Welcome to The Saturday Swindle Sheet. This week’s column is brought to you by the Oral-B ProfessionalCare 800 Series. It’s supposedly a really awesome toothbrush, so go try it.
This weekend’s column was so late that I almost didn’t make it before Sunday ended. With luck, it gets posted before Gordi and does not ruin the fantastic resonance that we have going on here. Luckily, I will be done with the latest edition of Dispute Resolution Magazine by Wednesday and can stop getting these things finished at the very last minute.
It was so windy today that while I was pumping gas my bottle of Tropicana Twister wild strawberry lemonade flew off the roof of my car and into the street. Son of a bitch.
THE OFFICIAL SATURDAY SWINDLE SHEET NEW WAVE MIXTAPE
(Part 14 of 16)
The Psychedelic Furs, “Love My Way”
(THE ABRIDGED, YET CENTERED VERSION)
Short and sweet…
Mathan
D’Estroyer
Gloom Gloom
Michael Chadwick Here
Michael Chadwick There
MURDER BY DEATH
They’re still around…?
That_Bootleg_Guy DID make an appearance this week!
NEWS TO USE
James “The Godfather of Soul” Brown revealed to reporters on Friday morning that he is suffering from prostate cancer, and is scheduled to undergo treatment on December 15th. The 71-year-old singer told reporters, “I have overcome a lot of things in my life. I will overcome this as well.” All joking aside, The Saturday Swindle Sheet wishes James Brown all the best in his recovery, even if he is a wife-beater.
The heavy metal world is reeling after the murder of “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott, 38, lead guitarist of Damageplan and former lead guitarist of Pantera. Damageplan had just begun their set at the Alrosa Villa in Columbus, Ohio, this past Wednesday night, when 25-year-old Nathan Gale jumped onstage, shouted something about Pantera, grabbed Abbott, and shot him several times. He then started shooting into the crowd, killing Erin Halk (a club employee), Nathan Bray (a fan), and Jeff Thompson (a bodyguard for the band), and injured three other people, including a security guard who had tried to wrest the gun away from him. The killing spree was finally ended when James Niggemeyer, a police officer responding to several 911 calls, arrived at the scene and shot Gale dead as he was holding a hostage, whom “it appeared that he was about to kill”. According to a few sources, that hostage was drummer and Dimebag Darrell’s brother Vinnie Paul, although this has been found to be false. A former friend of Gale told reporters that the man was “off his rocker,” and that he seemed to be unhealthily obsessed with Pantera. According to Jeramie Brey, Gale had claimed that Pantera had stolen songs that he had written, and that he was going to sue them for plagiarism, as well as for stealing his identity. Lucas Bender said that Gale was a regular at the tattoo parlor where he worked, but not to get work done; he would often show up unwanted and stare at people as they were getting tattoos, forcing them into “the most pointless conversations,” often about heavy metal music. Slipknot’s Corey Taylor just about nailed it on the head… “If somebody can jump onstage with a gun and shoot one of the most influential guitarists of my generation, what’s next? If this is allowed to happen, what the hell? What does that say? Just that somebody would think this was a good idea in his own insane world, what does that say about where we’re at right now? It’s definitely given me pause. I’m an entertainer as well as a musician, so I have to look at this and think not only has one of my really good friends died, but what if that had been me?” I’m not a big fan of Pantera, but I must admit that this story really got me worked up. It could have been anybody playing at any small venue that got shot, from Tricky to The Reverend Horton Heat to Slug to my sister. It’s because of bullshit like this that the next time you go to see your favorite band that you’ll have to stand in line for an extra hour and a half to get patted down. Thank the nutjobs, for they have truly ruined it for the rest of us.
[click here for D’Estroyer’s Dimebag Tribute]
Jay-Z, Dame Dash, and Kareem “Biggs” Burke sold their last shares of Rock-A-Fella Records to Def Jam this past week, for $10 million. In a related story, Jay-Z has been officially named president of Def Jam Records, a move that the two sides had been discussing for several weeks prior. As a result, Jay-Z will continue to control Roc-A-Fella Records, while having received money for selling it. Say what you will about his music, but the man’s a f*cking genius.
In fact, Jay-Z has so much money that he was able to get the late John Candy cloned.
The clone will be featured in Memphis Bleek's upcoming video.
