Hi-low everyone. This is the Weekly Pulse for Movies and I am your loveable but ANGRY internet personality, Shaun Norton. Let’s get right into it today.
Real Life is Damn Entertaining
School’s in full swing now, complete with projects and work and all that jazz. Well, I have this part-time job with the school working in their computer department. It’s not too shabby, I mostly rid computers of nasty things like spy/adware and fix peoples internet and whatnot. You would not believe how many people are so ignorant with these things – not just on their own, but when we fix them, give them back, and they come back the next day with the same problem…..*sigh* but anyway, making an incredibly long story short, my boss is a jerk and my hours have been cut. I’m pretty steamed about it, but I’ll try not to let that come across in my column (This happened a few hours ago).
I loathe Blockbuster with a passion. Nothing but bad experiences and memories with them, plus they’re a rip-off. Long live Netflix! Anyway, I found this story incredibly funny for some reason. Gotta love the justice system.
Story of the week, however, has to be Canada. Did you know three times the normal number of Americans have headed north since November 2nd? Of course not, and you probably haven’t heard the talks about an integrated North America. Let that sink in for a second guys. Integrated North America. I’m not making it up. This newspaper article tells it all. And that’s not even the beginning. This is not some pipe dream – it could easily become reality. People under-estimate and mock Canada, but that doesn’t change the fact Canada’s role as the United States’ principal source of foreign oil and natural gas. And the recent Chinese MASSIVE investment in the Canadian resources. Don’t just dismiss this, as times are becoming increasingly desperate, we could see things we never dreamed of. For a better analysis, check out Jeff Wells and his take on it.
You Mean Inside Pulse Talks About Stuff Besides Movies?
Turns out we do.
Wrestling – Lots of stuff, including the marriage of JBL, TNA, Scott Keith’s No Way Out Countdown, and more are covered as the WWE machine gets ready for the Wrestlemania run.
Games – DBZ 3 gets reviewed *Yay* along with others, Liquidcross debates the Fall of the DS (Repeating history with the N64 – hand-held style) and a TRIBUNAL! are some of the goodies in games this week.
Music – Grammy run-down along with some insight into the most embarrassing CDs some people own and more. Solid stuff.
TV – Survivor and the Apprentice coverage like no one else. Plus news on American Idol, Looney Toons, columns by Steve Coogan and more.
Sports – I don’t do sports, but these guys do, and they do a hell of a job too.
Comics – These guys make me want to start collecting and reading comics again. A fantastic section that you’d be hard-pressed to find better elsewhere.
Figures – Grown men play with/collect dolls/figures. And you do too. So read them, because they’re a very fun section of our site. I want me some Simpsons figures.
News You can Use – And We Abuse
You know the deal by now. J. Kern and myself take most of the news from the week, post it here in one easy-to-find spot, and then commentate on/make fun of/rip it up. The headlines are in bold, the news story underneath, and then our comments on said story.
Love at Second Bite Gets Green-lit
Tony Thomopoulos and George Hamilton are doing a followup to their 1979 vampire comedy Love at First Bite and have brought David Steinberg (American Pie 2) on board to pen the screenplay. The sequel will be titled Love at Second Bite.
The first film was released in 1979 by MGM and starred Hamilton as Count Dracula who moves to New York to find a bride. Thomopoulos and Hamilton will produce and is in talks about reprising his role as Dracula.
“Second Bite” takes place 25 years later, and “centers on Dracula’s Americanized son, who has rejected his family’s heritage and is getting married to a human. Trouble ensues when he learns that his vampire relatives are coming to America for the wedding.”
Kern: I thought that was the Jim Carrey vampire movie…Never mind … that’s Once Bitten. I always get those confused. Love at First Bite is the one where Nic Cage eats the cockroach…
Norty: So anyway, was the original movie good? Never saw it.
Kern: Who knows? i don’t watch movies with tanned vampires.
Norty: Will this movie be any good? American Pie guy behind it and it has a wedding main plot. Survey says……..maybe.
Kern: American Pie 2 … and how does a wedding make it all good? If memory serves, American Wedding was no Citizen Kane…
Norty: Ah, I had the wrong pie in my mind. No matter. I thought Pie 2 was pretty decent myself – I laughed and enjoyed myself. Time will tell.
Kern: TANNED VAMPIRE.
Norty: Where do you see that?!
