..umm.. rah…
so what does that mean?
GREAT RABBLE!
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E !
Joining us eez:
JENNA – The Book of Job in the Church of McMahon
BILL – The Book of Exodus
CHRIS – The Book of Genesis
ERIC – The Book of Revelations
HERNANDEZ – The Book of Ezekial
DANI – The Book of Mary
and your host of Judas (spelled so bad!) – Me!
Vinnie starting the show discussing his win over Shawn Michaels and he introduces Dani’s favorites and mine… The Spirit Squad! Due to their help last night they are Co-GMs for tonight.
Earlier they drew Spirit Straws! Kenny (The talented one) – will be facing Cena tonight.
“They seem they are grabbing at… crap” – Bill
“Well inside the Spirit Straws is a special Spirit Powder” – Hernandez
“This is very TNAish..” – Chris
“Production value?” – Me
“And shaky cam for no reason” – Chris
We get a flashback to Mick losing to Edge at Mania – but now….
Torie in a Cheerleader outfit.
“Does the doggy have pompoms?” – Hernandez
“Yes.” –
Now Maria!!! YAY! Looking so adorable!!! I want screen shots. I WANT SCREENSHOTS!
“The internet just exploded.” – Chris
“So did I…” – Me
And well.. Victoria..
And Mickey James! Who is in fact, working it.
We get a 360 replay on Trish’s arm dislocation. We get a fun shot of Mickey faux weeping.
Victoria starting with Torrie in the ring – Vics pulls Torrie’s pigtails – but Torrie catches up and tags in Maria…. who climbs to the top turnbuckle.
“What is she doing?” – Dani
“BEING CUTE!” – Bill
A tag from Vic to Mickey and she tosses Mickey into the corner – then Victoria – then Maria brings in Torrie and gives both girls a butt-thingie… and then Maria does a Bronco Buster. I DECLARE SCREENSHOTS!
“They just made Maria dirty” – Dani
“This is the greatest match ever..” – Chris
Now the ref talks to Torrie as Maria gets a leap over the top rope but in runs Trish – trips Mickey with Maria landing on top of her for the pin!
WINNER: MARIA & TORRIE!
COMMERCIAL
Now in the ring rolls the Spirit Squad! Johnny and Nicki with Mickey.
So they drew Spirit Straws..
“The same Straws that killed Crash Holly” – Hernandez
They are going to have a six man tag match tonight though against ‘The Odd Squad’
Eugene, Golddust, and Snitsky…. ooo boy.
SPIRIT SQUAD vs ODD SQUAD
We have no idea either
“Golddust is turning into Gold Pudding” – Chris
Golddust starting in with wife-beater guy… an exchange back and forth – Golddust leading up with some arm drags then back to his feet – a tag to Eugene and in he comes. Eugene with an arm wringer, but a poke to the eye – followed by Eugene getting TOSSED into the second turnbuckle.
In the back Vince is hanging out with Candice… but nothing will defeat Maria tonight. Nothing.
Nothing.
Back in the ring, Johnny tags in Nicki with Eugene in the corner and the beatdown continues. Frequent tags around as they continue to beat down Eugene. Mikey finally goes for a pin for two. More beatdowns… until finally Eugene hits a Rock Bottom and we get the hot tag to Snitsky…
“Eugene trying to capitalize” – Styles
“..he only knows lowercase.” – Eric
Snitsky gets tossed out – and on his way back in – Wifebeater throws Snitsky to the ring, but eats a solid boot out of nowhere. Snitsky bails to the corner and ends up tagging in Eugene – He goes for the Stunner, but Johnny pushes him out and hits a spinning kick they refer to as the ‘Johnny Go Roundkick’ and the other two run in to dropkick the charging Snitsky… Pin for the win
WINNERS: THE SPIRIT SQUAD
COMMERCIAL
Flashback to Maria – where we watched Mickey attacking Maria during the last commercial break…… and Mickey cleaned her clock… but it just means more and more and more Maria.
