The SmarK ECW Rant – June 27 2006

The SmarK ECW Rant – June 27 2006

– Live from Roanoke, VA, home of hardcore!

– Your hosts are Joey & Tazz.

Opening match: Sabu v. Roadkill

Sabu takes him down with a camel clutch quickly, but Roadkill makes the ropes. Swinging DDT and Sabu grabs a chair, but he gets tripped up going for the moonsault and Roadkill gets two. Have to wonder why someone didn’t just do that before now. F5 gets two. Avalanche gets two. However, he takes too long getting plunder from under the ring, and Sabu sneaks up on him with a somersault dive. That’s a sign you need to paying more attention to your match. Back in, Roadkill comes back with the Bossman slam for two, and a pump splash for two. Left without Doring, Roadkill just comes across as a generic big man. Table gets involved and Roadkill puts him on the table and goes up, but Sabu is having none of that, bringing him down with a rana for two. The old “chair tossed at the head” deal puts Roadkill on the table, and the Arabian facebuster is of course enough to finish, but Roadkill won’t give. So Sabu sits on him with a chair and applies the camel clutch for the submission.

(Sabu d. Roadkill, camel clutch — submission, 5:21, **) Pretty straightforward Sabu squash, as he seems to be continuing the career revival he started in TNA. Considering the low point that his career hit a couple of years ago with the hospital stay, it’s good to know he can still make a few bucks and hopefully SAVE them this time.

– Tommy Dreamer joins us to rehash the 95 Sandman angle, asking Big Show for another beating because he enjoyed it so much. Oddly enough, I was watching Backlash 2000 last night, with Big Show doing the Hogan gimmick and weighing 100 pounds less easily, and it’s like night and day with Show. He was agile, moved easily around the ring, and yet still looked visually impressive without resorting to the same tired “Ooh, I’m so big and scary you have to see me live to appreciate me” crap of the past couple of years. Anyway, Show yet again destroys Tommy and tosses him around like the proverbial ragdoll. Well, Tommy DID ask for it.

– Meanwhile, Kelly (she’s an exhibitionist) agrees to be in her yet-unnamed boyfriend’s corner tonight.

– Meanwhile, Kurt Angle hates himself because he’s not the champion. Hey, now there’s motivation for you.

Mike Knox (w/ Kelly (she’s an exhibitionist)) v. Danny Doring

Geez, rough night for the last ECW tag champions. Knox pounds on Doring to start, and a spinebuster gets two. Meanwhile, a plant at ringside calls over Kelly (she’s an exhibitionist) for an impromptu striptease, but this just upsets Knox. I’d say that’s a pretty reasonable reaction, actually. Knox gets pissed and boots Doring, then follows with a Downward Spiral for the pin.

(Mike Knox d. Danny Doring, Downward Spiral — pin, 1:53, 1/2*) Not much to judge from a 2 minute squash.

– A video package helpfully warns us that Test is coming back. No, really, it flashes “Warning, warning, Test is coming” over and over. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments.

– And it’s yet another attempt at stripping by Kelly (she’s an exhibitionist). They’re even using the same damn song as last week! There’s formulaic and then there’s just plain lazy. And again, it goes on way too long and the payoff is the same as last week.

Sandman v. The Ugly Male Stripper

Oh come on, we’re only three weeks into the show and THIS is what we’re reduced to for idiots to get squashed? On the upside, at least he seems to know how to strip, unlike Kelly. Anyway, you know the deal. Really, there’s so many more ways you could go with this, from one of the freaks actually turning out to be good to someone wearing a mask and revealing a big star.

– Meanwhile, Paul Heyman explains math to RVD. Losing battle, I think. Rob’s take on the situation: “Have you seen me the past few days, I’ve been smoking!” No kidding. They should really just drop the $20 and get Fonzie back.

Rob Van Dam v. Kurt Angle

Neat manipulation of the fans with the remix of Angle’s music, as they eliminate the portion where they can chant “You suck” on reflex. Edge and Lita are at ringside, and thankfully Lita appears to have gone on a special new diet where she actually eats and thus looks like a regular person again. Angle takes RVD down to start and forces him to make the ropes, and frustrates the champ. Rob fires back with some forearms and rolls into a monkey flip, and they trade some matwork. Angle gets a wristlock down there, but Rob fights up and spinkicks him. RVD goes up, but Angle sends him flying to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Angle in control (shocking, I know) with a headlock, which Rob fights out of. Angle keeps coming with an overhead belly to belly and a backbreaker for two. Angle turns it into a bodyscissors and works on a top wristlock, but Rob fights up as they have an interesting little chess game. Rob misses a blind charge and Angle suplexes him for two, and it’s back to the mat again with a rear chinlock. Rob fights up again and gets a leg lariat, and they slug it out with forearms. I always like that, because most everyone in wrestling is a lousy puncher, so it looks better to do something you CAN do. Angle fires off a nice cradle suplex for two and goes for the ankle, but Rob fights him off. Angle keeps coming with the suplexes, as a belly to belly gets two. Back to the anklelock, but Rob fights him off again and superkicks him for two. Missile dropkick misses, however, and it’s a natural transition into another anklelock for Angle, but Rob makes the ropes and pulls Angle out of the ring in desperation.

Rob slingshots back in with a legdrop for two. Angle small package gets two. Blind charge misses and Rob kicks him down again, and Rolling Thunder follows, but it misses. Anklelock follows again, but Rob kicks out of it again. Angle is subdued, so RVD fires off a moonsault for two. They fight over a suplex and Angle counters Rob’s kick attempts, but Rob gets another one and goes up. Angle brings him down with the Pop Up Superplex for two, however. Angle Slam is reversed to a Hurricane DDT by RVD and Angle is out, so Rob pops up and finishes with the frog splash.

(Rob Van Dam d. Kurt Angle, frog splash — pin, 13:53, ***1/4) I was really digging the story told here, as RVD was out of his element and kept fighting off the suplexes and matwork by going back to his kicks, until he finally wore him down enough to finish.

The Pulse: Good main event, but this show was basically a cookie-cutter repeat of last week’s show, with Kelly (she’s an exhibitionist), Tommy getting beat up, Sabu squashing a former ECW guy, and Sandman beating up some idiot.