Kern: It’s like if the creature in Alien turned out to be Charles Nelson Reilly. IT MAKES NO SENSE. i understand you’re not old enough to remember when grunge was big, much less remember George Hamilton, but surely you recall the Jack in the Box commercials? George Hamilton looks like he vacations on the sun.
Norty: Ohhhh. Gotcha. That’s pretty stupid
Kern: Now, if he ate cockroaches … or better yet, Jim Carrey.
Norty: Bah. Carrey is the man – you’re just like one of those ignant people who refuses to see the truth because he doesn’t open his eyes. But you will in time. I have faith
Kern: …i have seen less egregious mugging from a mugger named Mug mugging people for their coffee mugs in Mugville.
Norty: ……right…..
Scorsese, DiCaprio to Team Together Again
Director Martin Scorsese, screenwriter John Logan, and Leonardo DiCaprio (all from The Aviator) will reteam to do a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s 1948 classic Drunken Angel for Warner Bros. Pictures.
Logan will pen the screenplay based on the film set in postwar Japan, which centered on a young criminal who is being treated for tuberculosis by an alcoholic doctor.
Scorsese and DiCaprio are currently collaborating on The Departed, a remake of the Hong Kong crime thriller Infernal Affairs.
Kern: Next up: Scorsese. DiCaprio. Hello Kitty: The Movie. Historical accuracy and “Japanisiness” will be the order of the day as these two titans of Hollywood take on the ultimate in Asian chic!
Norty: Ha! Perhaps Godzilla will follow. But in all seriousness, Scorsese is the shit. I see no wrong in anything he does. He is the MAN.
Kern: Oh, like you would know. Do you know of anything he did before A Shark’s Tale?
Norty: I sure do. I’m young but not completely clueless
Kern: i have yet to see The Aviator, so i will reserve my usual contempt for DiCaprio … all the same, i’m pretty protective about my Asian cinema and find that generally Americans scam plots from them and crank out severely substandard remakes.
Norty: Even Scorsese?
Kern: We shall see…
Norty: Indeed
After the success of both Ocean’s films, it’ll be no surprise to hear that George Clooney has reportedly just bought the rights to another Rat Pack flick Robin And The 7 Hoods, and already has Ocean’s co-stars Brad Pitt and Matt Damon on board.
It will be updated from the original story of a corrupt Chicago Sheriff going against a mob, with Robin (likely to be played by Clooney) and his boys caught up in the middle.
The original Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964) starred Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Bing Crosby, Peter Falk, and Barbara Rush.
No word yet on a director or producer. But considering Clooney’s relationship with Steven Soderbergh, isn’t it a possibility that the Oscar winning director will direct, or at the very least, produce?
Kern: Clooney’s entirely too taken with his “cool” image … he needs to get busted down a few pegs. Maybe do a Facts of Life reunion or two…
Norty: I think the trio works well together. They’re entertaining and they’re stars for a reason. I was actually excited when I first read this. Can’t say the concept/plot excites me too much, though.
Kern: Are you kidding me? Tootie, Jo … the … rich one … and the fat one? Together again?! That’s a genius concept!
Norty: Sarcasm will get you everywhere.
Kern: i have no idea what you’re talking about.
Norty: Of course not ^_^
Meg Ryan to Star in New Film
Meg Ryan will star in Role of a Lifetime a film that has been in development hell for almost ten years, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
The project was originally setup at Sony but is now being setup at Disney. The project is based on an original script by Allison Burnett.
The trade describes the plot as “a Hepburn/Tracy-like chemistry develops when a British theater director comes to Broadway with a Shakespearean production and investors insist that he cast a movie star in the leading role.”
The male lead has not been cast as of yet. Kevin Spacey – who was at one time considering starring in the film – will produce with Armyan Bernstein’s Beacon Pictures, Dean Devlin, and Denise Di Novi.
Norty: Pretty soon her face is gonna fall off….and then ALL she’ll do is soft-core porn-like movies. How the mighty have fallen….
Kern: My life’s goal is to see Meg Ryan do Shakespeare. Once i see that i can die happy…
Norty: Why Shakespeare?
Kern: Once we’ve stripped the U.K. of it’s last shred of dignity, THEN WE CAN SEND IN THE MARINES AND RENAME IT BUSHTOWN!
Norty: Ha! Add it to the list. I figure we do Canada before the U.K. though – there’s just more haters.
