Remote Destination

“Justice To Ink” or “Just Stink”?

I managed to catch both Miami Ink and Inked back-to-back. In case you aren’t familiar with the concepts they’re competing reality shows on tattoo parlors. Miami Ink follows the exploits of a Miami tattoo parlor from the grand opening. Inked is about a Las Vegas tattoo parlor in The Palms.

I was talking to my best friend, and fellow tattoo enthusiast, Jason Torres and he sold me on watching Miami Ink. As we spoke I told him that there was going to be a competing show on tats. Then we started talking about my tats and about parlors in Las Vegas. I told him about this way trendy spot in a casino that’s pretty wack.

Lo and behold that trendy spot in a casino is the focus of Inked. Inked (which airs on A&E) spends most of it’s time focusing on those who working the parlor. It’s an interesting mix of people, and by “mix” I mean your basic tattoo parlor employees. Thus it’s pretty bland and feels manufactured.

Miami Ink on the other hand is dope. The show doesn’t just focus on the artists ( who are a million times more interesting than their Inked counterparts) but it also gives attention to those getting tattoos. Their stories are interesting and the chemistry between artist and canvas makes for some fine viewing.

While I’ll probably continue watching Inked (if only to confirm my initial feelings about the parlor when I heard about it’s opening over a year ago) I’m certainly going to be tuning in to watch Miami Ink. And I’ll probably start getting color on my back again.

What (else) I Watched Last Week

Entourage – The best moment of the show is when Ari snuffs Eric with a snowball. After that the episode was just mundane. Ari didn’t knock my socks off. I am getting tired of Eric and Vince gambling with fame. The tension in the show was what made it watchable, but now that the tension is gone the show has gone downhill.

The Comeback – Surprisingly good episode. I’m digging how oblivious Valerie is. She didn’t realize that she had the “hand” in the situation and played it perfectly. And really, who doesn’t enjoy laughing at “Jesus Freaks”?

Six Feet Under – This episode just proves what I always say; gay porn is hilarious, even to foster children. It’s nice to see that Claire is getting used to the rut of the real world. I’m growing more frustrated with Ruth. Now she’s CBing George? Should George’s new wiz have found out about his past; sure. Could the information be conveyed in a letter, rather than a personal visit; most definitely.

30 Days – What a bummer of a season finale. Binge drinking? Hot button topic, not really. And it’s not really a “college” thing; it’s a “white college” thing. Binge drinking isn’t really a problem on Morgan State’s campus.

Rescue Me – Franco is the man. He got caught up a pop in, and played it perfectly. The sensitivity training video was hilarious. This show’s first few episodes were superb, but now it’s reached a level of “entertaining.”

Stella – I want this show on DVD right now. I love how it’s comedy without rules. It’s even liberating to watch. Kudos to Comedy Central for going with this show.

Show I’m Most Ashamed To Have Ever Watched…this week – Being Bobby Brown

For some reason I had two consecutive days off. After sterilizing my bathroom, gathering every plastic bottle in the house for recycling and alphabetizing my porn, I happened to turn on the television to find Bobby Brown staring back at me.

Now I had been carefully avoiding Bobby Brown’s journey into reality television. To me I viewed the idea of the show, not as a glimpse of celebrity life, but rather as an opportunity to laugh at how messed up someone else’s life is, like Intervention.

And for the most part I was right. Watching Bobby and Whitney interact with each other and with others is horrifying. Perhaps the most frightening thing about seeing them is that I don’t for one minute believe that they are hamming it up for the cameras; I completely believe this is how they are 24 hours a day.

But one humanizing aspect of the show is that it shows how much of a normal dude he really is. He’s as mortifying as any other father of a teenager. He’s just like any other middle aged Black dude from the hood. It may sound odd, but the show shows how down to earth Bobby Brown really it. There’s a chance I’m hooked.

Making 30 Days Better

30 Days started off really strong, but ended with a thud. Even the middle seemed pretty cliché (a white guy needs to learn tolerance, boring!). So I got to thinking about episodes for a second season of the shows, provided there is one.

30 Days – As a Celebrity – Everyone thinks that being a celebrity is fun. But have they ever done a press junket? Or how about making the talk show rounds? In this episode an average person would be thrust into the limelight. They would have to deal with paparazzi, and unflattering tabloid stories. And heaven help them if they’ve had an affair.

30 Days – In the KKK – Everyone’s down on the Klan, but just like Rick Schroeder, they’re trying to move away from their old image. This episode would follow a Black guy as he spends 30 days with the Klan and hopefully leaves with a new perspective on the whole situation.

