Smackdown’s Great American Bash is fast approaching, so let’s get right into our predictions for the final WWE Pay Per View before Summerslam!
The bWo vs. The MexiCools
Widro: bwo is lucky to get a ppv payoff
Winners – The Mexicools
Eric Szulczewski: No way in God’s green earth are the Mexicools going to lose this one. The bWo is going to be programmed as comedy relief (if they stay around), while the Mexicools will probably end up with the Cruiser and Tag titles within two to three months. Here’s where that starts.
Winners – The Mexicools
Haley: Given their very lukewarm reception in Baltimore when I was there and the limited shelf run of their nostalgia act, I predict the Mexicools go over. A sustained program with the bwo won’t showcase their talents, so I expect it to be quick and painless.
Winners – The Mexicools
Matthew Michaels: This’ll be fun, but the only question is how competitive will bWo actually be, or will this just be a showcase for Juvi/Crazy/Psicosis to show off their stuff before getting into proper CW/TT feuds?
Winners – The Mexicools
Jeremy Lambert: The Mexicools are wrestling? Since they are Mexican stereo types I say they pull out knives in the middle of the match but everything is settled once BWO offers them more money and tequila shots
Winners – George Lopez, Selma Hayek, and Mario Lopez
Jed Shaffer: Shouldn’t the Mexicools be involved in the Cruiserweight division? And will the creative team decide if Mike Bucci is gonna be a fitness instructor or a member of the bWo? This is a PPV showcase for the Mexicools and nothing more. Figure it out.
Winner – The Mexican Jumping Beans
Mike Lawrence: Well with Simon Dean appearing just a few days before the PPV this whole Blue World Order thing seems a bit inconsistent to me. They need to find THE character they want Bucci to stick with. In regards to the match, despite the Mexicools being workrate demigods they really should just try to stuff this match with a ton of fastpaced comedic spots. Both teams are basically novelties anyway, and the card could use an amusing diversion that doesn’t involve someone named after a drummer from the Muppets.
Winner – It doesn’t really matter, but I’ll go with the MexiCools.
MNM (c) vs. Heidenreich & Road Warrior Animal – WWE Tag Team Titles
Widro: animal looks gigantic. it would be better if he were wearing a straight jacket and a hood and was CRAZED.
Winners – MNM
Eric Szulczewski: This is a DVD Pimp Match. All that’s required is Animal’s presence and a few offensive moves just to remind the audience of the Road Warriors. The exact ending of the match depends on when the Bra and Panties Match takes place and how it’s booked. It’ll be cheating, no matter what.
Winners – MNM
Haley: Just about the same as above. MNM has too much long term value to risk at the expense of losing to this oddball pairing. Given that Animal can barely last 1 minute in the ring without losing his breath. I expect this also to be relatively quick and painless.
Winners – MNM
Matthew Michaels: Man, I hope this one’s quick.
Winners – MNM
Jeremy Lambert: Can’t take the titles off MNM and put them on a guy who’s just doing a cameo. Let’s bring up Hawk 50 more times before the match to really twist the knife
Winners – HE’S NOT RETIRING!
Jed Shaffer: Why, pray-tell, is a singles wrestler feuding with a tag team? Has that EVER panned out? This is filler of the utmost caliber.
Winner – Hollywood Blondes V2.0 (I’m ignoring the West Hollywood mutation, thank you)
Mike Lawrence: Speak of the has-been!! This needs to be kept mercifully short. Expect MNM to get thrashed throughout and somehow pulling out the win via celebrity sneakiness.
Winner – MNM
Booker T vs. Christian
Widro: should be the best match of the evening
Winner – christian
Eric Szulczewski: Because we’ve seen Eddy/Rey-Rey do everything before, this’ll be de facto Match of the Night. Christian’s on a nice big winning streak right now and getting a very solid push. Booker had his last program cut out from under his feet with the Angle trade. Christian has to get the win here, but it’ll be hinky enough to continue the feud.
Winner – Christian
Haley: A toughie. Both have relatively solid amounts of heat and long term prospects depending on where WWe wants to take the both of them. I think it has to be Christian in the end and probably with the help of the tights or an international object. Batista is going to need a solid heel competitor down the road, so that’s my call.
Winner – Christian
Matthew Michaels: Isn’t it odd to see Booker T defending the honor of Smackdown? Oh, how times have changed. Although, I guess this feud could be over a shampoo commercial, so I won’t complain. In fact, I’ll sit back, relax, and enjoy Christian getting another win under his belt for the peep-u-lation. (He needs a win, especially with Hassan seemingly out of the picture, as without Brock on the immediate horizon, Batista’s opponent-less for Summerslam or at least between Summerslam and Mania 22, so the more heels to feed to DAVE the better.)
