The Art of Wrestling’s Japanese Vacation: Final Chapter
AJPW Real World Tag League 2005 Finals, December 5 Tokyo, Ota Ward Gymnasium
In 1996, the RWTL Finals match was Misawa & Akiyama vs. Kawada & Taue. It is widely considered one of the greatest matches of all time. Nine years later, the final match was Keiji Mutoh & Akebono vs. The Dudleys. The match didn’t completely suck, but it did highlight how far All Japan Pro Wrestling has fallen.
I’d liken post-Kawada All Japan to post-Will Ferrell Saturday Night Live.
There was a time when any and every AJPW card or episode of SNL was worth sitting though because you knew that there was one superstar who would virtually always come through with a hilarious sketch or a great match to save the show. Now… well, I’d rather watch All Japan than SNL, but I know better than to expect greatness.
There’s something to be said for mere okay-ness, I suppose.
Ota Ward Gymnasium is kind of a dump, by Japanese standards. The fans here fell a little more on the “Yellow Trash” side of the spectrum than those at the NOAH and New Japan shows I attended. The atmosphere, though, was just excellent. The majority of the fans really got into the action, cheering, booing, and laughing right out loud. On the other hand, a couple of the guys sitting near me played video games on their cell ‘phones throughout the evening, and one of the guys sitting behind me fell fast asleep before intermission.
RO&D (D-Lo, Jamal, Bull Buchanon, TAKA and Kea) come out to pump up the crowd. It works.
Masanobu Fuchi & Nobukazu Hirai vs. Nobutaka Araya & Kikutaro: My first mark-out moment of the night was the appearance of Kiku-taro, formerly known as Ebessan, who is probably the greatest comedy wrestler of the modern era. Seeing him live was the biggest highlight of my evening, and he had me laughing over a dozen times in this six-minute match.
AJPW World Jr. Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: AKIRA vs. Space Lone Wolf: This was a sloppy, spotty match that featured so many run-ins and so much plunder that Dusty Rhodes would have been rolling his eyes in frustration. Space Lone Wold angrily unmasked after the match, and no-one marked out even a little when he turned out to be NOSAWA. I wonder if it was one of those “Dirty Yellow Dog” type of gimmicks.
Buchanan & D-Lo Brown vs. Arashi & Ryuji Hijikata: The crowd in Tokyo really loved D-Lo Brown, which was a good thing considering that this mathc consisted mainly of him chaining comedy spots together. B Squared has been reinvented as a towel-wearing, rope-walking, claw-giving, would be Bruiser Brody. Fun stuff.
After about 23 minutes of in-ring action, it was time for intermission!
TAKA Michinoku , Taiyo Kea & Jamal vs. Kensuke Sasaki, Akira Raijin & Katsuhiko Nakajima: This mach went 18 minutes without ever really getting going. It was my second time in two days that I got to see Kensuke live, and also the second time that he took a back seat in the match and didn’t do much of anything. The real highlight of the match was after it was over, as Jamal bid farewell to his Japanese comrades-in arms. Most of RO&D seemed to be fighting back tears, and TAKA was weeping openly. It was a genuinely emotional moment, and one of the cooler things that I’ve ever seen at a live wrestling show. The fans in attendance just cheered and cheered as the group said their public good-byes.
TARU, Giant Bernard, Shuji Kondo & “Brother” YASSHI vs. Satoshi Kojima, Kaz Hayashi, Kohei Suwama & Taiji Ishimori: Giant Bernard used to be known as Albert when he wrestled for WWE, but you probably already knew that. He’s shaved his back, but he doesn’t really look any better for it. His faction is known as The VooDoo Murders, and they are really over as heels. From the moment TARU came storming through the crowd, VDM got booed like HBK in Calgary. Kojima probably got the biggest reaction of the night, as befits a former Quadruple Crown champion. After the match, which didn’t completely suck, VDM tied Kojima up with red ropes and led him from the ring. They then tied him up to the rinky-dink entrance lighting rig, where TARU whipped him for several minutes as the crowd laughed out loud. It was a true piece of WrestleCrap, and I was proud to be there for it live. Albert was apparently also on his way out of the promotion, but there were no tearful good-byes for him.
Real World Tag League – Final: Bubba Ray & D-Von vs. Keiji Muto & Akebono: The Dudleys cruised through the Tournament without a loss. In my opinion, that was a pretty big booking mistake, even if they aren’t leaving All Japan. (Check out Ditch’s Puroresu Pulse for more information on this).
There were some very nice comedy spots between the Dudleys and Akebono, mostly based on the idea that the former Sumo grand champion is very large. Once again, however, the after-match hijinks, shenanigans, and tomfoolery overshadowed the actual wrestling. In this case, Kiku-taro came out to the ring to rag on Bubba Ray and Devon a little, which led to Akebono getting wood. After killing Ebessan with a Top Turnbuckle Power Bomb through the table, Bubba made a complete goof of himself by speaking Pidgin English to the crowd… who ate it up with a spoon.
Overall, even though there was not a single really good match on the card, the show couldn’t have been much more entertaining.
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