To those that needed it: I couldn’t get the Velocity main event last week and you know why? Because my computer sucks, I can’t access WWE.com at Tafe, and every other computer I have access too is dial up. Sorry if I got your hopes up (which I doubt I did . . . unless Funaki or Vito read this and actually want to know what happened in their matches).
Since it’s Velocity it is of course the usual opening sequence, with Finlay’s music starting us off.
Opening Contest: Finlay verses Psicosis with Super Crazy
From MOTN of WrestleMania to many people, to opening Velocity … yeah, we’re all thinking the same thing.Circling to start and the two lock up with Finlay taking Psicosis into the corner. Psicosis tries to out cruiser weight Finlay, which isn’t exactly hard to do it’s more or less easy considering him not being a cruiser weight, but Finlay makes it to the ropes and the referee pulls off Psicosis . . . what the? Wasn’t even a . . weird. Finlay gets a headlock and then gets some armlocks and an uppercut to Psicosis. Psicosis with a enziguri to Finlay, knocking him out of the ring and Psicosis nailing a baseball slide. Vaulting body press and Finlay DOES THE APRON! Man I love that! Finlay sends Psicosis face first into the steel pole and the referee is close to counting of Psicosis, before he rolls into the ring. Finlay gets an armbar and stomp to Psicosis, before locking on a wristlock which Psicosis punches out of, but with a few clubs and a clothesline Finlay is back in control. Finlay whips Psicosis into the corner and follows him but Psicosis moves out of the way and Finlay bounces into the turnbuckles, as Psicosis nails some clotheslines followed by a bulldog. Psicosis with the spinning heel kick and then goes up top! Psicosis tries for a spinning heel kick from up top but Finlay moves out of the way and Psicosis crashes into the canvas. Finlay picks Psicosis up and nails his Emerald Fusion for the victory.
Winner: Finlay
I like both these guys. I liked this match. There’s really nothing else I can say except for; Six out of Ten.
Commercials.
Rey Mysterio WrestleMania victory video leads us into the second half of Randy Orton verses Rey Mysterio from SmackDown.
Commercials.
Second Contest: Matt Hardy verses Colt Cabana
Always wondered what Cabana looked like. Hardy chant starts us off. Lock up and Hardy gets a headlock which leads into irish whip, shoulderlock, and another headlock. Cabana tries to escape but Hardy gets back in the headlock. Cabana finally escapes with an armlock which is reversed by Hardy, Cabana gets back in and Hardy gets a hammerlock. Cabana gets a snapmare with the two flipping, and Hardy still having the hammerlock attached, Cabana tries to escape but gets to the ropes. Cabana punches Hardy right in the jaw. Gutbuster gets Cabana a one count. Hardy gets some punches in, quite a few, before nailing a clothesline and bulldog combination. Side Effect and Hardy nails the Twist Of Fate for the victory.
Winner: Matt Hardy
And it was just starting to get momentum too. Post match, Road Warrior Animal attacks Hardy from behind and throws him shoulder first into the steel pole, before taking a steel chair to the shoulder. Right. Well, either way, 2 out of 10, only rated “so highly” because of the good opening.
Chris Benoit verses Simon Dean from SmackDown.
Commercials.
