The NeelDown Video Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2005
– Fresno, California
– Hosts are Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross (RAW) and Tazz & Michael Cole (SmackDown)
Edge v. Shawn Michaels
Michaels jumps on him to start and gets a backdrop followed by a clothseline sending Edge up and over. Back in and things get settled when they fight over a lockup turned into chops by HBK. Edge stops on an attempted backdrop and gets a swinging neckbreaker. This match has been building since October by the way, as JR kindly reminds us. Slugfest and Edge thumbs the eye but comes on the short end of a Lou Thez press and gets tossed. Edge dodges the baseball slide and takes him down from behind outside. Edge connects with his own baseball slide, however ruining what he went for in the first place, which was eliminating Michaels with a count-out. Michaels takes his annual Irish whip bump but it isn’t long before he comes back with chops but Edge rolls him up for two. Edge applied a reverse chinlock which slowly goes on for a… long…time. HBK to his feet and goes for the ropes by Edge snaps him down by the hair and taunts HBK with the splits flex. Well, at least that’s the best name I could think of for it. No pyro on that one, however. Edge gets dumped on the apron but snaps Michaels down again by the hair. Edge misses a crossbody from the top and Michaels gets an Oklahoma Roll for two. Edge hairmares him down for the THIRD hair-based move by him in this match. Wow. A counter schoolboy by Michaels gets two but Edge quickly takes him back down and locks in a chin lock. Michales with the “Million Dolla” knee lift and atomic drop, no — count ’em, TWO atomic drops (!) followed by more chops in the corner. Edge blocks the ten punches with a schoolboy that gets two. Edge gets catapulted and then schoolboyed for two. Edge heads up the ramp but is met with a chop and then gets his head bounced off the apron. Michaels comes around the corner but Edge was waiting, and nails him with the Spear. Back to the hit something outside/try to get a count-out victory strategy but Michaels escapes on the count of nine. Edge sets up for the Spear, and gets it, but it only gets two. They brawl up top, won by HBK, who proceeds to hit the flying elbow however overselling it for his own arm resulting in a double KO. Michaels is up, Edge ducks the Music and gets an electric chair for two. Edge locks in a Boston crab but HBK finally makes the bottom rope. “He was about to tap but the ropes had to be there!” – King. Okay. Michaels with a schoolboy for two, Edge reverses it and grabs the rope for the win. **3/4, not thrilled for that ending and the chin lock kind of dulled it for me, but decent opener.
Winner: Edge
– Teddizle Long and Eric Bischoff argue over which brand’s superstar will win the Rumble. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero draw their entrant numbers, Flair gets excited about his and dances while Eddie looks worried. Flair then finds out that Eddie stole his number. Pretty funny.
Undertaker v. Heidenreich – Casket Match
Oh, what a joy we have to look forward to here. The building behind this one is that Heidenreich has a phobia of caskets. For a Heidenreich match, this one actually received a lot of build, but he will just have to job it away to Taker here, like he had to job to OJ. Taker works a headlock and counters a hip toss with an arm drag. Now Heidenreich works a headlock and gets a shoulder but Taker takes him down by the leg and locks in a Boston crab. Heidenreich rolls out but sees the terrifying casket so he takes off up the ramp, only to be followed, but Taker gets whipped into the casket, so I guess the phobia suddenly disappeared. Heidenreich taunts so Taker puts him in a triangle choke. I guess sometimes UT needs to pull out some new moves, however I didn’t exactly expect them to be against deadly opponent Heidenreich. Heidenreich’s “secret plan” is revealed as Snitsky runs in to double team Taker and get a double suplex. Kane pops out of the casket who takes out arch-nemesis Snitsky. This buys Heidenreich time to try to wheel the casket up the ramp, which makes little sense. Taker attacks but then takes a knee bump into the steps. Heidenreich shoves the casket into him, then tries choking him out and rolling him into it, but Taker blocks it with his arm, then leg drops his head between he casket, resulting into the “holy shit” chant. Wow, THAT did it rather than the spear through the barricade or fall through the table? Heidenreich tries pinning, but that doesn’t get him anywhere, so he rolls Taker back in the casket but he blocks the closing and brawls back into it then gets a sloppy DDT and HORRID looking Chokeslam setting up the Tombstone and into the casket he goes to finish things, reluctantly. **
Winner: Undertaker
– Christian clearly defeats Cena in a rap off, although he can’t seem to rhyme Captain Charisma with anything other than the exact word, Captain Charisma.
