InsidePulse’s TNA iMPACT! Recap

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Welcome everyone to InsidePulse’s Live TNA Impact Coverage. I am your host Jeremy Lambert. This is the first show after Destination X which means it’s possible that both Steiner and Sting will appear. The food for tonight’s coverage is Wendys. Got to love that Big Bacon Classic. Also, if you’re not watching Impact tonight, you better be at the movies watching V For Vendetta. That movie kicks ass. New stuff is in italics.

We begin with a recap of Destination X. It mainly just highlight the whole Sting/Jarrett thing with Steiner returning.

Impact Opening Video.

We begin with Jeff Jarrett coming out. Oh, but it’s not just Jarrett, it’s all of Planet Jarrett. Scott Steiner is absent from the team. Jarrett says that Sting is out of TNA once again. Jarrett introduces your hookup, Scott Steiner. “You Still Suck” is the chant from the crowd as Steiner tries to talk. Steiner talks about Rhino, Team 3D, Christian, and Sting. The crowd chants “We Want Christian.” Now, here’s some input from Griff:

Ftwdevils2413: This is why I dont want TNA to leave Orlando
Ftwdevils2413: the crowd still rules

I agree. Steiner says that TNA didn’t call him because he has an attitude problem. Steiner says that where Jarrett goes, he goes.

We know go to Borash who is with Zybsko. Zybsko says he is the man who makes matches. Zybsko announces a Six Sided Cage match between Canada and 3D NEXT WEEK ON IMPACT. Joe comes in and wants a rematch. Zybsko wants Joe to step out of the X Division. Next week, Zybsko will introduce him to his (Sabu) Lockdown opponent. Joe destroys Zybskos office.


Matt Bentley vs. Elix Skipper vs. Sonjay Dutt:
-Lets see, one man is getting a push while the other two are token jobbers. I wonder who wins this match.
-Belly to belly suplex by Bentley on Skipper
-Middle rope cross body by Bentley on Skipper
-Top rope dropkick on both men by Sonjay
-Dutt takes Bentley off the top with a head scissors
-Skipper hits a twisting plancha to the outside on both men
-Superkick by Bentley on Skipper
-Bentley covers Skipper but Sonjay hits the 450 during the cover
-Sonjay pins Bentley for the win
Winner – Sonjay Dutt

Simon Diamond went to White Sox Spring Training to screw around with them. Shelley is doing camera work. Simon takes some BP. Then the video just ends. Simon says he went to find Torberg and AJ but they ran away. Tenay says he has the conclusion to the footage. Simon tells Spike to go to break…and they listen.


Simon confronts Perzinsky about handing out titles. OZZIE GULLIEN!!!!! Ozzie hits Simon with a chair from behind. Simon storms from the announce booth.

Borash is with Team 3D. Team 3D sings the Team Canada National Anthem. That’s right, they created their own song for Team Canada. They should try out for American Idol. Speaking of American Idol, GO KELLIE PICKLER!

Abyss vs. Cassidy Riley:
-Not going to bother
-Abyss hits the blackhole slam for the win
Winner – Abyss


Christian talks about his movie coming out. He says that Shelley is under Jarrett’s mind control. “Aligning yourself with the top guys just doesn’t work in this business if you’re young.” Yeah…tell that to HHH, Orton, Batista, and a number of others.

WOOO JAMES MITHCELL PROMO! Mitchell tells Christian that Abyss will friggin own him. Abyss speaks pain, which is a new language. LMAO!!!! Mitchell talks about beating the shit out of a puppy. I love Mitchell. Shelley cuts in and says he wants to film Abyss beating up Christian. MITCHELL AND SHELLEY NEXT WEEK!!!!! It gets no better my friends.

LAX vs. Smiley and Shark Boy:
-Yay, another squash. Why bother with this one?
-I really feel bad for Homicide. He’s f*ckin hood as hell and yet Shark Boy bites his butt and Smiley does the big wiggle to him.
-Konnan hits Machete with the slap jack
-Shark Boy pins Machete and Konnan does nothing about it
-Konnan beats up Machete after the match. So who in the hell replaces him? Unless it’s Low Ki, I really don’t care.
Winners – Smiley and Shark Boy


Not CM Punk, Alex Shelley, & AMW vs. Killings, Daniels, Rhino & Styles:
-Everyone comes out to one theme and oddly enough, they pick Killings theme for the faces. You know what that means right kids? WASS UP WASS UP WASS UP WASS UP WASS UP WASS UP WASS UP!!!!!!!!
-Shelley wants to mat wrestler Rhino but ummm…that’s not how Rhino rolls
-Rhino dominates Shelley with power moves and brawling
-Daniels works on the arm of Shelley


-Leg sweep/Clothesline combo by Styles/Daniels on Storm
-Styles and Moore blow the float over reverse DDT spot. I blame Moore for not being close enough.
-Killings hits a suicide flip on Shelley and Storm
-Gore by Rhino on Harris
-Styles Clash on Not CM Punk for the win
Winners – Killings, Rhino, Daniels, and Styles

They plug the Team 3D/Team Canada Cage Match for next week.

End Show