Rasslin Roundtable: No Way Out 2005


Tonight WWE brings us No Way Out. For the first time in WWE history, we will see a barbed wire steel cage match. Other than that, there are some matches that have the chance to be cool. As always, your opinionated bastards at InsidePulse.com offer up our opinions.

Widro: could be entertaining, i dont see a a title change here.
Winner – JBL

Eric Szulczewski: Sorry, but there’s no way in hell that High-Quality
Speaker Boy is going to drop the title now. The Road to Wrestlemania is
too far along, and we all know the plans at this point. The days of
hot-shotting the title at the most useless PPV in the WWE are long gone
thanks to the Brand Split.
Winner – High-Quality Speaker Boy

Dan Hevia: Exactly how do you book a shitty match? Add barbed wire of course! Actually, I don’t think this match will be too bad. I expect JBL to bleed like crazy, which should make all of us happy and his new wife pretty pissed. Big Show ain’t climbing, so JBL will take some of the wire off the cage and use it. Dave runs in, gets blinded somehow and hits the DemonBuster on Show to give JBL the win. Big Show only loses because he used the term “You have NO WAY OUT!” in preparation for this match. Check the history books. If you use that phrase you’re screwed.
Winner – JBL

PK: JBL has been the Champ since The GAB, why change that a month away from WM?
Winner – JBL

Matthew Michael: Uhm, Big Show vs. Cena is like SO 2004.
Winner – JBL

Blatt: What a bigger question here is “What is Big Show gonna do at Mania once JBL beats him?” and the answer is: I’m not sure. Expect this one to be a bloody one, but I can’t remember the last time I saw Big Show bleed.
Weiner – Just Beat a Lizard and a good feud for the Big Show for Mania

Kurtis Osterlund: They got a long way to go to follow up on TNA’s version of redneck champion vs really tall guy. I’m not confident they can pull it off, but at least I know it will be bloody.
Winner- still champ, JBL

Jed Shaffer: Barbed wire. Sure. Like the “barbed wire” H’s got hit with at the 2000 Rumble. No one on Earth could possibly be confused about the outcome of this match. If you are, please, you need to stop watching for the good of us all.
Winner – Mr. CNBC

Kyle: Everyone in WWE has sounded a hell of a lot like John Madden with this match. Everytime they yell “BARB WIRE STEEL CAGE” I can’t help but think “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? COME ON! FOOTBALL!” It’s as if we’ve never seen a cage match before, or rather, it’s as if we didn’t have a pay per view with the freaking elimination chamber match last month, and they expect us to be impressed with a regular old steel cage with phony barb wire stuck on top (and it WILL be fake. Neither of these guys has ever even pretended to be hardcore). The point of it is, of course, to have a unique match, and to keep the “cabinet” out of it, and to distract us from the fact that the Big Show is just filler until Cena at Wrestlemania.
Winner – JBL

CJ Ambrosia: Let’s see. Two big lugs? Check. Silly gimmick? Check. Show in a main event at WrestleMaina? Ain’t gonna happen.
Winner – JBL

Jeremy Lambert: Should be interesting to see how this match plays out. You gotta think JBL will win and keep the title until WM21
Winner – JBL

David Brashear: Ugh. I get the feeling this is going to be a stinker of a match, with or without the barbed wire cage stip which guarantees a crimson mask or two. Even after having it beaten into me for months, I still don’t see Bradshaw as a credible champion, and Big Show’s been so devalued over his WWE run that he’s not on the championship anymore either. I’m going to say that they’ll leave the belt on JBL, if only to keep teasing the Batista jump.
Winner – JBL

Thomas Kilduff: It seems certain that Cena and JBL will meet at WM21 for the title, so there is only one winner here for me. This match will be pants; I hope the Big Show does not get his outfit caught on the barb-wire, that’s one sight I do not need.
Winner – Bradshaw