The members of Mötley Crüe announced Monday that they have reunited and plan on touring early next year. They will also make an appearance on the Spike TV Video Games Awards Whatever It’s Called Thing, and will be releasing a new greatest hits package with previously unreleased songs. The songs will have nothing to do with cowboy hats, Pink, or Tommy Lee’s cock. You heard it HERE FIRST. Take THAT, Dana Suzanne!
Elliot: Dana Suzanne, we have a source that claims that you and Widro are more than “just friends.”
Dana Suzanne: Actually, I am nothing more than Ashish with a blonde wig! That’s right, I have infiltrated InsidePulse and will bring it down from the INSIDE! Get it? INSIDE?
Elliot: The Polyphonic Spree is the best band ever.
Dana Suzanne: I only do METAL NEWS. Tom D’Errico fears me.
Elliot: Tell me about your feelings concerning Jeff Fernandez’s fixation with you earlier this year.
Dana Suzanne: Jeff Fernandez is a total studmuffin, but I just wasn’t feeling a connection between the two of us.
Elliot: But you didn’t even give him a chance.
Dana Suzanne: But I am nothing more than Ashish with a blonde wig…
Elliot: Okay, this interview is bombing really fast. Um… John Nolan is better than David Lee Roth.
Dana Suzanne: What?
Elliot: You heard me.
[NB: The Saturday Swindle Sheet wishes a Happy Hanukkah to Elliot Smilowitz, Widro, Eric Katz, Ari Berenstein, and all the rest of our Jewish friends.]
Quick Bits: The 47th Annual Grammy Awards ceremony will take place on Thursday, February 13th, 2005, and will be broadcast on CBS from 8:00-11:30pm EST. Santa Barbara Police seized porno mags from Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch, which contained both his and his accuser’s fingerprints. Alicia Keys will co-host Live with Regis and Kelly, filling in for Kelly Ripa, for the December 22nd episode. Usher won 11 Billboard Awards. Kanye West received 10 Grammy nominations. Speaking of which…
Here’s a quick breakdown of all of the Grammy categories that matter, and my personal picks. I could cover all of them, but I swore off of 30-pagers earlier in the year.
Record of the Year
“Let’s Get It Started,” The Black Eyed Peas
“Here We Go Again,” Ray Charles and Norah Jones
“American Idiot,” Green Day
“Heaven,” Los Lonely Boys
“Yeah!” Usher featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris
Pleh… I would say Ray Charles has an edge because of the posthumous tribute thing, but I think that Usher will win because Usher seems to win everything this year. This means that Lil Jon wins a Grammy and my faith in music disappears completely.
Album of the year
Genius Loves Company, Ray Charles and Various Artists
American Idiot, Green Day
The Diary of Alicia Keys, Alicia Keys
Confessions, Usher
The College Dropout, Kanye West
What’s with Green Day being nominated in multiple categories, let alone the two biggest ones? I haven’t heard the album, and even if it wins in every category I still will not be remotely interested enough to want to give it a listen. In fact, the only one here that I have heard is the Kanye West album, and that’s because it’s the only one I own. While I like it, I don’t think it’s as awesomely extraordinarily fantastic as everyone says it is. I might consider Alicia Keys for this one, but I think Kanye or Usher will get it. Hopefully, Kanye, because he doesn’t have any Lil Jon on his album.
Song of the year
“Daughters,” John Mayer (John Mayer)
“If I Ain’t Got You,” Alicia Keys (Alicia Keys)
“Jesus Walks,” C. Smith and Kanye West (Kanye West)
“Live Like You Were Dying,” Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman (Tim McGraw)
“The Reason,” Daniel Estrin and Douglas Robb (Hoobastank)
At least “Yeah!” wasn’t nominated. I have no idea, so I’ll go with Kanye West, who will be my Default Pick. I am really out of the loop this year. Maybe I should watch more MTV. Maybe I should also buy a bouquet of poinsettias and feed them to my neighbor’s dog.
New artist
Los Lonely Boys
Maroon 5
Joss Stone
Kanye West
Gretchen Wilson
These are never all new artists. Maroon 5 has already released a CD and so have Joss Stone. My Default Pick gets ruled out as I go with my dad’s rantings and ravings and pick Los Lonely Boys.