Kern: The only thing halting our advance into the Great White North is that damn Alan Thicke! CURSES!
Norty: Everything and everyone will fall in due time. It will be hail Bush….or die.
Kern: i think it will be some time before we begin naming precipitation after him … but it will come … oh, yes, it will come…
Miami Vice Leading Roles Set
Jamie Foxx and Irish A-Lister Colin Farrell are teaming up for their first buddy movie. The two have signed on to star in the big-screen adaptation of the ’80s cop drama Miami Vice.
Farrell will play Det. James “Sonny” Crockett, a part made famous by Don Johnson, and Foxx will star as Det. Ricardo Tubbs, who was originally portrayed by Philip Michael Thomas. The original series, which ran from 1984-89, “centers on two cops who took on Florida’s drug world and looked good doing it.” Vice reunites Foxx with his Collateral director Michael Mann, who will begin shooting this spring.
(Tenatively,) The project is scheduled for release July 28, 2006.
Norty: Well, here’s a remake I’ve got no interest in. Even Stasky and Hutch interested me more than this…..
Kern: i will watch just for the cameos of Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas as drug dealers…
Norty: Think they’ll get shot?
Kern: God, i hope so.
Norty: So we’ve got no real analysis or jokes about this huh….
Kern: i was looking for a Ray Charles joke. i got nothing.
Norty: Moving on..
Kevin Smith Discusses Future
Kevin Smith tells News Askew (www.newsaskew.com) that he’s got two films planned for this year, and one for next.
First up is Clerks 2 (aka The Passion of the Clerks). Says Smith, “It’s probably safer to assume that start date might move by a week. Maybe two [from the original April 18th planned start date]. Looking like a four week shoot.”
On the long-awaited Fletch Won, he says : “[October is] the plan. It’s just getting Miramax (or whatever Harvey & Bob’s new company is gonna be called) to go along with that plan. I mean, two movies in one year for less than twenty million? That’s a bargain and a half – particularly when both have built-in audiences. Both flicks will easily recoup, if not turn a nice theatrical profit (with video being free money). As you might imagine, it’s a little frustrating with the Disney/Miramax situation, as the wait for our cash-flow has extended far longer than it really should, considering the budget. Hopefully, we’ll get our cash this week.”
And then? “‘Ranger Danger’ will be in ’06. It’ll be the next flick we do after “Fletch Won.”
Norty: All hail Jay and Silent Bob!
Kern: Kevin made one moderately funny movie and somehow he’s managed to parlay that into a career. He’s like a fat Carrot Top in a trenchcoat. With any luck, his movies will get sandbagged and the only place i’ll have to see him is on some crappy long distance commercials.
Norty: He’s made an incredible set of movies, actually. What the HELL are you smoking?
Kern: He made one movie, then several collections of inside jokes, poop jokes, Jersey jokes, pot jokes and singlehandedly attempted to ruin Jennifer Garner for me, BUT HE WON’T DO IT, YOU HEAR ME!? HE WON’T! JEN JEN AND I ARE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER!
Norty: Jennifer Garner? How did HE try to ruin her?
Kern: Dare. Devil.
Norty: ? He didn’t direct Daredevil.Or write it. What the fook Kern?
Kern: He didn’t? i just naturally assumed that whenever Affleck eats it onscreen, Smith is somehow involved…
Norty: Bash the man, fine. But be prepared to back it up with FACTS. Not some weird-o, love-crush blame.
Kern: HE RUINED LINDA FIORENTINO FOR ME! *sob* We were meant for each other…
Norty: SHE PUT IN A GOOD PERFORMANCE IN A GREAT FILM! I’d think you’d be more upset over the soft-core porn she did…
Kern: She phoned it in in one of the worst films of the 90s! Oh, heavens no! Why would that bother me? Smut is good! Smut is delicious!
Norty: …..you’re a tool. Dogma is a CLASSIC film. Well, will be a classic film
Kern: Smut is what separates us from the animals!
Norty: And talent. Which is what Smith has.
Kern: You mean when every other piece of celluloid on the face of the Earth is burned except for one copy of Dogma?
Norty: And Chasing Amy, throw in Clerks and Mall Rats too. Not so much, but they all rule in their own way
Kern: Yes. They rule the Land of Suck. You know. The one with the dinosaurs.
