In Memoriam: Phil Walden, despite the fact that he, ultimately, is responsible for “Freebird”.
The theme for this week is “unthinkable concepts”. Yes, I can definitely fit Lockdown into this one, but that’s later. And I will definitely be talking about ECW Mark II as well. But I always start with stuff outside wrestling. For those of you who don’t know, it’s called a “lead-in”, and it’s supposed to attract an audience into reading the rest of the article. A long time ago, I came to the conclusion that my audience didn’t want to only read about wrestling, so I started incorporating important and notable things that I wanted to talk about into my leads (or the rest of my columns, for that matter). It’s proven effective, so, no, I won’t stop. If you want to only read wrestling news, go to Meltzer. If you want ill-informed opinions, read Scherer. If you want something intelligent that doesn’t insult you, read this. That’s what choice is all about.
Now, you’ll witness the concept of “butchering a lead”. That ends up happening when I attempt to get back to the subject I was talking about before the train of thought left the station without passengers. Let’s see how bad this one’s going to turn out…
Yes, unthinkable concepts. Like, oh, Houston moving to Hawaii for four days so Stuart Appleby could win a tournament. Michael Schumacher winning a Formula One race again. Having to use advanced calculus to figure out what gas prices will be tomorrow. Scott McNealy stepping down at Sun. Lesnar actually coming to an agreement with WWE that doesn’t include use of a sixteen-inch dildo on Vince. I’m an old hand at dealing with unthinkable concepts. Twenty years ago this week, I had to handle a situation that was unthinkable, and under the worst circumstances.
Imagine, if you will, that you are a Physics student at the University of Chicago, senior year, taking nuclear physics and doing things like, oh, experimenting with plutonium in the lab (yes, it’s an unthinkable concept given the lack of safety precautions that my genitals don’t glow in the dark, no matter how handy that would be at times). Then, you start hearing reports coming from your professors’ colleagues in Europe that radiation levels in a number of countries are starting to rise, rapidly, for some unknown reason. Then you hear that the Euros have determined that it’s fallout, but it’s too much to be from an above-ground bomb test. And the radiation keeps rising. Within a couple days, the wind patterns have been tracked down, and the origin of the fallout is somewhere in Ukraine. It’s also become equally obvious that the only explanation for this is that a reactor’s gone into meltdown. But the Soviet government is saying nothing. In the meantime, the cloud of fallout has spread over most of western Europe, and the news reports have come out, and people everywhere are scared.
And you’re scared too. All of a sudden, you’ve been slammed in the face with the power you’re f*cking around with. It’s one thing to manipulate equations in a notebook and note the amount of energy you’re dealing with. It’s another thing to see it in action, especially knowing the effects that radiation at this level has on the human body. Then enough people are so afraid that they’re able to coax an answer out of the pre-perestroika Gorbynauts. Yes, they say, there’s been an accident at a reactor. Some little town near Kiev called Chernobyl. But it’s under control. Except that you, educated and intelligent man that you are, know it’s not. It takes weeks for the radiation levels to start getting back to normal. It’s become so bad that the lab asses tell you that if you don’t want to work with the high-energy stuff, you don’t have to (of course, being good students, we do those experiments anyway).
The results are obvious to you before the public knows about it, because you know about these things. The French and Italian wine crop is wrecked. Don’t even think about eating any of the green leafy vegetables from anywhere in Europe. And if the wind had shifted a little and blown the cloud of fallout into Kiev, a city of millions…it’s a slap in your face, a payback for the arrogance you had in being able to control the building blocks of nature. That control is like walking a tightrope made of razor wire. One slip, and that’s it. And someone slipped, and the price was paid.
To the men who died dumping concrete and earth on the core of Number Four, to the men and women of the area who not only had to be moved but who died of radiation poisoning or are sick every day of their lives and are suffering from cancers that medical science are still identifying, to those who thought that Three Mile Island was as bad as it can get…I’m sorry. When you f*ck around with the Forces Of Nature, there’s always collateral damage. What happened twenty years ago Wednesday was a reminder that the higher you go on the Fucking Around Scale, the greater the damage will be. And it’s something we should always keep in mind.