Female Pop Vocal Performance
“Oceania,” Bjork
“The First Cut Is the Deepest,” Sheryl Crow
“Sunrise,” Norah Jones
“What You Waiting For?” Gwen Stefani
“You Had Me,” Joss Stone
Sheryl Crow and Norah Jones will be forced to fight to the death over this one, as we are unexpectedly treated to a cage match, suspended from the rafters of whatever theatre this things is taped at. Norah Jones will finish off Sheryl Crow as she slices her in two with a scimitar that her father tosses her through the bottom of the cage. Blood will fly all over Janet Jackson’s dress, causing it to malfunction and be torn off by Josh Groban. CBS will be shut down the next day. People will speculate whether Dan Rather knew in advance about this whole situation, and if that’s the real reason why he retired.
Male Pop Vocal Performance
“Let’s Misbehave,” Elvis Costello
“You Raise Me Up,” Josh Groban
“Daughters,” John Mayer
“Cinnamon Girl,” Prince
“Love’s Divine,” Seal
Josh Groban will be disqualified because of his participation in the previous event. This leaves Elvis Costello to be upset by John Mayer, who my mom is in love with. John Mayer will win the Grammy and my mom will divorce my dad and fly to wherever John Mayer lives to stand outside his house until he agrees to marry her. He will eventually clone himself and force the clone to marry my mom, so my stepfather will be a John Mayer clone. This whole thing could have been prevented had Josh Groban not torn Janet Jackson’s dress off, because he would have definitely won because everyone loves sappy operatic ballads [viz. Celine Dion, “My Heart Will Go On”].
Pop Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal
“My Immortal,” Evanescence
“The Reason,” Hoobastank
“Heaven,” Los Lonely Boys
“She Will Be Loved,” Maroon 5
“It’s My Life,” No Doubt
Didn’t that Evanescence album come out in like 2002? Did they release a newer album in the past year? Do I care? Los Lonely Boys will win this because Kanye West is not nominated for this category.
Pop Vocal Album
Genius Loves Company, Ray Charles and Various Artists
Feels Like Home, Norah Jones
Afterglow, Sarah McLachlan
Mind, Body and Soul, Joss Stone
Brian Wilson Presents Smile, Brian Wilson
I actually own the Joss Stone album but haven’t even taken off the cellophane yet. Norah Jones is always a safe bet, so I’ll pick her out of sheer ignorance to the other albums.
Dance Recording
“Good Luck,” Basement Jaxx featuring Lisa Kekaula
“Get Yourself High,” The Chemical Brothers
“Slow,” Kylie Minogue
“Comfortably Numb,” The Scissor Sisters
“Toxic,” Britney Spears
“Good Luck” is by far THE BEST song in this category, and should by all means be given the award, but I think the Scissor Sisters will win because Elton John’s boyfriend will be on the board and Elton John thinks that the Scissor Sisters are just the cat’s ass. The Circuit will rejoice.
Electronic/Dance Album
Kish Kash, Basement Jaxx
Legion of Boom, The Crystal Method
Creamfields, Paul Oakenfold
Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned, Prodigy
Reflections, Paul Van Dyk
I have heard Legion of Boom, and it is lackluster. I have not heard Creamfields and still can tell you that it is lackluster. I have not heard Reflections and have no idea how it is. I’m thinking that it was picked because Paul Van Dyk is world-renowned and this is a new category, so they threw him in there to give it some credibility. Then again, it might be awesome and I’m just being an ass. I loved both the Prodigy and Basement Jaxx albums, but am giving an edge to Basement Jaxx. Please give it to them, Elton John’s Boyfriend, they deserve it.
Solo Rock Vocal Performance
“Wonderwall,” Ryan Adams
“The Revolution Starts Now,” Steve Earle
“Breathe,” Melissa Etheridge
“Code of Silence,” Bruce Springsteen
“Metropolitan Glide,” Tom Waits
Ryan Adams’ cover of “Wonderwall” is fantastic, but didn’t it come out waaay last year? Either way, my money’s on Mr. Adams.
Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal
“Monkey to Man,” Elvis Costello and The Imposters
“Take Me Out,” Franz Ferdinand
“American Idiot,” Green Day
“Somebody Told Me,” The Killers
“Vertigo,” U2
Everybody loves U2. They win by default.
Hard Rock Performance
“Megalomaniac,” Incubus
“Some Kind of Monster,” Metallica
“Feelin’ Way Too Damn Good,” Nickelback
“Duality,” Slipknot
“Slither,” Velvet Revolver
My head hurts. I’ll just go with whatever D’Estroyer picks.
