices what’s going on here and asks if he can come with Carlos. Gabrielle can’t believe that John is acting as his own cockblocker, but doesn’t get time to think about it much as the nurse arrives and informs Gabrielle that it is time for Mama Solis’ sponge bath. Gabrielle isn’t too hot on the idea of bathing her mother-in-law, however, and passes.
To the Huber household, as Edie arrives home and asks to see Martha’s purse. Martha wants to know why, however, as Edie finds Mrs. Huber’s purse and roots through it, wanting to get the $40 back that Martha apparently stole from Edie. Mrs. Huber is offended that Edie would think such a thing, and that if someone actually did steal her money, then perhaps Edie should question the myriad of strange men that Edie brings through Mrs. Huber’s house at all hours. Edie refuses to apologize for having a healthy sex life, but Martha doesn’t think that Edie’s sex life is too healthly, since Mrs. Huber will have to burn every sheet that Edie touches. Edie wants her money, but Mrs. Huber wants the peach yogurts that disappeared from the fridge. Edie suggests that she deduct the price of the yogurt from the $40 which Edie wants NOW, but Mrs. Huber again questions why she would bother to steal money from Edie. Edie knows that Mrs. Huber is having financial problems, and that it’s no secret even, but hell, I didn’t know. Mrs. Huber has had enough, since she was willing to put up with Edie’s slutiness and her theft of yogurt, but spying is where she draws the line. Mrs. Huber wants Edie gone as soon as she gets back from visiting with her sister. Edie does Martha one better, however, saying that she is ready to leave today. Edie walks off…and Mrs. Huber pulls out the $40 dollars and discreetly returns it back to Edie’s purse.
Over to Lynette, who is hoping that something works since her sleep cycle has been so out of whack. The doctor says that she should be feeling better already, thanks to whatever the doctor is doing. Lynette is bothered by the boys being loud and wants them to sit down and color outside in the waiting room, but the doctor suggests that Lynette not be moving at this time. The doctor tries to create a soothing image for Lynette, but one of Lynette’s twins comes through the door with a very large plant, and Lynette orders him to take it back where it belongs. What the hell was that? Anyway, Lynette just can’t keep calm because the twins are so loud, and the doctor is trying to get her attention so that they can finish this. Lynette decides to just be straight with the doctor, however, and tells her about taking her sons’ medication. Lynette plans on stopping, but it’ll take more than a few needles to calm her down right now. Lynette wants to know what the doctor can give her, but she isn’t licensed to write prescriptions. Lynette is aware of this, however, as the doctor grabs a very powerful herbal remedy, saying that it’ll put her right to sleep.
Over to Creepy Plumber’s house, as Susan arrives. Mike had gone over to the Mayer house earlier and had run into Julie, and Susan got the message and likely zoomed right over as soon as she got the chance. Mike wants to go to a vineyard for a wine tasting, and Susan wants to know what time she needs to be ready. Mike suggests 6:00, and Susan thinks that’s great. There is also the possibility of dinner and some dancing after this wine tasting extravaganza. Susan reminds Mike that it’s a two-hour drive to get up to the vineyard, and that’ll be awfully late to be staying out once they arrive home. Mike reveals that he was planning on getting a hotel room as a last resort, should the situation present itself. Susan thinks they should be prepared…and Mike is already there as he goes to get a printout of some hotels online. Susan sees Bongo and asks if he wants a treat, and then asks Mike where the dog biscuits are. The creepy plumber is deaf out of his mind and can’t hear Susan, but Susan is fine, she’ll just find the treats herself. Well, this is asking for trouble. Sure enough, she finds the mysterious cabinet with the stack of money and the gun, but she doesn’t get time to investigate it as Mike arrives back downstairs. Susan tries not to act suspicious as Mike gets a phone call, saying that it’s his tile guy. This sounds suspicious, but it really is his tile guy. Mike has his schedule full and there’s no time for him to visit. Susan suggests that she be allowed to let him in, however, all she needs is Mike’s key. Mr. Delfino thinks that’s a smashingly good idea, and let’s the tile guy know what the deal is. Well, now that Susan has access to roam about Mike’s house all that she wants…shenanigans!
