It is time for R A B B L E M A N I A !
We are here for the biggest Rabble of the year.. err.. SO FAR! Joining us for the party is the standards of Eric, Hernandez, Jenna, Laura, Danielle, but also are joining us is Hernandez’s brother Omar – massage therapist to the stars, Michael, and wrestling questionables Jimmy and Val. Also joining us is the pizza-bearing Simon!
Sadly, the Conquistador was unable to join us. He was though, in fact, Ben Morse. Ha! Isn’t that funny. Anyway, I’ll have the winner of the contest for yah on the forums.
Sonavabitch it’s going to be a good night. Let’s get out of the way the things that have made the Monday Night Rabble the thing to watch… or not.
First, the official picture of US! This is the last official picture of the Rabble for awhile. Why? Well, the joke kinda is getting old – and I have other things that can fit into this space better. So this time, I give you the real, honest to goodness.. picture of us:
Top Row: Eric, Jenna, Hernandez, Omar, Jimmy
Bottom Row: Me, Dani, Laura, Michael, Val
Second, the first exciting issue of WRESTLING WITH THE RABBLE! Here it is!
Third, shout out to Jennie – thanks for reading. I mean, thanks to ALL of you for reading, but Jennie gets an official mention. If your name is Jennie, then I’m talking about you.
HOWARD FINKLE IS IN THE RING!!!!!!
Opening American The Beautiful Song
Lillian Garcia vs.. umm.. her 3 back-up singers.
“Shouldn’t Hassan interrupt?” – Danielle
She does have a set of pipes. Lillian, not Dani. Not to say anything negative about Dani’s pipes… but… ok fine, bad way to start the show.
A classy red curtain rises and we get a montage of all of the Hollywood movie clips. Danielle wants me to comment that whomever put together the design package for the Hollywood shows is amazing. As an aspiring graphic designer, I take her opinion.
And here is the new one – Austin as the Gladiator. Weird that the other actors aren’t wrestlers. Remember that a few weeks ago Hernandez called this. Lord knows where he gets his information. Not a fan of Austin – so, someone else can make an opinion on this.
They show us our announce teams – we make Hernandez & Omar translate the announce teams, and Taz is wearing a badass suit.
Starting the match is…… VIVA LA RAZA!
EDDIE vs. REY REY
Make the crowd pop match
Hey! Rey didn’t pop up through the ground! Awww.. Rey Rey is supporting an American outfit and a shaved head.
Lock up to start, and Eric is already predicting that Rey’s mask is coming off tonight. Fireman’s carry from Eddie, but Rey lands on his feet and they start bouncing the ropes to a huge hiptoss that would have knocked the breathe out of anyone. Two count.
Eddie picks him up and they fight head to head. Eddie trips him down, Eddie rides Rey’s feet and Rey climbs up to Eddie’s neck and it all ends up with Rey getting tossed out of the ring hard. These guys have not let go of hands, a suplex, a double pin, a double backbridge, and a double stand-up. This is just pure synchro.
Finally Eddie goes for a suplex, Rey lands on his feet, Rey hits the ropes, hits a shoulderblock. They leap back and forth and Eddie tosses Rey off the top rope. Rey lands on the apron and climbs back in then tosses Eddie across the ring, as Rey runs towards him Eddie flips Rey off the top – and then Eddie leaps over the top rope. Good god this match doesn’t stop.
Finally a moment to pause as we get some hold spots into the bow and arrow – but Rey shifts out of it. Eddie grabs Rey’s leg and a loose STF gets crowd support. Eddie picks him up for an atomic drop, but Rey grabs and flips over and slips… they REPEAT the spot, and this time they do it right ending with Rey Rey giving the hiptoss. Eddie ends up outside and a corkscrew leap off the top from Rey Rey to Eddie.
Back in the ring they go, and a top rope plancha and goes for the ropes, but Eddie catches him. Eddie goes for the 3 Amigos Suplexes, but on #2 – Rey goes for a sunset flip. They fight up until Eddie is going for the 3 Amigos AGAIN! Rey Rey slips out AGAIN, turning it into a rana leaving Eddie on the ropes. 619 misses, Rey lands on his feet, but Eddie catches him with a tiltawhirl backbreaker.
He tries ONE MORE TIME for the 3 Amigos, and hits it for a 2 count!!! He goes for the frog splash and MISSED! Rey goes for a pin, reversed by Eddie for a TIGHT two count. They get up, rope to rope, Rey leaps up, throwing Eddie into the 2nd rope, 619!!!