Norty: And the Kern Clan. We don’t agree on much do we Papa Kern?
Kern: Yeah, well, we lower property values everywhere else.
Brad Pitt to Star in Film About Himself
Brad Pitt – soon to portray Jesse James in a new bio-pic – is attached to star in a new film called Chad Schmidt, a new Steve Conrad script (The Weatherman) that has been sold to Columbia Pictures for more than $1 million.
This is the overall premise: It centers on a talented young actor who moves to Los Angeles in the 1980s to pursue his dream of movie stardom. The twist is that he bears a peculiarly strong resemblance to another up-and-coming actor named Brad Pitt. As the real Pitt achieves a dazzling level of fame, the fictional Schmidt, for all of his talent, becomes a uncastable joke. Ultimately, Schmidt must struggle to overcome the blow of abandoning his dreams and must make peace with the hard realities of life.
Assumingly, Pitt’s playing both Schmidt and himself in the pic.
Norty: I didn’t believe this when I first saw it…..I actually laughed out-loud and spit out my soda.
Kern: Man, i hope Charlie Kaufman gets royalties for this stuff. Is the subtitle, “Being John Malkovich 2”?
Norty: No. They should make a movie about you Kern. They could call it….err…..Gay Berns….I got nothin.
Kern: So i gathered.
Norty: Maybe Blackie Chan if they wanted an inter-racial comedy…..but I think that might be a low budget porn, actually.
Kern: My life is a low budget porn … without all the sex.
Norty: So your life is just cheap booze, horrid conversations, and random hi’s and goodbye’s with women? Or…..men?
Kern: Yeah. Lotta people coming to fix my cable… Twice a day, sometimes…
Norty: And you get NOTHING out of it? Come on Kern….
Kern: WHY DO YOU THINK I’M SO GODDAMN CRANKY?!
Norty: Then take matters into your own hands! YOU go out and fix the cable! Twice!
Kern: Oh, i do. Three, four times a day, sometimes… God bless broadband and internet porn.
Norty: Wha….oh…..man…McCullar’s gonna LOVE this. In a sick sort of way
Kern: What? What? Are we still doing the news?
Norty: Sure. Next up.
Kern: Oh, man, i hope Jen Jen doesn’t see this.
Singer to Direct New Film
Bryan Singer (Superman) will develop and direct a film based on a Vanity Fair article titled U Want Me 2 Kill Him? The project is being setup at Warner Bros.
The article tells of a 14-year-old British boy who had a wild imagination and developed multiple personas and characters on an Internet chat room. He corresponded with a 16-year-old, who later visited the boy and stabbed him twice. The 16-year-old was arrested for attempted murder but even more bizarre was the fact that the 14-year-old was charged for his own murder attempt, for in England, it is possible to be arrested for inciting your own murder.
Kern: So … laws are made because there’s a need for them…. Which means that in the U.K., at some point, there was a rash of people inciting their own murders? Man, everytime i think our country can’t get any more screwed up…
Norty: See? Bush CAN’T attack them. You want those laws integrated into our society?
Kern: i wonder if making jokes about people’s mothers counts as inciting your own murder…i mean, i took my life into my hands when doing YOUR mother, Norty … Hell, practically lost consciousness from the smell alone.But that’s more of a suicidal thing, no?
Norty: Yes, that would land you in jail. If you survived the knife in your eye, that is. Don’t screw with a grumpy Irish-man, Kern. You’re taking a lot into your hands. There are things worse than death….
Kern: That’s why i’ve got these high-impact plastic lenses … Lotta “knife in the eye” threats in an average day for me.
Norty: Better get a cup, too… We’re known to kick in the balls. Literally.
Kern: Literally? You mean like you’re literally going to be kicking balls? Like what, soccer? Footballs? Hackysack? Is hackysack a ball?
Norty: More like…..kerny-balls. And about this movie – how will they do it? Kinda forgot about that…
Kern: What’re you kidding me? What could be more exciting than a movie about two guys IMing each other? In the biopic about my life, that’ll be three quarters of the whole thing. The remaining quarter is reserved for when i win the lottery and have a three way with Jennifer Garner and Scarlett Johansson…
Norty: What of Linda?
Kern: What, is it Tuesday already?