And now, a word from our sponsors…lots of stuff going on in this episode, and I can already tell that Lynette’s storyline is going to be the least interesting of them all. All I’m asking is that Lynette remains somewhat quotable here.
Back in the Bad Part of Town, as Mary Alice actually reveals the name of the city where Wisteria Lane is located: Fairview. She explains that just like very other city, Fairview had a neighborhood that was less than desirable, but the desirable time to do despicable deeds in these neighborhoods was in the middle of the night. Seriously, if it’s so bad, what’s the problem with Bree leaving the car there in broad daylight? I guess you could worry about undercover cops or something, but that’s just being silly and adding too many layers to this story. It would be funny if that neighborhood watch cop who wanted to get in Susan’s pants turned out to be the one who arrested Andrew, however. Anyway, anyone in that area after midnight was probably up to no good, and Rex and Bree Van De Kamp were no different from the drug peddlers and the whores. Especially Bree. Whattawhore. Rex opens the top to Andrew’s car, and then leaves it unlocked and with the keys inside, as Rex and Bree move onto another car. Rex wonders if this is really going to work, and how Bree can be so sure that someone in this neighborhood will steal the car. It’s simple: Bree has faith in the poor. Is that a quote from the Bible?
Cut to Paul watching a videotape of Mary Alice’s birthday, as Paul wants to know how Mr. Shaw is planning on taking out Edie. He explains that he met her at a bar posing as a real estate developer. Paul wonders if Edie will suffer, but Mr. Shaw denies that, saying that Edie Britt will simply disappear and Paul Young will be left to go on with his life. Before Mr. Shaw does this, however, Paul wants him to ask Edie why she wrote the letter to Paul’s wife. Mr. Shaw doesn’t want Paul to give into his curiousity like that, since curiousity leads to guilt, and guilt leads to talking. Mr. Shaw moves on, saying that there are no refunds and no buyer’s remorse, once he gets paid and the deed is done, that’s it. Paul understands, but Mr. Shaw asks one more time if Paul wants this. Paul knows that Edie Britt killed Mary Alice, so yes, he wants this.
In The Bad Part of Town, the Van De Kamps are actually staking out the location, waiting for someone to steal the car as they watch from a distance. Of course, the irony will be that their car will get stolen and not Andrew’s. Bree is amazed at how fast their kids have grown up, and Bree remembers the good ol’ days. Bree thinks that they could’ve been better parents, and with what time they have left, they have so much to teach their kids. For example, letting Andrew know the severity of what he’s done. Rex supposes that they could punish him, but what’s the proper punishment levied down from parents for a son who drives over a woman? She’ll always love the kids, but she’ll never forgive them for growing up so fast.
Over to Susan as she is explaining to Julie what she found at Mike’s house. Julie isn’t very impressed that Susan is freaking out over finding stacks of money in the Creepy Plumber’s cabinets, but Susan is worried that Mike could be a hitman for the mob or something. Susan apparently missed the gun as well, even though it was right there under the stacks of cash. Not quite sure how that one slipped past her. Anyway, Julie wonders why Susan is bothering to go on a trip with Mike if she has all these suspicions about him, and Susan says that she just doesn’t get out of the house that often. Julie points out that if there’s anything to freak out about, it’s that she’ll be with Mike in a hotel room. No man has seen Susan naked in years…except for Susan’s doctor. Susan’s doctor retired too, but she tries not to take that personally. And apparently we’ve forgotten about that whole fiasco with Susan locking herself out of her house, naked as a jaybird in broad daylight and being discovered by Mike? That’s not a huge plot hole, but Mike might have seen some other kind of hole that time around. Susan finds going to a hotel with a man a big deal, and then asks what to do if Mike really is hiding something from her. But when asked what Mike could possibly be hiding, Susan doesn’t know. A honking horn interrupts this conversation, and Julie notices that it’s Mr. Mayer. Julie wants the weekend to go well for Susan, so she advises her not to freak out. After all, she doesn’t want Susan living with Julie once she gets a husband of her own.