And now, something that made me go nuclear. Oh, I wanted to ignore commenting about it, but then goddamn Daniels mentioned it in his column, so I’m obliged to comment. This, of course, was the announcement of Star Trek XI. Let’s start counting the things wrong with this:
1) It’s a movie. Care to look at the box office returns for Insurrection and Nemesis? Theater Trek is now an iffy proposition to begin with. It may be very short notice for a television production, especially one that’s as intensive to make as Trek, but there are viable concepts and even scripts to go with them floating around the Trek office at Paramount. A two-hour pilot film for a new series could be made for September broadcast (on a very tight schedule). This accomplishes two things: 1) It gives the public an indication that the CW Network is a serious effort (UPN gained a lot of credibility when Voyager was used to launch it) and 2) 40th Anniversaries only come around once, and the inherent publicity surrounding that would gain a lot of attention.
1a) If that pilot isn’t a viable series, no big deal. You put the sucker out on DVD and get your money back that way, and you’ve given the dedicated Trek fandom a sign of good faith. It’s an attitude similar to what happened with the Doctor Who TV movie. “We’re still thinking about this, we think we have something that might work, but if it doesn’t, it’s still in our thoughts, and we’ll bring it back when we’ve got it right.”
2) J. J. Abrams…I’ve never seen an episode of Lost or Alias, so I’m not as ga-ga over the prospect of him coming to Trek as some people. I’m sure he’s capable, but I’m not anointing him savior like some Trek fans are right now. It’s definitely wait-and-see. But Trek fans do have a tendency to look for a savior type and tend to deify certain creators. Manny Coto, Ron Moore, Ira Behr, and the list goes on. If Abrams doesn’t do or say the right things, the fans will go after him. There’s nothing quite as ugly as a population spurning their god.
3) Any Trek revival has two tough acts to follow. Abrams may be good, but Ron Moore and Russell Davies have raised the bar on reviving SF franchises so high that he’ll end up suffering in comparison. If Trek fandom doesn’t perceive the movie to be as good as what they’re getting on TV with Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who, the knives will come out. There’s no longer any room to coast on the name thanks to those shows and thanks to the fact that the Beebs pissed away all of the fans’ goodwill.
4) Now for the big one: the concept. I am hoping that what they threw out there in that press conference last week was said simply to throw a bone to the audience, to give the impression that they had a plan, and that this isn’t their final decision. The “Starfleet Academy” concept was mentioned when DS9, VOY, and ENT were being discussed, and ridiculed every time. There are three words that Trek fans fixate on: “to boldly go”. That’s mandatory for any Trek, movie or series. That’s why a lot of fans rejected DS9 for a long time. They weren’t used to the concept of the action coming to the crew; the crew always went to the action. A static Trek series goes against the grain too much. Now it’s going to be combined with another perpetually rejected concept: “young Kirk and Spock”. We don’t want that. We don’t want the following:
a) Another goddamn prequel. Even if Berman has nothing to do with it.
b) Kirk played by anyone other than William Shatner.
c) Spock played by anyone other than Leonard Nimoy.
d) Anything to do with their lives before boarding Enterprise. Kirk’s pre-captaincy is very, very well-documented in continuity, and any error in that regard will be spotted immediately and stomped on (Trek fans hate to retcon, which was one of the main causes of Enterprise‘s dismissal among fans). Spock has a little more give in his back story, but there’s still danger there.
Doing this concept is like dancing in a minefield. There is no way that fans will be satisfied with anything coming from that direction.