“If I ever meet this man, I’m buying him a beer!” – Jimmy
He goes for the West Coast Pop – caught and powerbombed. Eddie gets two! The crowd is calling for Eddie as he charges Rey. Rey leaps, spins, rana into a pin!!! It was literally an eyeblink.
WINNER: REY REY!!!
Eddie looks pissed, but they shake hands.
“Yer Mama!” – Michael
Backstage JBL and Orlando Jordan meet up with Trips and Ric! They make fun of JBL being a wrestling.. GOD. They argue about who is the best champion, but the final verdict will come at the end of the night.
“Triple H because he’s married to Stephanie.” – Dani
And just to be nice, Ric ‘Woos’ in Orlando’s face. Nice.
COMING NEXT!
First… comes Y 2 J!
“Sorry honey – he’s losing!” – Dani
“Damnit! You beat me too it” – Hernandez
“Me too!” – Eric
Screw you guys.. screw ya’ll. There is 8 er so ladders set up on the top.
Next… CHRIS BENOIT!
Then… CHRISTIAN!
“Awww, he brought a friend.” – Dani
Laura’s favorite.. SHELTON BENJAMIN
Heeere’s Edge!
Finally…………… some red guy. Who set the ladders on fire with his pyro.
“Honey on our wedding can we have burning ladders?” – Dani
“Done.” – Me
MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH!
It starts off by Kane coming on down, everyone taking turns at beating the hell out of him and failing. Kane person by person stops them. That simple as he heads on down to the ring. Good lord, I have no time to even see what’s going on. Outside Shelton and Benjamin double suplex Kane to keep him out for awhile.
Inside, Christian is dragging a ladder into the ring, Jericho grabs it and shoves it into Christian’s chin.
“HOT LADDER HOT LADDER!” – Michael
Jericho is now in the ring with Benjamin. Shelton starts with the upper hand, but fairly quickly Jericho gets the bulldog on Benjamin and does the 2nd rope dropkick to Benoit and Edge who were fighting on the apron. Jericho grabs the top rope and leaps landing on Christian hits the turnbuckle to hit em’. Shelton does a huge 360 to hit them. KANE DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES THEM FROM THE TURNBUCKLE!
Everyone is dead. THEY ARE ALL DEAD… except Kane.
Kane drags in a ladder.. Christian goes to hit Kane, but gets laddered. Jericho dropkicks the ladder into Kane.
“Kane used to work at Home Depot” – Michael
Kericho clears house with the ladder hitting every single person… EXCEPT BENOIT who german’s Jericho HOLDING THE LADDER! Benoit sets it up and is going for the top.. Kane grabs him and chokeslam, but is stopped by Edge who instead gets tossed into the crippler crossface.
“CROPPLER CHRISFACE!” – Eric
Lots of stuff happens.. GOOD GOD THIS IS HARD TO WRITE! It ends with Kane in the middle of the ring alone, but then gets hit with a Con-Chairto… with Ladders! So Christian and Edge are alone in the ring, but get a double clothesline from Shelton off the top rope. They both get up while Shelton is getting the ladder ready. Christian fights it away from him. Shelton goes to do the spinkick towards Edge. Edge ducks – hits Christian who is now holding a ladder.
“Maracelus Wallace is going for his soul” – Jimmy
Here comes the ladder clusterf*ck! They are all fighting up on now two ladders. Christian gets it and is getting chopped by Benoit – Shelton’s reaching, but getting hit by Jericho. Edge tosses Jericho off. Now Shelton and Edge are now fighting off the top of it….. finally…. POWERSLAM FROM SHELTON TO EDGE OFF THE TOP!!!!!!!!!
“How many times did they practice this?” – Laura
“Oh, just this once..” – Me
Jericho crawls, knocking a ladder away and crawling … slowly.. up the ladder. Christian stops him, but gets a boot to the back of the ladder leaving a ladder propped against the standing ladder.. SHELTON RUNS UP THE ALTERNATE LADDER AND CLOTHESLINES JERICHO OFF THE TOP! Shelton is at the top! As he goes for it, Christian pops him in the face, but spins around gets a boot from Kane!!
Kane tosses Shelton over the top to spin around and get a hit from Tomko. Tomko sets up the ladder and props Christian against it. He rides Tomko’s shoulders as far up as he can. Kane though stops em! Christian’s on top, as Kane grabs Tomko and throws him out. In lieu of climbing after Christian, he instead just tosses the entire ladder to the edge, hurling Christian outside onto the loving arms of Tyson Tomko.
