The RAW Events
— OK, here’s the thing… I’m just gonna flat out say it, I’m gonna be super pissed if Joey Styles is “written” off of Raw tonight. Yes, I understand the whole ECW revival coming soon and how Styles IS the voice of ECW and he’ll be better of and comfortable there. But the whole thing IF they bring JR back as lead Raw announcer… well needless to say, we’ve been there, done that. The whole shtick was old before he left and its gonna be old when he comes back. Especially with King at his side. Sigh. That’s enough, if you wanna know more how I feel about the whole Joey Styles/ JR thing, scroll to the bottom in the Raw Analysis.
Columbus OH.
Hosts: Joey Styles, King and The Coach
The MAIN Events
– Cheerleader Match: Torrie Wilson & Maria vs. Victoria & Mickey James
The only good thing you need to know about this match is that Maria is in a cheerleader outfit… unfortunately its not that good. Trish Stratus comes in and interferes giving Maria the pin.
Winner: Torrie Wilson & Maria (6)
– The Spirit Squad vs. Eugene, Goldust, & Snitsky
Hey look at this, SS gets to take on the HEAT squad (even though they were deemed the “Odd Squad” I like my version better). Vince watches the match backstage as the camera peels back to show Candace Michelle sitting in the lap of Vince. SS beat up on Eugene for a while as the match gets boring and I head to the restroom. High roundhouse kick on Eugene connects to give SS the win.
Winner: The Spirit Squad (5)
– Rob Conway vs. Kane w/ Special Referee Shawn Michaels
HBK outsmarts SS by low blowing Conway and putting the yellow May 19th shirt onto him, prompting Kane in the way you would with a red flag to a bull. Squash begins as HBK helps promote the May 19th and Kane ends with a chokeslam and tombstone.
Winner: Kane (3)
– Umaga vs. Jobber
AAE is out (haha) to announce Umaga who happened to beat Ric Flair last night (haha). And this match should be (haha) the second squash match in a row tonight (haha). And sure enough it is, (haha).
Winner: Umaga (4)
– Masters vs. Rob Van Dam: Master lock challenge
You know I really hate these things, this move is so stupid and Masters is a crap f*ck of a wrestler and character. Benjamin comes in, Carlito comes in… everything breaks up and we still don’t have a winner here. Mikey has a cheer and it sucks… so this turns into a tag match.
– Shelton Benjamin & Masters vs. Carlito & RVD
Oh by the way, they make sure to show us Vince making out with Candace, I still don’t know what that’s suppose to prove on. Lost of back and forth stuff going on here, with lots of high flying and quick pace moves when RVD and Shelton are in the ring. The SS call Styles to the back during the match. Charlie Hass runs in and distracts Shelton, giving Carlito the pin.
Winner: Carlito & RVD (2)
– WWE Title Match: Kenny vs. John Cena
Todd Grisham comes out to call the MAIN EVENT. Cena takes quick control of this match as HHH just sits back not really caring on what happens obviously in the match. Finally the number game starts to take its toll on Cena and Kenny gets a few counts, but slow ones as HHH doesn’t even try. HHH finally has enough as he beats down some of the SS and walks up the ramp. HBK however comes out with the ref shirt on and doesn’t give the three count to the flying leg drop Kenny delivers. HBK and Cena clean house, Cena FU’s Kenny and HBK gives Cena the 1-2-3.
Winner: John Cena (1)
Quick HEAT
— Vince opens up our show and lets us know how he beat Shawn and “god” last night at Backlash. And just like “god” Vince is gonna take a day off by putting five interim General Managers in charge; the SS. Oy, we got one of the members going against Cena for the WWE title along with some Women’s thing I missed.
— Eugene gets clobbered by Matt Striker backstage with a book. And here I thought the Carlito/ Masters feud was bad.
— SS confronts HBK backstage as they put him as the special guest referee for the upcoming Kane vs. Rob Conway match. But HBK wont be wearing the white and black strips as they give him a yellow shirt with the words May 19th written all over it. SS also informs that someone has to be wearing this shirt at all times. Yeah ok, “someone” you know, if I was HBK, I wouldn’t have to think about that one that much.