Winner – Christian
Jeremy Lambert: Anyone catch Booker T on that MTV show? Notice how Maven, Jindrak, and Haas are released and Holly hasn’t been used in forever? Booker will suffer the same fate
Winner – Christian
Jed Shaffer: I know Christian is new to Smackdown, so they’re still getting him settled on the show, but man, does this seem like filler, too. The crappy part here is the main event is plotted out for next month or two, so no matter who wins here, they both stay right where they are. So, might as well extend this feud so they’re both kept occupied.
Winner – Leader of the Peeps.
Mike Lawrence: Hey Mr. Peabody, let’s go in the Wayback machine!! Yes, it’s the ressurection of a feud no one asked for as two great grapplers get to wrestle for the title of “most wasted by creative”. If ever there was proof a wrestling purgatory existed, this is it. Since Christian got his Unprettier in, I’ll go with…
Winner – Booker T
Melina vs. Torrie – Bra & Panties Match
Widro: torrie wins, but it could also be her last match for the company.
Winner – torrie
Eric Szulczewski: A Bra and Panties match between a ten-buck tramp who’s been in Playboy and a woman who spreads her cooch every time she comes into a ring. What’s the purpose?
Winner – pubescents of all ages
Haley: I’ve been waiting for Melina’s twin sister Kitana to come out and stop her heel antics…maybe this is the place? Torrie seems like a lock at the Bash, but I could see a Candice turn happening. For fun. I’ll go with Torrie courtesy of a fan to the sternum.
Winner – Torrie
Matthew Michaels: I can’t see there being a winner here. MNM is on a roll, so perhaps her, although the crowd wants to see Melina stripped, and how can you disappoint the DC crowd like that? Uh yeah.
Winner – Melina
Jeremy Lambert: I call this as Torrie’s last WWE match
Winner – The Men
Jed Shaffer: I’m gonna sound like a broken record if I say “filler” on more time, but c’mon … they got William Regal, a newly solo Basham to establish as a single, the ENTIRE Crusierweight divison (all, what, 4 of them?) to showcase, numerous other midcarders they could push … and we get T&A. Excuse me while I take a piss.
Winner – Horny 13 year olds who don’t know how to use Google … as for the match … the blonde bimbo.
Mike Lawrence: The real wrestling match here is going to be between me and my tight-fitting Batman Underoos (“I am vengeance, I am rewashable 100% cotton!!)
Winner – My bladder
Orlando Jordan (c) vs. Chris Benoit – US Title
Widro: i’d like to see benoit elevate this title a bit
Winner – benoit
Eric Szulczewski: And here’s your title change for the night. Jordan hasn’t been able to do anything with the US title at all, which is partially his fault and partially the fault of “creative”, which has subsumed Jordan so far into High-Quality Speaker Boy’s orbit that he’s invisible. It’ll give some good extra bitch material for High-Quality Speaker Boy’s promo next week, and may even start a feud with Benoit in the process (depending on whether or not Randy Orton is healthy).
Winner and New Champion – Our Lord and Savior
Haley: OJ isn’t exactly lighting arenas up, so maybe a sustained program with Benoit is what he needs. Again, I’ll go with the theory that the farm has to be ripe with Batista opponents and call OJ via nefarious deeds.
Winner – OJ
Matthew Michaels: It’s time to take Bradshaw and OJ out of singles competition and use them to bolster the tag division. Although, why won’t I be surprised if OJ retains after being carried to the match of his career by the one-legged (don’t forget the knee injury from SD) Wolverine?
Winner – Benoit
Jeremy Lambert: Why have they forced Benoit in this match? It’s a crime that he has to wrestle Jordan. It will be a bigger crime if he loses and I will never watch Smackdown! again. (TNA, Spike TV, Saturday, Starting October.)
Winner – Crippler
Jed Shaffer: What’s worse … keeping the title on a guy who hasn’t defended it against anybody of note (or anybody for that matter) since winning it, or hotshotting it to a proven main eventer who will be nothing more than a transition champion so someone other heel can win it? “Creative” will more than likely choose the latter over sacrificing Chris motherf*cking Benoit to Orlando Jordan. You know what we call this kind of stuff down on the streets? Filler.
Winner – Tylenol, for all the money they’ll make off of Chris Benoit as he bashes his head against the glass ceiling. As for the match … Our Lord & Savior.
Mike Lawrence: I have to agree with the general opinion of the IWC here. Orlando has been a horrid champion and Benoit is being wasted in this nothingness of a feud. Benoit needs to win if anyone is going to take this belt seriously ever again.
Winner – Benoit
Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio – What’s The Secret?