Spielberg to Fasttrack Next Film
Steven Spielberg will fasttrack his untitled picture about the 1972 Munich Olympics, according to The Hollywood Reporter. He will begin shooting the project immediately after he finishes work on The War of the Worlds this sumemr. Universal and Dreamworks will co-distribute the picture for a December 23 release. Tony Kushner has done a rewrite on a script by Eric Roth (Forrest Gump) and Charles Randolph (The Interpreter).
Details about the Olympics film have been carefully guarded, but it will center around the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics.
Kern: Tony Kushner? So this is gonna be a seven-hour movie about AIDS and the Olympics? Manlove in Munich…
Norty: You ever wonder why the world hates us? You think Israel and our policies have anything to do with that? I mean, really think about it.
Kern: Of course with Spielberg, i’m seeing a black and white movie … The only thing in color will be a little red cock ring bobbing up and down …
Norty: I mean….Spielberg will cast Tom Hanks. He will be about to save the Jew at the end……and he will be shot. The Jew will live a long and healthy life, remembering Tom so many years later…
Norty: Did I kill this joke thread dead?
Kern: Not as dead as those Israeli athletes! ::rim shot::
Norty: Zing!
Kern: i’m hard-pressed to recall a lamer ending to a lamer news bit.
Casting and Director News on Saw 2
25 year-old Darren Bousman will direct Saw 2. Bousman is a newcomer to the feature world, having worked primarily in music videos and shorts.
Also of note, the film has decided to shoot in Vancouver. No reports yet on a set date, but it’ll be sometime in the next couple of months (The film is on the fast track for a Halloween release). Also, it’s being reported that Shawnee Smith, who played Amanda in the first pic, might be back for the sequel.
Norty: So angry at the very idea…I don’t even know what to say.
Kern: i will go see it if they call it “Saw 2: Saw Harder”…
Norty: How about Saw with a Vengeance? Or Saw Revolutions? Or Saw Strikes Back?
Kern: Saw II: The Wrath of Danny Glover’s Career
Norty: Well, no, that couldn’t work…..Saw II – Saw No More Forever…..anyway, this will suck.
Kern: Saw suck? Si.
Update on the Future of The Rock
Wrestling superstar The Rock looks set to star in a comic-book flick sometime in the near future, it’s just uncertain which one it will be. Though he is regularly mentioned in relation to a Sub-Mariner movie, Johnson (aka The Rock) said he’s actually had talks about The Silver Surfer as well. The latter has been in the works for about seven years now. Marvel’s been hungry to do it since day one – at one stage Wesley Snipes was mentioned as a possible lead, and later, Vin Diesel expressed interest. There has been quite a few different scripts (one by Andrew Kevin Walker – Se7en) written too.
Should the big guy nod his head in approval to Surfer, he’ll be playing “Norrin Radd – former herald of the mega-tyrant Galactus, [who] offers his life to protect his native planet, placing him in the service of Galactus as a silver suited sentinal. As a galaxy cruising protector endowned with superhuman strength, he is able to control and direct cosmic energies, with enough force to destroy a city. After visiting Earth, the Surfer finally betrayed Galactus and refused to supply his world-devouring appetite. His punishement was confinement to earth – but he escaped and currently soars the starways as a universal protector.”
Norty: I have faith in The Rock’s movie career. I think if he makes a couple more solid choices, he can really cement himself as a star.
Kern: Man … how much further down the Marvel barrel could they possibly scrape? Night Thrasher, maybe? The little girl from Power Pack?
Norty: Please. They haven’t even touched the Marvel chick-flicks yet. Spider-girl? Super-girl? It has only begun, my friend….
Kern: Supergirl is DC, dude. You can tell because she wears a blue outfit with a big ol’ red ‘S’ on the chest and her first name is “Super”.
Norty: My bad. But my girl theory still stands. I’m sure this is just the beginning. Hell, they have a comic book devoted to Mary Jane, right? …..think about it…..
Kern: The Rock as Mary Jane? Man, if Dwayne had realized the sad turn his career would take in the wake of his role as a gay man in Be Cool…
Norty: I maintain he will be awesome in Be Cool. I have nothing but high hopes. I liked him in The Rundown, and didn’t see Walking Tall (But I will)
Kern: Of that, i have little doubt. i’m just worried about his role in the latest from the Marvel House of Ideas: The Rock in Speedball: The Movie. His power is … he bounces!