JBL v. Kurt Angle v. The Big Show – WWE Championship Match
Angle lets the other two slug it out to start and Big Show gets a shoulder and slaps JBL down. JBL gets a boot out of the corner and tries a crossbody (huh) but gets caught into a slam by Big Show who pins for two after Angle comes in to break it up. Big Show sends Angle to the corner hard but gets chopped by JBL. Big Show blocks a suplex and hits one of his own, then BIG BOOTS Angle, setting up a double clothesline on the heels. Well, they’ve showed Show to the dominant before, but this is overkill here. Big Show pulls off the steps and clears off the announce table. Show sets up a Chokeslam on JBL on the stars but Angle low blows him and nails him with the monitor, sending him falling through the table. There’s your solution. Angle attacks JBL but JBL CLUBS him down inside until Angle arm drags him into an arm bar. Double leg takedown and Angle puts the arm bar back in. JBL goes in control with a corner lariat but misses a blind charge and receives a German suplex. JBL blocks the second one, JBL goes for the CFH but Angle ducks it and hits another German. JBL slips out of the Angle Slam and boots him down then drops an elbow for two. Big Show is back in and knocks them down with a double clothesline. He stacks them up by slamming Angle onto JBL then stacks them up in the corner, then another double clothesline. Oh help us. They block the double Chokeslam attempt, Angle clips his leg allowing JBL to knock him down with a Clothesline From Hell, Angle Germans JBL and then covers Big Show for two. Angle Slam on Big Show, JBL boots Angle to the floor and covers Big Show for two. Show blocks the Clothseline From Hell with a Chokeslam for two after JBL got the rope. Big Show SPEARS JBL through the barricade, although on replay it was clearly a half-assed shoulder. Angle has a chair in the ring blocking it from Big Show’s view, so as he gets on Angle wacks him with the chair but he goes for another one Show boots it in his face. The Cabinet check in on JBL as the EMT’s come out, Angle’s cronies Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns take out Big Show. Orlando Jordan rolls JBL back in who nails Angle with the Clothesline From Hell for the win to retain the title. That seemed too short even for the SmackDown title, and was basically a bunch of hit and miss finishers, plus all the Show dominating didn’t help it, however fun while it lasted. ***, mainly for the bumps as the match itself was nothing great.
Winner: JBL
– Dave Batista refuses to sign Carlito’s petition and threatens him. Dave draws his number, as Eric bans Evolution from ringside during Triple H’s match.
Triple H v. Randy Orton – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Orton gets a shoulder to start and gets a backslide for two then a backdrop out of the corner. An early RKO attempt misses and HHH bails, but Orton is ready and takes him out. Back in and Orton lands the textbook dropkick for two. HHH turns things around with, you guess it, a knee. Orton counters the ten punches with a snake eyes and goes for a second early RKO attempt, but HHH merely shoves him over the top rope to block it. Now there’s a nice bump for a counter. Orton gets sent into the steps and HHH stops to mock Orton’s arms in the air taunt. Back in Orton gets a boot out of the corner but HHH chop blocks the knee. You’d think it would the opposite way around, but whatever. HHH continues working the knee for a while and tries the Figure Four but Orton counters to an inside cradle for two, then HHH goes back and gets the Figure Four but Orton refuses to tap and reverses the hold into his own, but HHH makes the ropes quickly. Orton gets the modified backbreaker, hey, there’s an offensive move, why not try the RKO again? Orton gets little to no crowd reaction, and gets a swinging neckbreaker for two, then a regular one for two. Powerslam off the ropes gets two for Orton. HHH gets an atomic drop, a “cerebral move” as JR calls it. HHH takes a Flair arm drag off the top rope and Orton goes up and nails a crossbody for two. HHH gets the facebuster and tries a Pedigree but Orton counters and catapults him into the corner, THIRD RKO is blocked, and Taker gets a high knee. That gets two. A cocky stalled Pedigree is blocked and Orton gets a clothseline for two. HHH takes a headshot off the steps and back in tries a DDT but HHH blocks it and they’re both down for a double KO. Orton goes outside to rest but escapes the ten count and HHH sends him into Hebner, then gets the sledgehammer, which in a funny spot, gets caught on a camera man’s cable as he is taunting with it. Orton retaliates by sending HHH face-first into the post. Orton moves…so slow. Orton grabs the sledgehammer but gets dropped by a lariat. HHH has the hammer but sees Hebner waking up so he rids the evidence of the ring, and a Pedigree ends it. That match in itself was really odd, Orton’s selling through the whole thing made it unwatchably slow, and the whole ref bump sequence only resulted in HHH getting more offense setting up the Pedigree finish. **1/2
Winner: Triple H
– Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s spot in the Rumble. Teddy and Eric agree that the last match was great but ti gets interrupted by JBL and the Cabinet celebrating the title win. JBL is drunk from the champagne and Teddy makes JBL-Big Show at the next PPV and there will be no outside interference, and it will be a barbed wire steel cage.