Third Contest: Scotty Too Hotty and Funaki verses Kid Kash and JAMIE ‘BY GAWD’ NOBLE
Noble and Kash attack the opponent quickly, with Kash failing to throw Hotty out of the ring only to have Hotty throw him out of the ring. Noble and Funaki start off, with Noble getting a scoop slam in early. Elbow by Noble, before Funaki knocks Noble down with a punch after an irish whip. Armlock flip by Funaki, who tags out to Hotty. Tag out to Funaki. Eh? Funaki with a double axe handle from the top rope to Noble’s shoulder, before working on the arm again. Noble gets a chop to Funaki and goes to send Funaki into the boot of Kash, but Funaki reverses it and sends Noble into the boot and knocks Kash off the turnbuckle to . . boot. HA! Kash gets a kick to the back of Funaki, followed by a swinging neckbreaker by Noble for a two count. Tag out to Kash. Double team irish whip and Funaki comes back into a double shoulder for a two count. Kash nails away at Funaki and shoves his face into the canvas. Kash gets a chop to the chest of Funaki at the ropes, and Funaki tries to rake the eyes as he falls to the mat. Tag made by Noble, who stomps away in Funaki, who is held up by Kash. Noble takes out his waist rope and chokes Funaki out a bit with it, followed by a leg drop for a to. Noble locks a one legged Camel Clutch, but Funaki escapes. Noble keeps Funaki away from tagging Hotty, and eventually sends him into the corner and gets a two count. Tag out to Kash. Boots to the gut by Kash, followed by a snapmare and kick to the back gets Kash a two count over Funaki. Funaki begins to mount a comeback with punches, but Kash locks in a sleeper hold after some reversed irish whips, Funaki reverses the sleeper lock with a jawbreaker and Kash tags out to Noble, and Funaki tags out to Hotty after Noble jumps groin first onto the middle rope. Atomic drop to Noble followed by an elbow smash. Shoulder body toss to Kash. Hotty whips Kash into Noble at the corner, and Kash stumbles back into a back body drop, before Hotty bulldogs Noble! Hotty does the Worm stuff and hits Noble with it, getting a two count which is broken by Kash! Funaki takes the fight to Kash, but Kash throws Funaki out of the ring. Hotty nails some punches to Kash. Hotty whips Kash into the ropes, Kash bounces off and into the others and comes back with a clothesline while Noble nails a spear! Kash holds Funaki at bay as Noble pins Hotty for the victory.
Winners: Kid Kash and Jamie Noble
Funaki and Scotty as a team are . . well . . . they’re mediocre and have no actual reason to ever be teaming together. They’re certainly not like Kash and Noble who actually HAVE something in common, much like MNM, Kendrick and London, even Nunzio and Vito have something in common, and while their mediocre level does compliment their opponents it also brings down the match. Four out of Ten, but mostly because it was pretty much all Kash and Noble, and their double team Clothesline and Spear rocks.
Commercials.
Undertaker verses Mark Henry from SmackDown.
Commercials.
Main Event: Bobby Lashley verses Vito with Nunzio
Vito is, of course, also featuring the worst that fashion has to offer outside of The Mask collection. Also, did we see this match not too long ago? A series of these matches? Lashley taking on both of these guys? Lock up and Lashley takes Vito into the corner, being counted off of Vito who shoves Lashley back. Lock up and Lashley gets a headlock, into irish whip moment which ends up with Lashley shoulder blocking Vito. Another shoulder block. Vito takes a few more runs at Lashley, with Lashley jumping over Vito every time before nailing Vito with a hiptoss. Lashley nails a delayed vertical suplex on Vito. Vito gets a punch right to the jaw of Vito, and nails a few more shots in on Lashley before taking him to the corner, with spears. Lashley goes into the other corner and gets nailed with an irish whip by Vito into the opposite corner, before utilising the ropes and incorporating them into a “perfectly legal and not at all choking” headlock, and then blatantly choking Lashley using the ropes. Vito gets a kick to the gut and bites the ear a few times, which the referee lets go. Knee to the gut of Lashley is followed by a headlock, as Nunzio tries to calm down a Lashley chant. Lashley tries to elbow Vito off of him, but Vito clubs away on him. Irish whip reversed by Lashley into the corner, and Vito elevates himself in the corner expecting Lashley to have run after him, but he didn’t … cough … Vito turns around and runs at Lashley. Lashley moves, and Vito turns around into elbows by Lashley. Lashley with a shoulder toss, followed by a forearm, clothesline, and a belly to belly. Lashley clotheslines Vito in the corner, and Lashley nails the spear! Dominator and it’s over.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Vito REALLY shouldn’t be the wrestler to guide Lashley to a better match. Though it’s Velocity, and we all knew the outcome. Sigh. I’ll be reasonable and call it Two out of Ten, not because it was bad – quite the opposite, it was a lot better than I had anticipated – but it was still bland, which I had anticipated. Also, I decided to add a point and then deduct it because of Vito’s current fashion sense.
Finlay vs Psicosis: 6 / 10
Matt Hardy vs Colt Cabana: 2 / 10
Scotty Too Hotty and Funaki vs Kid Kash and Jamie Noble: 4 / 10
Bobby Lashley vs Vito: 2 / 10
Velocity 8/04/06: 14 / 40
Sigh. Til next week guys. Ciao y’all.