Metal Performance
“Nymphetamine,” Cradle of Filth
“Live for This,” Hatebreed
“The End of Heartache,” Killswitch Engage
“Whiplash,” Motörhead
“Vermilion,” Slipknot
I never ever ever EVER thought I’d see Cradle nominated for a Grammy. This just about makes my head explode. Once again, I’ll just go with whatever D’Estroyer picks.
Rock Album
The Delivery Man, Elvis Costello and The Imposters
American Idiot, Green Day
The Reason, Hoobastank
Hot Fuss, The Killers
Contraband, The Velvet Revolver
I would have chosen The Velvet Revolver, but I’ve noticed that Elvis Costello has been nominated in just about every category. So, I’ve decided to go with Elvis, because he does still rule.
Alternative Music Album
Medulla, Bjork
Franz Ferdinand, Franz Ferdinand
Uh Huh Her, PJ Harvey
Good News for People Who Love Bad News, Modest Mouse
A Ghost Is Born, Wilco
What the f*ck is the difference between The Killers and Franz Ferdinand? I mean, they’re both 80s throwback pop bands, yet is “rock” and the other is “alternative”? Does being Scottish make you alternative? Does this mean that Sean Connery, Boards of Canada, and Groundskeeper Willie are all alternative? I pick Franz Ferdinand because Modest Mouse and Wilco deserve it too much and the whole point of the Grammys is to piss people like me off.
R&B Album
My Everything, Anita Baker
I Can’t Stop, Al Green
The Diary of Alicia Keys, Alicia Keys
Musicology, Prince
Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol. 2, Jill Scott
Alicia Keys. Next.
Contemporary R&B Album
Afrodisiac, Brandy
Damita Jo, Janet Jackson
It’s About Time, Christina Milian
Confessions, Usher
Hurt No More, Mario Winans
I just saw the cover of Christina Milian’s newest album, and I could’ve sworn that she used to be black. Usher will win, and it will all Lil Jon’s fault. Expect his goony ass to jump onstage and say something dumb, hopefully followed by him getting squashed by a large lighting apparatus that falls from the rafters.
Rap Solo Performance
“On Fire,” Lloyd Banks
“Just Lose It,” Eminem
“99 Problems,” Jay-Z
“Overnight Celebrity,” Twista
“Through the Wire,” Kanye West
Wasn’t that Eminem song on the 8 Mile soundtrack that came out like 2 years ago? What? That was called “Lose Yourself”? Well, with all of this talk about losing, it would be ridiculous for him to win here, so I’ll go with the Default Pick.
Rap Performance by a Duo or Group
“Ch-Check It Out,” Beastie Boys
“Let’s Get It Started,” The Black Eyed Peas
“Don’t Say Nuthin’,” The Roots
“Drop It Like It’s Hot,” Snoop Dogg and Pharrell
“Lean Back,” Terror Squad
As much as I love the Beastie Boys, “Ch-Check It Out” was a crappy single. “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” on the other hand, was f*cking great, and so was “Don’t Say Nuthin’.” The Black Eyed Peas changed the title of “Let’s Get Retarded” to “Let’s Get Started,” which is such cunty bollocks that I’ll just pretend they broke up after Behind the Front, and that we are living in an alternate universe where they no longer exist as a group. Snoop Dogg it is…
Rap Album
To the 5 Boroughs, Beastie Boys
The Black Album, Jay-Z
The DEFinition, LL Cool J
Suit, Nelly
The College Dropout, Kanye West
If it were for Ill Communication, I’d say Beasties, hands down. Fuck Nelly. I’m going with my Default Pick.
Country Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal
“New San Antonio Rose,” Asleep at the Wheel
“Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy),” Big and Rich
“You Can’t Take the Honky Tonk Out of the Girl,” Brooks and Dunn
“Top of the World,” Dixie Chicks
“It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long,” The Notorious Cherry Bombs
While I’m not a cognoscente of country music, I must say that I have a place in my heart for Big & Rich, so they get my pick. One of my friends works at a redneck bar and it’s really fun to sing at karaoke. I am; however, very amused by the title of that Notorious Cherry Bombs songs, as well as the name “The Notorious Cherry Bombs.”
Rock Gospel Album
Take Me Away, Sarah Kelly
Collide, Skillet
Lose This Life, Tait
Wire, Third Day
Welcome to Diverse City, TobyMac
Holy Hip Hop ‘Taking the Gospel to the Streets’, Various Artists
“Rock Gospel”? What? Is that what they’re calling contemporary Christian now to get the ACLU off their backs? Why not just make a category for rap-metal, or emo-core?