Kane is climbing the ladder and HERE COMES JERICHO! They are at the top and fists begin to fly. The ladder tips off and falls – Kane on the inside.. Jericho on the outside.
“Too many ladders in the ring.. it’s screwing up the Feng Shue” – Jimmy
Benoit sets up a ladder in the corner, he climbs the buckle.
He climbs the ladder.
FLYING HEADBUTT ONTO KANE!
“Don’t you know you shouldn’t stand on the top step?” – Val
“Yeah, seriously.. he’ll fall.. like… THAT!” – Michael
Take note, that fall ripped open his stitches! IT’S INSANE! Add into that he looks like he broke his nose. I can’t believe he did it. He sets up a ladder and the crowd GOES FRIGGING NUTS! Benoit is now climbing – but Kane is on his heels. Kane’s got hand on neck. They fight.. and headbutt alot.. even though Benoit’s face is busted AGAIN! The headbutt drops Kane off the ladder…
Benoit is at the top. He looks like he’s got it.. when… KWANNNG! HUGE Chair from Edge drops Benoit off the ladder.
“Wouldn’t it be great if the Dudleys came down right now?” – Dani
Without anymore worry, Edge climbs up, he grabs it and THAT IS THAT!
WINNER: EDGE!
Our ringer of Kane was totally wrong?!?!? You know what, that’s better. Kane will get his match against Batista, but they can use this for storyline purposes later. Edge/Dave is solid.
=Commercial for Andre the movie=
OH MY GOD!!!! Eugene is here! Screw y’all – I like him, as does the Rabble. We pop like mofos! He’s got a microphone! He can’t believe he’s at Wrestlemania!
“I can’t believe I’m wearing big boy pants!” – Me
Eurgene is popping for Wrestlemania 3’s midget match. Midgets are awesome.
…and the entire moment is ruined….
….here.comes.hassan…..
“Davari is wearing a NICE SUIT!” – Eric
“His name is not Davari.. his name is Akbar!” – Me
“Why?” Simon
“BECAUSE IT’S A TRAP!” – Me
Why did they have to take this moment away from me and give me Hassan. Hassan apparently does not like midgets.
“I love him on Ali G” – Michael
Hassan prattles on. I have to say Akbar’s suit is pretty nice. Eugene doesn’t seem to give a crap either. Of course the cheap shot… *yawn*
A creepy moment as he runs his thumb across Eugene’s neck before the camel clutch. The music hits and here comes…
HULK HOGAN!!!!!
Double Noggin Knocker!
Punches in the corner!
Clothesline in the corner!
Big Boot!
OVER THE TOP!
Akbar hits him with a chair and it’s the FINGER OF DOOM!
Against the ropes!
Big Boot!
OVER THE TOP!
The Hogan Pose Off!
“I still mark out for this stuff” – Me
“Yeah it’s like when Stan Lee says ‘True Believer’ you feel like you’re 7” – Michael
“As long as he doesn’t wrestle” – Dani
“That wasn’t a match.. it’s ok” – Eric
They show us Hogan’s hot lil daughter… oh and the rest of his family.
“He eats so many carrots – that’s why he’s that color.” – Michael
“Not to mention he can read a wristwatch a mile away” – Me
We noticed that David Arquette is in the audience. We officially have a former WCW champion in the audience. Somebody.. somewhere.. kill him. Sadly, we wanted the Eugene with Hogan moment, but to no avail – Hogan milks it for 15 minutes.
Undertaker vs. Orton
Legend Killer Match
Here comes the monks! HUGE Flamey torches, and take notice that some of the monks are actually Edge and Christian.. Gotta give respect.
“This is ridiculous!” – Val
“This is pro wrestling!” – Me
“You know Eyes Wide Shut… same guys” – Michael
Undertaker is SLIDING forward.. He’s not walking..
“HE’S SUBZERO!” – Me
“He’s got rollerskates!” – Dani
“He’s on a segway!” – Me again.
As Taker finally gets to the ring corner and brings up the ring lights. I must say, he looks frigging impressive. One of the greatest entrances in wrestling history.
“I’m lookin for man named Jesse Custer…” – Me
He takes off his hat.
“Kung Lao wins” – Michael
Hey and here comes Orton’s Monks!! Heh.. no. Orton does get the golden fire fall, he Orton poses.. and the bell rings.