Meanwhile, the Van De Kamps and the Solises gather for a chat over tea. Rex asks if the police have any leads. Unfortunately, they’ll only be able to get the make and model of the car, but without any eyewitnesses one can only be optimistic about the situation. Bree asks about Mama Solis herself, but there’s no change and all you can do is hope for the best. Danielle informs Gabrielle that Mama Solis is on their prayer list at church, and Gabrielle thanks them for that. Carlos is somber, however, as he notes how much it must help to have kids at a time like this. He tells Andrew and Danielle that they are the future. Yes, and after they’re all dead they’ll be the only ones left to carry on. Carlos announces that they’re about to start a family, and this is obviously news to Gabrielle, who perks up in horror at the mention of the word “family”. You know, since she’s such a raging slutaholic and all. Rex finds this to be great news, but Gabrielle notes that this is a fairly recent development and tells Carlos that they’ll speak about the family situation later. However, Carlos wonders how their lives can mean anything if all they do is buy stuff–he wants a child. Gabrielle said that when they got married, they made a deal, and that deal was to have no kids. Carlos says that deals are meant to be negotiated, but Gabrielle doesn’t want her uterus to be negotiated. The Van De Kamps decide to take off at this point, and once they’re outside, Bree mentions that Carlos must have been talking about children because of his grief. Andrew doesn’t seem to care much about that, since he appears to be off the hook. Bree looks worried at Andrew’s joyful mood…
…as we go back to Lynette. She takes a drink of the herbal tea that is supposed to put her in a deep sleep, but just as she’s about to get some rest, there’s someone at the door, and it turns out to be a whole troop of boy scouts who apparently are having their meeting today in Lynette’s house. Bad timing. With the scouts all gathered around, Lynette is tired as she tries to make a bowline, but she’s unsuccessful, much like the other scouts. Lynette doesn’t see how this is meaningful, and then decides that it’s time for a break. This break is to down some more ADD pills, however, as she makes sure to take plenty to counter the tea.
Over to the creepy plumber’s house as the tile guy finishes his business and goes on his way. With that, Susan looks through the mysterious cabinet again, and finds the gun…even though it’s behind two canned goods this time? Susan looks through the money and what not…but the tile guy forgot to give her a receipt and knocks on the door to give it to her as she gathers the money, stuffing it down her shirt and carrying the gun with it as she goes upstairs to put it in the sink, just in case the guy decides to come in. But in the bathroom, she sees the tile man drive away and Susan is relieved as she turns and jumps off the windowsill…falling right through the floor as she is stuck between the second and first floor. This is bad. Very bad.
And now, a word from our sponsors…well, go figure about the bum floor in the bathroom. Lynette is still pretty dull, but I have a feeling that things will really turn to the worse as things go on. The new twist about Carlos wanting kids is interesting, especially considering that Gabrielle is such a slut. I wonder if she’ll end up accidentally getting impregnated by John and Carlos will be so proud of himself.
Back at Mike’s house, as Susan is still very much stuck in the floor. Here comes Bongo, and Susan tries to get Bongo to grab the other end of a towel to pull her out, but Bongo is too interested in getting himself a drink of toilet water.
While that was going on, Gabrielle tries to confront her partner in infidelity’s conscience head-on. Gabrielle knocks on the door to a house where John is working at, and John points out that there’s no one home. Gabrielle knows this, however, she’s just using it as a cover so that she can talk to him while he’s working. What a clever, clever girl. Gabrielle asks John why he bothered to come to the hospital, but John was concerned about Mama Solis. Gabrielle suggests that John keep a low profile, but John says once again that they’re finished and he’s sticking with Danielle. John hates himself for what they did, and even though they weren’t driving the car or responsible for chasing Mama Solis into the street, Mama Solis wouldn’t have even been there if they weren’t having an affair. Gabrielle insists that John isn’t doing anything wrong, but Father Crowley thinks differently. That’s right, John went to confession. And he told EVERYTHING. Yes, even the fling in the alley behind the truck stop. Gabrielle is very upset, and walks off.
