Welcome everyone to InsidePulse’s Live TNA iMPACT! Coverage. After a few weeks off, I am your host Jeremy Lambert. TNA is coming off their 3 HOUR PPV MEGA SUPER AWESOME EXTRA SPECIAL EVENT! Turning Point. The build towards 2006 begins. New stuff is in italics.
We kicked things off with Turning Point highlights which include: Barbed Wire Massacre, Konnan’s heel turn, BaseBrawl match, AJ vs. Joe, Rhino vs. Jarrett, and Sting.
Opening Video
We kick things off with Our World Champion Jeff Jarrett. He of course is out here to bitch to Tenay about the end of Turning Point. Jarrett says it’s now war with TNA management. Samoa Joe comes out and has a face to face with Jarrett. Talk about two different sides of the wrestling world.
Samoa Joe vs. Jay Lethal: I assume these two have hooked up in ROH but this one is only going to last 5 minutes max. Arm drag exchanges to start. KICKS! KICKS! AND KICKS! by Joe. Leg lariat by Lethal. Lethal looks like Shelton Benjamin. Too bad they both are recieving the same push. Well then again, I would rather job to Joe than Carlito and Masters. Back to the match, Senton Splash by Joe. Face wash by Joe. They get a close up on the bloody towel. I wonder how much that would go for on EBay. Powerslam, Muscle Buster, Choke Out.
Winner- Samoa Joe
Commercials
Shane Douglas is with Konnan and Killings. Konnan says he never trusted Kip and he never liked him. Killings wants to know why(‘s Jadakiss as hard as it gets)? Killings says that he is lost and he is done with it.
Alex Shelley vs. Matt Bentley: I pray to God that this begins the X Division push of Shelley. Sadly, TNA has a hard on for Bentley because he’s the cousin of some WWE wrestler so Bentley will probably continue to get the push. Traci is hott. I love the sign that says “It’s Peanut Butter Shelley Time.” Some weird commentary kicks in from Tenay that sounds pre-recorded. To the match, Shelley bites the fingers of Bentley. Tenay says that Jarrett has taken Shane Douglas hostage. Here’s a f*cking thought, pay attention to this match. Head scissors stomp by Shelley. They exchange chops. Tornado DDT by Shelley. Holy Shit….SHANNON FUCKIN’ MOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is on the entrance way with a sign that says “The X Division Needs To Get Punk’D.” Don’t give Ashton Kutcher any ideas. Some unique looking pin by Shelley that gets the win. Wow, like 0 attention was paid to this match by me, the announcers, and everyone else. At least Shelley won.
Winner- Alex Shelley
Jarrett is backstage with Douglas and says that he will find out who’s with him and who’s against him tonight. Gail Kim walks in and is all “What’s that skank Jackie Gayda doin’ all up in my kool aid yo?” and Jarrett is all “I paid that bitch child support.” and Kim is all “Well what’s that triflin hooker still doin around here naw mean?” and Jarrett is all “Don’t worry about that trick, I’ma handle mines.” Oh man, I feel in rare form tonight.
Commercials
Shane Douglas is with Abyss and Mitchell. Mitchell delivers an awesome promo calling Raven a Raven, Rhino a Rhino, and Monty Brown an idiot. Mitchell talks about Rhino the most so I guess the PPV Match Brawl will be Abyss vs. Rhino. Scott D’Amore enters the screen with some business to talk about. “Remember when we travled to Canada with Benoit, Jericho, Adam, and Amy?” Wait, wrong worker.
Rhino vs. Job “Already In The Ring” ber: Why bother with the commentary on this match? Rhino is going to destroy this jobber with power moves and end it all with a GORE! GORE! GORE! In the mean time, I’ll talk about something else. Like the crowd, who really want this match to end. Hey, right on cue. GORE! GORE! GORE! although he only he one Gore so saying it 3 times is kind of retard. At least with Monty Brown he hits the Pounce 2 or 3 times. POUNCE! POUNCE! POUNCE!