Taker backs Orton into a corner, and Orton spins out of the way. Wily like a cat that one. He bitchslaps Undertaker and UT charges him. Side headlock from Tker, Orton shoves him against the ropes. Leapfrog passover and then a dropkick from Orton for a 2 count.
UT against the ropes, big back bodydrop. Orton picks him up and a cross-rope leap again, but this time, UT stops and big hit floors Randy. He fights Orton to the corner, and out of nowhere Randy goes for the RKO, but is caught and thrown out of the ring.
Taker sets Orton up against the edge of the ring, climbs to the top and LEG drops Orton. Taker then walks the top rope and old schools him! UT sets him in the corner and charges for the big boot, but Orton ducks and UT end up on the outside apron, a dropkick sents Taker to the barrier. Orton brings him back in, but Taker flips him around hits him squarae in the face. Orton tries to toss Taker against the ropes, and then a low end DDT sends Orton face first..
Taker gets the sideslam – tosses Orton into the corner and a BIG clothesline. Taker picks him up and snake-eyes into the corner. UT charges him, but eats an elbow. Orton punches UT, finally dropping him. Orton poses….. Taker sits up. Fists begin. Finally, UT gets the upperhand (duh) and throws him into the dragon sleeper. On the two count Orton reverses for a NICE solid DDT. Pin for 2.
They fight to their feet, UT against the ropes.. SLEEPER from Orton, SIDE SUPLEX from Taker. Quick. Easy. Painful.
UT climbs into the corner, Orton charges. BIG BOOT! He charges Orton but gets powerslammed!
ONE
TWO
THHHHH-NO! Holy crap I got scared.
Out of nowhere, Cowboy Bob comes in! A flying cast to the face and TAKER IS OUT! Like FLAT out cold!!?
“Who’s that?!” – Val
“Darth Orton” – Michael
Orton Sr pulls the ref to Taker..
ONE
TWO…….
THANK GOD NO!
At this point me and Eric are screaming everytime we get think Taker might possibly lose. Orton Senior is standing on the apron with his cast on. Randy throws Taker into it, but Taker big boots Orton Sr. Taker spins around, he grabs Orton by the throat.. HERE IT IS —
OUT OF NOWHERE THE CHOKE SLAM DROPS INTO THE RKO!!! AMAZING!
ONE
TWO
GOOD GOD NO!!!!!!
Orton stands up and heaves Taker over his shoulder. Orton is going for the Tombstone!
“How the hell did he lift him?!?!?!” – Hernandez
“The force!” – Me
With one swift manuever, Taker reverses it… who knew he could do that!?!?!?
TAKER HITS IT!
ONE “Yes!”
TWO “GOOD!”
THREE “THANK FRICKING GOD!”
Winner: 13 – 0 – Taker!
Video packagae of Trish and Christie. Get one hand free.
Christie vs. Trish
Woman’s title and lets look at boobies match..
Christie looks cute in red. Lita looks awesome in a little floppity bra thingy… I have nothing else to say about that. What is Trish wearing?
“Saran Wrap” – Michael
Trish starts with the ‘lie down and pin me’ bit. Trish sighs as Christie isn’t going for it. She stands up and throws her instead. Tossed out of the ring, Trish tosses Christie into the steps. She now brings Christie in and starts working on her leg. Toss into the corner and Trish licks her hand and a Chop!
Trish starts skipping.. nice. She goes for a kick and Christie catches it and kicks Trish in the vagina. She grabs Trish’s legs and another stomp to the vagina, Christie leaps over her pinning for 2.
The RVD double leg onto the top rope, sunset flip gets 2 from Christie. Trish gets up and charges up for a spinebuster. A two count has her roll out of the ring. Trish runs around and charges into Lita then goes after Christie. She tosses in Hemme and getys distracted by Lita. Christie rolls her for two. They climb back up and start doing a rolling pin combo – but Trish doesn’t get out in time… BOTCH! *ahem* They ignore that Christy gets the 3 and Trish slams down for a quick 3.
“Way to end the suckfest.” – ..someone..
WINNER: Trish Stratus
Here’s for the set-up of Kurt and Michaels!
Some famous people are here.. but more importantly here comes Shawn – wearing lots of crosses. Seriously, it’s like someone shredded one of his mirror jackets and positioned it into various colored strips that shape into a cross. One on his front. His back. His arms.
“WHAT IS THAT?!” – Val
“I thought God hated vanity?” – Dani
“You see that his outfit leaves enough room to show his nipples?” – Michael
“Is that for the clamps?” – Jimmy
“That’s for the spear in his ribs” – Hernandez
Kurt comes out to a lovely YOU SUCK chant. Nose to nose they go.
