Not-the-Weekend News



Hello all. I’m bringing a little more content than last time. Whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen. First of all, I think I was the only Inside Pulse staffer to actually attend the Great American Bash here in the *ahem* great city of Buffalo, so I’ll have my thoughts on that from a live perspective. Also, since Lambert’s column isn’t up yet (as of this writing), I will respond to stuff he said in last week’s…plus some stuff his readers said. Hope you enjoy!


The Great American Bash – A Live Perspective

Before I get started with this, I just to say that this will not be a recap of the event. There are plenty of those to be found around the net; I recommend Ross Williams’s.

So, any of you who have been to a wrestling event know that it’s much more fun live than it is on tv. That is certainly a good thing with regard to the Great American Bash, a show being hailed as the worst of the year. That said, it wasn’t worth the $75 I paid for my seat. Especially because of the ass clown sitting in front of me who held his sign up the whole friggin night. People, I implore you…don’t do that. Don’t ruin the event for everyone behind you. Anyway, one of the more entertaining aspects of catching an event live is listening to the comments the marks make around you. As far as this goes, the (roughly) 10-year-old kid in front of me was an endless source of entertainment, as he wouldn’t shut up. One of the reasons he wouldn’t shut up is because he felt the need to explain everything to his dad, who obviously was not a fan. The kid fancied himself an expert, and tried to tell his dad everyone’s name in every match, their finishers, their storylines, and anything else that popped into his head. He also liked to scream stuff at the wrestlers, which
led to some amusing moments. Some of his wisdom:

  • “That’s the Mexicools: Juventud Guerrero, Super Crazy, and…Psycho Kid. They’re facing the Blue World Organization.”
  • “Look, you can tell it’s choreographed.”
  • “As soon as this starts, they stop selling programs.” Then, after that was proven wrong, “Well, they sell them, but they’re like twice as much.” Then, after that was proven wrong, “…”
  • “Go to hell!” “Kick his ass!” and “Pussy!” which were all things he heard other people shouting. Each time he yelled this stuff, he’d look over at his dad, who returned a nasty glare at him. After “Pussy!” his dad made it clear that if he curses one more time, he’d take him home, so that was the end of that. Everyone around us was snickering throughout.
  • To Batista, he actually yelled “Unleash the beast!” I still can’t believe he actually said that.
  • Anytime an “ECW” chant started, especially during the Mexicools/bWo match, he started joining in at the top of his lungs, but stopped when everyone around us gave him dirty looks. Come on kid, you can’t chant “ECW”
    if you’ve never even seen ECW.
  • To Muhammed Hassan: “Go back to your own country! We don’t want you here!” Of course, his dad said nothing about this. I did, however. I told him that Hassan was, in fact, American, and that was already in his own country. I hate my fellow Americans. I really do.
  • The kid liked to chant whatever anyone else was already chanting. However, this didn’t turn out so well for him in the Christian/Booker T match, where at the beginning he told his dad, “Oh, Christian sucks.” However, when the crowd started chanting Christian’s name, the kid turned all red and sort of hung his head. Very amusing.

Before I return to the GAB, while I’m on the subject of Things Marks Say in the Audience, I’d like to list a few of my favourites from past events.

  • During a DDP match around the time of the InVasion, the arena was almost completely silent. Then, a southern drawl from a couple of rows in front of me says, “Give ’em the Diamond Cutter, Dallas.” Wow. Page should be lucky to have such a brilliant strategist in the audience working for him.
  • At WrestleMania X8, we were jeering Austin, which prompted the hillbillies behind us to start talking about how awesome Stone Cold was. One of them said, “My buddy gave me the Stunner at work once. Hurt like a bitch.”
  • Also at WrestleMania X8, we were jeering the Undertaker, which prompted some really dirty looks from the hillbillies behind us, who then said “Taker’s an American Bad Ass. Why don’t you shut the hell up?” I have no doubt in my mind that if there weren’t, like, 11 of us, they would have kicked our asses. Hehe.

Okay, I’ll finish up with my GAB thoughts. At the end of the show, people seemed to have enjoyed themselves, except for one thing: everyone absolutely hated the DQ ending in the main event. Biggest face reactions were Undertaker, then Batista, then Benoit (post match), then Animal. Biggest heel reactions were Hassan (by far), then Eddie, then JBL. The only person to come out to indifference and apathy was, surprise surprise, Orlando Jordan.

In my Fun Moment of the Night, I had begun my drive home and had just arrived at a red light. Suddenly, the car next to me honked it’s horn and signaled for me to roll down my window, which I did. To my shock, it was Nunzio and Big Vito, asking me for directions! So, I gave them the directions (which I hope didn’t get them lost) and was holding my composure quite well. But then, I lost control, and I marked out: “FBI RULES!” Dammit, I’m a tool.