30 Days – As Porn Star – It may sound like fun, but it’s a lot of work. Getting tested for STD’s, working out and rinsing off bodily fluids. It would be compelling with either a male or female subject. The male subject would have to decide if man/man scenes are worth the extra money, and a female subject would have to pick which orifices get penetrated. This one is gold!

30 Days – As a Fetus – In this episode a pro choice person (since no ones really “pro abortion”) would have to spend a month in a shrinking sac (to simulate the growth of a fetus) completely dependent upon another person for everything. And right around day 27 the subject could get aborted, and see how they like it.

30 Days – As a Trucker – The subject would have to spend 30 days crisscrossing the country in a big rig hauling various things and hopped up on meth, all while trying to learn CB lingo.

30 Days – As an Illegal Immigrant – For this episode Eric S would be deported to Mexico. First he’d have to enter the United States illegally, and then try to find employment without documents. All the while he’d be on the look out for La Migra.

30 60 Days – As a Prison Inmate – I’d be just like Oz, only, y’know real. First the subject would have to spin the “wheel of offense” (watch out for rapist and child molester), and then they would have to survive in the big house. Are they going to be someone’s “b!#ch” or will they try to stand up for themselves? And how will they respond when they are denied parole? Find out in this special two hour season finale.

And there you have a seven episode second season of 30 Days if I were running the show.

Law vs Order?

Last week I posed the following question;

Good news; you’ve got ambition. Bad news; you’re a criminal. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe you’re a criminal mastermind. Who knows? The point is, the milk is spilled and there’s nothing you can do about it. Good news; might be able to get away with it. Bad news; there’s a body. Good news; you did a good job of cleaning up the evidence. Bad news; the cops are still involved.

Colin was the first to respond;

Well, if I was on SVU, I’d have a good chance of having to announce to the neighbours that I’m moving in. That distastefulness aside, the SVU crew might be a good bet; they tend to get really worked up about a case. I COULD get a beatdown and get off on a technicality.

No way I’d want D’Onofrio. He always figures it out. I don’t think I’d be as dopey as to admit it like a lot of them do, in a Jessica Fletcher kind of way, but you never know.

The original cast is out, too. I’ve never rated Green, but Fontana, or whatever Farina’s character is named I do not want hounding me. They alluded to it in his first episode, he looks mobbed up. No way I want THAT heat.

That leaves Trial by Jury as the only contender with SVU. Trial might not be so bad. The only good cop died a couple of episodes in, and the rest look like a bunch of snot-nosed punks who couldn’t get a conviction. That said, I’ll go with SVU. I can’t pass up the possibility of coming face to face with Ice T, and saying “Man,
you really sucked in New Jack City”.

And that was it. I got one response. Not that it wasn’t great, it’s just I’m used to more.

But enough of my complaining, I’m going for the original Law & Order. I want my day in court. I’m not guaranteed to go to court in either SVU or Criminal Intent and apparently Trial By Jury got the axe. I’m not only going to take the stand, but I’m going to defend myself. I think I can handle my own against Sam Waterson, I mean, he’s not Michael Moriarty.

Naturally we’ve come to…

Good News/Bad News/Question of the Week

Good News; you’re going to be high profile. Bad News; you’re not quite famous. Good News; you’re going to be a musician with a steady gig. Bad News; that gig is on a late night talk show. Maybe you’re going to “quantum leap” into their body. Maybe you’re just going to replace them. The point is you will inhabit their role. Good News; it’s temporary. Bad News; it’s one of my 30 Days ideas that didn’t make the cut.

So there you have it; would you rather spend 30 Days as The Tonight Show’s Kevin Eubanks or The Late Show with David Letterman’s Paul Shaffer?


Brendan makes a case for Jack Bauer and is giving away free DVDs.

Matt talks about some shows he’s watching.

John shows the links between Walker, Texas Ranger and The Dead Zone.


“J” is for Joe Reid. This week he’s all about movies. Read his thoughts on Fantastic Four and convince him to go see War of the Worlds.

“A” is for Aaron. This is actually a link to last week’s column. This week’s column isn’t quite up yet, but I’m sure it will be shortly. Anyway, I should have to sell you on reading The Bootleg.

“M” is for me, of course.

Greatest Video Ever…this week

This feature has been discontinued due to the untimely demise of VH1 Mega Hits. I apologize for any inconvenience.

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