Michaelangelo McCullar: This is a foregone conclusion. It makes no sense to hotshot the title on Show when it’s just gonna go around Cena’s waist at WM.
Winner – JBL

Widro: i would like to see cena have a GREAT match here.
Winner – cena

Eric Szulczewski: See above. We know what the plans are. It’s definitely gonna be a “win ugly”, though.
Winner – John Cena

Dan Hevia: This match will be your basic Thuganomics with a sprinkling of Olympia. This will steal the show because Kurt will kill himself to get Cena over as a legit contender. That’s what makes Angle great: He cares. Shawn Michaels runs in and hits Sweet Christian Music on Angle to give Cena the win.
Winner – John Cena

PK: As much as I’d like to see Angle in the ME again, it looks like it’s Cena’s time.
Winner – Cena

Matthew Michael: Angle winning the title in Pittsburgh is like SO 2001.
Winner – John Cena

Blatt: WORLD LIFE! Angle’s on his way to Mania to fight HBK. I’d expect a superkick in this one, to go tit for tat after Angle eliminated HBK from the Rumble.
Weiner – John flippin Cena and an Angle/HBK Mania match

Kurtis Osterlund: Like this one isn’t obvious.
Winner- John Cena

Jed Shaffer: A match that should’ve happened back at last year’s SummerSlam. The only question surrounding John Cena right now is, will he be a double-champ come WM21? Check that…a second question: with his bland face routine, does anyone care?
Winner – Tapioca Ice

Kyle: Hey, the yearly “Screw with the fans’ perception” match. In 2000, the Big Show beat the Rock in this match. In 2001, HHH beat Austin. 2002, Angle beat HHH. In 2003, there wasn’t one, but in 2004, Angle ruined the entire tradition of screwing fans over and winning it and actually going on to Wrestlemania. While there’s a chance Angle will win, there’s no chance of him getting there. However, since the bad guy is winning the main event, they need at least one ‘good guy’ victory.
Winner – John Cena

CJ Ambrosia: Well, they practically gave (CENA) away the ending (CENA) to the match (CENA) on SD, and I doubt (CENA) there’s a whole lot of suspense as to who (CENA) is going to win this (CENA) one. Although with some (CENA) semi-logical booking (CENA), who knows (CENA)?
Winner – I’ll have to go with Angle here (CENA).

Jeremy Lambert: Angle is on pace to face HBK at Wrestlemania which means unless HBK jumps to Smackdown! and beats JBL for the title that match can’t happen if Angle wins
Winner – John Cena

David Brashear: This has some promise. Skill-wise, I think that Cena’s still not where he could be, but Angle should be able to smooth over any rough spots. That said, I look to see Cena take this one, again because of the Cena-JBL build for Wrestlemania and this frees up Angle for a match with HBK.
Winner – John Cena

Thomas Kilduff: This is my pick for match of the night (MOTN). I expect some HBK-erference in this match to further build for their WM21 match.
Winner- Cena

Michaelangelo McCullar: See above. Foregone conclusion, not to mention the buildup for Angle/HBK at WM.
Winner – White rappers everywhere

Widro: ha!
Winner – taker

Eric Szulczewski: The UT’s Bitch Slot is currently empty. Next!
Winner – UT

Dan Hevia: If Undertaker doesn’t win, it will be because of Randy Orton. The only question is: How do you set that up? How about you have a fan with an Orton sign run through the ring, distracting Taker…this allows Mule and his life partner to double team Mean Mark for the win.
Winner – Mule

PK: Oh ya, squash.
Winner – UT

Matthew Michael: I’m gonna pick Luther here, with Taker getting the win at Mania. Luther beating Taker here gives Smackdown its very own Batista! Right?
Winner – Luther Reigns

Blatt: BORING!
Weiner – Taker and a bathroom break

Kurtis Osterlund: NEXT!
Winner- The Undertaker

Jed Shaffer: And here we thought Luther’s career was going nowhere. Turns out, it’s going in reverse!
Winner – The Stealer Of Souls, The Killer Of Careers