Grisham in the back with Eugene discussing how bad it felt to lose – he makes a pot shot at Eric Bischoff and then gets beaten over the head with a dictionary by Striker.
This week in Wrestling History:
-Last night Backlash sucked.
-Miss Elizabeth died. (But they don’t mention that part)
In the back, Spirit Squad razz Shawn Michaels, Big Show, and Charlie Haas. They give Shawn the night off as a wrestler – tonight he is going to be special ref in the next match of Rob Conway vs. Kane….
“…feel the tension…” – Chris
They give him another gift – a big yellow shirt with May 19th on it. HA.. HA.. I GET IT… *ahem*
“Kane fears the DaVinci Code” – Eric
“Nooo, Fear No Profits will pull it’s money” – Chris
COMMERCIAL
Hey last night Kane and Big Show had a suckbomb…
Hey it’s time for Shawn!
And Rob Conway…. who then gets hit by Shawn – and he puts the shirt on Conway.. teehee..
“Now you are ready for bed.. why doesn’t he just take it off.. oh wait, he’s Canadian..” – Bill
“Torpedo Bay One Full – LAUNCH!” – Hernandez
Which is what happens as Shawn throws Conway out of the ring. Kane hurls him around a bit. Brings him in and Shawn calls for the bell.
Kane then donkey punches the hell out of Conway. Shawn sits up on the turnbuckle and waits it out. Rob thumbs Kane in the eye in a moment of desperation as Rob tries to leave the arena – Shawn ‘helps’ him back in the ring. Shawn then does the ‘Torro!’ with COnway’s shirt and let’s Kane attack.
Shawn then goes outside and gets a trashcan.. and idly holds it out for Kane, making this match gold. Eric notes this is a very DX thing to do…
Kane then picks up and chokeslams Conway down and leaves. As Conway is laid out and Kane is leaving – Shawn grabs the mic and screams MAY 19th into the mic and drops it on Rob as Kane comes back – he runs in – hits the tombstone and that’s that.
WINNER DUE TO HILARITY: SHAWN MICH– KANE REALLY…
“He’s got evil eyes” – Styles
“Don’t they say that every week?” – Bill
“Now they have a red light on his face..” – Me
“It’s better than Krispy Kreme eyes..” – Jenna
“Nothing is better than Krispy Kreme eyes..” – Bill
COMMERCIAL
Hey in the ring it’s Armando Alejandro Estrada…
“This happened last night..” – Bill
“I’d like to introdoose to joo” – Armando
“I just like when he says jew…” – Eric
He introduces Impala after psyching out the jobber.
JOBBER vs. IMPALA
30 Seconds Of Lack of Interest
So butt bump – 2nd rope butt squash – flying splash – thumb of doom – the end.
WINNER: LABAMBA
In the back – Vince feels up Candice… where’s Maria?
Candice wants Vince to help her with her…….. labiagitus…. oh boy.
So Trips interrupts – and he’s cut to shit. Vince wants Trips to be the Guest Ref in tonight’s match.. Trips says he should get a title match, says it calmly and nicely. Vince says after the antics of last night Trips doesn’t deserve it.
Trips suggests that if Kenny happens to win, he gets a title match versus Kenny next week. With the Spirit Squad banned from ringside..
“So Kenny can’t be there?” – Eric
They go back and forth and Trips is forced into it.
COMMERCIAL
And the 10 O’Clock Hour with Lita in the ring…. she wants us all to stand up.
“And piss on me!” – Eric
“From the rafters!??” – Hernandez
“From my house?!” – Me
Anyway – she introduces Edge. Chris decides to put on his sunglasses in honor of this interview segment. We don’t understand either.
Edge has got a painted on bruise..
“I just figured he wiped his mouth” – Hernandez
“Lita’s time of the month?” – Me
So Edge throws potshots at Joey Styles – and King with the nice little thing of keeping his mouth shut and snickering behind Style’s back. Either way, Edge feels that he stole the show at Wrestlemania. From… who? Oh, right Mick Foley.