5) The fans are very vocal on what they want from a revival. Consensus is now moving toward a reconceptualization in the Doctor Who/TNG vein, respecting the past while still having a clean slate for the future. There are a number of people who want Enterprise-F or G, something they can pull off easily considering they’ve got TNG to work off of. The fear in 1987 was that audiences wouldn’t accept an Enterprise captained by someone other than Jim Kirk. That fear is no longer there (although you have a new generation of idiots who now believe that Enterprise shouldn’t be captained by someone other than Jean-Luc Picard). They just need to put Frakes in old-age makeup and do another “pass the torch” scene, and that’s that. Lazy, but proven. Some fans would like to go with the “Elite Force” concept, an action-oriented, gritty Trek series in the Galactica-modern mode, which could either be set in 24th Century Trek or pushed into the future. Some people would like to see Abrams in Alias mode to do a Section 31 idea. Patrick Stewart has been trying to sell Paramount on the Modern Trek Grand Unification Concept, which would feature characters from TNG, DS9, and VOY (and there are enough willing performers from all three series to do something good with that). The point to this is that virtually every idea floating around is better than what they told us they’re doing, and people are pissed that they’re going with ideas that fandom, as a body, has reflected upon and rejected.
Should they be concerned about what fans think? In this case, yes. It’s the fans who buy the DVDs, buy the books, spend the billion a year that Paramount hauls in from the franchise. Trek fans are also easily influenced. If well-known hardcore fans reject the film, the dominoes start to fall down the fandom food chain. Trek fans are a lot like lemmings. Very quickly, you have total rejection. And, yes, the Internet has a role to play in the speed of rejection. They were very, very lucky that the Net wasn’t very active in 1987, otherwise TNG would have fallen flat on its face due to its abysmal first season. They saw what happened with Enterprise, where the concepts were treated by Net fans like a pack of lions treat a fallen Thompson’s gazelle, and that was before the series premiered. The signs were there last week. A number of stories I read in the mainstream media had a tone of amazement that Trek fans were already bitching and moaning; the reporters actually thought that Trek fandom was going to rise up and start celebrating the revival uncritically. I could have told them differently.
Thanks to the Beebs, the fan base is so fragmented and opinionated right now that there’s only two ways to unify them again: 1) Come up with a concept that’s insanely great that the fans will remain, at worst, skeptical but optimistic or 2) Unite them against you by presenting a concept so miserable that everyone immediately rejects it. Right now, they’ve gone for #2. I just hope that Abrams realizes this quickly and switches gears.
Thanks, Daniels. Thanks a whole helluva lot.
THE PIMP SECTION
We’ve got an exclusive interview with Colt Cabana. Don’t care.
Memo to Murray: the reason we have the secondary belt holder as de facto top contender is a hangover from the old days, especially in NWA/WCW, where the secondary belt holder was promoted as the number one contender. It’s a tip of the cap to those days long gone, and brings a smile to the face of anyone who laughed their way through a WCW Top Ten Rankings list that they used to have every week on their syndie shows.
Another memo to Hevia: just to note this little fact: if anyone makes fun of my mustache, I won’t be as nice as Trip. Remember, I have knives and know how to use them.
Wallace does some canoodling in re Backlash.
Daniels has moves planned for at least two baseball teams.
Paul talks festival rock. After having attended a few of those in Germany, I have no desire to ever attend one again.
Gloomie goes in the exact opposite direction and discusses local bands.
The Goob-father discusses playoffs and drafts.
Basilo also criticizes South Park. But he just went after the quality of the show, not the fact that Matt and Trey didn’t bother to do any research on Chicago. So I’m still better.
Stevens doesn’t bitch about OYL this week, but he promises to next week.
AND SPEAKING OF RESURRECTING A FRANCHISE…
Okay, the ECW Revival…yay, another thing I don’t really want to tackle, because it’s too soon in the game to make any judgments.
The first question I have to ask is: is this real? Are they serious about doing this? You might point out those three-year contracts that are supposedly being offered. And I’ll point back at you and inform you of a number of things:
1) WWE has the money to blow to keep people on the sidelines. They do it all the time. See Henry, Mark.
2) In the meantime, those performers can’t go to Orlando and sign contracts. Losing the Dudleys and Rhinyo was a very nasty lesson in this regard. Please note that I’m just focusing on things that hook into any attempted ECW resurrection, so Christian doesn’t count.
