Hi everyone. Welcome back for another edition of the Guide, written by your loveable yet damn overworked movie news guy. Summer unofficially begins, and my relaxation is even more short-lived than I could have possibly imagined. The transition between college and home has been stressful due to family problems, friend problems, and job problems – mostly the lack of a job. Well, at least I fixed that one. Though working full time in the summer will wreck havoc on the column, no doubt….ANYWAY. This is a light column this week, as Kern didn’t show up and most of movie land is still recovering from the Star Wars fallout anyway.
Real Life is Damn Entertaining
–Israeli and Palestinian Children Killed Yearly – No one talks about these….
–Bush High School Drama – Even these younger, wanna-be Republicans are a bunch of whack-jobs…..
You Mean Inside Pulse Talks About Stuff Besides Movies?
Turns out we do.
Wrestling – The Smackdown PPV was awesome and the build to ECW’s return continues. HHH still makes Raw boring, though.
Games – E3 fall-out. The PS3 is more computer than gaming console in the eyes of the suits. But, I sold my soul to Gates and Halo a long time ago anyway….
Music – I’m not a big music guy at all – I listen to a little bit of everything. But if YOU are big into this kinda thing, you’ll fit right in with this crew.
TV – Complete coverage of all the popular shows, though most of them are over now. No new 24 til 2006……DAMN IT!
Sports – I don’t do sports, but these guys do, and they do a hell of a job too.
Comics -These guys make me want to start collecting and reading comics again. A fantastic section that you’d be hard-pressed to find better elsewhere.
Figures – Grown men play with/collect dolls/figures. And you do too. Or you will after you check these guys out. So read them, because they’re a very fun section of our site.
Newz You can Use – And We Abuse
Will not be seen this week. I know, I know, your main reason for even showing up here is to read how me and Kern bounce jokes off of each other and rip into films and such for your enjoyment. Well, blame it on him. The guy was harder to find than a straight man in a tranny bar this weekend. Don’t like that one? Okay. How about harder to find than a wookie in a barber shop. Better? Good. So yeah, it’s Kern’s fault, all his fault, all the time. Hate him. Love me. As usual around here. Hopefully we’ll be back in the swing of things next week, as this was just a really weird, really off week.
Special Feature: Star Wars Feedback
I received a couple things of e-mail following my review of Episode III. I thought I’d take the time and address them here, keeping the ‘theme’ of this Star Wars thing going.
First up, from WeirdSWM:
well done on being the only one to write an honest review instead of being
blinded by fanboyism.
Well, thank you, kind SWM-er. Though the guys swear up and down on a stack of original, signed scripts of Episodes IV, V and VI that they didn’t go the fanboy route, I can’t see any way to give the film a ten without being a fanboy.
But Joe Ulvi goes into a bit more detail on it:
I just read your review of the new Star Wars Episode 3 film at insidepulse.com. I went and saw the movie at the midnight showing on Wednesday night. I have to say that your review is the best and most accurate representation of the film that I’ve read. I’m a big star wars fan and had high expectations for Revenge of the Sith and maybe they were too high and I was being unrealistic. After being unimpressed with episodes 1 and 2 I went into episode 3 expecting a lot and leaving with somewhat mixed feelings.
Your review resonated with me particularly because I was writing some of my reactions to the movie and many of the flaws that I noticed you included in your review. The biggest being that things were forced, and implied without being explained, the dialogue between Anakin and Padme, and the single biggest flaw being the acting of Natalie Portman. I think her performance will lead to a Razzie Award nomination.
Anyway I just wanted to say that you hit things right on the head in your review….
He goes on to say how I’m an insightful hero, and how he will return to this site if for no other reason than to read me. Okay, maybe not that hardcore, but it was flattering. Anyway, I sat and waited for over three hours to see the midnight showing of the film. The excitement was through the roof the whole time – people were dressed up, talking trivia, watching Episode II on mini-dvd players, you name it. It was a fantastic experience. To walk out satisfied is good, but damn it, this film should have been perfect. Perhaps Joe is right, and expectations were too high. I mean, we DID see Episode II, and I’m not a prequel hater by any means, but it just wasn’t anywhere near where it should be. Sith was a lot closer, but maybe part of the reason it failed was because of the fact I and II didn’t set things up enough and it had too much to cover in one film. Or maybe it just was shoddy work, I don’t know. But Natalie Portman? Like a friggin black hole of death, sucking up and destroying the talent of anything around her, she was in this film. Good God it was bad……
Finally, Beth looks to set me straight….
While most of your arguments and points on this movie are valid, there are a few
things that need to be said.
When Palpatine calls for Order 66, there is something you need to remember. In Episode II, when the Storm Troopers were first introduced, one of the biggest things that should have been taken from the scenes with the Cloners was that the Troopers
will follow any order, and never question it. In your article you talk about how you can’t understand how they would so callously turn on the Jedis after having fought and died next to them for three years: they’re “programmed” to take orders,
not think about them.