Bell rings.
“He looks like Dee Snyder if the surgery went well” – Michael (on Shawn)
They argue about the lock up but Shawn bitchslaps him. Angle charges him and here comes the technical wrestling, turn arounds left and right until Michaels grabs the rope to break it.
They size each other up again. Lock-up puts Angle in a hiptoss, Michaels catching a side headlock. Angle grabs on the waist and fights to the mat, but Michaels continues to hold the headlock. Angle tosses Shawn into the ropes, shoulderblock from Michaels sends Angle back to the mat and the side headlock.
Angle fights his way up, and finally hits Shawn in the gut. Angle tries to toss Shawn, but Michaels doesn’t let go! Slide right back down. They fight into the corner and the count starts. The sideheadlock festy continues.
Angle reverses it into a hammer lock, elbow to Micheals. Shoulderblock drops Michaels. Shawn gets up and then catches him with a huge hiptoss, Shawn capitalizes with a half-scissorlock. Angle rolls backwards to reverse it, for a two count. Angle reverses it again! Great technical stuff here! Angle finally reverses it and LIFTS UP MICHAELS!
“That is SO bad for your back” – Michael
Michaels reverses it and sunset flips for 2, the side headlock fights to the corner. Finally Angle gives up and just starts pummeling.. TECHNICAL TIME OVER!
They continue to fight and Shawn is hitting the ropes, they BOTH go out. Shawn moves some table toppings, but by now Angle is up and starts with the european uppercuts.. a suplex teaser to the table. Angle picks up for the Angle Slam, but instead, rams him BACK into the turnbuckle.
Angle takes control on the outside and brings Michaels in for a huge suplex. Two count. Michaels gets locked into a scissorhold. Shawn fights out of it, tossed into the rope and a tree of WOAHHH he stands out of it.. but runs right into a release belly-to-belly. Two of thise, and I have to say that was THE PICTURE PERFECT version of that suplex. Kurt gets 2 and puts him in a chinlock.
“GIVE UP THE PEZ!” – Michael
He lets it go and starts to chops, punches, and all sorts of shenanigans. Looks like Michaels is getting out of it, but a short arm clothesline drops him like a sack of hate! Angle brings him to the corner, the top turnbuckle. Shawn fights him at the top and tosses Kurt. Shawn climbs up to the top and….. MISSES the elbow.
Angle takes off the suspenders Angle Slam….. INTO AN ARM DRAG! Angle falls out of the ring, and a suicide bomb from Michaels. Michaels crawls to the apron, but Kurt grabs him to belly to back him (assumedly onto the table).. Shawn fights out of it, only finally getting him to let go with a mule kick.
“The hidden leg!” – Hernandez
He kicks Kurt, who stumbles onto the table. (kinda lame) Shawn though, second rope leap to a flying cross onto Kurt.. the table does not, in fact, break.
Finally.. slowly… the men crawl in as the ref hits ‘9’. Kurt is pouring blood out of his mouth. They get to their feet and the punches begin. Shawn chops and chops. Kurt grabs and FOREARM to Kurt, and Michaels does a PERFECT kick-up.
Shawn now goes for the inverted atomic, A basic bodyslam and Michaels goes to the top again! He HITS the elbow.
“Why is he doing this?”
“THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS HIM!”
He’s looking to the corners to find which will bring god to him…
“Which one of the pillars is this!” – Me
Shawn starts running to the corner. Here it comes…
J E S U S C….. He runs into hit the J-kick, but Angle catches it.. ANKLE LOCK! Shawn rolls out of it, but Kurt says NO! He rolls more… Kurt still denies.. He crawls for the rope…. hitting it.. FINALLY!
Kurt is now screaming for HBK to get up. He gets up, goes for the Angle Slam, Shawn ends up on his feet. Superkick caught! Ankle Lock! REVERSE! ROLL-UP! 2 COUNT… Finally both men on their feet… ANGLE SLAM GETS TWO! Angle heads to the top of the rope.
Moonsault….. MISSED!
Michaels crawls to the top, but Kurt runs up and a TOP ROPE ANGLE SLAM!
ONE
TWO
!!NO!!
Angle is furious, he starts screaming at him, freaking the hell out, and eats a superkick! Finally Shawn crawls onto Angle for only two! Shawn slooooowly gets up, but before he gets to his feet Angle grabs him into the Anklekick. Shawn KICKS Angle. Angle holds on. RIGHT IN THE CHIN. Angler holds on! THIS IS AMAZING. Ankle locks it in…
“Give him a deadleg!” – Michael
SHAWN IS FIGHTING… HARD!
