Last night, as my friend and I shared a cab home after taking in a burlesque show, she turned to me solemnly and said, “I am so psychologically entrenched in Big Brother these days.” Between hiccups, I enthusiastically agreed with her. Even though we’d both had one Cosmo too many that evening, our conversation about the show was heartfelt and intellectual. Between the Lower East Side and Hell’s Kitchen, we managed to dissect our mutual prophesy of the inevitable meltdown of James and Sarah’s relationship, the surprising shrewdness of Janelle, and the sociopolitical implications of Ivette’s obsession with the word “ghetto.”
Oh, and we’re both totally voting for Kaysar to come back on the show, even though Eric will probably get the most votes. American television viewers have such a hard-on for firefighters (remember Tom Westman, the most recent sole survivor?). I absolutely respect the brave men and women who put their lives on the line to save others, so I’m not knocking Eric on that count at all. His devotion to his family is beautiful, and I do believe that he is a good person, although I wouldn’t necessarily want to live with someone who said, “Lights out, bitches!” all the time. But as far as intrigue of personality and overall physical hotness are concerned, Kaysar could kick Eric’s ass any day of the week. I think he deserves another chance.
Michael’s not even in the running. True, he snogged Janelle and almost got his face pounded in by Eric for feeling up some of the women, but other than that, I didn’t think he contributed much to the game. He wasn’t around long enough to do anything, and the fact that he wouldn’t leave the girls alone led to his early demise. I think it was deserved.
As far as Ashlea is concerned, I’d be very interested in knowing why she stepped out of seclusion, thus eliminating the possibility of resurrecting herself. Maybe the humiliation of being the first person kicked out of the house was too much for her to bear and she went to St. Bart’s to deepen her tan and drown her sorrows in many rum and Diet Cokes. Or she realized that she wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone in the house except for Beau, but he doesn’t roll that way, so there was no point in even trying to return.
Howie’s flirtation with Beau has been interesting to watch. Hell, just about anything Howie does is interesting and I’m delighted that he got HoH this week. At first, he seemed to me no different than Michael with his innuendos about the girls’ boobies (a word I hadn’t heard since eighth grade), but Howie appears to be more skilled at recognizing boundaries. Plus, he possesses a certain charm with his hideous fashion sense and bravado about being the hottest piece of ass in the house. No one has been taking Howie seriously up to this point, but that may all change now that he’s in control.
It’s especially fortunate for Howie that his partner is Rachel, an undeniably smart, strong, likeable player that everyone seems to respect. Because she is such a powerhouse in the game, I could see her exiting before Howie, although his actions this week will certainly affect how he and his friend are viewed in the future. And hey, if neither of them makes it to the end, they can always step their relationship up a notch. I know for a fact that Howie wants to do Rachel. Then again, Howie probably wants to do you and me, too. He’s very open that way.
Unlike Jennifer. Hello? Does she even live in the house or does she just drop by to restock the kitchen with Wonder Bread? If the show had already been recorded months ago, I would guess that her under-the-radar approach and near non-existence in key conversations and controversial moments meant that she would be making it to the end. But since the players are sitting around the house as I write this, I can’t accuse the editors of trying to hide her as some stealth reality TV superhero who will jump through the walls, her hair in those cute pigtails, wearing thigh-high boots, a body suit, and metal wrist bands when the time is right. Then again, it is the Summer of Secrets, so maybe there’s more to Ms. Jen than meets the eye.
And Sarah, does that girl have anything going for her besides the fact that her hair always looks good and she has killer aim when throwing tennis balls at TV sets? James’s less-than-flattering comments about her intelligence and her complete dependence on him do not bode well for their relationship or her mental health. And since their relationship is really still in the larval stage (a mere four months along), Sarah’s infatuation is clouding her judgment about the kind of guys James really is. I see two major red flags here: their age difference (six years) and their approach to the game.
For some couples, a six-year spread might not be a big deal, but at 23, Sarah has probably just finished college and is sorting through a lot of issues about her identity, career goals, and problems from her past. I’m the same age as James and can attest to the fact that by age 29, a lot of those questions and problems get resolved. James is probably infinitely more secure in who he is, what he wants, and where he’s headed. Sarah obviously views James as the guy who can give her the answers to her questions. The only problem is that James doesn’t appear to be in any mood to help her out in that department and it’s probably better if she figures things out for herself, anyway.
As for the way they’re playing the game, Sarah’s main concern is just keeping James around so that they can be together. Although I’m sure she’d love to win, it’s clear that getting voted out of the house would be more devastating for her because she’d be apart from her man, less so because she just lost a shot at a million dollars. James, on the other hand, has stated that he’d prefer to have Sarah gone, as she poses a distraction and isn’t as strategic as he is. He doesn’t respect her as a player and, sadly, it looks as though he doesn’t have much respect for her as a person, either. Their breakup won’t be pretty, but it will be the best thing for them, especially Sarah. And if she’s as tough and resilient as her parents say she is, Sarah should be able to dust herself off and go find a man who adores her for who she is.
As far as my adoration goes, I urge all readers to go to CBS.com and vote to pull Kaysar back on the show. Sure, he showed his cards too early, but given how sharp he is, I doubt the King would make the same mistake twice. Plus, I really hope he doesn’t shave off his goatee, because it looks freaking hot on him. Come back, Kaysar!