Norty: Don’t forget Spy Hunter by Mr. John Woo. Actually, I have no IDEA how they’ll do that one…. And we’re done here aren’t we
Kern: i’m tapped.
Trailer of the Week: The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Plot: Earthman Arthur Dent is having a very bad day. His house is about to be bulldozed, he discovers that his best friend is an alien and to top things off, Planet Earth is about to be demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur’s only chance for survival: hitch a ride on a passing spacecraft. For the novice space traveler, the greatest adventure in the universe begins when the world ends. Arthur sets out on a journey in which he finds that nothing is as it seems: he learns that a towel is just the most useful thing in the universe, finds the meaning of life, and discovers that everything he needs to know can be found in one book: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
The Link: Here
The Analysis:
Brendan “I’m an Editor! No, really!” Campbell: Honestly, I guess I’ve been living under a rock, because I’ve never heard of a book called The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and I hadn’t heard about this movie up until recently. Anyway, the trailer looks like it’s going all out to be a crazy summer blockbuster. It looks like it’ll be funny, and while I have no idea what the book(s) were about, this movie look’s like it’ll be original, and witty…which is always a good thing. I’ll give it a shot when it comes out. The trailer did its job…though I stopped watching partway through…I don’t need the ENTIRE movie ruined for me. Though I’m sure there are a couple of more trailers headed our way for this one, and they’ll be a lot worse for spoilers. Ah well, the first minute and a half or so that I watched peaked my interest enough. Oh, by the way, did I tell you I was from another planet?
Michaelangelo “Old Man” McCullar: My faith in humanity is slowly being restored. This trailer just gets me hyped for all the April goodness coming our way. First Sin City, and then Hitchhikers. Mos Def is gonna be great as Ford. Everyone needs to chill. And Sam Rockwell is just gonna own all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just gonna go watch this and the Sin City on an endless loop for a few days.
Ryan “I Really Do Work Here – Honest!” Closs: I’m of mixed minds about it. Everything up until they land in the Heart of Gold is absolutely perfect. Martin Freeman as Arthur is excellent, Mos Def seems like he’ll be a good Ford too. I liked the “Thumb”, I liked how they set up Arthur’s horrible last morning on Earth. Now with the bad. I really don’t like what seems to be a much more prominent romance between Trillian and Arthur, I don’t like how they did Zaphod’s second head at all. I really wish they would’ve had Marvin talk, I can’t wait to hear Alan Rickman’s voice coming out of that. I didn’t like the Sideshow Bob style getting hit in the face on the desert planet at all either. It feels like Hollywood took another great book and dumbed it down for the masses. They actioned and slapsticked it up a lot, romanced it up a lot, when it was pretty damn perfect as is. I’m still going to go see it opening week, and it’ll still probably be better than that “other” sci-fi coming out in May. So yeah… just colour me “Not Blown Away”
Shaun “Call me a Hitchhiker” Norton: I like it. I’ve read the first book twice now, and I have to say I have faith. Do I like Disney tampering? Hell no. Do I like the romantic sub-plot/three way love triangle? HELL NO! That being said, they are supposed to really want to keep with Adam’s vision, and I respect that. But I think they really have no clue (The big-wigs anyway) the kind of massive and rabid fan base these books have. They could stick 110% to the source material and they’d make millions and have an instant franchise on their hands. But, alas, they must make all things Hollywood. Either way, I have really, really, REALLY high hopes for this. I’m just gonna go into it and try not to be a fan-boy. Try.
J. “I Am Actually a Man of Few Words” Kern: Awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. Awesome, awesome awesome awesome; also, awesome and awesome. Awe. Some.
Reviews We Sit Through – For You!
Slow week. It happens.
Hitch – Brendan Campbell, in his triumphant ‘come back’ reviews the number one movie in America. And he is right – the ‘chick flick’ is not what it used to be. I know an entire group of guys – sans females – that went out to see this. That’s a strong movie and pretty powerful marketing. I’ll be seeing it soon enough. Campbell writes up a nice review telling you why you should see it, if you haven’t already.
Rory O’Shea Was Here – I’m not even sure what to say. Honestly, it sounds like a nice, special little film, but nothing condescending or anything like that (from me). The one and only Arturo Garcia reviews this gem from across the ocean, and he comes away pretty satisfied. Sounds good to me.
