LEADING OFF
I’m no soccer/football/futbol/calcio expert…but…what’s he DOING down there??
St. Malachy Says We’re All In Big Trouble
So unless you have been living in a cave, with your eyes closed, and your fingers in your ears, you know that we have ourselves a new pope, the former Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, henceforth to be known as Benedict XVI.
What you may or may not know, is that in 1139 AD, St. Malachy, who at the time was the archbishop of what is now Ireland, received a tripped out vision that revealed to him every man who would sit on the papal throne from now until the end of time.
Malachy’s prophecies consist of a series of short Latin phrases, each one which is supposedly descriptive of a pope. In most cases you kind of have to take a hammer to the pope or the phrase to make the phrase fit the pope, but in most cases there is a connection, however vague.
For example, the last pope, John Paul II, was known in Malachy’s list as de labore Solis, or “of the labor of the sun”. John Paul II was born during a solar eclipse in 1920. Also, in Malachy’s day, the sun was thought to travel around the earth, instead of the other way around. Thus, “the labor of the sun” was to travel around the earth. John Paul II was the first pope to travel around the earth, doing “the labor of the sun”. So there you go.
His predecessor, John Paul I, had a reign that lasted 30 days. Malachy’s tagline for him was De medietate Lunae, or “of the half moon”. It can be said that John Paul I had a reign that lasted from one half moon to the next, one month. So yeah I can kind of see some substance there as well.
Before John Paul I there was Paul VI, flos florum, or “flower of flowers” according to Malachy. Paul VI’s coat of arms had three lillies on it. Kind of trying to conform after the fact, but hey it fits, I’ll buy it.
Paul VI’s predecessor was John XXIII, Pastor et nauta, or “pastor and marine”. John XXIII was archbishop of Venice, the city of canals and so forth. Marine, water, okee dokee.
And so on down the line. Malachy’s prophecies, at least in recent years, seem to have some substance to them. The new pope, Benedict XVI, has the moniker Gloria olivae, or “glory of the olives. Joseph Ratzinger comes from the Benedictine order, who are also known as the Olivetans. Hmmm.
Here’s the hook. After Gloria olivae, Malachy only listed one more guy. Petrus Romanus, or “Peter the Roman”. For all other popes, Malachy gave only a short Latin phrase to describe their reign. He did something a little different for Peter the Roman, he wrote a whole paragraph:
“In extreme persecution, the seat of the Holy Roman Church will be occupied by Peter the Roman, who will feed the sheep through many tribulations, at the term of which the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge his people. The End.”
So according to this, after Benedict XVI, we’ve got one pope left, and then all hell literally breaks loose. Another chilling fact is that although I don’t know this to be 100% true, I’ve read that the hall in the Vatican that contains portraits of all the popes only has room for ONE more portrait. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.
NFL FREE AGENCY FLAMENCO- NFC and AFC West
Seattle Seahawks
The Plan- The defense was shaky last year on the line and at linebacker, and that needs an upgrade. The Seahawks also need to decide if Matt Hasselbeck is the man at QB, and if so, resign him.
The Results- The Hawks bought themselves some continuity on the O line by resigning C Robbie Tobeck, and G Floyd Womack. They also made a nice upgrade at a skill position by signing WR Joe Jurevicius from Tampa Bay.
On defense, Seattle lost a couple improving young players in CB Ken Lucas, and DE Chike Okeafor. Okeafor has had back to back seasons where he recorded 8 sacks, and his loss will hurt the pass rush. To replace him, DE Bryce Fisher was signed away from the Rams. Fisher had as many sacks as Okeafor did last year, but he’s only done it once, so he is not as proven. Lucas’ replacement will be former Bronco corner Kelly Herndon. Herndon is a solid cover guy, but is not a playmaker and does not have the potential that Lucas does.
LB Jamie Sharper was signed from Houston to fortify the second line of defense. Sharper has made 121 consecutive starts, which is really damn impressive in the NFL. He also led the league in tackles two years ago. He is a good addition to the defense, which may be losing LB Chad Brown, who has been getting the shaft from the team in contract negotiations.
The biggest move may occur on draft day, however. Miami has indicated they want to trade their #2 pick, and the Seahawks have been making noise about trading Shawn Alexander. Miami does need a running back, so I think these 2 may have discussions.