Hey, Susan is still stuck in the floor, and Susan criticizes Bongo by saying that Lassie would’ve had a fire truck there by now. Susan calls him a stupid dog and Bongo runs off immediately. Susan is proud of Bongo for going to get help, but Bongo brings back…something? A dead animal? I don’t know, but Susan doesn’t seem to like it being dropped so close to her face.
Bree and Andrew talk in the kitchen, as Bree wants to arrange for Andrew to talk to a shrink. Bree doesn’t think that Andrew’s crazy, just that what he did stirred up a lot of emotions, and that it’s normal for him to be feeling confused, depressed or ashamed. However, Andrew’s just cool, daddio. Even if he put a woman into a coma. Bree doesn’t want to let Andrew go off somewhere else, however, since she’s not convinced that her son isn’t a monster. Andrew admits that he feels bad for what he did, but he also feels bad that his car got dinged because someone forgot to look both ways before crossing the street. Not only that, but Andrew has to ride his bike to school now. That’s just plain mean. Andrew tries to walk off again, but Bree reminds him that he almost killed a woman. Andrew claims that Mama Solis was old and that she had lived her life, and there’s no reason why Andrew’s life should be screwed because of that. Bree is more worried about Andrew’s lack of a soul, and wants to know one good reason why to not call the police. “Because I’m not your son. That would make you the monster.” Oh come on, Andrew, at least Bree would keep the jail cell clean.
Over to the Creepy Plumber’s house, as the man himself is back. Mike notices Susan’s legs dangling down from the second floor as Mike laughs the whole situation off and goes to rush upstairs to help her. Mike arrives in the bathroom and asks what happened, and Susan lies, explaining that a bird flew in the window and Susan tried to save it, but it died. Mike knows that she’s lying, and Susan immediately admits to it. Mike helps her out of the hole, and then notices his money in the sink. Susan says that she can explain that, but Mike already has a good idea and tells Susan to get out.
And now, a word from our sponsors…this is what I like to see. Mike needs to be as intense as a mothertrucker.
Mr. Shaw is in the middle of nowhere, as we get a look inside of his trunk with a shovel and then puts a gun in the back of his pants. So no, he isn’t happy to see Edie as she drives up, but he pretends to be. Edie admires the view, and Mr. Shaw goes into Lie Mode, pretending to be that real estate developer as he explains that the plan is to build a condo on this land. The Sluttiest Housewife would like to suggest a strip mall, however, and says that she’s run some numbers. She shows the results to Mr. Shaw on the famous purple paper, and Mr. Shaw compliments her on her choice of stationary. Edie explains that it’s stolen, however, as she took it from Mrs. Huber’s house following their falling out together. So indeed, that is Mrs. Huber’s paper, not Edie’s.
Over to the Scavo household, as the kids are raising hell and Tom can’t make it home when he said he would. Anyway, she gets off the phone and then can’t believe how much hell the boys are making, as the noise just increases and Lynette finally snaps, yelling at the boys and wondering why they are just being so rambuctious. Then she grabs a fruit dish and THROWS IT ON THE FLOOR! And then she takes a peanut butter jar and chucks it at the kitchen window behind her as the boys stare in awe. Suddenly, a bright image of Mary Alice appears in the window and Lynette is mesmerized, right as Mary Alice reaches out to Lynette with Mary Alice’s revolver. And Lynette takes it…and puts it to her head…pulling the trigger as the gunshot hits and everything goes white…
…right as Lynette wakes up.