– 30-man Royal Rumble Match
Eddie Guerrero draws the first spot, Chris Benoit number two. So that makes Benoit’s last two Rumbles getting the number one and two spot. But hey, look how the lucky number one spot turned out. They fight over a headlock to start into a staredown. More back and fourth stuff and Eddie snapmares him into a rear choke. Number three is Tough Enough champion Daniel Puder, or “the Tough Enough kid” claimed by Tazz, showing his importance. Puder grabs a microphone before getting in and tells everyone that he will the first Tough Enough champ to win the Rumble. Yeah, and OJ will come in second, right? He gets in and gets double teamed and chopped down to size before being double suplexed. Benoit backsuplexes him and Eddie hits him with the three amigos. Number four is Bob Holly who, as we all know, HATES ROOKIES, so he goes in and bullies Puder. They all take turns chopping Puder for a while and Bob gets the Alabama Slam and eliminates him. Number five is Hurricane, meanwhile Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly. Hurricane gets knocked down by a double elbow and Eddie tries turning on and dumping Benoit but to no avail. Hurricane nails the blockbuster on Eddie but gets the chop treatment from Benoit, then sends him to Eddie who back drops him up and to the floor, leaving one and two. Number 6 is Kenzo Suzuki making his Rumble debut. Well, for that matter, Puder was making his too, but that didn’t matter. Suzuki turns the tides on the double teaming but quickly gets worn out and back suplexed by Eddie. Benoit tries whipping Eddie out but he hangs on. Number seven is Edge who runs in and Spears Eddie and tries tossing him but he hangs on. Number eight is Rey Mysterio as the ring starts to fill up. Rey gets the CRAZY bulldog on Edge and rannas Suzuki out, so he’s gone. Rey runs into a backbreaker by Guerrero, and the same goes to Benoit. Number nine is IC champ Shelton Benjamin who hammers away on Edge and takes him down with a reverse elbow. Shelton back drops Eddie and goes back to work on Edge. Meanwhile Benoit tries to dump Mysterio, Eddie sneaks in and tries to dump them both over but they all get tangled up. Benjamin almost has Edge over, but Mysterio chop blocks him. Mysterio headscissors Benjamin, number ten is Booker T, who main evented Mania last year for RAW. Benjamin and Mysterio nearly eliminate each other as Eric Bischoff heads out to cheer on RAW. Number eleven is Chris Jericho who hammers away on everybody getting a pretty nice crowd reaction in a match like this. Out comes Tizeddy Long to cheer on SmackDown. Benjamin and Booker battle as Benoit tries to rid Mysterio of the ring. Number twelve is Luther Reigns and they ring divides into a four on four RAW versus SmackDown with Edge, Benoit, Jericho and Benjamin against Booker, Reigns, Mysterio and Guerrero. Pretty cool spot, although would have been cooler without Reigns. So everyone picks an opponent and number thirteen is Muhammad Hussan also making his Rumble debut, who immediately draws the USA chant. Everybody isolates him by circling around him for a beatdown when he gets in, and Rey nails him with the 619 and then they all toss him out crowd surf-style. Number fourteen is Orlando Jordan who Tazz says JR can compare to Benjamin anytime he wants. Jordan boxes Reigns before being interrupted by Booker and Benoit. Jericho and Benjamin exchange blows on the apron as Reigns CLUBS Mysterio down. Benjamin tries eliminating Jericho with a choke but he holds on. Number fifteen is Scotty II Hotty who gets knocked down by Hussan coming down the ramp and applies a Camel Clutch. Whelp, I guess you can kiss his chances good-bye, as if he ever had any. OJ hangs on from getting eliminated, as does Edge, while Booker rests. Number sixteen is Charlie Haas in rare all orange attire, who gets knocked down with a big kick by Booker. Reigns gets eliminated by Booker’s reverse kick, and then followed by eliminating Jordan. Rumbleroonie, but then Guerrero pulls down the top rope sending Booker out and over, and there goes the SmackDown deadweight in a matter of seconds. Number seventeen is René Dupree with Fifi. Dupree and Haas do battle and the former Self-proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team team up to eliminate Dupree. Benjamin jumps up top for a moonsault but Edge shoves him off to eliminate him. Number eighteen is Simon Dean, which would have been