St. Louis Rams
The Plan- The Rams are very weak at linebacker, and need to fortify that position. Actually, any defensive upgrade is always good with this team.
The Results- Linebacker has indeed been the priority and the Rams have signed two potential difference makers at that position. Chris Claiborne was signed from the Vikings. Claiborne has had injury problems the last two seasons, but he is strong in pass coverage and can make the occasional pick. Dexter Coakley has played in all but one game for the Cowboys since 1997, and he will bring a veteran presence to the Rams.
The Rams did lose a good pass rusher in DE Bryce Fisher, who signed with Seattle. His sacks have not yet been replaced.
Arizona Cardinals
The Plan- Quarterback and running back are two spots the Cards desperately need to upgrade. The D line also needs help.
The Results- The Cardinals’ most high profile activity this offseason was to sign former MVP Kurt Warner to challenge Josh McCown for the starting QB job. Warner’s best days are pretty much certainly behind him, but he fits what the Cardinals want to do, bring in somebody that will challenge McCown, but not challenge him too much. OL Oliver Ross was signed from Pittsburgh, and will provide valuable depth on the line as he can play guard, center, or tackle.
Dennis Green raided the division rival Seahawks to land a couple of defensive starters. MLB Orlando Huff is a big, strong hitter, and DE Chike Okeafor is an exciting pass rusher. Building on last years strong performance with these 2 might just give the Cards an upper echelon D. Veteran safety Robert Griffith was signed from Cleveland and will provide depth and experience in the secondary.
Still no running back though. But they do have new uniforms!
San Francisco 49ers
The Plan- This team needs help just about everywhere. All skill positions need an upgrade, so that would be a good place to start.
The Results- Well, the team hasn’t really done much of anything this offseason. DT Jonas Jennings was signed from Buffalo. He’s a good gap stuffer but not much of a playmaker. Joe Nedney will be the new kicker. That’s about it. If the Niners don’t care, I don’t either.
AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers
The Plan- The Chargers will look to strengthen their secondary and add some depth at wide receiver.
The Results-
It has been a very uneventful offseason in Diego. Bhawoh Jue was signed to be the starting free safety. He was a backup in Green Bay, so whether he can handle the promotion is questionable. What a name though.
Denver Broncos
The Plan- Denver’s faced with a couple salary cap either/or choices on defense. On the line, the town ain’t big enough for Trevor Pryce and Reggie Hayward, and at corner, the same holds true for Kelly Herndon and long, tall Lenny Walls. The Broncos are also in the market for a wideout.
The Results- As it turns out, the Broncos may end up losing both Hayward and Pryce. Hayward jilted the Broncos to sign with Jacksonville, and negotiations with Pryce have been an ongoing saga. Former #1 overall pick DE Courtney Brown was signed from Cleveland to try and make up for these losses. Whether Brown can save his career is questionable. The secondary has also taken a couple of hits with the loss of Herndon, and safety Kenoy Kennedy. Former Bronco LB Ian Gold was brought back into the fold, signing from Tampa. The Broncos hope he can begin to realize his vast potential.
One intriguing signing was that of former Giant RB Ron Dayne. The Broncos O line has made a lot of average running backs look like superstars over the years, so keep your eye on Dayne next season.
Kansas City Chiefs
The Plan- Last year’s defense sucked epically. It is imperative that the Chiefs get better there, because if they do, the division is theirs for the taking.
The Results- KC picked up a big name linebacker in former Steeler Kendrell Bell. Bell has been having problems with his groin, god bless him, the last couple of years, but when healthy he is one of the best in the game, a black belt in the lost art of tackling. They also added former Dolphin safety Sammy Knight. Knight had 3 straight seasons of having 5 or more INT’s from 2000-02 with the Saints, but faded a bit with Miami. He is still young enough at 29 to have a couple of good seasons left in him. Being that I am turning 30 in 3 weeks, I would like to believe that.
Oakland Raiders
The Plan- The running game was atrocious last year. The signing of Randy Moss should help in that it will force defenses to fear the passing game, but they still need somebody to carry the ball.
The Results- The Raiders gave former Jet RB Lamont Jordan a 5 year contract, and he’s their guy at running back apparently. Can he be a starting NFL running back? The Raiders better hope so.