Susan is back at the Creepy Plumber household to apologize for rooting through Mike’s drawers, and Mike doesn’t forgive Susan but just says not to worry about it and is ready to shut the door in her face but Susan wants to know if this means that the deal’s off. Since Susan snooped around in his stuff, then yes, that’s pretty much a deal breaker. Susan tries to defend herself and then asks if he’s a drug dealer. Mike scoffs at that but Susan doesn’t know because Mike won’t let her into that part of his life, as if there’s a wall there keeping her out. Well, why doesn’t she just crash through that wall like she did the bathroom floor? Mike lies by saying that the gun is for protection and the cash is for emergencies. Susan should know that Mike is a good guy and he should thus not be obligated to tell her every little detail. However, in her opinion, the gun and the money was a creepy, mysterious detail. Notice the use of the word creepy, which is not paraphrasing Susan’s statement. Mike doesn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t trust him, so Susan suggests that they possibly should not be dating, and Mike agrees. Susan tells Mike that if he really means that, he’s throwing away something great to keep that little secret a secret.
Susan walks off and sees Lynette at her house, as Lynette tells her that she has to take care of Lynette’s kids for a while. Susan doesn’t want to deal with that, however, but Lynette can’t handle the pressure anymore and hands off the kids to Susan. Lynette gets in her car and drives away, looking very rattled–understandable since she just had a vision of being handed a revolver by Mary Alice–while Susan looks on, confused.
And now, a word from our sponsors…well, things just got interesting there with Lynette. That was one of the creepier scenes in the show, no doubt, and something that should keep it for being considered for even a nomination as Best Comedy in the Golden Globes or the Emmys.
Lynette looks at her bottle of pills as she’s sitting in the middle of a soccer field. Susan and Bree are tracking her down, meanwhile, as Lynette’s kids are being cared for by Danielle. Susan doesn’t know what’s going on with Lynette, but she knows that something is very, very wrong. Susan and Bree go up to Lynette, as Lynette is distant when they ask her if something is wrong.
Over to the hospital room, as Father Crowley arrives and has a seat with Gabrielle. Gabrielle has always wanted to know whether or not it was a guideline or just a rule of whether or not the secrets in confession are kept secret. The Father asks if Gabrielle would like to confess something, but Gabrielle denies such an offer. The Father thinks that’s a shame, and then gives Gabrielle a dirty stare. Gabrielle wants him to stop condeming her with his eyes, and then tells the priest that she knows that he knows about the affair, but what he doesn’t know is anything about what Gabrielle’s life is like. In fact, it isn’t an issue since Gabrielle and John are finished. The Father suggests that Gabrielle repent for her sins, however, or go to hell. Gabrielle can’t just simply confess, but be truly sorry if she wants God’s forgiveness and promise not to repeat the sin. Gabrielle wants to know what will happen if Gabrielle should repent later, like…when she’s 75. Whattaslut. The Father wonders if Gabrielle would not die before this time, but Gabrielle thinks that she won’t die by that time, since she does yoga, eats well, and sleeps with other men behind her husband’s back. That’s perfectly healthy for a woman her age. If she waits, does her repenting still count? Yes, but only if she means it. Gabrielle thanks Father Crowley for comforting her and then goes to take her leave, but Father asks one more time if she doesn’t want to do the right thing. Gabrielle only wants to be happy, but the Father points out that this is the answer of a selfish child. Gabrielle is aware of this and then takes off.
At the soccer field, Lynette talks about taking the ADD medication and thus messing up her sleep cycle. Lynette doesn’t think that she’s a great mother, but Bree and Susan comfort her and give her examples of how their lives have been troubled by their children before. Lynette eventually breaks down in sobs, as she wonders why she didn’t hear this sooner, since it helps for everyone to tell each other this stuff. Susan and Bree comfort her through her sobbing.
Back with Paul Young as he can’t believe that Mr. Shaw almost killed an innocent woman since it was Mrs. Huber all along. Mr. Shaw says that he won’t do refunds, but he’ll be willing to pay Mr. Shaw a visit. But Paul says that he doesn’t want that, as he’s been keeping awake at night thinknig about it. It’s not what Mary Alice would want. Mary Alice would want answers.