3) They were already getting people to sign early in order to forestall another Hardcore Homecoming incident. Getting them signed for an extended period is another way to do this.
But let’s assume that it is real, and not a giant work being played on Milord and Da Meltz. Fine. All well and good. Vince believes he can revive the brand, get some marketing money out of it, get new T-shirts and stuff sold. No problem by me. It’s his company now. He can do what he wants to it. Of course, that’s just me. I don’t have any emotional stake in ECW like so many people do in the IWC. I don’t see it as some kind of Golden Age. I wasn’t involved in it financially like Milord was. I didn’t even get to see shows on a regular basis until ECW On TNN premiered (their syndie show was impossible to find in Chicago, I don’t do tape trading, and quality video compression was still in its infancy). So, I can look at it from all angles without any emotional involvement.
Thus, there is one fact that screams out at me at this point: this is happening one year too late. The ideal time for this would have been after One-Night Stand (the first one). At that time, they still had that Saturday night slot on Spike that would have been perfect (although whether or not Vince would have dealt with them to stay on Spike can be questioned). They also still had the Dudleys and Rhiyno; is it truly ECW without them? The buzz would have been greater, especially after ONS. Heyman’s promo alone could have been the spark for a renegade promotion angle, which is probably what they’ll end up doing anyway. The only missing piece toward making it “true ECW” would really have been Raven (although there’s some bad blood there). I think it’s too late to do something like this. Well, I recommended doing it, and so did a number of people (Da Meltz even put a poll up about it, and the majority said yes, bring it back and give it Heat’s timeslot), and as usual, no one in Stamford listened to us. Hey, what the f*ck do we know, huh?
So how do they do it? How do you revive something this antiestablishment within the establishment? It’s the old question of how you package rebellion that the music industry gets into every few years. Obviously, they have to go for a renegade promotion angle. But how do you pull it off successfully? The key to doing that is something that I don’t want to happen, really, and that’s Rob Van Dam winning the WWE title at One-Night Stand. Yes, most people had him penned in as winning it anyway (for stupid, cynical reasons, like most judgments of the IWC), but now it becomes imperative. What do you do with that? You repeat an angle that turned out pretty well, actually. In fact, it involves the same catalyst. Remember how the Undisputed Title was broken apart? Brock…Heyman…starting to ring a bell?
Hold it, what’s that scream? Oh, that’s just Burnside thinking about a third world title and third brand in WWE. Someday I’ll have to ask him how he gets his voice to carry six thousand miles.
So, Heyman, quickly reintroduced on screen, starts gathering together a stable around World Champion Van Dam, and nobody, not even Joey or Tazz, recognizes that it’s all ex-ECW guys. Soon, the stable reaches critical mass on both shows, and they do the break-apart angle. During this short period, Joey and Tazz end up declaring their true allegiance, then all you f*cks get to have Ross back with Lawler on Raw like you want, while Coachman’s transferred over to become color man on Smackdown (and is upset about being “demoted to the lesser show”, which should provide some nice moments between him and Cole). Hence, a core of wrestlers, with a world title holder that no ECW fan would complain about, and a broadcast team that’s natural for what they want to do. Of course, they’ll screw this up. They always do.
So what kind of broadcast outlet do they use? I don’t like online-only. It just doesn’t seem right. Surely NBC Universal has an hour of late-evening on some channel that they’re not using to best effect? Give them back AM Raw if you have to. Just get it on air, and not on some obscure outlet either.
This can work. It can work to the satisfaction of most (the die-hards will never give in). But it’ll take more effort, planning, and creativity than they’ve shown in quite a while. That’s why you should hire me, bastards.
SHUTDOWN
Wow, what an exciting card on paper this was, huh? So thrilling that the only people to be in the Round Table were myself and Brashear, and Dave was the one getting it together. Man, no one cared about this. No one wanted it to happen. This is the first time that TNA has really booked itself into a situation where the only answer was The Fucking Obvious. So you can imagine how enthused I was yesterday afternoon to watch this after it had finished downloading.