TNA – the Lambert Way

Before I get into the actual TNA content, I have to say that I disagree with Lambert calling Matt Hardy a sellout. What exactly did he sell out? He never said he wouldn’t return to WWE. In fact, he had nothing but nice things to say about them on his website, with the exception of Johnny Ace. He lost his job unfairly, and then got it back because the fans wanted him. How is that selling out?

Okay, let me first link the column that I’m referring to for the rest of this segment. The topic of TNA on Spike TV was one that Lambert said would be a good one to argue about. TNA will be getting Velocity’s current time slot on Saturday night, and will be paying for that right. I don’t think this will really help them at all. Let’s face it: no one watches Velocity because it’s on at a stupid time, when people are out. Couple that with the fact that TNA is paying for the slot, and it can’t be good. However, if it gets them noticed and promoted to a better time slot, well, I’m all for that. Lambert suggested Thursdays from 9-11, and gave his idea of how the scenario would play out, with TNA stealing a great deal of Smackdown’s viewers. The thing is, they won’t. At least, not for awhile. The casual fan is not going to turn off the product that they know for a product that they don’t, especially when the “alternative” is a fed full of unknowns or washed-up former WWE guys. Unless TNA changes their presentation, focuses more on the X-Division and less on WWE castoffs, and stops centering on Jeff Jarrett, they won’t compete. They just won’t.

At least, that’s my opinion.

The following is an e-mail Lambert printed in that same column two weeks ago. I will respond to this person’s opinions on how the recently-fired WWE guys would fit into TNA. The e-mail is in italics, I’m in bold. All spelling and grammar errors are his.

Jindrak-No, he just don’t fit TNA.

Why not? If Apolo, Trytan, Lance Hoyt, and the Harris Brothers fit in TNA, then I see no reason why not, especially since Jindrak is better known than any of those clowns (though Hoyt is surprisingly over).

Maven-maybe but he still have ALOT to learn and am not sure TNA is willing to teach him

TNA has a lot of people much worse than Maven, who is at least athletic and charismatic.

Akio-used to be a member of the Flying Elvises in TNA. He would be great for the X division and tag team division with Siaki. TNA is thinking about bringing James Gibson in, maybe Jung Dragons can re-unite? The bad thing is that AKIo left TNA on bad terms.

He would indeed be a welcome (re)addition to the X-Division, but for the love of GOD, not a tag team with that useless sack of shit Sonny Siaki.

Haas and Jackie-they both been too many Impact shows, they will be in TNA

No arguments here.

Dudleyz- I don’t know if TNA have enough money for them

Are you out of your mind? TNA had enough money for Nash, Savage, and DDP, among others…how can they not afford the Dudley Boyz?

Shannon Moore- Matt Hardy pretty much confirm himself to be in TNA, if Matt goes and Shannon chances to TNA is HUGE

Well, obviously Matt isn’t going to TNA, but Shannon probably will.

Kidman- Michael Batts is his cousin, Kidman problems is injuries. I’m not sure if TNA is willing to take that chance

I don’t see why that would matter. Most people in TNA are on an open contract anyway.

Morgan-no, not TNA style

See my answer for Jindrak above, minus perhaps the “better known” part.

Dawn Marie- No, I think Dawn and Simon is not a couple no more

Well, she’s pregnant now anyway, so she’ll probably be away from wrestling for awhile taking care of her child.

Kenzo- used to be in TNA and suck there, he is going back to JAPAN for sure

I don’t really think Kenzo is that bad. He’s certainly better than Siaki.

Gangrel- he will be joining Dave Nelson new wrestling fed “World Wide Wrestling Alliance”, that will debut this fall on a major cable channel —–(filled in the blanks)

I don’t really know what he’s talking about here.

Kevin Fortig- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

First of all, it’s Fertig with an “E,” and second of all, he didn’t get enough of a chance to prove himself to warrant that reaction. The poor guy only got two matches of note, and they were against Hardcore Holly and Undertaker, right? Of course those matches were going to suck! I thought the guy showed a lot of charisma and presence.

Spike-only if the Dudleyz come, the X division is too good for Spike.

I don’t know about that. Siaki was X-Division champ, remember. Plus, he’s a bump machine, and he sells like crazy, which is more than I can say for about half of TNA’s roster.

At the end of the day, I see TNA signing Matt Hardy,Shannon Moore, and Haas(without his wife). They will probably sign the Dudleyz if the money right(Bubba Ray is too greedy, he is just like HAWK). If Dvon decide to leave Bubba, Dvon and Spike can be a team. TNA already sign Rhino.

Shawn E.

Well, that’s that.


The Adventure of Links

I’m too lazy to do proper links, so I’ll link the Ross Report for RAW, and move on to the closing.


Let me know what you thought via e-mail or IM, and I’ll see you here in two weeks.

AIM = GoldenAce 007