Take a seat folks, as I once again head to the TV time machine and take a look back at a blast from the (fairly recent) past…
Once upon a time, there was a syndicated show featuring average joes and athletes who were paid to make their lives a living hell called ‘American Gladiators’. And as you can tell, this column is not about that show. However, the success of ‘American Gladiators’ (not to mention the ongoing popularity of the World Wrestling Federation) led to the creation of several syndicated sports entertainment shows such as ‘Blade Warriors’, ‘WMAC Masters’ and what we’re looking at today… ‘RollerGames’.
‘RollerGames’, as you might have surmised, is based upon the classic “sport” of roller derby. I hesitate to call it a “sport” since, like pro wrestling, it relies more on storyline and theatrics than real competition. The idea, it would seem, was to make the “sport” more exciting than the standard skate around a banked oval. Instead, the oval became a circle, and an extra arc was added to create a sort of figure eight. Except that this extra track had a large, banked wall called the “Wall of Death” and a “Jet Jump” to launch the “Jetter” onto the main track. Oh, and because this wasn’t exciting enough, they decided to give “Sudden Death” overtime a chance to be just that, with the introduction of an alligator pit (which never really came into play).
But to give the show a bit of credibility, the (“world famous”) T-Birds team (and the late roller derby legend Ralphie Valladares) was used for the show. They were, of course, the premier face team of the league (“World Alliance of Rollersports”. In other words, WAR). Other teams, in face-to-heel order, were The Rockers, Hot Flash, The Maniacs, Bad Attitude, and The Violators. You can pretty much figure out the gimmicks from the names.
To presumably to draw in casual viewers, ‘RollerGames’ had a halftime show, featuring musical acts like Lita Ford, Warrant and… Young MC. Now, Ford and Warrant would at least appear to have some crossover appeal with the derby audience (particularly in the hair department) but… a rapper? This would be like having ECW on The Nashville Network. Oh wait…
And finally, to draw in the staunch conservatives, ‘RollerGames’ featured commentary from the late Wally George. Why? No idea.
The matches themselves were actually pretty entertaining. Storylines were generally decent, with the usual cheesiness that we’ve come to expect with WWE storylines. The point calculation though, seemed pretty arbitrary – not much of a surprise, really, when you’re trying to create some drama up until the very last Jam.
And of course, it wouldn’t be the early nineties without having a NES videogame based on the property, which as you might expect was your typical side-scrolling fighting game. But how about a coin-op game? Yes, Konami apparently created an arcade game based on ‘RollerGames’. I’d never actually seen this in arcades, but according to the website it tries to be relatively similar to the actual show. It looks nice though.
Sadly (or not sadly depending on how you look at things), ‘RollerGames’ ended after one season, as did other shows that tried to reach the popularity of ‘American Gladiators’. A revival of sorts in ‘RollerJam’ had slightly more success on TNN before getting axed. But roller derby keeps chugging along, just out of the spotlight, looking for another chance to break into the mainstream.
IP Linkage:
– Mathan thinks I should watch The Shield.
– Romo looked at the Borg when I was looking at Tribbles. He’s also filling in for me on The Amazing Race next week.
– Josh has been doing a bang-up job with his “Best Damn TV Show Period” tourney, and he’ll be filling in on Idol next week. Why? Scroll down to the bottom to find out.
– Farah wants more reruns.
– Shelly does the honours on ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ over in IP Sports. Why is it in sports? Dunno, but I’m glad she’s recapping it.
The Week In Hindsight:
Thursday:
‘Survivor: Panama – Exile Island’ (Global, CBS) – Wouldn’t revealing the Immunity Talisman to La Mina have been a bit better had you done that after the Merge? Boot one of Casaya out, proving that you have some power, and THEN have someone switch. At this point, if Terry’s not out for himself, he’s not gonna win this.
‘Ultimate Fight Night’ (Spike) – Not the greatest collection of matches. Rashad Evans and Joe Stevenson have a long way to go if they want to prove themselves worthy of their Ultimate Fighter titles.
‘My Name is Earl’ (NBC) – Juliette Lewis as the ex-girlfriend? Brilliant.
‘The Ultimate Fighter 3’ (Spike) – In case you didn’t know, Tito Ortiz and Ken Shamrock hate each other. Just in case Big Poochie Dana White didn’t make that clear about 20 times last night. Props to Kalib Starnes for getting a ref stoppage in under two minutes, and bigger props for shaving a Maple Leaf into his head. Finally, we have a Canadian on this show we can be proud of!!
Friday:
‘Numb3rs’ (Global, CBS)
‘Las Vegas’ (Global, NBC)
Sunday:
‘Cold Case’ (CTV, ABC)
‘Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares’ (Food Network Canada) – This was the episode my wife made me miss last week…
Monday:
‘Prison Break’ (Global, Fox) – Oh hey look, it’s Haywire. Told ya. As for LJ… well, he must’ve been adopted, because it appears that he got the stupid gene from Veronica…
’24’ (Global, Fox) – So next year, I’m thinking that Jack Bauer will be going after God. That is, if His no-compete clause has expired after the WWE releases Him.
‘CSI: Miami’ (CTV, CBS)
Tuesday:
‘American Idol’ (CTV, Fox)
‘The Unit’ (CBS) – LOVED this episode. None of the usual caper stuff where you flashback and reveal what actually happened – just a matter of fact “hey, it got done” and a little exposition and that’s it. Also, a weird moment for me as Palmer and Chief O’Brien were in the same scene together. No idea why, it just was.
Wednesday:
‘Lost’ (CTV)
‘The Amazing Race’ (CTV, CBS)
‘American Idol’ (CTV, FOX)
‘Iron Chef America’ (Food Network Canada)
‘Good Eats’ (Food Network Canada)
Bits and Pieces:
– I’m off next week. Actually, if you read this in the evening, I’m already off. The wife and I are flying over to England for a friend’s wedding. We’re staying there a week so we can visit her family (she’s a Brit) and take a side trip to Paris, just because it’s close (and I booked a hotel off of my Starwood points). We’ve got some stuff planned for Paris already, so hopefully it’ll be a good time and not too cold.
So no thoughts from me next week. I’ll see you in two!