I was a little shocked the crowd broke into a “This Is Awesome” chant during the six-man opener. Of course, “This Is A Spot-Fest” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. This match had two gears: first and warp speed. Nothing in between. Very choppy and disjointed, with more concentration on getting the high spots in than keeping a semblance of match flow. I was almost screaming at the screen for these guys to use the damn cage. That’s what it’s there for. But, no, we have to hold off on the violence until later. Good effort by everyone involved, but they were never on the same page. And speaking of that, I called the emphasis on the Shelley angle, didn’t I? In fact, that’s going to be a trend in this little recap, reciting everything I called in advance during the Round Table. Has TNA become that predictable?
Haaaaaaaaaandds…across the water…water…
Talk about being turned around 180 degrees. I was totally convinced that Daniels’ mystery opponent was going to be Jeffykins. I geared myself up for it, dragging all of the gay references out of cold storage and everything. But then to have it be Low Ki…that’s a nice surprise. And Tenay even brought up their history together in XXX. Now that made me think of something else: wouldn’t it have been nifty if they’d gone with the other member of XXX as the mystery opponent? Yeah, I know, he was in the six-man, but think about it. Skipper…in a cage…with someone who trusts him? This could have been the match that brought Elix back to prominence. It wouldn’t have been any problem to have put Low Ki in the six-man (other than the fact that he would have had to go over, which would have spoiled the obvious win for Sabin). I’m happy for what we got, and it was a damn good match, but I’m sad for what we could have had. But mostly I’m ecstatic that it wasn’t Jeffykins.
By the way, despite the name change for purposes of trademarking by TNA, the crowd is still going to call him Low Ki no matter what. I give the name change a month.
It’s Low Ki, so we care
No, I’m not saying anything about the arm-wrestling match. Remember, Low Ki wasn’t involved.
Can you picture a sadder sight?
If you were trying to figure out why I was criticizing the opening six-man for lack of flow, witness the Xscape match. That flowed perfectly. There could be a number of reasons why. First and foremost, the language difference. Except for Puma, all the guys in there spoke English and could communicate spots to each other easily. Second, there is a difference between X Division and NJPW Juniors styles. They weren’t trying to fit two disparate pieces together in there. You also had a situation where, again except for Puma, these guys have been facing off against each other for a long time, and there’s a knowledge and trust there (it was a bit of a surprise that there wasn’t too much high-risk aside from Stevens’ Shooting Star Press). In all, it made for an entertaining, fast-paced match. And the ending was great.
However, and there’s always a “however”, let me quote someone far more intelligent and knowledgable than you, namely me (from the Round Table):
They won’t be able to resist the temptation to turn this into a Pimp Match for the World X Cup. And, gee, look, we have the captains of Team USA and Team Canada in this match. Guess who the last two in the match will be. And since the rest of Team USA will come out on the short end of its match, guess who wins.
So in other words, I not only predicted the winner, but the last two in there, and the motivation for doing so. Brashear, independently, went on the same track and only messed up on the winner because he marks out over the Canadian Destroyer (he was certainly happy that they got that spot in). Again, has TNA become that predictable?
If I wanted shark versus puma, I’d watch Animal Planet
Beware of flying Naturals
WWE must have liked what they saw regarding Sabu in the X Division title match. Yes, his skills have decayed over the years, but he still knows how to make guys look good, and working hurt like he did…well, we know his dedication, which none of us can fault. Other than that, the match went pretty much as expected. Nice, brutal, and just long enough to not become boring. I’ll still criticize the bullshit booking that led to this being a title match, though. That was horrid, and they weren’t even good enough to give Daniels the duke as recompense (although I can understand why; they couldn’t risk making Low Ki look weak).
“Who’s the bitch? Say it, say it, who’s the bitch?”
