[General] Slayer's Sports and Stuff!


Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff! It’s been a while since I wrote a column per se but ironically, I’ve worked harder at IP the past few weeks then I ever have and there was just no room for play-time. Besides, we at IP Sports got it all covered for you. Who needs me, anyway? Today, we’re going to keep it short and sweet. I just wanted to take the time to talk about something that has been rearing it’s ugly head in sports this past few weeks.

I hate these two words. To me they are two horrible expressions that have caused nothing but death, agony, and destruction for thousands of years. When they are put together, they become even more vile. I’m a tolerant man. Most people are not. I’ve come to accept that. I realize while I will accept your religion, way of life, ideas, and beliefs, you will not accept mine. That’s fine. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a fancy way of defending my sin and debauchery. Well, it sort of is. But on the flip-side, I’m a Kantian. I believe in duty and obligation over self and want. It’s just who I am and I don’t judge anybody else if they want to live life using utilitarian and/or selfish principles. But because most people are intolerant aliens who dress themselves up in the fabric of false virtue, I choose to flee them. I just don’t want be around people like that. Thank god for sports.

I love sports. It’s complete escapism. Watching two people or groups of people fight it out using a ridiculous list of rules and regulations is for me the prime form of leisure and entertainment. There are still real-life issues in sports but they seem to blend in nicely with the entertainment. Sort of like a soap opera. But for the past couple years, athletes have been getting the clamps. The NBA is nothing but thugs, MLB has a bunch of steroidial freaks, the NFL is becoming classless, etc. I watch sports to escape these worthless accusations made by false professors of ethics. If I wanted to hear that, I’d listen to one of those god-awful cable news channels. But the rhetoric is getting louder. By the fans, by the media, and by society in general.

Last Sunday, Randy Moss mooned the crowd. Joe Buck went wild. Calling it a disgrace. Of course, he didn’t tell you the context behind it. That there is a group of Packers fans that moon (for real) the visiting team when they leave the stadium to go on their bus. Moss tried to make fun of that. That’s all it really was. I thought what Randy Moss did was silly and stupid. But that’s it. It wasn’t shameful or a disgrace to western civilization. It was just silly and stupid. And Randy Moss is simply a silly and stupid man. A 27 year old with a mindset of a 17 year old; a very immature 17 year old that is. Even people who love T.O. shake their had at Moss’ schoolgirl antics for attention. But why are people going crazy? Why did people go crazy when Terrel Owens does the heel act? Why were people so vilified that Joe Horn answered a cell phone, quite possibly one of the funniest things to ever grace the humorless NFL field? Why is the NBA pegged a ‘thug league’ when MOST of the players are good guys? You guys who read my column regularly know where I’m going with this….

This new moral superiority is a costume for racism, Period. Jake Plummer can stick a middle finger to the crowd and gets forgiven, Tie Domi gets into fights with the crowd but that’s just that crazy Tie. Romanowski can spude a Third Reich lecture and break a teammate’s neck but he’s just ‘competitive’. Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, Mike Mussina, Greg Maddux, Roger Clemens: Five pitchers whom are appalling human beings. Yet, it’s Pedro Martinez that gets stuck with the ‘Diva’ label. For every bad egg a person can name in the NBA, I can name 50 good eggs. This includes the entire roster of their defending champion, Detroit Pistons. Forget about the fight, worse brawls have happened in Hockey, Baseball, and Football.

And then there are drugs. Those awful, horrbile drugs. These athletes take pain killers, smoke weed, and put weird things up their nose. How dare they! Sure it’s ok for a fan to drink two gallons of barley urine and start verbally masturbating in front of a two year old. But how dare they do drugs. Bret Favre became a pill popper. He admitted it, went to rehab, and is assumed clean. He was forgiven. And why not? People like Favre and he’s good people. No one ever spoke of it again. Two years ago, Ty Law got caught with ecstasy. And all hell broke loose. He got caught with a drug 20% of the general population has used at least once. He has yet to live it down. Jamaal Lewis got arrested for a ‘drug conspiracy’. In reality, he hooked his buddy up with coke. It also happened a long time ago. But his reputation was ruined.

The question is why? Where is the angst coming from? This is where I stop the preaching and start the asking because I don’t know. What are racist people so mad about? They won. The black American is the most de-franchised race in our country. Health care and education in black neighborhoods are not given infrastructural support and as a result percentages of poverty, imprisonment, unnatural death, and drug addiction are all highest with blacks and the United States in now more then ever owned by Anglo-Saxon old money. Hey nazis, what more do you want? So a few minorities show actual human emotion in sports. It’s ok, don’t cry nazi. Listen, this will make you feel better. For every one that’s making a 5 million a year, there are a thousand who make less money then YOU. So relax.

And to everybody on FOX, CBS, ESPN, and HBO. Cut it out. Stop talking about the ethics of Football. There are no ethics. It’s a brutal violent game that has ruined peoples lives and gang rape is the locker-room hobby. So, give it a rest, eh?

That’s all I really have to say. Sorry to bring up this heavy topic but it’s been so prevalent as of late. I’ll see you all next week. Until then, remember if you’re gonna use Cough Syrup to trip out, you have to drink the whole bottle. But only drink half if it’s your first time. You may be allergic or you just may not like it. And make sure it’s only straight cough syrup (DMX) and no extra chemicals Just look at the “active ingredients’ label. It should say Dextromethorphan and only that. If not, put it down. No nasal, or stomach stuff, that can kill you. I recommend the pills. They’re easier to get down.

This column is dedicated to Eddie Layton: Hammond Organist Extraordinare!

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