WWE ‘Great American Bash’
July 27th, 2004
The Great American Bash is coming so I decided to review this show. Everyone knows by this point that this show sucks and you’re wondering why I’m reviewing it. Well reviewing bad shows can be pretty fun or they can really piss you off. I’ve decided to try and see which one this does.
US Title, Elimination: John Cena vs. RVD vs. Booker T vs. Rene Dupree
For a match with two guys who aren’t motivated and two that are still pretty green, this is exactly what you’d expect. The only one who uses moves which are remotely dangerous is RVD, so that’s all the excitement when it comes to big moves we get, because god knows they don’t even try and work in a little psychology or a story.
The eliminations are also out of place and awkward. Cena rolling up RVD seems like a bit of a heelish tactic. Sure it gets over that Cena wants to keep his title really bad he’s willing to resort to a rollup to get rid of an opponent, but RVD is exactly high up the ladder in WWE. It’s not like Cena was eliminating someone like Benoit, who is pretty high but is at the level of being in these matches. Booker pinning Dupree is another awkward elimination since it was heel on heel. The match would’ve made better sense if Booker had eliminated RVD, an old adversary and for Cena to pin Dupree since they had battled on the previous PPV. It would’ve laid out what kind of finish was there that both had defeated former foes and are now moving on.
Booker’s neck work in the final fall is only to kill time for a few minutes before Cena brushes it off to hit the FU. Booker didn’t do much neck work but it would’ve been nice for Cena to at least sell the neck a little after hitting it or put a slight delay on it due to the neck. If it was to get Cena over as a guy who it’s going to take more than 3 minutes of neck work to defeat it would’ve been fine, but the rollup victory on RVD kinda killed that theory dead. Plus, Booker and Cena waged a pretty long feud after this, but Booker came off looking like a chump since Cena only pulled out 2 moves in the final fall and Cena should’ve had to have dug down deep to beat Booker. Maybe even a rollup but we’re left why the hell Booker got more shots at the US Title.
Charlie Hass vs. Luther Reigns
Welcome to the WWE, where perfectly talented guys get put in 7 minute squashes against a talentless hoss. This entire match is just Reigns getting his “impressive” power stuff in before he finishes off Hass with a version of the Last Rites. Here I was this whole time thinking PPV was for blow offs to feuds and quality wrestling, not squashes.
Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr
Haven’t we seen this match enough? What’s wrong with those Paul London and Akio guys? At least they’re motivated and can work the newer style. I always thought I could rely on Rey and Chavo to always bring at least a *** match but I was wrong. They’ve got the perfect opportunity to build off their match from No Way Out, but apart from one spot near the end, they don’t even try one bit.
At No Way Out Chavo worked the ribs, but this time it’s the leg. Sure, it makes Rey’s flying offence harder on him but the rib work takes away from Rey’s stamina, which is one of his main keys to victory. It also sets up for Chavo’s finish in the Gory Bomb, but that move’s effectiveness is around naught without any setup. One theory with the knee work is that it could stop Rey from doing the 619 and West Coast Pop, but Rey still springs around like Chavo’s done nothing to the knee.
The only time the knee work really seems like a threat is when they work in a spot from No Way Out, the Seated Senton into the Half Crab. Apart from that it’s hard to believe any other finishers Chavo attempts. Without rib work the Gory Bomb is practically nothing and anything else he does isn’t over. The finish would’ve been a good way to get over the knee work in the reversal of the Gory Bomb into the Yoshie Tonic (Code Red) if Rey hadn’t been springing around with a bum leg prior to the finish. You’ve got two guys like Paul London and Akio who are just dying for 20 minutes to show their ability, but it’s given to two guys who can’t be bothered.
Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn
Wait, another squash? Isn’t this stuff supposed to happen on Smackdown or something? My problem is a squash going this long. Isn’t the idea of a squash meant to go like 1-4 mins and get over one guy? Not go 8 and do nothing for Kenzo. This isn’t to say I care about Kenzo, I don’t but I’d rather see this match go for 3 rather than 8 minutes.