“God wants you to tap!” – Dani
They hold in that ring for god knows at least 4 or 5 minutes… SHAWN TAPS!
WINNER: KURT ANGLE!
Kurt rolls on out. They gave it to Kurt… another shock for tonight.
Shawn gets to his feet, and the standing O begins. Amazing match.
…smoke time, while they show the Basic Instinct parody again…
..midsmoke break.. and I hear bagpipes!!!!
IT’S PIPER’S PIT!!!!!! He seems to have lost his gut too! God I love Piper. They even gave him a watermark. “WHO IS THE BADDEST MAN IN THE WWE?”
“Sho’nuff!” – Me and Michael
“hellll yeah…” – Dani
Piper says that Austin is bullshit! (note: Piper calls it the WWF.. I love him) He brings him on out. Geezus Austin already has a new shirt.. good helluva crap. Dani is seething and I’m annoyed.. but Piper should whup his ass. Please.
Austin chucks a stool out of the ring. Piper throws out the other one. Nice.
“So you are the rebel, eh? Welcome.. to Piper’s Pit” – Piper.. with a slap.
“Thank you much for having me you sunuvabitch” – Austin.. with a slap.
“I kinda liked it” – Piper
“Wouldja like another?” – Austin
“I ain’t never metcha til now, but I got alot of respect for yah.” – Piper
Roddy then starts to get pissy at the ‘WHAT’ chants, but then outruns the audience on the ‘What’ chants. He continues to razz the audience on the What chants. It’s awesome. Piper has been running around Vince McMahon since Wrestlemania didn’t have a number! Piper would like Austin to recognize that he is the original rebel.
Is Austin supposed to be impressed by Piper? Austin’s not scared of Piper… is that clear, asks Austin.
Piper hits him with Cool Hand Luke reference.. and CARLITO’S MUSIC HITS?!?!?!?
They shouldn’t argue since neither of them…. are Cooooooool. Austin and Piper start yelling at Carlito, taunting him to get in the ring. Carlito wants both of them to leave to the back. Piper, in turn, steals Carlito’s apple. He spits it, and Carlito goes nuts on Piper.. big fists.
Austin stops, watches him for a minute laughing… finally stomping Carlito into the corner. He tosses him into Piper. Thumb to the eye. Carlito spins. Stunner. MAGIC BEER!
“It would be great if there was a guy who just threw beers at me when I put out my hand?” – Michael
“Piper just came from A.A.” – Hernandez
Finally, the moment I didn’t want to see… kick-wham-Stunner onto Piper.. not to mention that Piper didn’t take it very well. That makes me sad.
OPINIONS OF THE SHOW SO FAR:
“Thoroughly enjoying?” – Eric
“I was enjoying it til Austin” – Dani
“Pretty damn good” – Jenna
“Much better than Mondays” – Laura
“*he nods*” – Simon
“Lovin it!” – Hernandez
“Great!” – Omar
“More fun a barrel of octupi” – Jimmy
“I’m enjoying it.” – Val
“I hate Jimmy” – Michael
It is now time for the Big Show / Akebono … Go get yer soda.
BIG SHOW / AKEBONO
Here comes Akebono. Man that dude’s big. What’s great is the music doesn’t mix when they bring out the Show.. who is ALSO in a tiger-striped kimono.
Kim Chee is our ref. Hot. (Not really)
Anyway, they are going through the entire pomp and circumstance of two fat guys getting ready to run into each other. The men walk to their corner.. they use the salt. This is to give the WWE fans a bit of culture.
They squat and I think it’s ready to begin… oop, nope. The traditional bits are still going on. I must say that there seems to be a lot to these set-ups, and they are following it fairly accurately. At least that’s what Jimmy tells me, and he’s a legitamite Asian.
Umm.. shove to shove, titty slaps.. titty slaps… Show fights on the edge.
“Chokeslam?” – Eric
Shoulder rams and they lean back and Show does the chokeslam signature. They charge again, and finally Show heaves him, but Akebono reverses it with what I’m told is a great standard Sumo finisher. Show falls out to declare the win.
Winner: Akebono!
It’s now time for the setup to JBL/Jordan..
JBL vs. CENA
Smackdown Title Match
JBL comes on down with the police escort. JBL faced $100 bills fall from the sky. Neat entrance. His opponent though is… EMINEM!!! err… JOHN CENA.