Mexican/Mexican-American Album
Titere En Tus Manos, Ramon Ayala y Sus Bravos Del Norte
Por Ti, Banda El Recodo de Cruz Lizarraga
Alma Ranchera, Rocio Dorcal
Intimamente, Intocable
Veintisiete, Los Temerarios
Damn straight. I pick El Recodo because they are f*cking legendary and anything they do is amazing. (If you aren’t familiar) Next time you go to a Mexican restaurant that has a jukebox, pick some songs from Banda El Recodo de Cruz Lizarraga. It’s the CD with like 38 guys on the cover. It’s at least worth a dollar.
Comedy Album
Come Poop With Me, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents … America: A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction, Jon Stewart and The Cast of the Daily Show
The Funny Thing Is… , Ellen DeGeneres
Live at Carnegie Hall, David Sedaris
The O’Franken Factor Factor, Al Franken
I think everybody knows where I stand on this one, but if you’re a new reader, I PICK TRIUMPH. Not only is it worthy of the award (and we’ll ignore that it came out last year). It’s one of the funniest things you’ll ever hear. Plus, tell me that “Grammy Award winner Triumph the Insult Comic Dog” doesn’t sound awesome.
Engineered Album, Non-Classical
Brian Wilson Presents Smile, Mark Linett, engineer (Brian Wilson)
Feels Like Home, Jay Newland, engineer (Norah Jones)
Genius Loves Company, Robert Fernandez, John Harris, Terry Howard, Pete Karam, Joel Moss, Al Schmitt and Ed Thacker, engineers
The Girl in the Other Room, Al Schmitt, engineer (Diana Krall)
Give, Tchad Blake, engineer (The Bad Plus)
I could care less about this category, aside from the fact that the head engineer for Genius Loves Company has the same exact name as my father. That’s it. I’m finished with this.
THE LATE NIGHT JUKEBOX
This week’s featured contributor is my weekend counterpart in the wrestling section, Andy Campbell…
I hate my job”¦hate hate hate HATE my job”¦with the burning intensity of 1000 suns. With that in mind, when I get home from work, I need to CHILL OUT. I’m a metalhead at heart, but after a long day at work, I need something to calm my nerves (and help reduce the risk of ulcer, heart attack, homicide, etc.). The following are some examples of tunes that make me forget the hell that is my workday, and reflect on more important matters.
Rush, “Time Stand Still”
Rush is my favourite band, and this is one of my favourite of their songs (#1 probably being “Dreamline”). From the album Hold Your Fire, Alex Lifeson’s chorus-laden guitar, Geddy Lee’s pulsing bassline, and Neil Peart’s godlike rhythm work move this song along, with lyrics that hit me harder and harder as each year passes. It’s a song about growing older, and wondering where all the time went. Now granted, I am only 23 going on 24, but it still feels like yesterday that I was 16. I don’t keep in touch with my college friends nearly as well as I should, and I feel like every day just blurs into the next. Sometimes I wish I really could make time just stand still for a minute.
I’m not looking back, but I want to look around me now.
See more of the people and the places that surround me now.
Time stand still.
Summe’s going fast, now it’s growing colder.
Children growing up, old friends growing older.
Freeze this moment a little bit longer.
Make each sensation a little bit stronger.
Nightwish, “Sleeping Sun”
I was turned on to Nightwish by my sister (thanks Maggie!), and I couldn’t be more thankful. Nightwish are a Finnish metal band with a female, operatic singer named Tarja. “Sleeping Sun” is a bonus track on their Oceanborn album, and it’s a tremendous ballad, that also grows some balls in the latter portion. Tarja’s voice is absolutely gorgeous, especially on this track, and I find myself drifting away every time I listen to it. Do yourself a favour and give it a listen.
I wish for this night-time to last for a lifetime.
The darkness around me, shores of a solar sea.
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun;
Sleeping, weeping with you
Josh Groban, “Si Volvieras a Mi”
This song is nothing but standard fare in the lyrics department, but nothing is standard fare when Josh Groban is singing it. Call me a Sissy Mary if you must, but I’ve driven my car all week with nothing but Josh in the CD player, and not gotten sick of it. He has a very powerful voice, with a lot of emotion behind it, and this song is a perfect example. From his Closer album, this song is your usual “I love you, I miss you” song, though it somehow sounds a lot more beautiful en español. The melody is both gorgeous and catchy at the same time, and I defy you to listen to this song and not feel what he’s singing”¦even if you can’t understand it.