On defense, DE Derrick Burgess was signed from Philadelphia. Burgess has had injury problems but has a world of ability. If he can stay healthy, he will be a great pickup. CB Renaldo Hill was signed from Arizona. Hill had 5 INT’s in 2003, but only 1 last year. Still, he fills a need since the Raiders are cleaning house at that position, having traded disappointing Phillip Buchanon, and overpriced Charles Woodson could be next to go.
Mentally Handicapping the NBA Playoffs-Again
I hate to write the same column twice, but a lot changed in the NBA Playoff picture in the past week, and I want to go on record with my predictions. So now that the pairings our set, let’s give it another go!
1ST ROUND
EASTERN CONFERENCE
#1 MIAMI VS. # 8 NEW JERSEY
The Nets are a formidable first round foe for an 8th seeded team, but I still like the Heat.
HEAT 4, NETS 2
#4 CHICAGO VS. #5 WASHINGTON
Both of these teams are not at their best right now. The Bulls are seriously hurting offensively, as the loss of Eddy Curry means that all the Bulls offense is generated on the perimeter. The Wizzles play pretty much the same way though. Whichever team has the hot hand will win the series. I will take the Bulls because they are the better team defensively.
BULLS 4, WIZARDS 3
#2 DETROIT VS. #7 PHILADELPHIA
The Sixers have come on strong at the end of the season, and will be a tough first round test for Detroit. However, I think the Pistons are just too strong inside for Philly and will use this to advance.
PISTONS 4, SIXERS 2
#3 BOSTON VS. #6 INDIANA
I don’t think anybody wants to play the Pacers right now. Boston has no answer for a healthy Jermaine O’Neal, and Reggie Miller of all people looks primed to make a difference in one last playoff run.
PACERS 4, CELTICS 2
WESTERN CONFERENCE
#1 PHOENIX VS. #8 MEMPHIS
I stand by my prediction from last week.
SUNS 4, GRIZZLIES 2
#4 DALLAS VS. #5 HOUSTON
Last week I had the Rockets going all the way to the conference finals, but the lay of the land was a lot easier for them last week. The Rockets have dominated the last 2 meetings between these teams though, so I am going to have to stick with the Rockets.
ROCKETS 4, MAVERICKS 3
#2 SAN ANTONIO VS. #7 DENVER
Wow what a series this will be. Denver has been hotter than Jessica Alba in Sin City for months now, and San Antonio is the recognized standard of playoff excellence in the NBA. The Spurs win, barely.
SPURS 4, NUGGETS 3
#3 SEATTLE VS. #6 SACRAMENTO
While Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, and Denver all deserve to be in the 2nd round, neither of these teams do, but one of them will be. Seattle’s lost 8 out of their last 10, so it won’t be them.
KINGS 4, SONICS 2
2nd ROUND
EASTERN CONFERENCE
MIAMI VS. CHICAGO
The Heat have pretty much owned the Bulls this year. The Bulls are weak inside and Shaq will eat them alive.
HEAT 4, BULLS 1
DETROIT VS. INDIANA
Oh…my…..God. If you don’t remember, this is the matchup that brought you The Fight. Ron Artest, fans, stuff being thrown all over, season long suspensions. Yes you remember.
PISTONS 4, PACERS 3
WESTERN CONFERENCE
PHOENIX VS. HOUSTON
I liked the Rockets in this series last week, and I like ’em now.
ROCKETS 4, SUNS 2
SAN ANTONIO VS. SACRAMENTO
The Spurs roll.
SPURS 4, KINGS 1
And from here on out it’s the same drill as last week. Miami over Detroit 4-3, Spurs over Houston, and Miami over San Antonio in the Finals. I have to say though, the matchups shaked out in a much more exciting way than we were looking at a week ago. I see potential great series in Denver vs. San Antonio, Dallas vs. Houston, and Detroit vs. Indiana, all matchups that weren’t possible a week ago.
Well that’s it for this week. No baseball this week, but we’ll make up for it with an MLB Month in Review for April next week. Of course, this weekend is the NFL Draft, so we’ll be putting on our scuba gear and going in depth on that as well, starting with the NFC East.
Until then, remember, I’ve got my EYE on you!