Kyle: Who cares?
Winner – Un-der-ta-ker-clap-clap-clap-clap-clarp

CJ Ambrosia: If we’re lucky, they’ll blow a knee each, and we won’t have to suffer this nonsense. On the upside, the lack of selling by both should be fascinating.
Winner – Undertaker

Jeremy Lambert: Undertaker jobs to nobody clean.
Winner – Undertaker by DQ

David Brashear: And the promise stops here. So Undertaker’s mad at Luther for ruining his chances in the #1 Contender’s tournament. Been there, seen that.
Winner – Undertaker

Thomas Kilduff: Oh good, I got to watch UT v Heidenreich, and now I get to watch this.
Winner- Undertaker

Michaelangelo McCullar: Does UT ever lose to sidekicks? Didn’t think so.
Winner – The Dead Man

Widro: a turn seems sudden and i don’t see it even working
Winner – eddy and rey

Eric Szulczewski: They have to drop one title on this PPV, and here’s the one. Eddy and Rey-Rey are getting singles pops that haven’t been heard since the days of Flex and Wife-Beater. The Bashams are nonentities. Let the brothers concentrate on f*cking up the High-Quality Speaker Boy/Cena match at WM.
Winners and New Champions – Los Mexicanos

Dan Hevia: If I’m Eddie Guerrero, I may just go back on the meds. You celebrate the one year anniversary of you reaching the pinnacle and becoming a true main eventer by teaming with an exciting little midget against The Bashams? That’s just crappy, pendejo.
Winners – The Bashams

PK: I think Eddie and Rey have each other lined up for WM.
Winners – Bashams

Matthew Michael: Eddie and Rey are destined to face each other at Mania. The Cabinet goes one more month with lots o’ gold.
Winners – The Basham Brothers

Blatt: Not too sure about this one. While it WOULD give Eddie and Rey something for Mania, what would it do for the Bashams to lost the belts? Who knows if they’re gonna go four way tag match again.
Weiners – Two Mexicans, one from CA and one from TX

Kurtis Osterlund: Rey Rey & Eddy with tag gold? Sign me up.
Winners- new champs, Eddy & Rey Rey

Jed Shaffer: Um, yeah, sure. Are they booking by pulling names out of a hat again? Eddie & Rey deserve so much better than jobbing to jobbers. I find myself actually hoping the Dudleys come back and flatten the Bashams. How sad is that?
Winner – The Boring Brothers

Kyle: Since they’re insistent on Eddie being out of the WWE title scene, I would much prefer him to face Rey at WM, possibly as a heel. I don’t think it’ll happen, but it would set up that match well if the mediumpowers exploded here, and it would give the Basham’s the titles to face a face team at WM.
Winner – Basham Brothers

CJ Ambrosia: I put forth the idea of Eddy turning on Rey and starting a long program together. If that doesn’t happen, I see no real reason to take the belts off the Bashams. Since it obviously makes sense to let them keep the belts and let Rey and Eddy chase for a while, the exact opposite will happen.
Winners: Eddy and Rey

Jeremy Lambert: I’m torn on this one. I want Eddie and Rey to win because they need gold but tag gold is not what I had in mind. Orlando Jordan may show up in this one thus giving the Bashams the win
Winner – The Basham Brothers

David Brashear: Although I’m not a big fan of theirs, I’m hoping that the Bashams pull this one out, probably through shenanigans. I really think that Eddie and Rey should be used as singles.
Winner – Bashams

Thomas Kilduff: It’s all about the Cabinet Babeee; expect some serious shenanigans in this match. One of the most underwhelming tag teams I have ever seen to win.
Winners- Basham Brothers

Michaelangelo McCullar: While I think it’d be great to see the belts around Eddie and Rey’s waists, I think this is just setting up these two for WM. Man, this PPV is looking more and more like a f*cking placeholder.
Winner – The Secretaries of Defense