Foley searched his soul to figure out where things had gone wrong.
“Maybe when you got lit on fire?” – Eric
Foley reviewed the tape and decided that he might not have won, but he had been in the greatest Hardcore match of his life… maybe in wrestling history. Now he extends his hand to Edge saying that he very well might be in the ring with the toughest man in WWE history. He kisses Lita on the cheek and shakes Edge’s hand.
He then says he got his moment in Wrestlemania history – and they show the fire table spot at least three times even with a Styles ‘OH MY GOD’ and end it with the Edge In Shock shot. There is his Mania Moment – that he did that to Edge – that he took years off of Edge’s life – and that he would never want to go through that again… and go thorugh it… TONIGHT!
Foley – Edge – Wrestlemania Rematch – Here, in Columbus Ohio!
Edge though feels this is poor timing due to his injuries… buuuttt…
“YOU’RE ON…….. CRACK” – Edge
“OOoo Snap” – Me
Next week though, he will take Foley on in any match he wants. So next week he will be ‘Cutting Edge’ with anything he can find… Bang Bang!
“He wants a lingerie match” – Bill
COMMERCIAL
Hey – it’s the Masterpiece… Bill?
“Powdered Toaasssst….. MAAN! I hit it there… I hit it.” – Bill
“Wait.. you’ld hit that?” – Hernandez
“You are dead to me.” – Bill
So they give Lispy the mic…
‘Carlito, nexthtime you won’t be thpitting apples – you’ll be thpitting teef’ – Math’ters
So anyway he calls out RVD and here comes with the title and the case.
“Look at all my stuff!” – BILL
CHRITH MATH’TERS vs. RVD
I C – M I T B – Mr. MONDAY NIGHT – Matherlock Challenge
“I can’t sit in that chair.. it’s not airbrushed” – Bill
“He could kick him in the head…” – Eric
So Masters mocks RVD a bit with an almost funny bit… and Masters locks it in slowly.
To their feet and RVD begins to fight it and in comes Shelton for the beatdown. Carlito chairs Masters. Spirit Squad Boy Nicki comes on down and announces he has a special cheer. It all ends up meaning ‘Tag Team Match’.
COMMERCIAL
“Hey, Carlito can’t wrestle – it’s May 1st!” – Hernandez
“Did you hear about what happened today!!! I DIDN’T!” – Bill
SHELTY & MATHTERS vs. RVD & CARLITO
Expected…
In the ring Mathters chinlocking RVD. RVD fights out of it and gets slammed down again and back into the chinlock.
In the back Vince is kissing Candice.
“Linda in DX?” – Bill
Tag to Shelty and into a sitting abdominal stretch. A ref just hands a note to Joey Styles… and the Spirit Squad want to see him right now. Ooo kay.
In the ring Shelty powerslams RVD nicely for two – stopped by Carlito. A leglock from RVD and Masters runs in and things happen that are boring because Mathters is doing it. Anyway finally RVD ducks a clothesline – hits a dropkick and a tag to Carlito.
“What is it about tag team matches that makes men crawl.” – Chris
“What is it about other men that makes these men.. crawl?” – Me
“Anal sex.” – Chris
“Oh right” – Me
Anyway – Doubleteam on Carlito goes awry as Carlito lands a back bodydrop on his feet dropkicks Masters and RVD lands on Shelty. Masters throws out RVD but then eats the Carlito backbreaker – Shelton tries to run in with a chair, but Charlie Haas grabs it from him so Carlito rolls Benjamin up for the pin. That’s it folks.
WINNER: CARLITO & RVD
So now the Spirit Squad wants to explain that Joey has a lack of Spirit. Kenny’s about to become the youngest WWE champ ever, so if he doesn’t have some Spirit, they are going to make him wear a new cheerleader outfit.
