Slayer’s Sports and Stuff!
Patrick N is gone for two weeks. I shall salute him by doing the big font thing. I’m not doing the color though.
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff! We’ll continue our look at the XX Winter Olympic Games and how they are just capturing the world’s imagination as everyone is on the edge of their seat watching every little second of it. And if you believe that, then I gotta bridge to sell you too. This is probably the least talked about Olympic games in my memory. More people are talking about American Idol then the Olympics. But that’s ok. Because I’m still enjoying them and I don’t care if they are popular or not. In fact, because they are not popular actually makes me enjoy them more because I’m somewhat of a dick like that. Also, it makes for great drunk conversation when flirting with the mistresses.
I GOT MAIL!
Right off the bat, I gotta say thanks to everyone and your kind words (well, most of you anyway) about my comeback column. My last column garnered more email then I have ever received for any other column. And I will even admit, it was possibly the most Email since any other column combined in the last six months. Usually, I try to be polite and answer everyone, but this time I couldn’t so instead I will try to answer most of you.
Roughly 50% of you had nothing to say about my actual column but instead commented on last week’s Mistress. About half of that half asked who it was. I don’t know, I’ll try to find out for you though and at the very least keep you updated. Roughly 25% of you were Canadians defending Men’s Curling. Many were polite about it and said that I should try it. Some not so polite. Well, I still stand by what I said. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it. I would love to try it. But if you read me c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y, I said they should not be doing it competitively. Now, it seems a couple of you got offended. So I wll not stand by what I said. I will be a politician and back off. Go ahead and Curl till your heart’s delight. But I’m not gonna watch it. Men’s Curling is just…..creepy.
Oh, and the other 25% were just my friends and they don’t count. Because they know if they don’t comment from time to time, I get all prissy about it.
Anyway, you all rock, I roll, now let’s have some fun!
WE SUCK IN HOCKEY
I say ‘we’ because 99% of my readers come from America, Canada, Great Britain, and Australia. So you + me = we. And WE suck in Hockey. Now the latter two, we all know they suck in hockey. But they could care less. That’s like saying we suck in Cricket or…or…or….ummm..what sports do they play in Australia? Now in Canada, the fact they got ousted in the first medal round; it’s a HUGE deal. It’s a scandal! It’s chaos! It’s just wrong. In America, it’s sort of funny. We’re weird like that. Hell, most of us were rooting AGAINST the USA basketball team in 04. So what happened?
Well, I’ll take a stab at it. Did you ever watch the movie, Miracle? If you haven’t, go watch it. Second best hockey movie ever!!!!!! First being Slapshot, of course, but still..Miracle is a MUST WATCH for any sports fan. And when watching it, I’m sure many of you noticed something. These Olympic teams back in the day were actual TEAMS. They trained together, forged relationships, had sex with each other’s girlfriends behind their back (not in the movie, and I completely made it up, but it always happens, because Jocks are classless like that), played a YEAR’s WORTH OF EXHIBITION GAMES!!!!!!!!!! You know..all that stuff that forges a unit. I’m not talking about just Team USA, but Team Canada, Team Sweden, Team Finland, and of course, the most famous one of them all, Team CCCP. They all were TEAMS! You guys know where I’m going with this…but maybe I’m not…..stay with me.
Now I don’t want to say, NO MORE PROFESSIONALS IN THE OLYMPICS. Because, honestly, it’s very unrealistic. Can the NHL really tell athletes from 16 different countries not to play for their State. Well, they could actually. But it would rub some people the wrong way. So how about, somewhat of a compromise. I proposed this for the Basketball on Patrick N’s Radio show once, and I now propose this for Hockey. Have a (an?) One and Done Deal. Basically, an NHL player can only play in the Olympics ONCE during their NHL tenure. It’s fair, it’s doable, and most of all, these jerks would actually take the Olympic tournament seriously as opposed to taking it for granted and other cases even taking it as a chore.
Now, will that ever happen? Of course not. It’s too good of an idea and makes sense. This is the same league that made their all star game North America vs. The World. The only way it would happen is if the NBA did it (and it actually has been legitimately discussed in the NBA). And the reason is the NHL does whatever the NBA does. And if they don’t want to do that..well then….no more professionals in the Olympics. Let the kids from Minnesota, Boston, New Jersey, Quebec, and Moosejaw go at it with the European kids.
RACISM IN THE OLYMPICS…OMG!
Patrick N (second time I mentioned him…get out of my brain!), is off for a couple weeks, so I will do a little media for him.
On HBO’s Real Sports, the host, Bryant Gumbel decided to say the following:
Or in case these links decide not to work one day,
READ IT:
“Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them … Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won … So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness â?? for God’s sake, let the games begin.”
Well, this caused a little uproar…
Here are my thoughts and they are done in three parts.
HE IS WRONG
For many reasons. There are in fact blacks in the Olympics as we all now know that due to the Speed Skating thing. I even saw one in an Alpine Event and I saw another one in Cross-Country. That’s THREE! Also, the only people who hate the GOP more then the left half of America is the left half of Europe. The Europeans almost hate the GOP as much as they hate the Jews and Muslims….almost. And he is incorrect that for many people, the Olympics are not interesting. They are indeed fascinating and addictive for many people. Me Included. They are just not as popular as they once were….and in case you haven’t noticed…in the 21st century, nothing is as popular as it once was. Read a sociology book.
HE IS RIGHT
The Winter Olympics are indeed the White Games. The majority of these events started out as European sports for the white upper-class. He read a History Book. But there’s a problem.
HE IS AN ASSHOLE
The exclusivity of these games was once a solid fact about 5 decades ago. But not anymore, even the European athletes are all from blue-collar European villages. And I hate to point this out to Bryant Gumbel, but the world is more then just black and white. Yes, he grew up in the so-called civil rights era so from his perspective, that was it. But newsflash to Bryant and those like him. There are other races in the world and in case you haven’t noticed these other races take the Winter Olympics pretty dam seriously. This includes a host of Eastern countries such as Lower Korea, Japan, and China. Speed Skating and Short Track are national past-times over there. And by the way, there are also TWO American Indians on the U.S. snowboarding team. Basically, I feel bad for people like Bryant Gumbel. Because I also know people personally who have similar perspectives. Sorry guys, your ideas are passe and draconian. There are a lot of races in this world, and in case you didn’t notice, while in America anyone with a light skin-tone is considered a “white person”, in Europe, it’s not that simple.
Now is there white-black racism in sports. Absolutely, and I got two words to prove it. College Football, and as a college football fan I find it disgusting. But what Mr. Gumbel did was take an American issue and put it in the context of the entire world. You can’t do that. It’s illogical and provides no conclusive correlation. Read an Anthropology book.
And after you read all these books, you will realize therereallyisnosuchthingasracebutletsnotgotheretoday.
The other Raicsm stuff was between the Pissed Off Black Guy from Southside Chicago vs. the White Guy from Texas with an Evil German Name. And I’m not even gonna mention them by their Christian names. Basically, here’s the deal. They’re both idiots. And that’s all I gotta say about that. Great athletes, but two guys who really need to be smacked. And worst of all, another U.S Speed Skater who I will name…Joey Cheek has had his good deeds go almost uncovered because of this stupid bullshit. He gave the prize money from both his medals (40,000 Clams!) to the Right to Play organization in Sudan which helps teach children from Sudan, Olympic sports. And in case you didn’t know, the children of Sudan are SURVIVORS OF A FUCKING GENOCIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am I so Angry?
I need a break and I’m gonna do it by watching the Women’s Gold Medal Curling Final.
Have a great week everyone!
