I got an e-mail from Colesmyer yesterday saying that I’m one step closer to getting a job. They’re just about to check my referees. All I need to do now, is change my referees.
Samoa Joe to WWE? Puh-lease. The guy can become one of TNA’s Icons, the go to guy for the easy draw, he has the opportunity to become more than “the uppercard heel Rikishi wasn’t” (apparentley). Far too early for Joe to even consider leaving TNA. Maybe in three years or so, Joe, then you can become the star to suck them dry for money. Sting has been a draw for years, you’ve been a draw for months. Get the hint? Take note, AJ, Abyss, Canadian Destroyer, Christopher Daniels, and Samoa Joe. Within three years, when TNA has become big arena material, THEN get a better contract. It’s not rocket science, it’s just simple.
Kane Verses Batista is rumored for No Way Out. If they were both on SmackDown, then maybe I’d be REALLY excited. However, as it stands, it’s a very basic way to put over SmackDown before WrestleMania. You know what I’d like? Kane and Orton as the final two in the Rumble; Big Show and Kane have utterly destroyed Rey Mysterio earlier on in the match. As payback, Batista attempts to cost Kane the Royal Rumble, but just when he’s about to destroy Kane with a Batista Bomb, Orton eliminates him. Now, if Kane can be made an early draft pick for the roster, then I’ll be happy as Larry. However happy he is. Actually, that’s an idea and a half, isn’t it? For the entire duration of the Wrestling Year, which is in my books, the RAW after WrestleMania until the next year’s WrestleMania, RAW and SmackDown each get six or however many draft picks, and they don’t have to use them all at once within a few weeks. They can do all six in one night, or whenever they like . . . I have far too much spare time while waiting for Velocity to start.
From the signs of the Main Event Interview on RAW this week; we could possibly expect a Shawn Michaels verses Vince McMahon Match at WrestleMania . . . I’d pay to see that. It’s one of those really odd dream matches that you don’t care too much about, but you still would watch it. Both can put on a good twenty minute match for their age, it’s just a question of whether we think Vince McMahon actually has a chance at winning . . . Actually, the last time Vince won a proper match, was verses Zach Gowen. Vince needs to win more matches. Matches that mean something.
Booker T’s injury could be exactly what Booker T needs. Hear me out. Randy Orton substituted for Booker T in this week’s Series Match. If Booker T doesn’t win this series (which I doubt, but I don’t write the programming), then he’s already got an easy Grudge Match verses Randy Orton. Chris Benoit just needs to defeat one more substitute. I say, why not give that victory to a returning Chuck Palumbo? Then, in the final of the series, at the Royal Rumble, Bobby Lashley defeats Chris Benoit for Booker T to become United States Champion. Sets up an easy Bobby Lashley / Booker T fued. And I want to see Bobby Lashley and Chris Benoit. I expect Bobby Lashley to go places quicker than something that’s really quick.
Lame joke time! When I read “WWE Releases Royal Rumble Promotional Material”, I had to check the SmackDown and RAW Bios, I didn’t remember a wrestler called Promotional Material. It’s become a natural reaction . . . I did warn you it was lame.
This week’s Velocity will showcase Simon Dean verses Brian Kendrick; Paul Burchill verses the last Cannon Fodder for 2005; Jamie Noble verses Paul London; and, in the Main Event, and the WWE’s last match for 2005, the Legion Of Doom shall collide with Nunzio and Big Vito, in a match that has been brewing ever since that time where Heidenreich and Big Vito fought over who looked more different than the other one.
This week, Velocity is again rated M. Repeat: Oooohh. Ahhh. Cough.
The usual entrance video kicks us off, the “Please Don’t Try This At Home”, “Power Is Back”, and Velocity video. And Simon Dean is wheeling on out as we speak!
Opening Contest: Simon Dean verses Brian Kendrick.