They make him say ‘The New WWE Champ is Kenny’ a few times… and they mock him a bit.
COMMERCIAL
So Lawler reintroduces Styles – and makes fun of him being a future cheerleader.
Then Styles shows Lawler some spirit by slapping the taste out of his mouth. Lawler pushes Styles down and bails. E C DUB E C DUB E C DUB
“Joey.. you’ve changed..” – Chris
“NO.. YOU’VE CHANGED!” – Me
COMMERCIAL
Lawler tries to reintroduce Joey – who shows back up with a mic.
“I’m only coming here because I forgot my glasses” – Bill
Joey stands at the top of the stage – then does a half-shoot about how he was the unscripted king of commentary.
“Six months ago, WWE called ME – because I wasn’t looking for a job. Because they had once again embarrassed Jim Ross. Every week – week after week – I got lectured about the differences between pro-wrestling and sports entertainment. I’m not allowed to say ‘wrestling’ or ‘wrestler’ I have to say ‘Sports Entertainment’ and ‘Superstar’. I have to ignore moves and holds – so I can tell stories. It’s damn insulting to the WRESTLERS who leave their families 300 days a year to ply their craft in THAT RING.
So here’s the best part. Since I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller, I get pulled from Wrestlemania. Because I apparently sound like Jim Ross, who is the guy they fired in the first place – that makes sense. I get bumped from Wrestlemania… then I get bumped from BACKLASH!?!??! BACKLASH!?
On ECW I called live Pay Per Views on my own. ON MY OWN. Hasn’t been done since. I am sick of Sports Entertainment. I am sick of Male Chairleaders. I am sick of Boogers. I am sick of Semon. I am sick of our Chairman. He makes out with divas to support his own sick ego. I am sick of sports entertainemtn, and I’m sick of all of you fans for supporting this crap. I quit.”
Then Joey bails. That was fantastic. Lawler then points out that he should go back to kissing Heyman’s ass in a bingo hall.. OOoooo snap.
That. Was. Awesome.
So here comes Trips…
“Gods they should do something better with that graphic.” – Hernandez
“No Hernandez, that’s Triple H” – Me
“Oh.. right.. sorry..” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL
KENNY vs. JOHN CENA
Trips must make Cena win
Hey, Todd Grisham in the commentating spot…
“This is how Cole started… f*ck” – Eric
“How come they couldn’t get Maria?” – Bill
It’s SS: Kenny-Time!
“You must HEIL *thbbt* HEIL *thbbt* Right in the furor’s face..” – Me
And if you didn’t know – the champ is heah. He’s kicking a shiner.
“The upcoming recipient of a Pedigree.. JOHHHHN CENA!” – Hernandez
Cena’s got himself a nice forehead bruise and Kenny charges in and gets beaten down just cause.
Cena elbows Kenny and the crowd is mixed on him. Vertical suplex from Cena, and Trips is standing in the same corner as Shawn Michaels…. hmmm…
Tosses Kenny to the cormer, charges in and eats a boot. Kenny leaps, but is caught by Cena – who sets up the FU – but then gets punched right in the bruise by Triple H.. ow.
Trips allows Cena to be thrown out to the Spirit Squad and beaten down, but then as Kenny tries to pin him, Trips misses it.. hmm… Kenny takes down Cena for two. Cena finally gets to his feet and catches a few punches on Cena – and as he is going to throw the shoulderblock, the Spirit Squad pulls him out and toss him into the stairs while Trips saunters over slowly and examines the scene.
They bring him back in and Kenny goes for the pin now. Trips checks the shoulder, takes his time, gets two. Kenny hits a HUGE high end elbow. Kenny grabs another pin for another slow two. A big neckbreaker from Kenny and a slow slow slow pin for two – and Trips is just making faces obvious of ‘I don’t want to be here’.
Cena fights for it – but Kenny gets a DDT out of nowhere and ANOTHER slow pin – finally shoving Triple H.
