Oh, these goddamn pills…Tuesday, I was home from work, all ready to do some kind of column for Wednesday, when I decided to take a little nap at about 4:30 in the afternoon. Just a short little nap to refresh myself, and I’d be ready to go. Next thing I know, my alarm goes off at 4:30 in the morning. I could have still made up the time on Wednesday, but I had to spend an hour and a half at f*cking Wally World not only waiting in line to check out, but waiting for a prescription. So that column went out the f*cking window. There’s your weekly excuse.
What excuses will Smackdown have for being low-quality this week, I wonder? They are heading into a PPV and all, so they shouldn’t have any. However, it will suck, and I will be here to cover all of the crap for you. Let’s do it…
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Sho Funaki over (in order of elimination) Nunzio, Paul London, Akio, Shannon Moore, Billy Kidman, and Chavito, Cruiserweight Number One Contender’s Battle Royal: I was pissed off about the IC contest being turned into a comedy match on Raw this week. Now the same thing’s going to happen at Armageddon with the CW strap. Well, if they want someone for Spike to beat up to solidify his credentials, they couldn’t have come up with a better choice. Funaki’s been everyone’s bitch for so long that it’ll be a normal day at the office for him.
Evil Spike observing the action backstage
Evil Billy eliminates his former friend and tag partner Paul London
YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!
Funaki gets the double elimination on Chavito and Kidman
Jesus over Charlie Haas, Street Fight (Ref’s decision): Too short to make any judgments about, and too short to give any indication of what might happen at Armageddon with Cena in said stipulation. But I still got a screen cap of it.
The steel chain coup de grace
Rob Van Dam and Rey-Rey over Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree, Armageddon Preview Tag Title Match (Mysterio pins Dupree, rollup, New Tag Champions): There’s a good reason I liked this match a lot: Van Dam’s spots were kept to a minimum and the action flowed perfectly. Great example of transition wrestling. The bad thing is that it telegraphs the match at Armageddon. Dupree and Suzuki have to get the job back.
Kenzo doing the hip rotation in front of Rey-Rey. That’s just plain wrong.
Kenzo pummeling Van Dam in the corner. That’s just plain right.
The Big Show over Mark Jindrak, Kurt Angle Invitational Match (?) (DQ, Angle-ference): Well, I called it. I knew that a WWE superstar would show up as the “hometown hero” eventually to end off this particular approach. I just didn’t expect TBS. This was an angle advancement match, so I don’t give a rat’s ass about it.
TBS confronts Team Angle
The Undertaker, Eddy Guerrero, and Booker T over High-Quality Speaker Boy and His Bitches, Four-On-Three Handicap Match (Pinfall, UT pins Jordan, tombstone piledriver): The ultimate in angle advancement matches, which means the ultimate in apathy from me. There were positives to it, namely a maximum of Eddy and a minimum of UT. Badly booked, badly executed, but the guys were pros out there anyway, so credit to them.
Eddy puts the boots to Danny Basham
Amy Weber’s better to look at than this match
So let’s look at her again
So What Kind Of Surprise Is This?: A Mexican steals the tires off a car. A redneck has his car up on blocks. This is perfectly normal behavior. At least we got a good Eddy promo out of it.
High-Quality Speaker Boy’s limo on blocks
For You Deves: Here’s Hiroko in her bra and panties:
And that’ll be it for this one. I’ll be participating in the Armageddon Round Table this weekend, and then I’ll be back on Tuesday for more fun and games. Let’s just hope I can stay awake.