On a side note, I find Simon’s music very catchy. As opposed to Brian’s, who is STILL weearing that horrid mask. Damn him. Dean gets on the microphone first, and does a “Simon Says” bit, and actually says that Kendrick, as opposed to everyone else, needs to eat more, and offers him some new food, and calls Kendrick a ‘Anorexic Punk Kid’, as to which Kendrick attacks Dean. Kendrick slugs away, some fast moves, before getting nailed with a Rib Breaker using the Face. Kicks down on Kendrick for a while, even doing some “Butt Hits” on Kendrick. Dean with a powerbomb into back breaker for two counts of two. Headlock on Kendrick. Kendrick reverses a hip toos into a pinfall attempt, but Dean gets out and puts Kendrick into a Mexican Surfboard variation, before pushing his face onto the canvas, for the two count. Another headlock by Dean. Kendrick knees Dean a few times, before reversing a Dean powerbomb into a Hurricanrana. Kendrick nails Dean with a kick right to the face, an elbow, before a running flying elbow. Kendrick with another elbow, kick, before he does one hell of a Tornado DDT from the top rope, for the two count. Kendrick goes for the Sliced Bread No. 2 but Dean lets him fall, before nailing the Simonizer for the three count.
Winner: Simon Dean.
The Velocity spoilers said that this was a good match. And it indeed was. Give these two some more matches, on SmackDown, let Kendrick nail that Tornado DDT, and Dean the Simonizer, and you’ve got yourself a good match for SmackDown. An easy 7 out of 10 for Velocity’s first match tonight.
Commercials. Luke Perry is in that Jeremiah show; man, he looks so old now. Australian Poker Challenge is coming this Thursday! Shrug.
Clip from SmackDown: Matt Hardy verses JBL. Apparentley, JBL said he was afraid of nobody, so maybe – just MAYBE – we should have Boogeyman do something a bit more scary than eat worms. Hell, if little kids can eat worms when they play in the mud, then what the hell’s supposed to make us scared of Boogeyman eating worms? If this fued goes anywhere, we should at least see Boogeyman get scared of Jillian Hall. Boogeyman chases JBL for weeks, only for Jillian Hall to show Boogeyman her mole thing, and then Boogeyman goes back to his office job.
Commercials. Tonight, on NYE, Fox8 is showing all these chicks trying to become Sports Illustrated Models, for all those losers who can’t either get a date, or a friend to go out with tonight.
Match Two: Paul Burchill with William Regal verses John Xavier.
My spelling is way off tonight, and my E button is screwing up too. Xavier with a horrible School Boy, before nailing a kenee to the face. Burchill does some acrobatics before nailing a fierce Powerslam, before attacking the back of the neck. Scoop slam by Burchill, some posing, and Burchill slugs away a few more times on Xavier. Back Supplex for the Two Count by Burchill. Odd version of the Cobra Clutch by Burchill, before nailing another Scoop Slam. Burchill goes for a splash from the ropes, but Xavier gets the knees up. Xavier gets some knees in on Burchill. Burchill reverses a Test Drive, before nailing Xavier with a Clothesline, before doing an UNBELIEVABLE flipping Rock Bottom. Yeah, a flipping Rock Bottom. Knee off the top rope for the three by Burchill.
Winner: Paul Burchill.
Well, it wasn’t as good as it could have been, and Burchill seemed a bit off at times compared to what we know he’s able to do, but the Flipping Rock Bottom does make it all good. 5 out of 10.
Commercials. The Simple Life Series 1 and 2 is shown all day starting Midday on Monday. Australia’s Next Top Model starts soon, and Erika Heynatz looks heaps better than normally in this commercial.
We’re back on Velocity, with a clip from SmackDown: Randy Orton everses Chris Benoit this time. I really like Randy Orton and have since day one. I think, personally, he’s a tremendous wrestler, as well as a fashionable one. And his fued verses UnderTaker’s over too. Sharmell looked a bit odd when she hit Benoit with the Crutch, though Booeker T’s reaction is funny. Also, we should see Sharmell in darker and more bold colors more often, with Booker T being in suits more often too, they’re very fashionable as well!