Ay si volvieras a mi
Encenderia el sol mil primaveras
Si regresaras por mi
Seria un milagro cada beso que me dieras
Pero hoy te vas
Y no hay vuelta atras
Jim Brickman & Michael W. Smith, “Love of my Life”
This is my token sappy love song. Jim Brickman, along with George Winston, plays some really emotional (to me) piano work. Michael W. Smith, for those of you who don’t know, is a veteran of the Christian music scene. There is nothing spectacular about the lyrics, and certainly nothing that hasn’t already been said, but the presentation is the key. The piano is lovely, and Michael conveys some serious emotion with his singing. When my fiancée and I get married, I’m sure this song will play.
I guess this is how it feels, when you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love, the love of my life.
Queen, “Love of my Life”
Another “Love of my Life,” but a different sort than the former. Freddie Mercury’s voice is just incredible, and you really feel his sense of loss in this song. The piano in this song is also very emotional, and is a melody I’ve tried many times to pick out (unfortunately, I suck, but that’s neither here nor there). Also worth a listen is Extreme’s cover of this. I really like Gary Cherone’s voice too, although he’s no Freddie. Notable in the cover song, though, is Nuno Bettencourt playing Freddie’s piano lines on the guitar. Nice!
Love of my life, can’t you see? Bring it back, bring it back. Don’t take it away from me because you don’t know what it means to me.
Barenaked Ladies, “Call and Answer”
The BNL song that no one seems to talk about, but I’m in love with it. It’s a very pretty little ballad, which sticks out like a sore thumb amongst their usual “quirky” offerings. It’s kind of a sad song, as it speaks of the cynicism of love.
You think I only think about you when we’re both in the same room.
You think I’m only here to witness the remains of love exhumed.
You think we’re here to play a game of who loves more than whom.
Alison Krauss, “When You Say Nothing at All”
I lied. Here’s another sappy love song. It’s very simple, and very sweet, and it will probably be our first dance at the wedding reception.
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart.
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark.
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.
Kevin Max, “Existence”
I’m sure that more than 99% of you have no idea who Kevin Max is, but if you go listen to any one song on this list, I hope it’s this one. Kevin Max was one-third of the Christian rock/rap trio dcTalk. His solo album, Stereotype Be, was a great departure from the usual dcTalk sound. “Existence” has a sound that’s hard to describe. It’s a rock/pop-ish ballad, but with a dark, moody piano line, some sitar accents, and amazing, soaring vocals from Kevin himself, who is like a cross between Freddie Mercury and Bono (Kevin says so himself). The lyrics are contemplative, of a man trying to find his place, and they are beautifully poetic (Kevin wants to be remembered more for his poetry than his music).
Another morning, it comes running up your bedpost with the wind.
You face yourself just like you always do, time and time again.
The mortal coil of image, inner peace, and satisfaction.
What is, what is this, this mess of my existence?
All these politics of life and death and relevance  it’s my existence.
Tait, “Unglued”
Another dcTalk alum, Michael Tait’s first solo album has a much more mainstream alternative rock sound than Kevin Max’s, but it’s still good stuff. The last song on the “Empty” CD is this one, and it’s last because nothing could possibly follow it. It’s a complete departure from the rest of the album, as it’s just a man and his piano, singing an ode to his departed father. It’s a very heartfelt song, and one that my sister and I sang for my grandfathe’s funeral. Needless to say, approach this song with caution… and a box of tissues.
I don’t wanna believe.
I turned around and you’re gone.
All the sweet memories of loving you for so long.
Sometimes it’s hard.
Most times I cry.
But God holds this heart of mine.
And He heals the pain I hide.
Third Day, “All the Heavens”
Another Christian band, Third Day is like a folkish rock band. The singer, whose name I don’t know and am too lazy to look up, has a deep, wholesome voice, and it fits their music well. It’s a worship song that features some nice, quiet acoustic guitar work. I sang this song for my Baccalaureate mass. It’s worth a listen, if you’re not turned off by the whole “Christian” thing.
All the heavens cannot hold You, Lord.
How much less to dwell in me!
I can only make my one desire:
Holding on to Thee.