Are Mark, Devon, and Matt suddenly having second thoughts about being involved with TNA? One has to ask that considering that, maybe, this perpetual feud with Team Canada is now over, and they haven’t sniffed the tag straps yet. And, of course, they cut that promo prior to the announcement of the revival of you-know-what, thus burning a few more bridges in the process. Thinking of what must be going on in their minds right now is more fun than actually looking at another friggin’ flag match, that’s for certain.
Not usually included in their enormous list of championships are the seven All-Dudleyville Square Dance straps
When TNA can get someone in Playboy on their own, then I’ll be impressed
Another guy who may be having second thoughts after The Announcement has to be Jim Mitchell. But Mitchell would be more in the catbird seat that most could imagine. Those plans for WWE to use all those OVW guys? How many of them would benefit from Mitchell as a manager? He’s the one who brought this particular feud to such a high level that they can extend it for another month without any problem. It’s totally clear that whoever gets him, TNA or ECW, wins. As for the match between his charge and Christian, not as brutal as I thought, but not a much as misfit as I thought. I was sure that they had to go violent in order to cover up the misfit, and they didn’t need to. I’ll credit both Christian and Abyss for finding some middle ground there. They happen to work effectively well together. Of course, the lack of violence was explained during the tapings as being a key element of the build-up of this feud, so I didn’t mind it as much after I read the spoilers.
Chain Link Abuse: The Hidden Tragedy
As for the main, it didn’t really get going until the last eight minutes or so, Big Sump Pump was involved, A. J. did more than his fair share to keep it going…yeah, I could continue with the complaints, but I’m afraid that the Idiot Brigade will drown me out yet again. They ended up loving it because of…you know, I don’t know why, because they’re not very articulate. I think they loved it because they loved it. Yeah, always a great recommendation there. But this only leads to another clusterf*ck next month. Unfortunately…no, I’ll save that for below.
“I know you’re workin’ for the CIA…They wouldn’t have you in the Mah-fay-eh…”
You don’t need a human sculpture to know this match is ass
All in all, outstandingly mediocre with some good moments. Not bad enough to whip out a photomanip, but nothing to be thrilled about.
AND WHAT’S GOING TO BE HAPPENING SOON IN TNA?
You know what? Fuck you. No spoiler tags, no hidden text. I don’t give a shit about any of you. I want to print this, so it goes in. 1bullshit Junior had their normal tool over in Orlando for the next three weeks of tapings last night, so I’ll summarize said events:
The Christian/Abyss rematch at Sacrifice will be Full Metal Mayhem (TLC plus chains). It still won’t increase my interest in it, since Christian still has to go over.
Sacrifice will not have an X Division title defense. That’s because Joe’s been wrangled into the whole Sting/Jarrett thing. It’s going to be Joe and Sting against Jarrett and Big Sump Pump in what will undoubtedly be the main. Poor Joe.
Following up on the good vibes following Low Ki’s and Raven’s returns, another missing TNA performer makes his comeback: Johnny Devine. Does this mean Savory Steak Sauce Boy finally gets turfed? Unfortunately, no. He did an Xplosion match at the tapings and got the pin over Ron Killings. Now you know why I don’t seek out Xplosion.
As for other returns, yes, the rumors were true. Buff Stuffs Gerbils, the Steiner with even less brains, and f*ckin’ Luger all showed up on camera, but none of them came close to being in action. So we dodged a bullet there.
There will be an actual tag title defense on Impact. Of course, it won’t be against an actual tag team, since TNA seems to be following WWE’s tag booking policies these days. However, A. J. and Daniels against AMW…I’m there. However, right now, this match is set to open the May 4th Impact. Uh, this is a PPV main event-level match. What’s it doing curtain-jerking?
Expect more Sacrifice matches to be made in the sound overdubbing.
