UFC 59: REALITY CHECK
It would have been pretty f*ckin’ hard for UFC to pull off a show worse than Ultimate Fight Night 4, especially with the talent involved in this pay-per-view. Overall, it was a good show. There seems to be some controversy, among fans and people in UFC, over the Ortiz vs. Griffin fight, but other than that there’s no real drama to report.
- Jeff Monson defeated Marcio “Pe de Pano” Cruz via split decision.
I almost fell asleep during this fight. Granted, I wasn’t expecting a main event caliber bout, but this was pretty bad. While Cruz is certainly overrated, his ground defense is pretty good. Monson couldn’t do much damage to Cruz on the ground, so he kept most of the fight on his feet. The problem is, both of these guys are pretty crappy strikers. Not the greatest fight to kick off the show with.
- Evan Tanner defeated Justin Levens via triangle choke submission in the first round.
I would love to get all excited and exclaim, “Evan Tanner is back!,” but I think I’d be jumping the gun. Not to disrespect Levens, as he’s a good fighter, but he accepted this fight on short notice. He has a lot of balls to go in there against a former UFC champion, under any conditions. However, Levens lacks experience, and it showed. That said, I also don’t want to shit on Tanner’s performance, because he looked great. When he got Levens locked up in the triangle, Levens dumped him on his head and he never let go. Maybe Tanner really is back on target, but I’d like to see that fight with Jeremy Horn rescheduled sometime soon.
- Tito Ortiz defeated Forrest Griffin via split decision (30-27, 28-29, and 29-27).
Am I the only one that felt this show was being rushed? Third fight in, and we’re at the co-main event already? The beginning of the first round was exactly how I pictured it: Griffin took the fight to Ortiz, but Ortiz controlled the pace. Tito began dominating Forrest, and I honestly thought we were going to see a first round TKO. Ortiz was like a wild animal in there for the first five. Forrest seemingly had no quit in him though, and survived the round. The second round was back-and-forth, with the third being dominated by Griffin for the most part. In the end, the decision could have gone either way. A lot of people are upset about it, but I feel Ortiz earned the win.
- Sean Sherk defeated Nick Diaz by unanimous decision.
This fight was pretty goddamn boring. I’m still not sure if this was taped during the undercard, or if it was a live fight. Either way, it did not belong between the previous fight and the main event. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen, but sadly it didn’t. Not a spectacular win for Sherk. Maybe he’ll do better at 155. As for Diaz, this is his third loss in a row. He better get his shit together for his next fight before he winds up on unemployment.
- Tim Sylvia defeated Andrei Arlovski by referee stoppage (strikes) at 2:43 in the first round.
Before the fight even started, I sat in front of the television cursing Zuffa. Why the f*ck was Herb Dean doing the title fight? I hate Herb Dean. He’s notorious for stopping fights too soon. The first round started, and both men were swinging for the fences. Arlovski scored a heavy blow that took Sylvia down, but he was unable to follow up. Sylvia responded with a hard chin shot, and unleashed a flurry of punches as Arlovski was on the canvas. Dean stopped the fight, and Tim Sylvia is our new UFC Heavyweight Champion. I’m sure you’re expecting a rant here, but Herb Dean made the right call. Arlovski was attempting to defend himself, but after watching the replay, he wasn’t going to recover before Sylvia did some serious damage.
Preliminary Bouts:
- Thiago Alves defeated Derrick Noble via referee stoppage (strikes) at 2:54 in the first round.
- Jason Lambert defeated Terry Martin via referee stoppage (strikes) in the second round.
- David Terrell defeated Scott Smith via rear naked choke submission at 3:08 in the first round.
- Karo Parisyan defeated Nick Thompson via tap out due to strikes in the first round.
TITO ACCUSES FORREST OF CHEATIN’
Tito Ortiz revealed after the fight on Saturday night that he has a partial tear in his ACL and MCL. It definitely threw him off his game during the bout, but Ortiz claims that isn’t the only reason. Tito is now accusing Forrest Griffin of greasing his legs with baby oil to avoid takedowns. Ortiz said Sunday night on The LAW, “He was a little greased behind the legs. I guess it’s like the old saying: ‘If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying,’ huh? I tried to grab his legs and they kept slipping off.”
Ortiz is expected to be out of action for at least three months. His July fight with Ken Shamrock will most likely be postponed.
CORRECTION
I mentioned last week that Karo Parisyan had been out of action for “over a year,” when it should have read “almost a year.” Thanks to the anal retentive LeiTong123 for pointing that out, as well as shitting all over my predictions. Apparently he missed all of my previous columns where I mention that my predictions are f*cking awful. Predictions are like opinions, which are like assholes…I think you see where I’m going with this.
MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE
A little over six years ago I quit writing about wrestling and started a music site. The site went through several inceptions at first, but eventually WhiteTrashDevil.com became a heavy music site focused on reviews and interviews. The site had a heavy emphasis on community, with a very popular forum that was home to many bands’ official forums. I abandoned the site in October 2003, exhausted from the daily bullshit of maintaining a website.
Here we are, two-and-a-half years later, and apparently I haven’t abused myself enough. On June 6, 2006 (06.06.06), White Trash Devil will make its return. More details will follow, but for the time being, feel free to register for the forum and join the madness. We need to spread the word, since we’re starting from scratch again, so we could use a few good mutants.