a lot cooler if the Dean Machine had been invented yet. Mysterio takes Eddie down with a ranna as Dean puts on a weight belt and warms up on the outside. Edge dumps Eddie finally eliminating him, Tazz blames it on being distracted by Simon. Well, they’re both SmackDown guys, so that’s a pointless argument. Number nineteen is two-time Rumble winner Shawn Michaels who immediately eliminated Dean and then chops away at Dupree. The very quiet Jericho tries dumping Dupree to no avail. Michaels dumps Haas eliminating him, number twenty is Kurt Angle who goes in and Germans Benoit and belly to bellys Mysterio. Angle Slam to Edge. Angle Slam to Dupree. Angle Slam to Michaels — no, HBK reverses to the Ankle Lock, Michaels gets out and superkicks Angle out just like that. Number twenty-one is Jonathan Coachman who punches Benoit and then runs like a scolded dog, as JR might, and did say. Jericho tries launching Mysterio out, Rey headscissors him to the apron. Number twenty-two is Mark Jindrak. Meanwhile Angle gets back in and tosses HBK, then nails him with the steel steps and locks in the Ankle Lock before being pulled off by security. Number twenty-three is Big Viscera, who was still pajama-less at this point in his career as they try a gangbang Rey out. The question here is can Big Vis pull off a Yokozuna. Number twenty-four is Paul London who slides halfway across the ring to enter. Dupree stops to do the French tickle in the middle, only to get dumped by Jericho, he’s gone. Number twenty-five is US champion John Cena who hammers on everybody but gets CLUBBED down by the Love Machine. Cena eliminates Viscera and number twenty-six is Gene Snitsky, ribs taped and all. At this point four or five guys are laying around exhausted while the fresh guys Cena Snitsky and London do battle. London is on the apron, and Snitsky turns him inside out with a clothesline and he’s definitely gone. In an ultra dramatic moment, Snitsky and Cena have a staredown, Snitsky slips out of the FU and hits a big boot. Number twenty-seven is Kane as London receives a stretcher. Chokeslam on Benoit, Cena, Jericho, Mysterio, and then he eliminates Jindrak. Coach, who I completely forgot was still in, tries attacking Kane from behind but Snitsky saves him and hits him with a pumphandle slam. Number twenty-nine is Dave Batista who clotheslines Sitsky out and stares down Kane and they slug it out. Batista Bomb on Kane. Batista presses Jericho out, eliminating him. Number twenty-nine is Christian, armed with Tyson Tomko. He goes after rap-off opponent Cena. Cena FU’s Kane over the top and he’s gone. Number thirty is Ric Flair. I guess it’s safe to assume he safely got his number spot back. This gives Evolution a number’s advantage, Dave spinebusters Coach and Flair then tosses him. Spinebuster on Christian and he is pressed out by Dave, on top of Tomko. Benoit explodes on Flair with chops until he receives a spinebuster from Dave. Evolution double teams to eliminate entrant number one, Chris Benoit. Flair has a run-in with Dave and Edge knocks Dave down with a dropkick and then Spears Flair, then eliminates him. Final Four time with Edge, Rey Mysterio, John Cena, and Dave Batista. Edge Spears Batista and Cena, but Rey dodges his and nails Edge with a 619. Edge blocks the West Coast Pop and sends Rey on the apron, and a Spear takes care of him, leaving us to the bottom three. Dave and Cena double backdrop Edge out and it’s down to the final two of Cena and Batista. They stareoff for a while and Cena lifts him up for the Fu and tries dumping him but can’t get underneath him and Batista pounds his way off and tries the Batista Bomb over, but they both end up going out to the floor. The RAW official lifts Batista’s hand, the Smackdown official lifts Cena’s, and thins get ugly with controversy. Vinny Mac comes out to settle it and falls on his ass getting into the ring. Everyone is still puzzled, and the match continues, or restarts, whatever. Batista gets out of the FU and lands a spinebuster, then simply grabs Cena and tosses him out to win the Rumble and goes to the main event at WrestleMania 21. Hey, isn’t Scotty still technically legal? Well, aside from that screwy ending which wasn’t needed, a pretty decent Rumble match in itself despite the semi-slow beginning. ****
Winner: Batista
End of show.
DVD Exclusives: JBL interview from RAW, “after the Royal Rumble”, Theodore Long offers Batista a contract.