— Vince is still fondling Candace Michelle backstage. And… why, why, why??? Haven’t we already seen this skit before? Oh, HHH comes in and looking pretty damn ugly at that. HHH wants a title shot of course, but Vince doesn’t give in. HHH then tries to pull a “scratch my back” type of thing. Again, Vince doesn’t give in as he puts that if HHH doesn’t special guest referee the match tonight, that he wont get another title shot until he’s a very “old man”. Aww, and that would be a shame now wouldn’t it?
— The Cutting Edge: Mick Foley
At last we get one of the main contenders from last night out to actually talk and do a segment tonight. Edge says that he still has claim on the WWE title and that he doesn’t get any respect around here. Edge tells Joey that he sucks as an announcer. And out comes Foley. Both of them shake hands for a bit, and Foley gives Lita a kiss. Foley though wants another rematch tonight. Edge says he’s on… crack! Haha. But next week, Edge will take on Foley in any match. So we got another hardcore match next week, should be interesting.
— Joey goes back with the SS, because he has no spirit. And if he doesn’t get anymore spirit, then they are gonna have Vince make Joey wear the cheerleading outfit next week. Umm, ok. The stupid spirit thing continues with King ringside. And Joey says that if this was ECW, he wouldn’t be working with a hack like King. HAHA, now that is true!!! Joey starts to push King and slaps him to top it off. King fires back and Joey walks out as a HUGE ECW chant begins! Part of me is happy, and part of me is upset over this. King “tries” to apologize and persuades Joey to come back out. But Styles walks out and says he isn’t coming back and says how he will now show why is the best unscripted announcer out there. He says that WWE had called him giving JR’s spot. He shoots down pro wrestling and sports entertainment. Talking about all the truths about how he needs to tell “stories” instead of calling the moves. And its insulting to him and the wrestlers. Joey is sick of sports entertainment and sick of bathroom humor and sick of Vince. And Joey quits as the fans cheer him on! And poor King looks like he got his feelings hurt.
RAW Analysis
— Again, really didnt care for the show except for the Joey Styles part. So I got something to share with you if you didn’t see it from my previous report on HEAT.
— (Written from the weekend’s Sunday HEAT Wave.com) You know, this show is worth hearing Styles alone. I don’t know what’s up the ass of Vince, or for that matter, any fans out there that are dying to have “Good ‘ol JR” back. For what? So that we can hear the same thing over and over within a minute span? So that we can hear, “That was a barn burner!” or “That’s not right?” or “Austin, Austin, Austin!” the poor guy sounds like he’s gonna have a heart attack. Seriously, JR was one of the greatest announcers that the WWE ever had, I’m not contesting that. He was the perfect fit to launch this company in a new direction and the perfect one to say the story in the Attitude era. But that has been long since gone now. And the key word, “was”. His time has come and gone, and before he left you know his act was getting stale. That’s including King who shouldn’t even be there as well!!! It’s the whole reason why Vince changed announcing duties. Styles was brought in to bring a fresh new voice. And that he has. Who cares he isn’t in the “WWE mold,” he wasn’t from WWE, neither was JR when he started. Remember that little organization called WCW? Plus you brought him in because you knew he was different, why try to change something when it doesn’t need to be!? This is just mainly a cry to STOP LIVING IN THE PAST!! I was upset that Styles didn’t get to call WM, and it just got to me now that he probably wont call Backlash. If not for the matches here, then for the announcing, listen at what he can bring. You can hear “Joey Styles” wanting to come out, you can hear that bit of him that made him such a popular announcer in ECW. If the “E” would just let him go and do his thing, he would feel much more comfortable and he would bring excitement that this company has been lacking for the exception of Edge. Hopefully if ECW does start back up, Styles will get to shine there like he’s meant to be. I’m kinda dreading to see JR hit the announcing booth once more at Raw on a permanent basis. It hasn’t been much fun for me as it is and nixing Styles would just make it worst. Sorry for the “HEAT” on this, put things need to change. Sadly, it doesn’t look like it. Anyway, for those of you who actually read this, lemme know what you think. Till we get extreme, PEACE.