And speaking of taped shows, Raw was taped last week for broadcast last night…
THE SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Rob Van Dam, Carly Colon, and Charlie Haas over Shelton Benjamin, Matt Striker, and Gym Bunny, We Paid For The Plane Ticket So Let’s Use Them Match (Pinfall, Van Dam pins Benjamin, Five-Star Frog Splash): Now this had the match flow that the Lockdown opening six-man didn’t. Of course, one advantage that this match had over Lockdown’s was the fact that they could edit it, and obviously did. But it shows you the potential of what a six-man without dead moments has. Very good performance, and certainly Striker and especially Haas are energized. This is essentially their ticket to the upper-mid-card, something Charlie couldn’t do in his previous tenure. Good work, guys.
KC Evers (no relation) has this snarky observation that’s too good to pass up because I would have never thought of it:
Go ahead and call him Charlie Jannetty. Ex-tag partner’s a cocky heel with his own music while Charlie (like Marty) is stuck with his old tag team theme while playing the bland face. And hey, he even got a win against Shelton to make it interesting. It truly is 1993 all over again. Not to mention that Shelton’s also IC Champ, too (much like Shawn Michaels at the time).
Shane McMahon versus Shawn Michaels (ND, Complete and Utter Chaos): Well, yes, it was an Angle Advancement Match. However, it contained enough good old-fashioned brutality to give it a sort of charm. That charm will unfortunately be missing at Backlash, simply due to the fact that Vince will be involved in the match itself instead of being a spectator. You know he’ll want to hog the spotlight. Too bad, really. Shane knows how to go, and he’s been doing it at his usual high level and more lately. Becoming a father again must have put a spark up him.
Jamalga over Steve Lewington, Look, Ma, I’m On Telly Match (Pinfall, Various and Sundry Abuse): For the sake of Mister Lewington’s shattered psyche, I will not comment. However, I will tell him that I hope the cheque clears.
Slick Rick’s crowing because someone here referred to Jamalga as “Papa Shango 2006” when he made that observation during his debut (I have the e-mail on file, and he’s on the right side on this one). However, now that it’s been taken, he’s going in a new direction:
My name for him now is Papa Magic Marker Face, which might not go over so well… Looks like the makeup didn’t run this week, which is an improvement, I guess…
Trip, Edge, ‘n Cena versus (deep breath) Johnny Jeter, Mike Mondo, Nick Nemeth, Nick Mitchell, and, last but certainly not least, Ken Doane, whom I am ready to formally adopt (ND, everyone just sort of gave up trying to keep track of things): And how exactly did this pimp the main event at Backlash? That match has been built up atrociously. The combination handicap matches were a cute idea, but they weren’t very effective. You know, if this had been done with promos alone, I think I could have bought it more than I am now.
Angle Developments:
Bow Down To The Wigger?: Trip’s promo sounded rather familiar. In fact, it sounded…well, like a Cena promo, thanks to all of the Viagra and Lita-as-slut references. Of course, where did Cena get that from? Trip during his DX days. Was it another on the long list of DX reversions, or was it simply a man coming to reclaim his property? We’ll find out soon enough, I guess.
Dilemma Plus Hormones Equals Disaster: I’m still trying to figure out which is the hottest: Trish as Trish, LaJames as LaJames, LaJames as Trish, or Trish as LaJames. My tendency goes toward blondes, and I still have nightmares about Hyatte in regard to anything dealing with Trish, so I guess I’ll have to go with Number Three. It isn’t a bad choice at all, and if I have to substitute My Beautiful and Beloved for someone due to her burgeoning celebrity, I don’t think I can go wrong. Especially since we can share and compare medication.
Go Big Daddy: So, did Candice turn face? Does it really matter if a non-wrestling female turns or not? And did they fly Viscera over just to do this? Too many questions, not enough answers.
Too many questions, not enough answers indeed. I do need to try to answer one question in my personal life, though, which is, “Will any of these goddamn phone interviews I’ve done yesterday and today actually pan out to something resembling employment?” Since I have to go to Missouri to try to get an answer to one of those on Friday, I’m blowing off the Short Form this weekend. So I’ll be back next Tuesday with another goddamn PPV to cover. Until that time, enjoy.
