The RAW Events
— A day of remembrance for our armed forces here and overseas for Memorial Day opens up the show. And just wanted to give out my own call out for a BIG THANKS to all our men and women in uniform for the U.S. Things wouldn’t be as they are without you all… so hope someone out there who’s in there reads this column. HAHA. And on to the show, supposedly we’ll be getting a new Raw GM.
Tacoma WA.
Hosts: JR & The King
The MAIN Events
– Intercontinental Title Match: Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin
The new improved “Rock-ish” Benjamin gets slugged down as soon as the match starts by the monster and we quickly go to commercial. Back in, Shelton is with the advantage and nails a super kick into Kane. Sit up changes the momentum and Kane goes airborne. Chokeslam is called for BUT Benjamin counters and uses the ropes for 2! Tombstone is attempted, BUT Shelton reverses again into a DDT. Shelton splash connects once but not twice, and chokeslam connects BUT Kane’s video comes on with “old-school” music and out comes an “old-school” Kane clone as he chokeslams the real Kane. Hmm, I don’t know who that was, but it could have been ‘Taker as both arms were sleeved, possible to cover the tats.
Winner: No Contest (4)
– Viscera vs. Umaga
Lilian looks like a pathetic school girl announcing the Big man, honestly, she can do WAY better. Then looks even more so as poor Viscera gets mugged on his way down by Umaga. Umaga connects with a big splash and hits the Samoan spike in the throat for the quick win.
Winner: Umaga (6)
– Torrie Wilson & Beth Phoenix w/ Trish Stratus vs. Candace Michelle & Victoria w/ Mickey James
Is it me or does “Beth Phoenix” just doesn’t have a certain ring to it? Kinda stale, maybe just “Beth” or “Phoenix” but both together? It just doesn’t roll off the tongue right. And where’s Maria? Um, match wise, typical T&A match to further advance the Beth/Mickey/Trish love triangle story. Beth wins the match somehow.
Winner: Torrie Wilson & Beth Phoenix (5)
– Johnny Nitro w/ Melina vs. John Cena
Hey what do you know, Raw found another way to take out another important piece of Smackdown in the form of Melina, not so much Nitro. And she’s on cable now, we get to see her spread those legs in the best entrance for a girl I’ve ever seen. King decides to clusterf*ck this match even more by rambling about ECW more and more with RVD, trying his best to make the new brand (and old) sound like crap. RVD is more interesting here firing back against King. And even though I like Cena, its hard for me to take it when King goes all “WWE” and announcing Cena as a street fighter compared to the “ECW” style. FU followed by the stupid STFU finishes it off.
RVD and Cena do the standard championship staredown, until Cena does the “cool” thing and side-steps an attack from Nitro as he runs into RVD. Like I said, I like Cena, but for some odd reason, I can’t wait to see him get booed out of the ballroom making him fall into tears. I don’t know, maybe its just the pro-ECW in me.
Winner: John Cena (3)
– #1 WWE Title Contender Match: Big Show vs. Edge w/ Lita
Edge should hands down win this match. If he doesn’t, well I’m not really sure of things anymore. Show gets off the silent slaps against the chest on Edge and levels him out with a big boot into Edge’s face. Show pulls in Lita, but the distraction works giving Edge sometime to work, ducking a clothesline, but falling into the arms of Show, tossing him face first into the front right turnbuckle. Edge fights back and gets a second rope DDT. Spear sets up but falls into the chokeslam, ref bump follows and so does the Lita lowblow. Ref comes too and Edge hits Show with the ssstteeeeellll chair followed by the spear for the win.
Winner: Edge (1)
– Spirit-Jack Match: HHH vs. Kenny
Question of the night; who do you think out of all the SS members is getting the push here? If you answered Kenny, then give yourself a big pat on the back. A few back and forth stuff to start off the match until HHH gets the upper hand until SS starts to get involved. HHH then starts to clean house as we go to commercial. Back in, HHH is once again in charge as SS try to regroup Kenny and works as we go on a 5 on 1. Typical ref distractions ensue as each member get in a shot on HHH. Sweet Chin mockery comes up, but misses as H gets in a DDT. 10 count begins, both men try to get up, but Trips gets wishboned on the post and Kenny starts to work on the legs. Miscue from up top leads to a HHH comeback and ped-err… SS interference, then the pedigree for the 1-2-3.
SS beatdown ensues with some “HBK” and “DX” chants. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer and takes it to SS. Vince walks out to congratulate HHH AND to put a challenge to HHH to join the “kiss my ass club” to end the show. DX cue next week?
Winner: (2)
Quick HEAT
— Vince walks out and reminds us all about the mishap HHH had with the hammer a couple of weeks ago on Shane. And also how HBK is no more as he has been taking out by the SS last week. However an “emptiness” still remains within Vince’s heart as of what HHH was suppose to do last week on the assault. So HHH will face off against Kenny tonight. And on the GM situation, Vince can’t name one now, but announces Coach as his assistant so to speak.
Coach announces Cena will take on an opponent he’s never faced before. As well as Edge taking on Big Show in a number one contender’s match for Vengeance. With Shelton putting the IC title on the line against Kane.
— Coach is backstage asking Carlito and AAE as to where is HHH. Viscera assaults AAE seeking revenge from last week’s attack.
— HHH meets up with Vince, and pleads again that the hit over Shane was an accident and that he basically hates cheerleaders. Vince also makes a “Spirit-Jack” (lumberjack) match with Kenny tonight. HHH vows to destroy him as well as the other “Spirit-Jack”-offs with some help if need be (sledgehammer, not Shawn… yet anyway).
— FUCK!!! King is out here BITCHING about ECW again. Which gives me the chance to say “GO FUCK YOURSELF KING!!!!” you’ve been over ever since the day you said puppies. I don’t hear the crowd chanting your name, but I do hear ECW. Even though this is just a “shoot”, please shut the hell up for once. Take your stupid little crown and your good ‘ol buddy JR out of the announcers booth and let someone else do it. You bore the hell out of me every single week, and if it wasn’t for me needing to listen to what the wrestlers have to say, I would put RAW on mute every single time.
RVD comes out, and sticks it to King to let him know Taz knew when it was time to hang up his boots, telling him he should take note of it.
— Paul Heyman vs. Mick Foley: Foley fights back against Heyman calling him a prostitute last week. He also tells how he traded in being a low-life to a pimp as Heyman to going to a multi-billion pimp as Vince. Heyman fires back by saying Foley is a Terry Funk rip-off. He also takes a stab at socko and the chances he had at the WWE title before socko. Heyman says that ECW will be so much more now, and welcomes anyone from Raw and Smackdown to jump ships with Heyman getting two draft picks, one from each brand. Foley says that RVD is one of the picks while Heyman flat out says that RVD will win the WWE title at ONS and reclaim it as the ECW title. But while RVD is the RAW pick, the Smackdown pick is… KURT ANGLE. HOLY CRAP!!!!! Angle walks out and clears out Foley. This ECW thing got a whole lot more interesting. Great segment between these two; this is how things should be.
RAW Analysis
— Yeah, I was kinda on the ECW bandwagon tonight. I’m really excited about this re-launch. I haven’t really been this excited over something about wrestling in a very, very, very, long time and it’s grabbed my interest out of the slumps it’s been on. The only thing working for the show at this time is the whole ECW line and Edge. If you recorded it, fast forward to these parts and the DX tease if you wish at the end. Till the next EVENT, I’m out, peace.
