WWE Sunday Night Heat Report 20/3/05
Okay, I’m late, and Bottomline didn’t seem to want to get taped this weekend while I was away. Well, they’re gonna cover everything on Bottomline right here on Heat, anyway.
So welcome to Sunday night Heat. This is probably the latest report of heat on the entire internet.
Simon Dean VS Viscera…Viscera?!?!? ~ Simon has a granola bar with him. He grabs a mic He’s been totally stacked with orders for his simon system, so he didn’t even check who he was wrestling tonight. He didn’t mention the granola bar. Viscera of all people come down. He’s got a new cape. Must have not seen the Incredibles. Simon tries an irish whip but gets clotheslined. Vis chops him. Simon tries a clotheslim, but Vis gets a spinning backdrop. Vis then…stand on him for a second. So, who are we cheering here? The skinny guy making fun of fat people, or the evil goth puppet of the Ministry that can’t wrestle because he’s too damn fat? I’m confused. Vis chokes him down, Simon gets out, and Vis hits an…..ENZIGURI? Whoa. Bodysplash and it’s over.
That Enziguri was pretty cool, gotta say.
Up Next…Smackdown stuff.
Wrestlemania Recall. – Pete Rose in 1998, and Kane taking him out.
And now some highlights of Hulk Hogan beating the Iron Sheik…I swear they speed up that tape to make it go faster and faster every year.
They run down the WM21 card. Looks worth the money, anyway. There’s really no filler, when you think about it. Every match has a reason. Except one, and that’s only because they went the stupid route about it.
Speaking of, Randy Orton showed up on Smackdown to sign the contract to fight the undertaker. Randy looks a little teensy bit like Ziggy Stardust under the blue lights. Bischoff is awesome, just inching the contract on the table and then careening away as fast as he can. Taker signs. Randy goes to sign, but picks up the mix first. Taker doesn’t blink. “Undertaker…before I sign this contract, I want you to know that I have nothing but respect for you and your legacy…your 12 and 0 at wrestlemania, you’re undefeated, but look into my eyes, soon, you will be 12 and 1. Because I’m not like all your other opponents, I’m not afraid. I refuse to be afraid…12 different men have tried to beat you and all 12 failed. But I’m unlike all the others. I’m unlike all the others taker, because I’m not afraid. Now people tell me that facing the undertaker is like facing nobody else on earth, but they’re dead wrong, because when the Undertaker facing Randy Orton will be like facing nobody else on earth, Randy Orton, Legend” He signs the Contract… “Killer.” The lights go all schizo, and Taker takes off his hat. Taker makes the thunder come down onto the stage and make some impressive fire. Orton did look a tiny little bit scared of that one.
Up next, the Masterpiece, Chris Masters. Dammit.
WWE Rewind, Kane beating Tomko and Christian, and ripping them both to freaking shreds.
Anyways, Chris Masters comes down, and Coach thinks he has the coolest entrance in the WWE. What? He’s standing there in a cape. Then he stands there as fireworks go off. Big freaking deal. Now, if he were to stand IN the fire, that’d be something. Then he’d be .2 on the Goldberg scale of strong guys who can succeed. As of now, he’s 0.0. Anyways, he grabs a mic. “I am the masterpiece, Chris Masters. Seems like you people don’t like me too much. Why? ?Cause I tell the truth. That nobody can compare to my power,(WHAT) my intelligence,(WHAT) and to my ability. And no one in the back has been able to break out of my masterlock submission.(WHAT) And it’ll be no different tonight, so everyone in the back pay attention (WHAT) because the masterpiece is going to do (WHAT) what he’s going to do week in and week out (WHAT)”
Chris Masters VS. Jimmy Rave, a man 1/5th the size of Masters. ~ Drop tole hold and a facelock by Masters. Suplex and a hangman on the rope. Masters drags Rave over to the corner and pulls him into the post. Clothesline to Rave. Choke to Rave. Rave punches back, but gets hit with the polish hammer. Full nelson and Rave submits. Coach quips “As I say to all the women, it’s only a matter of time.” Yelch.
Winner: Chris Masters
Up Next, Snitsky talks with Flair. Well, Snitsky throws catchphrases at Flair.
Last Monday, Benoit and HHH fought because of Batista and to prove that yes, indeed, HHH can beat Benoit, just like he did a bunch of times back in 2000. Later on, Snitsky fights Batista in slow motion with music in the back round. All matches should be like that, with soft lighting and pre-organized closeups. And, when someone runs in, like Kane just did, that the camera just changes colours to Blue. Anyways, HHH makes Batista VS Kane for…Tonight, I guess. Again, sorry for being late.
Maven and Molly VS Val and Victoria ~ heh, that’s cute booking. Coach mentions that mix tagged activity is the only way Val gets near women these days. What’s with Coach this week? Maven takes Val from behind…hrm. This match is really going to sound like porn now. Thanks a lot, Coach! Fer Chrissakes…Val takes maven out of the ring and chops him. Back in, and Maven wants a time out. Val gets some punches sin the corner. More chops. Irish whip and a clothesline on Maven. Val gets a short knee, and then another, Side Russian legssweep, and some gyrating onto of Maven. Maven reverses a clothesline and gets his explosive dropkick, and tags in Molly. Molly goes to strike Val, but he catches her arm, gyrates a little, and gives her a kneedrop, before tagging in Victoria. Wait, these two fought for the women’s title last year. And now it’s Christy. Oh man. Victoria pounds down Molly to the outside, and leaps, but gets caught by Maven. Back in, Molly trips Victoria, and something looked messed up there, and Maven held onto Victoria, but Molly went down to do a back body drop, and then they just stood around for a minute. Molly charged Vic and took her down and…commercials. Back in and Molly throws Vic by her hair. Molly does the cool heel thing by holding Vic’s hand back and taunting her about tagging. Rear chinlock, and Coach takes credit for everything Maven does as a heel. Molly tags Maven, and he gyrates on top of Victoria, and tags back Molly. Chiking on the ropes, and some cheating to win by Maven. Molly gets a two count. Molly tags Maven in, and he taunts Victoria about not being able to tag. Then, he kisses her. Wow, such offense. Vic slaps him and goes for the tag, but Maven hits a drop toe hold and tags in Molly. Irish whip and a double clothesline. Maven gets the tag, and then Val. Val gets 5 right hand and then 4 chops. Charging clothesline to Maven. Another. Another. More chops. Big back body drop. Neckbreaker. 2 count.Maven kicks Val and tries a suplex, but Val reverses and gets a swinging powerbomb for a 2 count. Meanwhile, Vic and Molly fight outside, and Val gets distracted. Maven hits the low blow, and rolls Val up for the three.
Winners : Molly Holly and Maven.