Ok, many of things have happened since I’ve been “away” the past two weeks. But I’m not going to delve into all of that, just the recent relevant stuff. So…ummm…on with the show…
– Mark Henry makes sure that his contract is not renewed. Yup, last night Mighty Mark decided that it would be a good idea to be the fat goof he’s been for almost a decade and injure Batista. Ok, I don’t know what happened but Batista got injured, and you know it’s Henry’s fault. There are two problems that come into play here. First off, Mark Henry shouldn’t be anywhere near Batista in the first place. Second off, Batista is becoming very very injury prone, more so than most of us used to complain about. Tie this in as his second torn pec muscle and the big man is crumbling quickly. Now add in that Vince wants no drugs (which is bullshit it itself, it’s a scare tactic), and Batista could be on the shelf for a while. Now, seeing that Smackdown is thinner than Hillary Duff, Titan has got to wonder what they’re going to do here. Beg ‘Taker to run with the title for a bit? Tape Dave up and keep him working? Give it to Paul London…oh ho ho ho ha ha, the hilarity.
– Shelton’s Mamma has finally arrived and Inside Pulse’s own Michaelangelo McCullar is just getting the rest of the Vaseline off from last Monday. There are way too many jokes that can be said for Shelton’s Mamma but to be…fair I guess…anything that will get Shelton over and some face time is fine by me.
– Trish Stratus doesn’t answer my emails anymore. Or her imposter doesn’t. I blame Matthew Michaels. I do say though, I would have Trish team up with Edge right about now. Lita does fit the “R Rated” mold, but she has no acting chops. Stratus works and works well as a heel. It could also force Micki to try to bring her idol back from the dark side, enlisting help from my baby girl Victoria, who looked SMOKIN’ last night by the way. I do wonder if her shirt was a message to Johnny Fucking Ace though.
– So Edge cashed in last night and took home the gold. I actually like this move by WWE for a couple of reasons: 1) It makes everything new again. Most of us thought Triple H would have murdered Cena by now, but Edge did the deed. 2) It makes casual fans go “WHOA! THEY DID THIS ON PAY PER VIEW! THEY’RE CRAZY! WE SHOULD W@TCH THIS EVERY MONTH!1!1!!”, which generates good business.
Now, on the Edge topic, let me just get to a piece of mail I got this morning…
HAHAHA I just came across your rant about the Edge Lita Matt Hardy affair from 2005, and looking back on what you said knowing what I know now I have to say HA TAKE THAT. You said and I qoute ” I seriously doubt that you will wear the World Title anytime soon, if ever” HA January 8th 2006 EDGE WORLD CHAMPION. I guess that’s what you call poetic justice. If anything you sir had no right to judge something like that. Yes I agree what happened to Matt was bs. It’s happened to me and I hated it. But there was only one man who had the right to be bitter and that was Matt. Since when did being a dick affect how the fans saw you in the ring? Ultimate Warrior certainly would not have been a fan favourite in the late 80’s early 90’s if the fans knew he was a jackass backstage. But I guess where living in the “Internet age” Where my personal life and your’s is up for the world to read. It’s disgusting and it’s damn shame 3 great wrestlers in ring personas will be ruined because fans can’t keep thier noses out of someone elses personal life. Big props to Matt Hardy though I will agree when my website is down I stir up some Sh*t to. He took something that should have made him a better man and twisted into 6 month BOO-HOO story. Hey Everybody I’m Matt Hardy and my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend feel sorry for me. Big deal Matt that sh*t happens all the time. I can’t believe anyone took sides over this. Every person played their cards in this and everyone payed their price. We all make mistakes and we learn from them hell we’ve even do things we regreated later and I believe that Adam and Amy regreat what they did. There’s no way you can look at me and tell me you’ve never done anything you’ve regreated. We all have glass houses and therefore we shouldn’t throw stones. And that has been your last call!
Anyway I really just wanted to say from an Edge-Head BOO-YA IN YOUR FACE!!!
BARTENDER FOR WWE CHAMP 2008!!!