Secondly, if you really think about it, Anakin’s fall from grace isn’t as surprising and odd if you really think about it. He views Palpatine as a friend, someone who is going to look out for him, and in the first scene Anakin’s genuinely surprised to
hear Palpatine order him to slay Count Dooku, a direct violation of the Jedi code. Then when he sees Mace Windu almost assisinate Palpatine, also a direct violation in the Jedi code, he becomes even more disillusioned with the Jedi’s. Keep in mind,
he’s all ready questioning them and has been from the second movie, but is also incredibly hostile towards most of them after they won’t grant him the rank of Master.
Bear in mind that hearing for years that you’re the “Chosen One” probably puts a lot of pressure on a person. Add onto it the fact that they won’t let him prove himself or take the trials and you add in frustration. Anakin’s growing combativeness
toward the Jedi council in conjunction with the premonitions he’d been having about Padme, he’s looking for something to believe in, and Palpatine is always there, providing Anakin with what he wants to hear, with no Obi-won, who has been Anakin’s voice of reason, there to counteract it. The transition to the Dark Side isn’t all that hard to believe or grasp when you think about Anakin’s weakness and influences.
At least this is how I took everything. We’re all entitled to our own options, but I, for one, agree with you at least on your assessment of Portman’s performance.
Nothing hotter than a lady Star Wars fan, unless it’s a lady Star Wars fan who knows her shit and is going to go out of her way to prove some wanna-be writer right like myself.
I have absolutely no problem with the idea that Sidious masterminded every aspect of the Clone Trooper mindset, down to the fact they’d have to take any order their ultimate superior said. It just seemed incredibly rushed, and because of that something was ultimately missing from it all. I mean, really, Lucas took a minute to have Yoda mention Qui-gon to Obi-wan at the end of the flick (WHY he wasn’t there and shit is something else entirely that I won’t get into) so why couldn’t he take 30 seconds in the Emperor’s office and have him mention the coding or something in their brains, or whatever, to explain how he was about to slaughter the Jedi.
As for Anakin, it is rushed. Sure, the Jedi have friends (Although this movie makes the Jedi look entirely deaf dumb and stupid…) but Anakin did not have to listen to the Chancellor. He knew his precious Code and knew what he was doing was dick, yet he cut him up anyway. To argue that he couldn’t let Mace asassinate Palpatine is ridiculous: Anakin KNOWS Palpatine is a Sith Lord, the ultimate enemy of the Jedi. Hell, he walks in to see Palpatine try to fry Windu with lightning. Is Anakin the dumbest kid on the block or what? Why would it be okay for him to take out Dooku, another Sith, but Windu can’t fight and win against the Ultimate Dark Lord? Come on. And the rank of Master thing is crap too – the kid is the youngest Jedi EVER to sit on that council. Obi-wan points that out too, and the fact that the rank of Master would soon be coming. Are you telling me Anakin fell to the darkside because he was impatient for a title and has an incredibly short-term memory? Lame.
Though in the end, I blame the Jedi even more than the angst-filled Skywalker. Sure, he turned to the dark side to save his pregnate wife (Though, really, did they teach him NOTHING about how only the Sith opperate in absolutes? The girl would have LIVED if he stayed good – though ‘she just lost the will to live’ is utter crap too…) but the as I said, the Jedi are f*cking stupid. They don’t sense the Sith (fine), they don’t see what’s going to happen with Anakin (erm…) and they don’t realize he’s the father of the babies in Portman’s belly (Oh come on!) or the love between them. It’s lame, lame, lame. The Jedi just feel completely….I don’t know how to describe it, really. But then again, it could also be because they associated with Natalie Portman on screen, who knows…..
Thanks for these guys, and others, for the feedback. Much appreciated.
Trailer of the Week: Sky High
The plot: When you’re the son of the world’s most legendary superheroes The Commander (Kurt Russell) and Jetstream (Kelly Preston), there is only one school for you – Sky High, an elite high school that is entrusted with the responsibility of molding today’s power-gifted students into tomorrow’s superheroes. The problem is that Will Stronghold (Michael Angarano) is starting with no superpowers of his own and, worst of all, instead of joining the ranks of the “Hero” class, he finds himself relegated to being a “Sidekick.” Now he must somehow survive his freshman year while dealing with an overbearing gym coach (Bruce Campbell), a bully with super speed and a dangerous rebel with a grudge (and the ability to shoot fire from his hands)… not to mention the usual angst, parental expectations and girl problems that accompany teenage life. But when an evil villain threatens his family, friends and the very sanctity of Sky High, Will must use his newfound superpowers to save the day and prove himself a “Hero” worthy of the family tradition.
The Link: Here
The Analysis:
Scott “Mr. Fantastic”Sawitz: Last year we had The Incredibles spoofing superhero movies, so a live action spoof does seem almost appropriate with all the super-hero movies coming out in the next couple years (as well as the deluge of super hero movies of the past 2-3years). And besides . . . . anytime you have the star of Big Trouble in Little China in a movie you know its money.