Widro: i’m not sure what the secret is, but i’d like to see it revealed
Winner – eddy
Eric Szulczewski: I am utterly convinced that they don’t know what the secret is at this point. If they actually have, anything will be disappointing after the build-up. Couching a non-reveal as a match stip might be a good way to get out of this. I’m totally confused as to “creative”‘s motivations on this one. Therefore, I’ll play it safe here.
Winner – Rey-Rey
Haley: My guess is that Rey wins and Eddie tells the secret anyway. I expect it to be something pedestrian like little Dominic being adopted, but I’m hoping for something shocking like Eddie is the father. For fun. Go with Rey, who is very close to being ripe for a primetime run. He is way over with the fans and wrestling solid matches. Time to give the little guy his due at some point.
Winner – Rey
Matthew Michaels: Can they really keep Rey winning every single match-up between these two? Then again, does Creative even know what the “secret” is? (My bet: Eddie is REY’S father!)
Winner – Eddie
Jeremy Lambert: I say they drag this out until SummerSlam because people will actually buy that PPV. The secret is that Rey didn’t wait, he grabbed a snickers.
Winner – Rey Rey
Jed Shaffer: The important question is “why do I care?” It won’t be worth it, don’t kid yourself. It’ll probably be the match of the night, but that doesn’t change the fact that this feud should have ended with their last Smackdown match. Making this feud go on past GAB (and you know it will) won’t help anybody. As for what the secret is … it obviously had to do with the kid. The lazy thing to do would be to make Eddie his father … and since this is WWE creative … the lazy MUST be the road taken.
Winner – Latino Raven and his new Tyler Fullington
Mike Lawrence: I hope Guerrero wins just so we can get more creepy promos. I know there’s a Mount Perpetually Over(TM-Eric S.) but there needs to be a Mount awful angle proof made especially for Eddie. He’s made this crappy feud into the most compelling story in WWE. Kudos to Rey too. This will be the match that draws buys. And I think both performers know it, and will step up their already superb games for the occasion. Has there ever been such an easy opportunity to steal a show? As for the secret, I’m guessing it’s the obvious but still shocking enough “Dominic, I am your father”.
Winner – Eddie Guerrader
Muhammed Hassan vs. The Undertaker – #1 Contender Match
Widro: i can’t see them still having hassan win if they are getting rid of the character.
Winner – taker
Eric Szulczewski: Oh, boy, have things become more complicated thanks to UPN’s insistence that Hassan will not appear on Smackdown ever again. Considering the totally decayed relationship between WWE and Viacom at this point, WWE might not give a shit about what they want. At this point, though, it doesn’t ruin the obvious plan that they had concerning the world title picture: Hassan wins this one, then gets squashed by Batista at SummerSlam. So here’s what’ll happen: they’ll go through with this plan to the end (they can get away with Hassan actually not being there to promote his shot). Then, after SummerSlam, the issue of the Money In The Bank will come up. The contract will end up specifically stating that it’s for the World Championship, not the WWE Championship. Bisch and Long get exemptions for a special trade involving their disgruntled stars, Hassan goes back to Raw, and Edge goes to Smackdown to set up the main event at Survivor Series.
Winner – Muhammad Hassan
Haley: I’m really looking forward to this match. I usually don’t buy these things if I’m watching them by myself, but the mystery of how Taker will off Hassan is flat out intriguing. My hope would be something over the top like a lightning bolt or zombies rising from the grave…or maybe even a return of the bodybag.
Winner – Taker
Matthew Michaels: Well, I originally was in sync with the reported WWE plans to have Batista face off with Hassan at Summerslam, thanks to help from an Orton run-in, especially with SD’s severe need of top heels until Brock comes in. Now that UPN wants the Hassan character gone, I see them going one of two ways here: either they turn Taker heel by having him go “above and beyond” in his massacre of Hassan (and thus turn Hassan and Daivari into sympathetic babyface-like characters — this will be hard, but is possible if they do with Taker what they recently and successfully pulled off with Eddie); OR they turn Daivari against Hassan before or during the match. Either way it’s not good for Hassan… so I guess we should just expect him to be buried in cement, right?
Winner – Undertaker
Jeremy Lambert: Hassan is a dead man
Winner – The Undertaker
Jed Shaffer: With the UPN-bans-Hassan rumors going around, this throws the entire match into disarray. WWE would be just the company to thumb their noses at their detractors and push forward with Hassan as the #1 contender, but they’d have no way of building him up for SummerSlam. And if they shift him back to Raw (which has far too many upper-card heels as is), then SD needs someone of fair value shipped over … a good solution would be to have Edge leave Raw for safety’s sake and go to SD, that way the Hardy angle could continue, but I’m way ahead of the WWE here. Gotta keep it simple, and despite the bad taste it’ll leave in everyone’s mouth, the simple solution is…
Winner – The Underseller
Mike Lawrence: Gee….It’s not so much whose going to win here that’s worth looking into since that’s already been decided, it’s whether or not Vince will be able to end all this without even a slight insult at UPN. It could either go punch,kick, last ride, tombstone,pin,Hassan vanishes to be with the Winslow’s second daughter, or it could end up nasty. We’ll see….