Trips lays out Kenny – Hits the Pedigree and invites the Spirit Squad into the ring. He rips off his shirt to reveal a D X.. no.. just a bare chest… So Hunter leaves.
The Spirit Squad mob in on Cena as Hunter leaves to the top of the key and as Hunter is leaving – SHAWN MICHAELS SHOWS UP WEARING A REF SHIRT!!!!!!
THEY GO EYE TO EYE!!!! THEY LOOK TO THE RING!!!! HUNTER LEAVES – GODS THIS IS FUCKING FANTASTIC!
Kenny hits the top rope legdrop! Shawn runs in.. ONE.. TWO.. SHAWN STANDS UP!!!!
CROTCH CHOPS!
Superkick to Kenny! The SPirit Squad comes in and they share the ring destruction! I can’t explain how fantastic it was as Cena’s destroying the Squad – and Shawn ‘Can’t see him’……
So how does this fit in? Cena in DX maybe? That would save his face career…
Cena hits the FU on Kenny – Pin – Win – That’s it!
So good… why couldn’t THAT have been Backlash!?!??!
What did the Rabble think?
Jen – “Much better than I thought it would be. Michaels stole the show.”
Hernandez – “It’s good to know, like Shawn – Joey works great without a script”
Eric – “1×10^50% better than Backlash.”
Bill – Bill has stepped out, so I shall fill in for him: I love men.
Chris – “…I wasn’t watching.”
Me – “To the thousands in the audience
to the millions watching at home
Degeneration X proudly gives to you
The Greatest Set-Up For a Gimmick In the WORRRRRRRLLLLLD”
WAIT – DON’T GO AWAY – THERE’S MORE!
Quick Backlash notes;
-FUCK did Trips bleed like a stuck pig last night.
-Nasty bump for Trish seperating her shoulder.
-Shane needs to sell his stock and buy half of TNA. He’d bury Vince in a year.
-Vince….. nah, too easy.
-Kane/Show…. Who do I have to kill to get those 20 minutes of my life back?
Okay, onto tonight’s Penny Candy.
Well, I’ve seen worse “Tonight’s temp General Manager” works. Not by much though. But they’re still proving good at getting heel heat by generally being the preppy jocks most people I know wanted to tie to a chain-link fence and rub roken glass on in high school.
Leave it to Shawn to make the Kane May 19th thing funny on purpose, as opposed to making me laugh unintentionally at how flamingly gay and stupid it is. (And unlike Hyatte I can actually make gay jokes).
*wince* Trips Edge and Cena all looked nasty tonight. But that’s what happens when they actually let them go full-tilt and not restrict them with the WWE “style”.
Okay, prelim pointless crap I can’t be bothered to comment on aside, here are my two main points on tonight’s show.
1) The impending DX revival looms stronger, as Shawn and Trips actually came face to face and showed no overt mutual hostility. Plus the DX chops are becoming more flagrant. Hell Shawn was in classic DX Shawn mode tonight to begin with. And the first true in-story seeds of Hunter’s face turn have been planted as well. And it was actually well done, building it at the right pace to keep fans drooling for it, especially as they both actually acknowledged the fans chanting DX when they were atop the key.
2) I’m amazed Joey restrained himself, and his “shoot” promo gave me goosebumps. But all in all, the seeds planted for the WWECW revival were kind of disappointing. They could have done so much more with it. For one, Foley should have defended Joey Styles in his promo with Edge, especially after Edge singled Joey out. For another, since RVD’s already dropped blatant hints about ONS2 and his MITB shot, RVD should have run-in to Joey’s rescue.
But at least the seeds WERE PLANTED. Better than nothing I guess, but it makes me wonder. The DX seeds are being planted so much better. I want to think positive and think WWECW won’t bomb while cutting off the real ECW’s legs, pissing on them, then broiling them and feeding them to ECW’s zombie corpse, but if they don’t step up the game, it will.
Til next week I’m Penny. I just am. Deal with it. Bitch.