Mike “Spider-girl” McCullar: We’ve become so inundated lately with superhero flicks that this looks like it will be a refreshin change. I mean, how would it feel to grow us as the kid of a bigtime superhero? What would it be like trying to fill those shoes? All in all, it definitely looks like something I will be checking out.
Sarah “Wonder Woman” Graves: Presence of Kids in the Hall, A++!
Ryan “Robin” Closs: The best part about the trailer is that everyone in it looked to be having a good time. I hate it when in lighthearted movies everyone just phones it in. This looks like it’d be a lot of fun, I’m not sure if I’ll end up going to see it in theatres but it will definitely be a rental. It’s like they took New X-Men and made it fun and entertaining instead of moody and angsty. I mean if I had superpowers and was in a school full of people with superpowers I’d be having a hell of a lot of fun instead of whining and complaining all the time.
Rob “Bruce Wayne” Sutton: I gotta say, this looks better than Fantastic Four does. It looks way funnier and I don’t mind the whole superhero version of Spy Kids theme. Plus Kurt Russel and Bruce Campbell are both in this and that makes me happy to no end! A movie with Jack Burton and Ash in it almost gets an automatic thumbs up in my book.
Reviews We Sit Through – For You!
Gee, did you happen to notice all of the Star Wars reviews we have here at the Pulse? No? Missed them? Forgot about them by now? No worries! If I’m good for nothing else, I can pimp the hell out of people’s work.
Campbell goes fanboy and gives the film a 10.
McCullar goes slightly less fanboy with a 9.5.
I tell it like it is with a 7.5.
Rob Sutton writes an absolutely beautiful review, but the film is still not perfect in my eyes.
Scott Sawitz blasts the hell out of this flick, and I can kind of see where he’s coming from, but I find him way too harsh.
Ryan Closs and I seem to have the same outlook on this film, as he finds it flawed yet satisfying. Good man.
Oh, and to round out the week in reviews, Closs also liked Unleashed, while Sawitz finds the REAL Exorcist prequel to be one of those good, but not great, types of flicks.
On DVD
Travis Leamons barely owns the Movies Pulse DVD reviews again this week, with two more films reviewed by the superstar (as opposed to three). He’s got The Aviator (Very Positive), and The Controversial Classics Collection (Positive) for your reading pleasure.
The Sea Inside – Scott Sawitz liked this Academy Award winner, though I get the feeling it could have been better….
I, Robot – Kenny Hammond found out that in this special edition, the movie is as good as it was in the regular one, and four to five hours of extras is just insane.
Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman – Of course this is Brad Torreano’s review, who else would you associate with a DVD like this? He loves this film, so go check this out and come back. We’ll wait.
The Chorus – Kenny H found this one too to be a good film in the end. The soundtrack is apparently brilliant too, but not enough to justify its appearance at the Oscars – read Kenny for more.
The Karate Kid Part II: The Story Continues” – Mr. Badass himself takes on the Karate Kid in his second flick. This sequel doesn’t suck, though the DVD does appear to be disappointing.
We Even Do Columns!
Rob Sutton gives his Bad Ass thoughts on Revenge of the Sith. It really is a nice piece from a life-long fan, and while I disagree with him on some things (And agree on others – mostly how awful Portman was) I must say I really enjoyed this column and you can feel his lifetime of love and emotion for this series throughout. Well worth a read if you haven’t already. Fantastic work Rob.
Brad Torreano returns for another week of cult classics with Mondo Culto XXVI. He goes into the, erm, fun…world of strange, Culto-like porn films this week. The first one he covers is a 27 minute soft-core puppet porn flick from the ’70s. Yeah….so now you know what to expect from this one. Check it out if its your kind of interest and all of that….jazz….
I write two columns weekly (usually) – this one, and a column about trailers. Fun times as usual…
Rob Russo continues to Set the Trend. This week he covers an interesting topic of stars turning down roles, and the effect that has on others later on. Al Pacino was originally offered the role of Han Solo. Can you imagine THAT? Yeah, me either. Great work as usual from Russo again this week.
UpdatedWhoops, looks like I overlooked a little somethin-somethin this week. Silly me, really. I mean, sure, you could say out of sight, out of mind, but I guess that wouldn’t be fair. Really, it’s the same short, over-rated column that he was writing on this little sub-section of the site I like to call home, but whatever. Not to mention he spends half of it plugging movies guys, thus doing the same job I do (but more half-assed) and then…oh whatever. Mr. Mikey McCullar gathered up Brendan Campbell, J. Kern, Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz, and Kenny Hammond and had himself a “Roundtable“. I mean, I guess you could call that gathering of the….minds….a roundtable, but really, it didn’t have me included in it (Compy troubles) so really it comes down to a bunch of fanboys and one overly-disgruntled fanboy. If that passes for roundtables these days……I mean, check them out. A fine job they have done.
The End
That’ll do it for this phoned-in, “Star Wars” edition of the Guide. Have a good Memorial Day Weekend and enjoy the unofficial kick-start to this summer. I know I will.
Until Next Time…