Winner – Taker
Batista (c) vs. JBL – World Title
Widro: i think wwe is convinced batista is stronger with the chase
Winner – jbl
Eric Szulczewski: Misawa/Kawada from the Tokyo Dome has been uploaded at various places. I highly recommend that you download it and have the match handy as an antidote to the crapfest this one’s going to be.
Winner – Batista
Haley: The Batista train keeps on rolling. I would not mind seeing this feud pick back up after Summerslam.
Winner – Batista
Matthew Michaels: Foregone conclusion.
Winner – Batista
Jeremy Lambert: Well Taker is earning the title shot so to avoid a Face/Face match up, JBL should win. He won’t though because WWE loves rubbing in the fact that the Ultimate Warrior isn’t the only person who shakes the ropes before he wins.
Winner – Batista
Jed Shaffer: If there was an anti-match of the night award, you’d be looking at the sole nominee. If you doubt the outcome of this match, please find the nearest bridge and hurl yourself over the edge to save me the pain of having to explain what a “plain cheeseburger” is to your sorry ass
when I place my order at the drive-thru.
Winner – Metrosexual Man!
Mike Lawrence: JBL has slowly grown on me, but only when there’s a compelling face challenging him. Batista just isn’t it. This will be stiff and full of f*ck-ups and can’t end up with either guy getting beaten easily ala Cena-JBL at WMXXI or else it’s going to hurt the potential longevity of the feud.
Winner – Batista
Wild Card Question 1: Will Randy Orton show up? What will happen?
Widro: orton wont be on the show
Eric Szulczewski: I think he will show up. He’s going to interfere in the world title match, thus setting up Evolution versus Evolution for SummerSlam. Thus, Batista will go from High-Quality Speaker Boy to Dorkboy to Edge, and then…
Haley: My guess is not now, but stranger things have happened. The only scenario I see there is him costing Batista his match to set up JBL/Taker and he and Batista for Summerslam. I think they’ll defer his surprise appearance for Summerslam though.
Matthew Michaels: Yes, and he’ll either run into the Taker or Batista matches (or both) and Summerslam will be a three-way World Title bout in order to fix the fact that Hassan’s removal will otherwise foil WWE’s original plans for Summerslam. (In fact, a cool idea would be to have Taker come out to go face-to-face after Batista retains the belt, in a classic pre-Summerslam tease, only to have that scene broken up by duel-RKOs to end the show!)
Jeremy Lambert: Sure, I’ll say he attacks Batista since the whole world will say he’s going to attack Taker
Jed Shaffer: With Orton on injury, the only way they can advance this feud is for Orton to do the occasional run-in. And what better place then a #1 contendership match? UT wins despite interference from Orton, Orton fumes, feud builds. 1-2-3.
Mike Lawrence: I don’t really see where they can fit him. There’s a #1 contenders match so its not like he can vie for the belt any time soon. And would they waste him in the Christian-Booker T match or US belt bout? He’ll just have to sit on his soon to be injured hands and wait his turn.
Wild Card Question 2: Will Brock Lesnar show up? What will happen?
Widro: I could see him interfering and costing batista the title.
Eric Szulczewski: Not yet. But dollars to doughnuts that the negotiations will be finished by SummerSlam, where he will show up. After Edge gets through with Batista at Survivor Series, it’ll be Lesnar’s turn, God help us all.
Haley: I don’t think so. I could be wrong, but I see either a slow build via promos or some sort of storyline developing where he will come into play. Too soon.
Matthew Michaels: Would I be surprised if they had him show up to face Batista at SummerSlam, while Orton faces off in a Wrestlemania rematch vs. Taker? No. But it MAY be too early at this point. Is one of the most intriguing reasons to watch this PPV, in my opinion.
Jeremy Lambert: Nah, I hear the Vikings have a WR spot open.
Jed Shaffer: They can make HUGE bank pimping the return of The Next Big Overrated Slug. Why piss away the pop of an extra-huge buyrate or a ratings nudge on a hotshot angle? Lesnar ain’t coming back yet … probably by SummerSlam, though.
Mike Lawrence: See above. Everything is pretty tightly knit going into Summerslam already. Maybe he can cost JBL the title and they can have a non-title feud for a while, but really, who wants to see that? Sure, there will be some good shoot promos from our resident wrestling god, but the actual match that will come out of it? Ugh…
Stay tuned to InsidePulse Wrestling for full coverage of the Great American Bash PPV, and discuss the event and your predictions in our reader forums!
