The Crucifix


With Wrestlemania having come and gone, we all new it was about time before we found out that somebody in WWE f*cked up. Was it some sloppy midcarder with a fetish for plants? NO! It was Randy “I’ve got at least 10 more chances before they fire me” Orton! Now I’ve got some sources inside that locker room who overheard some things. Things that should not be repeated here but I fear no man. I certainly fear no Orton.

– “Bet he wins the title his first night back. McMahon HATES Mexicans.”

– “He took a shit in the wrong bag.”

– “Booyaka! I’m not losin’ this title tonight! Booyaka 619!”

– “This wouldn’t have happened if Eddie was alive.”

– “This wouldn’t have happened if Owen was alive.”

– “He’s off to rescue Juventud from the clutches of Bob”

– “It’s ok, Batista looks just like him now…interchangeable baby.”

– “First CM Punk is a gangsta, now this!?”

– “It’s all a work, I heard he’s off to shoot Brokeback Mountain 2 with The Blackjacks.”

– “Yea, now that dude from Longest Yard is a main eventer…f*ck we have no luck.”

– “God we need a draft.”

– “Hunter told him to swallow. He should’ve played the game.”

– “Shane told him to swallow. He didn’t let the money come.”

There were many others, but I have a short attention span.

WWE asked people who they wanted to see be inducted into the Hall of Fame, further making thier induction ceremony and procedure a big joke.

Oh…Warrior Warrior won. Like he’ll show up. If he comes running out of the crowd in a tux with tassles, I’ll pay to see it. Promise.

Non-wrestling filler:

– Keifer Sutherland, aka “The Man”, signed a new deal for SEASONS 7, 8 AND 9 OF 24! YES! Now this doesn’t mean that Bauer won’t die, but he might be around much longer. Bauer…errr…Keifer gets his own production company, 40 million dollars and Executive Producer credit on the show. Now that is a f*cking deal. Congrats to him.

Oh, and Kiko, Eric Young, seeing as how he died and everything, should absolutely be given a Jack Bauer gimmick.

“There’s not time for a hot tag!”

Katie Couric is now getting paid 60,000 dollars a day to read the news. Think about that for one second. I’m in the process of becoming an EMT for New York City and I will get paid, MAX, 38,000 dollars before overtime. In one day, for reading, Katie Couric will make more than me. Fuck her.

On that note…ADIOS! (That’s right Wallace, you’re my bitch now…bloke…HA!)

I know this was short, but I’m kinda busy so sorry…deal with it actually I’ll be bag BIG TIME next week.