The Crucifix

For what it’s worth, I still can’t get that Hemme/Angle commercial out of my head. 1) She’s hot. 2) He was hilarious 3) Since no one has claimed her, I am adding her to my stable alongside Victoria. On with the show…

Raw 03.14.05

– Jericho hosts the HighLight Reel with Randy Orton. Orton wants to make an impact on something other than Stacy, so he challenged Undertaker. Jericho brings out Jake ” The Dirty Old Grandpa Snake” Roberts, who verbally cuts down Orton. Randy makes some comments back, so Jake goes to get his snake. Orton grabs him, Jake hits a clothesline, goes for the DDT, but gets hit with the RKO.
– Kane def. Christian and Tyson Tomko
– Kane rapes Tomko with a ladder, busting him open.
– Flair chats it up with Snitsky.
– Christy with Amy Copeland in the back. They are practicing kicks, which would bring out Regal and Tajiri. Tajiri shows Christy some moves. Christy kicks for a while and then kicks Regal in his cash and prizes.
– HBK in the back with Marty Jannetty. They do some blow and HBK announces they are in a “Rockers Reunion” against La Resistance.
– Shelton Benjamin def. Adam “Edge/Feces” Copeland
– The Rockers def. La Resistance. Post match, Demolition runs in and takes out The Rockers. The Hart Foundation makes the save, but wind up getting jumped by Bossman and Akeem. Right now, somewhere, Lou Thez is crying. But Lou Thez gets jumped by Brutus Beefcake and it’s “I love the 80’s” on WWE TV!
– Flair talks to Triple H.
– Maria chats with Triple Stratus, who beats the hell out of her.
– Flair pumps Snitsky up, but Batista interrupts and Flair goes apeshit.
– Triple H def. Chris Benoit
– Hassan complains about not being on the Wrestlemania card. He then beheads Jerry Lawler.
– Christy checks up on Maria. Lita runs into Snitsky, who wants to welcome her back. (The Copeland way.)
– Batista def. Gene Snitsky via DQ.
– Flair, HHH and Snitsky jump Batista. He fights out of it, and the 3 of them go to get chairs. Kane runs in for the save and Triple H announces that Batista will face Kane next week.

The Raw Membrane
Legally:

– Jake Roberts has been abusing that snake for years.
– Randy Orton is guilty of beating up an elderly person.
– WWE is guilty of burying Christian.
– Kane is guilty of assault with a deadly weapon.
– Christy is guilty of a low blow on Regal.
– Triple Stratus is guilty of assault on Maria.
– HHH, Flair and Snitsky are all guilty of attempted assault.

Personally:

– Seeing Jake Roberts in that state, with that voice, is kind of sad. Makes you want the old Jake Roberts back. By the way, instead of getting someone who looks horrible out on TV, why not call up Snuka? He faced the Undertaker and was getting his ass kicked by Three Minute Warning only like 2 years ago.
– What, Christians ex-tag team partner sleeps with the wrong chick and he pays for it?
– Flair and Snitsky: “WHOOOO! I’ve made virgins bleed baby!” “I’ve killed babies.” “WHOOOOO…wait what?”
– Although her aim was off, Christy is still way too hot.
– Marty Jannetty did look good. Even so, I really wanted HBK to throw him through some glass. It’s just my natural reaction when I see him.
– Flair and Snitsky Part 2: ” Jet flyin’! Limousine ridin’!” ” I’ve killed babies.” Batista: “He has.” Flair: “I’ve made virgins bleed!”
– No shit, one year to the day, Triple H gets his job back.
– Kane vs. Batista = Vince must be back.

Smackdown

Although I appreciate your offers of VCRs, TiVo’s, tapes and such, but I can’t take them. Widro makes it clear that we are, under no circumstances, allowed to recieve any gifts unless he gets to try them out and see if he likes them first. Generally, he keeps everything and sells them on Ebay. Hell, he sold PK’s virginity. Sick bastard. Oh, Smackdown, right. I heard Angle vs. Jannetty was very good. I also saw the Orton/Undertaker thing on WWE.Com. I’m a sucker for special effects. Also,I find it funny that they let the Eddie/Mysterio match slip out in Smackdown magazine.


The Crown of Thorns

Raw: 03.21.05
– Batista vs. Kane ends in a no contest when Triple H jumps Batista.
– 6 man tag between the ladder match participants.
– Christy just gets hotter.
– In a surprise move, Victoria wins the Intercontinental Title from Shelton Benjamin in a thrilling match.
– Randy Orton RKO’s Jimmy Snuka.

Smackdown 03.24.05

– Rey Mysterio turns on Eddie Guerrero.
– Kurt Angle snorts blow and screws Bret Hart out of a fake WWE Title. (Seriously, if he wants to accomplish everything…)
– John Cena def. The Bashams
– Chavo Guerro def. Billy Kidman, after heavy interference from Paul London backfires.


Why Victoria Rules

Victoria Rules Because:
Like Prudential, she’s rock solid.
Visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com


Just Because I Want To


News and Thoughts

– Marty Jannetty won himself a job. Good for Marty. Only thing is, he’ll be released in six months once they realize that the effect of it has worn off.

– Bret Hart at Wrestlemania? That sounds exciting! Meltzer gives his patented “deeply researched” answer. Seriously, what in the blue hell does Meltzer know? I know that Bret Hart just happens to be in California during Wrestlemania. I know Vince McMahon has a boatload of cash. I know that if Vince McMahon offered up enough McDough, Bret would show up. How do I know this? I really don’t, but at least I tell you I don’t have a clue, unlike Meltzer.

Sylvester Stallone will induct Hogan into the Hall of Fame. You know what pisses me off? After all these years, everything is still about Hogan. Spike is only airing his induction, Sly is inducting him, he gets a 9 page spread in Raw magazine as the other inductees combined get 8 pages and his daughter is hot. So not fair. Look at her…


Other than these fantastic news pieces, it’s slow…again. Matt Hardy called Edge “feces”. Yea, real interesting. I bet Jeff Hardy read that and started making his friggin’ statues out of his own crap. Jeff: “Dude, Feconamicies!” Matt: “You’re f***ing sick.”


Selling…me

Of course I would love to!

Cool, funny and intelligent, check out the fantastic Reiko Aylesworth.

Enjoy your week, I’ll see you tomorrow on moodspins.

Yea, I must be going…

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