Match Three: Paul London verses JAMIE NOBLE!
Hm, I’m so torn, two of my favourite cruiser weights. Oh Noble, noo, bring back the shorts. They lock up, and London uses his agility to get out of an arm bar, and puts on a Headlock. Some Cruiser Weight and Technical trades between the two, before Noble chops London, only to get meet by Kicks and Punches by London. London with a smooooth Hurricanrana, top rope stomp to the head of Noble; London skins the cat, but Noble dropkicks him outside of the ring. Back inside the ring. Snapmare into kicks by Noble. Abdominal Stretch by Noble. Hip toss by London, but Noble kicks London away, goes for another Abdominal Stretch, but London gets the Abdominal Stretch, before Noble nails London with a slam into his knee. Dropsault by London. Elbows by the two, before London nails an Enziguri kick, and London goes for the Full Nelson, but Noble flips over him. Noble attempts the Dragon Sleeper but fails. Noble gets on the top turnbuckle, sitting, before London nails a Superkick and Hurricanrana! London goes for a pin but Noble reverses it for a two. Gutbuster into Double Knee by Noble before Noble gets the Submission victory in a Sleeper Hold with the legs wrapped around London.
Winner: Jamie Noble.
THIS is what Velocity is supposed to be about. People, okay, WATCH this match. I don’t care what you need to do to watch it, get a copy of this match. It’s better than most WWE Stuff you’ll see nowadays. 10 out of 10, by Velocity standards, and WWE Standards as a whole.
Commercials. Commercial for the Contender; ugh, Sylvester Stallone.
And we’re back with a clip from SmackDown: Batista and Rey Mysterio verses MNM. Match looked to be just as good as their last one looked to be, and I’m still a massive fan of MNM. I’m surprised that, of all people, Mark Henry returned to be aligned with MNM. But, he makes a bit more sense than any other Monster Heavy Weight I can think of. And he could even be a possible title contender by Judgment Day should they book him properly. Just keep destroying Batista and absolutely everyone on SmackDown. For a second there, I thought we were going to see Marek Henry attempt a Chokeslam, which would have been sweet.
Commercials. Experience is next.
Main Event: Big Vito and Nunzio verses The Legion Of Doom.
I still find Animal and Heidenreich to be one of the most randomly picked teams EVER. But, at least now, they’re officially L.O.D. Vito’s starting off with Animal. No, Nnzio’s starting off. Animal elbows down Nunzio twice. Rib breakers by Animal, before an easy slam. Heidenreich in, and shoulders down Nunzio. Animal tagged in. Bearhug onto Nunzio, but Vito comes in and attacks Animal’s leg. Two count by Nunzio. Tag out to Vito. Tag out to Nunzio, and they treat Animal’s legs like a wish bone. Animal nails Nunzio with a Powerslam. Clotheslines by Heidenreich, before Big Booting Nunzio and Vito. Spinning Slam by Heidenreich, which is actually a pretty sweet move. The Doomsday Device for the victory.
Winners : Legion Of Doom.
Yawn. A two minute MAIN EVENT of Velocity. Come on, even the recaps were longer. Though, then again, it didn’t drag, and WWE logic proves that this could have been given ten minutes without hesitation. 0 out of 10. Sure it didn’t drag, but there was still plenty of strench from it. And thats the final WWE Match of 2006 on televised.
So, for today’s Velocity, here are the ratings;
Simon Dean verses Brian Kendrick. 7 out of 10.
Paul Burchill verses John Xavier. 5 out of 10.
Jamie Noble verses Paul London. 10 out of 10.
Big Vito and Nunzio verses The Legion Of Doom. 0 out of 10.
Velocity 31st December: 22 out of 40 . . . If ONLY they didn’t have the Main Event. Hell, the recaps were even interesting this week.
Until next week, go se King Kong, and notice what happens every time Noami Watts turns around. And have a Happy New Year, too!