Ok…now why this n00b is a f*cking tool.
1) You didn’t “just come across” my rant about the affair. Matt Hardy was released APRIL 11TH. So you actually went through my archives to find it. That’s like…gay. Now if you like to f*ck dudes, that’s ok. I have friends that f*ck dudes…in jail.
2) Now…and you quote…I said “I seriously doubt that you will wear the World Title anytime soon, if ever”. Then you gloat because you think I’m wrong. Last night, Joey Dixon, Edge won the WWE TITLE. Last I checked Batista was the WORLD CHAMPION. Dick.
3) I guess that’s what you call poetic justice. If anything you sir had no right to judge something like that. I can judge whatever I want because I have a column and you don’t. Bitch
4) Learn to f*cking spell. It’s not like you just tripped and messed up spelling “regretted”. You misspelled it 3 times…go to school.
5) And that has been your last call! Don’t even try to hit me with a tagline that you probably spent 4 hours trying to come up with. I’ll slap the lips off your face quicker than I give your mom an Angry Unicorn.
6) Edge has “Edge-Heads” a long time ago. I’m sure that you’re still waiting for Edge to drop Rey as his tag partner and team back up with Christian to take on Los Guerreros.
7) Bartender? Bartender? You gonna team with The Goon or Duke Droese on the indy circuit?
So, in closing, don’t even try to email me with shit like that. I’ll cut you down like a f*cking Christmas tree. Next time I’ll post your email address and let the people take you down. Bitch.
– Letterman sticks his nose where it don’t belong:
Sorry, but Cindy Sheehan is being guided by crazy left-wingers. She has, effectively, called her son a terrorist. She has called terrorists “freedom fighters”. All in her son’s name, which is more a platform than a remembrance.
Christmas is being turned into “Holiday”. I even bitched about it recently.
David Letterman has no qualifications to sit there and tell O’Reilly that 60 percent of what he says is crap if he has never heard a word O’Reilly has said, which was his own admission. Reading articles doesn’t mean anything. I, among others, have written that Triple H is the anti-Christ. He isn’t (Ok, he might be) and do you really think anyone who read it believed he was? Letterman is an idiot and if I’m O’Reilly, I hit the hospital, claim lead poisoning and take that bitch and his bald headed band geek to court.
Triple H is falling for the old “fake doctor” trick again…
Yes, Stephanie McMahon is pregnant, prompting cries of fear throughout the IWC and cries of joy in the locker room. That’s right, cries of joy. This could mean…and this is a big COULD…that Stephanie might relinquish her duties as head of creative. Could she do it from home? Yea, she could. But Vin Daddy might just want his precious angel to take it easy. This could mean that someone with some foresight takes the reigns and right the good ship Titan. But then again…let’s peer into the dark world of what could…GO WRONG…
– Triple H wins the WWE Title and refuses to job to anyone but his offspring. This leads to Triple H holding the belt for a good 13 years, before his son is jacked up enough to win the title. (Like the kid won’t have roids in his baby bottle)
– Stephanie McMahon has the child and the baby kills both Vince and Linda, hitting them with the pedigree off the roof of Titan Towers. The Helmsley’s and The McMahon’s (Shane) dominate TV for the next quarter century.
– The babies, when hitting 5 and 6 respectively, decide they haven’t been getting the proper push. They demand the tag titles and wind up with every belt…from every wrestling promotion…ever…
– Once the baby’s head come out, he gives the primal scream and spits out afterbirth. Stephanie puts the baby on the creative team immediately. Dad holds title forever.
Ok…those sucked…but…the one good thing that could happen…
– Stephanie stays home for a good long while. Triple H wants to focus on backstage and being Dad…WWE becomes…normal…
Whoa…my head hurts…
– Juventud got released from his contract last week. If any of you didn’t see this coming, please report to me outside. I’ll be the one stabbing jaws.
That’s it. Next week I might get more political. I might not. I might include more content. Maybe I’ll be given more. But if that bitch writes me again, you can write him.