Janitor’s come in to clean the tickertape stuffs… neat.
“Hey, was that Virgil? – Hernandez
The crowd starts up with a Cena chant.. and the run in to the lock-in. They fight to the corner, and Cena fight sout of it. Punch to the stomach as JBL gets him in a side-headlock. Cena tosses him into the ropes, but JBL bails to the corner. A shoulderblock drops Cena. Cena tosses JBL to the ropes, but ducks down and JBL double axes him down. A kick, and a reverse neckbreaker from JBL.
ANOTHER reverse neckbreaker. Layfield brings him against the ropes and begins the choking. Drops it at 4 and then continues to do it again. Chokey Chokey Choke.
They meet back in the middle and the returned fists begin. JBL tosses Cena in the corner, but a boot to JBL’s face spins him around. Cena tries to capitalize, but JBL hits a spinebuster. He gets a two count. JBL picks up Cena and reverse neckbreaker AGAIN. Two count.
JBL boots Cena hard in the face so he spits out somebody elses gum! Cena tries to fight out of it, but gets tossed in the corner again and a clothesline sends Cena to the ground.
Cena gets picked up and a HARD lariat drops Cena. JBL fights him back to his feet, and it’s obvious how much we are Raw guys as we continue to talk about PSPs and things. Anyway, I’m not being paid to watch this match.. so the… fine.
They fight back up and Cena comes out of nowhere to a fireman’s carry. A pin for two. They fight back to their feet.. lots of fighting to the feet it seems and Cena is about to get the upperhand, but JBL throws Cena out of the ring. They fight on the outside as the deepest throatiest ref ever counts. They get back in and JBL props Cena up on the top, SUPERPLEX for two.
JBL climbs up to the top rope and he goes to leap at Cena, but John catches him POWERSLAM for two. Finally Cena gets the BIG return come back, kicks, punches, and a batch of clotheslines, a 3-point-stance. A HUGE sideslam and Cena is pumped now!!! Apparently Cena can’t be seen and a 5 knuckle shuffle. The F-U.. and the ALL of us are kinda pissed that this is how it ends.
Cena wins!? He gets 5 minutes of offense and he wins?!?! Weak.
WINNER: JOHN CENA
Cena goes right into the crowd and starts sitting with all the fans.
“LICK ME CLEAN!” – Michael
…meh…
Now onto something more important – the Hall of Fame inductions. Orton. Volkoff. Shiek. Orndorff. Mouth. Piper (with the best speech of the night). Finally, Hulk Hogan. Congrats to all of them, for making this something we love.
They bring out Mean Gene to bring them out one more time as the Inductees of 2005.
Volkoff with his 20 year old wife… good work.
The Iron Sheik with the Go Daddy girl. She doesn’t understand him either.
Mr. Wonderful comes out with Miss Jackie… and tries to kiss her.. nice.
Bob Orton – excellent.
Jimmy Hart with the coolest jacket ever.
RODDY MOTHER FRIGGING PIPER!!!!
..and finally..
THE IMMORTAL..
“ZEUS!” – Michael
Hulk Hogan with Stacy who does the little Hogan spot.
We now get the loooong lead-up to Batista and Trips.
“You know what the greatest thing is about this main event?” – Hernandez
“What?” – Me.. walking into it.
“No. Jericho.” – Hernandez
So, before the match starts – here comes … MOTORHEAD!!!! Seriously. No shit.. really, Motorhead is there. Trips actually rises out of the stage to spit his water. He stands there for a few moments..
“SAN DEMUS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!” – Me
TRIPLE H vs. DAVE!!!!
World Title
No Ric. No Da.. awwww.. Hunter comes on down alone for the most elaborate of his entrances, ever. The song continues on until Lemmy runs out of words.
And here comes Dave. No pomp. No circustance. Just me and Michael making up lyrics to his opening theme which consist of nothing but the word ‘Dave’.
“The ref should ask Hunter to put his nose away” – Dani
We get the face off again.. and here comes Naitch! Hunter’s trying to talk him down a bit, Dave just flexes imposingly.
LOCK – UP! They push out of it and shrug it off. Run in and LOCK-UP! H gets him in the corner, but Dave hurls him out.
Trips got him in the headlock, Dave throws him into the ropes, then just shoulders him into the corner. Headlock, and finally Trips shoulderblocks Dave. Trips hits the ropes, Dave stands. Trips kicks, Pedigree denied for a press slam from Dave!