Widro: i always enjoy these matches
Winner – london

Eric Szulczewski: Funaki’s run has been really fun so far. I don’t see
them ending it now. Remember, he won the CW strap in a match like
this. And he’s getting great pops. I don’t see a change in the status quo.
Winner – Funaki

Dan Hevia: Spot time! This should be fun for the viewer. Hopefully Funaki retains, as he is a steal in Fantasy at only one million dollars. Speaking of…Fantasy Season 3 starts tomorrow bitches! I got four teams, what you got!?
Winner – Fantasy Teams

PK: Chavo is probably the best choice to have the title on besides Mysterio going into Mania.
Winner – Chavo

Matthew Michael: London and Akio have been killing on Velocity, so that’s the direction to go. Let’s give this to the heel so London can chase for a bit.
Winner – Akio

Blatt: YES YES YES YES YES YES! Now if they’d only give this match 30 minutes. That will NEVER happen. This would be amazing if Kidman took Spike’s place, but you can’t have everything, can you?
Weiner – ME! What an awesome match! Who cares who wins?

Kurtis Osterlund: Two month rule for the cruiserweight strap. Time for a title change. We’ll go with London jus because he deserves gold after that crazy clothesline bump he took last month.
Winner- new champ, Paul London

Jed Shaffer: *yawn* And the point is?
Winner – It’s London calling…they say “Go back to the indies, you’re better off.”

Kyle: They’re actually calling Moore the ‘prince of punk’ now? That’s
really, really gay. This match is a mess of ‘whys’. Why is London and Kidman not feuding? Why is Chavo a face? Why has Spike done jack all since losing the title? Why hasn’t Funaki brought Taka Michinoku back and reformed TEAM EVIL? Why won’t this be given more than 5 minutes on a show with 6 matches? All these questions are, of course, completely mute.
Winner – Spike

CJ Ambrosia: If they get a bunch of time, this could be the sleeper match of the card. Unlike the “put you to sleep” match of the card (the aforementioned Taker/Reigns match), this should be good. Again, Funaki is over; why take the belt off him? Repeat it with me kids, because it makes too much sense! Look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey…
Winner – Spike Dudley

Jeremy Lambert: They actually have a cruiserweight match on a WWE PPV? Shocking. Put the title on London and take him off Velocity
Winner – Paul London

David Brashear: I’d really rather see a straight one on one match for the title on PPVs, especially with the rumors that the WWE’s wanting to make the title seem more prestigious. I’m going to say that Funaki will keep it for now just to keep things stable until the rumored cruiserweight division shakeup. When some of the bigger name guys (like Super Crazy or Psicosis) start showing up, that’s when I see Funaki dropping the belt.
Winner – Funaki

Thomas Kilduff: This match will be very short I think, I seriously hope they don’t think of doing something like they did at WMXX for the Cruiserweight title at WM21. Paul London goes over here, if as I’ve heard the WWE management “like” him yet. What’s not to like?
Winner – London (PLEASE!)

Michaelangelo McCullar: Does it even matter anymore? The smart move would be to put the belt on London, but when was the last time WWE did anything remotely intelligent when it came to cruiserweights?
Winner – Chavo Not-So-Classic

Widro: i’d like to see this match not be horrible
Winner – heidenreich

Eric Szulczewski: Oh, Christ…poor Booker. He’s going to have to make
this lump of shit look good so that something can be done with him and
Snitsky at WM. Not even Booker can succeed at that.
Winner – Heidenreich

Dan Hevia: You think Booker T is ready to retire after being booked in this? Heidenreich is a mutant Dale Earndhardt Jr. No seriously…

No shit right?
Winner – Mutant Dale Earnhardt Jr.