Torrie Wilson vs. Sable
Once again we have Paul London and Akio rendered to Velocity and these bimbos get PPV time? Add on they get 6 minutes and you have to question those who believe in God does he really exist? Why would he subject his supposed “children” to this? Or Kenzo/Billy? Or Hass/Reigns? Why would he (or she, thinking about that) subject London and Akio to Velocity? I’ve asked too many questions already though.
Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly
ANOTHER friggin’ squash? London vs. Akio? Anyone? The biggest problem here is not the idiotic length of shitty nature of the match but more that this served no long term meaning for Mordecai since he was back to OVW not too long after this. At least Kenzo and Reign’s stayed around for a while after before having their push killed, but Mordecai was gone almost straight after.
WWE World Title, Bullrope Match: Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL
Even though I am very bitter towards this match, it’s actually pretty good. Eddie does a nice job holding JBL’s hand through the match, just as he did at Judgement Day until he started bleeding buckets, which helped the match a great deal. This time instead of working around the gimmick they work the gimmick into the match and there’s a big difference. The bullrope is second to their hatred and they wrestle around it until it’s time to bring the bullrope spots into the match and start touching the corners.
A nice touch is Eddie looking to bust JBL open for retribution. JBL busted him open bad the previous PPV and this time Eddie is looking to hurt JBL and keep his title. JBL caused Eddie’s mother to have a heart attack (even though the angle was all kinds of retarded) and degraded Eddie’s race time after time. At Judgement Day he had DQ restrictions, now he doesn’t and he’s free to use whatever kind of attack he wishes to defeat JBL. JBL also relied on being able to hit and run on Eddie in the previous match even though he has superior size, this time he’s connected by the wrist and even though it may seem like JBL’s match, Eddie practically dominates things until JBL is able to get in a shot with the cowbell.
Even though JBL gets little offence in, he tries to make his offence has high impact as he can. Just look at the Powerbomb through the table. All he needs to do is have Eddie down long enough until he can touch the 4 corners. The one major problem about this and the feud apart from Eddie not keeping the title was there not being a definitive winner. At Judgement Day Eddie got DQed, showing that JBL had the ability to throw Eddie off and in the Cage Match that followed this we got Angle in a mask costing Eddie the belt. A winner where we knew who the better man was would’ve been great, but we never got it.
Even though the match is good, along with Benoit/Orton at Summerslam this was the match that helped me turn off WWE unless it involved Paul London. It took Eddie so many years of hard work to get to this position and he had it taken away by Bradshaw of all people. The fact that he is a Stan Hansen wannabe who’s never had a good match in his life that didn’t involve Eddie just makes things worse. Difference between Hansen and JBL besides from the fact that Hansen’s ability in the ring eclipses JBL by heaps is that Hansen could bring great matches out of lesser opponents in his prime; unlike JBL he never relied on guys to carry him. Hansen never relied on Kawada or Kobashi to have a good match with him; he did his share of the work. Besides from the bullshit ending though we’re left with a damn fine bullrope match. ***1/4
Undertaker vs. Dudley Boyz
What exactly is the “right thing” that Paul Heyman constantly speaks of? Does he want ‘Taker to lay down for the Dudleyz? Does he want Undertaker on his side? It would help if WWE explained this kind of stuff. The fact this is the main event is an embarrassment to the company. It sums up the PPV well though. Long, plodding and boring.
This match does a great job of exposing the business as well for the amount of crimes committed not only in the match but what led to it. First off Heyman kidnapped Bearer. We could possibly add rape to the list but WWE didn’t go that far, thankfully. Attempted murder is also up there. Oh and murder was there as well since Undertaker finished the job with the concrete. WWE then sent a press release saying Bearer was severely injured but was not killed. Remember kids, its ok until you kill them and then is when you’re in trouble. It’s ok if you attempt to drown that baby since it never, you know, died. It was attempted murder, you never actually killed it.