Clay Aiken, “Solitaire”
Come on, stop laughing! “Solitaire” is a great song, and I really like Clay’s rendition of it. It’s a very sad song, to be sure, about loneliness. It saddens me to see elderly men eating alone at restaurants, and this song reminds me of that, because I’m afraid of growing old, but I’m even more afraid of growing old alone. It’s not a “pick-me-up” song at all, but it’s very powerful and very emotional. In fact, I’m getting all teary-eyed just writing about it.
And solitaire’s the only game in town.
And every road it takes him, takes him down.
By himself it’s easy to pretend, she’s coming back again.
Keeping to himself, he plays the game.
Without her love, it’s always been the same.
While life goes on around him everywhere, he’s playing solitaire.
Those are just a few songs that I really love, and that make me forget about how I want to strangle my boss. Some others that are worth tracking down:
Josh Groban, “Vincent (Starry Starry Night),” “Mi Mancherai,” and “To Where You Are” (which I have a hard time listening to and keeping my composure)
Nightwish, “Swanheart” and “Walking in the Air”
Kevin Max, “Dead End Moon”
Jars of Clay, “Worlds Apart” and “Liquid”
Third Day, “Love Song”
Evanescence, “My Immortal”
Seether, “Broken” [f/Amy Lee]
Hope you enjoyed, and hopefully this will have gotten you to listen to something you otherwise may not have. Thanks for reading.
And thanks to Andy Campbell for taking part in the VERY LAST installment of The Late Night Jukebox. Stay tuned next week for a special tribute to and compilation of the Jukebox series, which no doubt changed the face of music journalism forever. You can send your feedback for this list to Andy at andycampbell@4sternstaging.com, and be sure to check out his most recent edition of Weekend News (which ironically did not fall on the weekend this past week), right here.
FROM THE LABELS
From the folks at Astralwerks…
ASTRALWERKS RECEIVES FOUR GRAMMY NOMINATIONS
Astralwerks is proud to announce that our artists have received four nominations for the 47th Annual GRAMMY Awards!
The Chemical Brothers received a nomination in the Best Dance Recording category for their song, “Get Yourself High,” featuring k-os.
Basement Jaxx received three nominations: Best Electronic/Dance Album for Kish Kash; Best Dance Recording for the song, “Good Luck” featuring Lisa Kekaula; and Best Remixed Recording for their remix of the N.E.R.D. song, “She Wants To Move.”
ASTRALWERKS NEEDS INTERNS
http://www.astralwerks.com/intern.html
Do you live in or near New York City or LA, have a passion for music, and can get course credit for internships? Astralwerks is looking for you! Click the above link for more info.
iNFLUENCES
Ever wonder what makes me tick? No? Too bad. Here are some of the random songs that came up in the iPod as I wrote this week’s column…
Led Zeppelin, “Ramble On”
DJ Krush & Toshinori Kondo, “Fu-Yu”
Temple of the Dog, “Hunger Strike”
Bauhaus, “In the Flat Field”
Love Unlimited Orchestra, “Love’s Theme”
The Sisters of Mercy, “Dominion/Mother Russia”
Bananarama, “Cruel Summer”
Nightmares on Wax, “Les Nuits”
The Smashing Pumpkins, “Cherub Rock”
Nine Inch Nails, “The Frail (Version)”
Three Dog Night, “Mama Told Me Not to Come”
Ozomatli, “Cumbia de los Muertos”
Tricky, “Excess”
Billy Idol, “Rebel Yell”
U2, “Beautiful Day”
Hooverphonic, “2wicky”
Styx, “Renegade”
FC Kahuna, “Everything Is Wrong”
Simply Red, “Holding Back the Years”
The Only Band That Matters, “Train in Vain”
Pink Floyd, “Wish You Were Here”
THE MOST [retro] RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Roadrunner Records’ UK website made a post on April Fools’ Day saying that they had signed Guns N’ Roses and would be releasing Chinese Democracy sometime around Christmas. If you were one of the people who actually believed this, you should be kicked in the face, for everyone knows that Chinese Democracy will not be out until 2025. Your kids will love it.
The Saturday Swindle Sheet, 4/3/04
The Most Ridiculous Items of the Year. Coming in January.
Enjoy your week. Stay tuned for Gordi Whitelaw on Monday. I’m Jeff Fernandez, and I dress this way just to keep them at bay, ’cause Halloween is every day.
Cheers
-JF2k4!