Hunter charges back in, but Dave tosses him in the corner, Trips runs out and gets caught by the throat and tossed AGAIN! They hit some more ropes, and Trips hits Dave with the high knee tossing him outside. Ric starts to stalk the elusive Batista, but gets blindsided by Hunter, pressing head to stairs.
Dave climbs in and starts to get the beatings. Hunter is all up on him. Beatings, knees, chokes. Hunter distracts the ref, Flair does the choking. Dave comes on in and gets thrown to the corner and does some punching, chopping, and elbowing. Finally Dave fights his way out of the corner. Tosses Trips into the ropes, reversed and Hunter SPINEBUSTS him! Ouch.
Two count and back to the rope toss they go… Back Body Drop! FROM BATISTA!
Top rope from H, he leaps and gets a forearm/clothesline from Dave! Dave finally takes advantage and starts to pummel on the ‘H’. He tosses Hunter into the corner, charges.. BOOT! Hunter leave sthe corner, and now Dave is crawling up to it. Hunter tries to pull him out, but… NO! Dave HURLS Hunter out of the ring…
“THE POWER OF DAVE!” – Me
‘…compels you?’ – Hernandez
Outside the ring they continue to fight, and Dave eats some more stairs. Hunter is going to set up for the pedigree ON the stairs! NO! Dave drops Hunter and CATAPULT into the corner of the buckle. Hunter is now ripped up! Dave runs in the ring and out to b reak the county and now drops him face first onto the stairs.
“WHOOO IS THE MASSSTAH!” – Hernandez
Hunter crawls in, and blood is just pouring down his face, and Dave now goes for puching him HARD to the head. Hunter won’t drop though.. one big ghetto stomp to the back of the head sends down. Dave picks him up, but Hunter resists, so elbows and punches, throws him into the corner and a clothesline spins Trips right round baby right round!
Dave picks him up – powerslam for 2! Dave looks at the ref and asks ‘2?’ as Hunter crawls over to the announcer table. Dave goes and charges Flair. Hunter grabs a chair.. THE REF TAKES THE CHAIR!
Back in the ring, Ric comes charging AGAIN to let Hunter go for the title. A spinebuster ends Flair in the ring. Ref rolls out Ric and KWANG! Dave gets the belt to the face! A crawl for the pin and ..
ONE..
TWOOOOO..
NO! *phew*
Hunter picks up Dave and goes for the Pedigree…. he goes to drop it but Dave doesn’t budge. Again, tries to lift him – DAVE – DOES – NOT – MOVE! Slowly he powers out, heaving up, and he was one tuck away from a nice modest bomb from Dave. He drops Trips beautifully and stands up.
It is now time for Dave to focus the Ultimate Warrior!!
THUMBS UP! THUMBS DOWN!
BATISTA BOMB AND THAT IS IT!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
WINNER: DAVE BATISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“..that’s right.. my boyfriend.. totally won” – Dani
Dave stands in the ring as Hunter crawls to his feet. Dave glares at him, and Hunter leaves.
Biggest Disappointment?
“Austin stunning Piper” – Me
“Carlito coming out too” – Dani
“Eugene not getting to share in the Hogan moment” – Eric
“Shawn’s outfit” – Jenna
“Shelton didn’t win, even though he ran up the ladder” – Laura
“Rey & Eddie match” – Hernandez
“Hogan not hitting the legdrop” – Simon
“John & JBL was just not great” – Omar
“Eugene didn’t share the Hulkamania” – Eugene
“None of the wrestlers got a wedgie” – Val
“Austin & Piper was just disrespectful” – Michael
Overall opinion?
“Yay Dave!” – Dani
“And it had a fresh bouquet and was effervecent” – Michael
“Much better produced than last year – these matches flowed.” – Eric
“I liked it!” – Val
“Akebono rules!” – Jimmy
“Rabblemania is Toooootalllllyyyy sweeeeeeeeettt” – Laura
“Dave… *shudder* I might be spending a lot of alone time” – Jenna
“Awesome! I loved it!” – Hernandez
“Pretty good considering… I liked last years more” – Simon
(Omar left, so I say ‘neat’ for him.)
“A mixed bag for me – loved the endings – hated Austin” – Me
So that’s the Rabblemania – baaayybeeeee. Can you believe it. Two years of the double win. I’m a bit shocked, really. Anyway, join us tomorrow for the Rabble, possibly the draft!
Hope you enjoyed it, we did! G’nite!
