Romo's World: What Went Wrong With Ulong

As Comic Book Guy would put it… “Worst tribe EVER!”

Of course I am referring to the Ulong tribe of Survivor: Paulu. This team has redefined several words: ineptitude, losers and has become the Washington Generals.

When asked why he bet on Ulong to win an immunity challenge Krusty responded, “I thought they were due!”

Ulong have now lost five straight immunity challenges. Yes that is right they are 0-5. It has become a joke. They are outnumbered 8-3. You don’t have to be to read the Crystal Ball to know they are going to get Pagonged. It is only a matter of time before Ibreheim, Bobby Jon and Stephanie will have their flames extinguished.

Remember way back when in that first episode? Ian and Jolanda got to do a schoolyard pick ’em for the teams. Right away it looked like Ulong would dominate. They were all young and fit. Koror was led by a lanky, Mitchell-esque Ian and a white-haired fireman. Oh and having Willard and Caryn made them look very vulnerable.

So what happened? How did Koror become one of the most successful tribes in Survivor history??

Wait…that may be an overstatement. Is Koror that good or is Ulong that bad?

Let’s look at where things went wrong.

Jolanda and her crew picked all the fit, attractive and young people. This would seem to be a good strategy. However it backfired in a big way. The team was essentially one-dimensional.

They lost the first challenge in part because Tom is a beast and pretty much carried his team to victory.

The sign of things to come for Ulong became apparent with their failure to row in that challenge. Yes they were way behind but they could not even make it close.

They showed no teamwork or cooperation. Also no heart. It seemed like they gave up. They quit, a trait becoming all too common for Team Ulong.

A team of individuals can never work. Hey you know why the Minnesota Vikings traded away Randy Moss? Because he is not a team player. You know why New England Patriots became an NFL dynasty? Because the team is based around players that put the team first.

Ok before you start I know Survivor is an individual game not a team game. The thing is if you can’t work well as a team you wont make it far in the game.

I am a twenty-something so I know a bit about them. Call us Gen-Xers, Gen-Y. I don’t care. We are spoiled brats who rarely appreciate the good things around us. We don’t care about anyone but ourselves.

Ok a bit harsh but there is some truth in that.

The ME generation is a term that truly suits but those raised in the 90’s and the 00’s (pronounce ought, as Abe Simpson so aptly pointed out). It is all about me. ME ME ME!

If you listen carefully you can spot the ME’s in anytime young person talks. We have been raised in a society that praises the individual. We are all special and unique. No one can understand me because you haven’t walked in my shoes. Wah, wah, wah! Cry me a river.

The Ulong tribe’s downfall tied directly into this ME generation phenomenon.

This team could not work together.

After their first loss they voted out Jolanda. This may have been the BIGGEST mistake they could have made. Jolanda had the potential to be their leader. She was strong, both physically and mentally, and wanted to lead.

Sadly, as most parents will tell you spoiled brats do not want someone around to tell them what to do.

With no Jolanda Ulong became a lost tribe, headless if you will, like a chicken running around with no head on.

Bobby Jon did his best to work hard and carry on. Sadly he does not have the desire or charisma for leadership. Instead of admiring his hard work ethic the team felt threatened and told him to slow down.

I feel bad totally condemning this tribe because two of my favourite Survivors this year have been Bobby Jon and Stephaine.

But alas I must continue…

Ashlee…oh Ashlee. The girl who did not know what she was getting in to. How did she pass the screening test? 6 days and she is DONE! Come on!! Me Me Me…poor old me. I am tired, it’s cold, it’s wet. Suck it up! To talk more about this girl would waste valuable time.

After Ulong got rid of that deadweight it seemed all ready for a big comeback. After all no tribe can lose three immunities in a row, or can they? I mean I thought Burnett would “fix” things so as to even up the tribes.

Than Jeff goes and injures his ankle. The guy said he slipped on a coconut. What really happened is that he slipped and got a hard on for Kim. Ok I know that has nothing to do with his injury but he lost focused on the game just as he lost focus on the simple task of WALKING!!

His injury doomed his team in the next immunity challenge. With Jeff they could have won this challenge. Assuming Jeff has any heart, which I sincerely doubt.

This “tough” physical trainer called it quits. I don’t care what anyone says there is no difference in what Jeff did and what Osten did. Osten has been ostracized for quitting. Jeff told his time to vote for him. Just because Osten did not bother to make his team to go tribal does not make it any different. I don’t care what you say about Jeff’s injury. He was not going to die. Mike Skupin fell in a fire, burned his hands and he wanted to stay around. SUCK IT UP JEFF! Remember this is for $1 Million!!

Jeff did not want to tough it out. He was not willing to suffer to win. Is this the guy you want on the field in the fourth quarter? He sure does not sound like Brett Favre.

Than again what Ashlee did, or really didn’t do, could be called quitting to. The girl just gave up.

Now we come to Kim. A girl who I thought had so much potential. Beautiful, smart and devious…what went wrong? No heart! She was not able to keep her eye on the prize.

After losing four people Ulong was effectively dead. They lost any hope they had.

I look back on the Jolanda exit. Just imagine a team with Jolanda, Stephanie and Angie. Arguably this would have been the toughest trio of women in Survivor history.

Angie does not fit the whole spoiled brat, self-centered mold of her teammates. She is one tough cookie as several Koror members have discovered.

Stephanie may be the strongest female I have ever seen on Survivor. Besides the fact she looked INCREDIBLE this week swimming with the jelly fish. Sadly Stephanie got stuck on the wrong tribe. All the losing got to her. Stephanie had a great thing going right away. She seemingly made friends with Tom and Ian. Had she been on Koror this girl would be a favourite to win it all.

Ibreheim…well I really have nothing wrong to say about you. Yeah so you can’t really swim that well but other than that you have shown well for yourself. You are not a leader, just a quiet guy who does his thing. Trade Ibreheim for Gregg in Koror and you would not see much difference.

Bobby Jon you go against pretty much everything I have said about twenty-somethings. You work tirelessly without asking for any praise. Again you are not a leader, which is a shame but is probably why you are so likeable. Those fights in that “sumo challenge” between Tom and Bobby Jon are stuff of legend. I mean who wouldn’t pay $29.95 to those two fight to the death? Ok maybe not death because I don’t want to see either of them dead.

Sadly the decimation of Ulong has made the past couple of episodes boring and predictable. I wish I could just fast forward the next couple of weeks because everyone knows it will come down who on Koror is going to win it all.

Oh Mark Burnett save us all and make it individual from now on out. Kill the already dead Ulong tribe.

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