Winner- Rhino
After the match, Rhino gets a mic. “Son I just kicked your ass bitch” Then he says bitch again. Geez, he’s throwing that word around tonight. “I made you BLEED!” BLEED! BLEED! Then he calls D’Amore a fat little bastard who he will cut in half with a GORE! GORE! GORE!
Jarrett is backstage with Douglas and the Diamonds In The Rough are with Jarrett. Jarrett wants to talk to Monty Brown. Gail Kim once again enters the screen. “Jeff, do we have time to talk now?” “No, I’m busy go away” “I just want to talk about my problems.” God, Gail Kim is a typical women. Jarrett gets through using her and then she just wants to talk. That’s why God invented prostitutes.
COMMERCIALS! COMMERCIALS! COMMERCIALS!
Zybsko snacks is backstage with Douglas. Upper Management wants the situation with Raven to end. Larry is going to chose an opponent and a gimmick match for Raven at Final Resolution. If Raven wins, he gets a Title shot. If he loses, he’s out of TNA. My money says that they will bring in The Sandman although if they could get Tommy Dreamer, I’d mark out like a horny teen meeting Paris Hilton.
Diamonds In The Rough vs. Team 3D: 3D attacks Diamonds to start. Do you think Diamond Dallas Page will sue TNA over the use of the word Diamond? IT’S DA ROC! Skipper hurdles in and gets clotheslined down. Young gets knocked to the outside. Press slam to the outside by D-Von on Skipper. BLACK ON BLACK CRIME!
COMMERCIALS ON SCREEN TIME!
We are back and Team 3D continues to beat on the Diamonds. Elix with a weak looking kick. Young is in and he rope chokes Ray. Wow, another TNA debut as one of the Hebner brothers is at the entrance taking notes. “I will not sell TNA merchandise out of the trunk of my car. I’ve learned my lesson.” Pay little attention to this match, I notice that Samoa Joe appears to be on the Final Resolution banner in the Impact Zone. Next month, my money is on Sting or Christian to be on the banner. Anyway, both Skipper and Ray are down. Tag to Young and a tag to Devon. Shoulderblock by Devon followed by a spine buster. Clothesline on Skipper. Bulldog on Young. 3D Neckbreaker on Young. Simon is on the and he grabs Devon. Skipepr goes to hit Devon but Devon ducks. Doomsday Device on Skipper followed by the 3-D on Young and that shall do it for the wrestling tonight, pretty bad overall.
Winners- Team 3D
Jarrett and Douglas in the back once again. Jarrett is with D’Amore and D’Amore says he talked to Monty Brown and that Monty told him to get out of his face or else he will get a POOOUUUUNCE period. Hearing D’Amore say POOOUUUUUNCE was pretty funny. Jarrett turns to Gail. “Gail whats wrong?” “I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong, you should know” “Bitch if don’t tell me then I don’t know” “Just forget it” I swear if she says “I’m Pregnant” by the end of the night, I’m going to do something that I might regret. I don’t know what that is at this moment but I will regret it…maybe.
Commercials
We are back and Jarrett is in the ring with Team Canada, Gail Kim, Abyss, Mitchell, and AMW. It’s the funeral all over again. We get “boring” chants from the crowd. Jarrett says “The proof is in the pudding” just ask Deshaun Holden/I’ll slit your mother f*ckin throat worse than Ron Goldman. Jarrett talks about all the signings that TNA has made over the past year. D’Amore and Team Canada are with Jarrett. AMW is with Jarrett. “The proofs the Gold.” Is the gold in the pudding? Abyss is with Jarrett. He never asked Gail Kim. He calls out Monty Brown and here he comes. I like the shirt Monty has on, no homo. Monty Brown wants TNA to let home loose. Well if they release him then he can go to WWE and wrestle on the internet…although I guess he’s sort of used to that. Monty Brown grrrrrs….that was…let’s not mention that ever again. Monty Brown is with Jarrett and he says…LET THE WAR BEGIN! THE LIGHTS GO OUT! On the ramp it’s…Team 3D, Rhino, and the coolest mother f*cker alive Christian Cage. No Sting, somebody pay me my 5 bucks.
Show Over