So Mrs. Huber is grabbing her groceries…and Paul is there to help. Mrs. Huber doesn’t find Paul’s help necessary…but he insists.
And now, a word from our sponsors…oh yeah. This is getting good. Real good. Home stretch time, too. Mrs. Huber is so dead.
Susan is all crunk on the wine, as she looks across the street to Mike’s house, as the camera view than switches to that of Mike looking over at Susan. Mike then turns and takes a seat on the couch, looking at a picture of Susan among his things.
An ant is crawling on Paul’s hand as he asks about the bug problem. Mrs. Huber wants to take care of it before she leaves on her trip to meet her sister. Paul never had a problem with ants once, only little black flies. Mary Alice seemed so determined to get rid of that problem that she bought a poison bottle to spray down the bugs, but when she had one right in her sights, she couldn’t do it because it felt too personal. Well, I can see where this is going. “She truly couldn’t kill a fly.” Mrs. Huber points out that she must have had a good number of flies, in that case, and then tries to get Paul out of her house, but Paul takes out the letter and shows it to Martha. Mrs. Huber asks what he’s doing here, finally, and Paul says that he wants to know why.
Speaking of knowing why, Susan hears a knock at the door. It’s Mike, and he admits that he knows that Susan is full of questions and that Mike knows that he doesn’t want to lose Susan, so he invites her to ask any questions she wants. Susan was just told everything she needed to know, however, and they begin to make out passionately, yadda yadda.
Back with Paul and Mrs. Huber, as Mrs. Huber explains that her “idiot husband” died, leaving behind a fairly small pension. She was desperate for money, and it was better to take it from a bad person than a good one. How was she supposed to know that Mary Alice would shoot herself? Mrs. Huber denies that she was a good person, since no good person would leave their child motherless. After all, in the Bible, suicide’s a big no-no, and hey, we’ve worked our plot in a circle as we started and ended with Bible references. Paul wants to know if Mrs. Huber has any remorse at all, and Martha doesn’t think she should have any, since Mary Alice didn’t kill herself because Mrs. Huber wrote her a note. She killed herself because of what she did to that poor baby. Dana. Womp womp. Mrs. Huber is praying for Mary Alice, and she needs all of their prayers. Mrs. Huber goes to grab something from the fridge, but Paul grabs Mary Alice’s blender that turned into Mrs. Huber’s blender after her death, and strikes Mrs. Huber with it, proceeding to choke the life out of her…
…as Mike and Susan continue to make love. Mrs. Huber’s arms are crossed at her chest by Paul to make it look like something other than a brutal murder…
…and Mary Alice narrates us to the finish by beginning with the same line that she started the episode with. There are people there to assume more than their share of the blame, like Bree regarding Andrew’s hit-and-run and Andrew’s basic indifference to it all, there are some who ease their consciences with small acts of kindness, like Gabrielle helping to give Mama Solis a sponge bath. Or by telling themselves their sins were justified, like Paul as he washes the blood off the floor of Mrs. Huber’s house. And then there are those who vow to do better next time and pray for forgiveness, like Lynette with her children…this time, Lynette pictures a more beautiful scene with her kids happily playing soccer as Mary Alice appears again, smiling at Lynette.
End show-whoa-whoa-whoa!
All I can say is that I’m somewhat sad in a way that Lynette didn’t go off the deep end. I’m not satisfied that Susan hasn’t gotten any answers from Mike regarding the gun, she’s just believing his bullshit. Mrs. Huber’s end was graceful, beat with the blender she stole from Mary Alice and choked to death, and I hope that we don’t see the end of Mr. Shaw. Because I want someone else with a grudge on Edie to take her out this time. I don’t know who. Anybody with a grudge on Edie. Even a tiny one. Please? I’m tired of seeing her.