On DVD
Pauly Shore is Dead – You’d think it’d be for Pauly Shore fans only, but this mocu-mentary is apparently pretty good, or so says Ryan Closs. I find the concept to be pretty interesting, but I don’t think I’ll be putting it on my Netflix que any time soon. Not that I wouldn’t watch it…..anyway, read the review – Ryan helps you figure out if it’s your kind of flick or not.
Shaolin Soccer – How do I miss movies like this? Thankfully McCullar doesn’t, and he gives us all a look at one fantastic movie. Looks like one I’ll have to go and hunt down. Shame about the DVD treatment though. Read the review to find out everything.
We Even Do Columns!
Brendan Campbell reviews the box office of last weekend. Hitch reigns supreme on Valentines Day. Great. A recent romantic….sparring……has made me only so slightly bitter to pretty much anything from last weekend. That being said, I’ll still be *probably* seeing Hitch this weekend. Even I need a GOOD movie once in a while!
Speaking of someone who needs a good movie, J. Kern brings us another fun-lovin Dollar Movie Review. This week, the lucky film in his sights is Blade: Trinity. And…..well I’ll be damned. Kern LIKES IT! Well, not so much likes it likes it, but it’s good enough to warrant an actual watching and it DOESN’T make you want to tear out your eyes. Good enough for Kern? Good enough for me.
You know, sometimes I’m reminded that we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, myself included. And sometimes it makes you feel like a real chump. My crime has been to miss not one but TWO Rob Sutton columns, and I am ashamed. What makes it even worse is the fact that Rob has produced two incredibly kick-ass pieces of work, pieces that actually had me smiling, not as a critic or writer, but as a fan(boy). First, he takes an awesome look at the masterpiece that is Superman, and then the amazing follow up, . Then, if that wasn’t enough, his next column is an intense focus on the one and only Batman! Mark. Out. Moment. I can seriously think of no one I would want covering the Badass that is Batman besides Rob Sutton. Awesome, awesome AWESOME work.
You know, it’s almost criminal that I had to go from that awesome-ness to the Perfect Flick with McCullar. Bumrushed my column? PLEASE! After seeing Kern and Campbell do such a kick-ass job and their popularity skyrocket, he did everything short of offering me his first born child to get himself on here. And that is how he repays me? He should know by now I can make em OR break em, and tread carefully. Rejection by gloomy is one thing, but rejection by the masses? I can bring it to that McCullar, I have the power. *Ahem* That being said, The Last Boy Scout is an intense movie, well deserving of being picked for his column this week.
Tal talks about top ten lists this week in Reel Talk. He makes some solid points, and it brings to my mind a question I often ask myself: What the HELL is so friggin great about Citizen Kane? I mean, I’ve tried watching the damn thing twice now, and I fall asleep every time! I can’t figure it out – maybe I have a block or something. Anyway, another nice little piece of work by Tal, as he gets fully into the Movies groove.
Finally, yours truly debuted a new column this week. I really don’t like to pimp myself, so I’ll just give you a quick summary. Each week, I’ll talk about the newest trailers to debut online, the trailers for movies coming out that upcoming weekend, new movies on DVD, and the number one movie in America. Trailers are ranked on length, and how ‘spoilerish’ they are. It’ll be changed up and worked as the weeks go by, as I tinker with the format and feedback and try to turn it into something pretty……err, good. So check it out if trailers are your thing.
Features? Features!
Well, Brendan Campbell has been deemed the guy in charge of features now for us movie guys, and he starts off strong. The Rules of Romance According to Hollywood. Hollywood makes the rules, and they have all the answers. Having trouble with love? Just in that kind of mood? Check out the column.
Perhaps a little more exciting than the romance column (Well, to me anyway) is the The 1st Annual Inside Pulse Reader’s Choice Movie Awards. I think it’s a fairly nifty concept, as you get all your movie picks, and then you get to pick which one of US you love the most. Ain’t no way to create or intensify inner-office/site rivalry and hatred than the readers picking their best and favorite of the bunch. So go and vote if you haven’t already, and let your voices and opinion and LOVE be heard and shared.
By the way, I love all my readers. Every single one of you are nothing short of awesome. ^_^
The End
Well, that’s a wrap. I’ve decided to totally let go of the rant unless something really sets me or someone else off. Of course, if anything sets YOU off concerning movie-land, feel free to let me know and maybe you could rant about it. As usual,
Until Next Time…