PK: Poor Booker T, who did he piss off to deserve this?
Winner – Heiden…Heidenreich

Matthew Michael: Uh…
Winner – Booker T

Blatt: Maybe I missed a real reason for this besides just giving Booker T a match. After losing to Cena (again) I’d expect the Book to beat down on the crazy guy.
Weiner – The Booker Man and a popcorn break

Kurtis Osterlund: Um, yeah. NEXT!
Winner- Booker T I guess

Jed Shaffer: Alright, Fingers, I’ve had enough of the “joke” NWO card. Gimme the real match rundown. Seriously, gimme. You’re not kidding? This match is REALLY HAPPENING? Sweet jumping Jesus. Bet you regret taking the contract buyout now, don’t you, Mr. Huffman?
Winner – Not like it matters, since both have careers more stalled out then a ’77 AMC Pacer on a steep hill. Since I have to pick a winner…Harlem No-Heat

Kyle: So, this is happening because Jon laughed at Booker T losing? That’s about as good as coffee. Jon needs a win, but Jon doesn’t win.
Winner – Booker T

CJ Ambrosia: This wasn’t mentioned at ALL on the last show before the PPV, so of course, it’ll be a “bonus” match. Ho boy, this is better than getting 20% more Bacos, for FREE!
Winner – Booker T.

Jeremy Lambert: Moving on
Winner – Booker T

David Brashear: Words cannot describe how much I want the goofball Heidenreich off my TV. I would definitely be reaching for my remote to fast forward right about now.
Winner – Booker T

Thomas Kilduff: ZZZZZZZZZ
Winner – Heidenwreck

Michaelangelo McCullar: There’s absolutely no reason Heidenreich should ever get the win over Booker T. However, Vince seems to take a perverse delight in embarassing the 5-TIME 5-TIME 5-TIME WCW CHAMP. And something tells me they’re gonna want to make Heidenreich look strong going into his jobber role for UT at WM.
Winner – Poetry Boy

Widro: i dont care!
Winner – Joy

Eric Szulczewski: I’m too damn old to care about this one. Let’s go
with the person who’s been getting the biggest push.
Winner – Joy Giovanni

Dan Hevia: Who are these people?! None of them compare to the Raw Is Porn girls. Joy seems to be the most noticed because she is Big Show’s ho and I think Carmella told her she had a fat ass during the competition, so Joy it is!
Winner – Joy

PK: Aww, who gives a shit. I like Michelle the best, but Joy is the favorite.
Winner – Joy

Matthew Michael: Contrary to popular opinion, Lauren and Rochelle joined the Smackdown roster in late December. Uh, not sure what the point of that is but it’s true man!
Winner – Michelle!

Blatt: Take all the joy I’m gonna get out of the cruiserweight match and put it into a number. Throw a negative sign on that number and you’ll get the joy I’ll take from this abomination. Think about that these four whores are gonna get more time than the cruiserweights will (and you KNOW they will too).
Weiner – Joy, cause I know who she is. She’s the one Carmella said had a fat ass, right?

Kurtis Osterlund: I’ll just pick Joy, because she’s the only one of them that I actually know who she is.
Winner- Joy

Jed Shaffer: Who’s Rochelle? Who’s Lauren? Did I miss something? They fired Jazz and Gail Kim for this?!?
Winner – Random ho #53,204

Kyle: Who? Who? Who? Who?
Winner – Michelle?

CJ Ambrosia: Unless the name begins with “Lillian” and ends with “Garcia”, I really don’t care.
Winner – Teenage boys across America.

Jeremy Lambert: I bet this segment gets more time than the cruiserweight match. The true winner is the fans but if I had to pick…
Winner – Joy

David Brashear: You know, it really speaks highly of the new Divas when they have to walk around ringside with signs saying who they are, and then I still can’t tell you who’s who. I’ll guess Joy, so Big Show can at least have a semi-win.
Winner – Joy

Thomas Kilduff: Seriously, try to find someone who cares about WWE Divas, apart from the fact that they are fit.
Winner – Some Bimbo

Michaelangelo McCullar: Who gives a f*ck?
Winner – 11-year old boys with zero access to their dad’s porn stash.