The NeelDown Video Review: WWE New Year’s Revolution 2005

– Well everybody, I’m back, and the vacation went well. And here I am, back reviewing the videos. I don’t really feel like writing anything long here, so let’s just get to it.

The NeelDown: New Year’s Revolution 2005

– From San Juan, Puerto Rico

– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

William Regal & Eutard v. Christian & Tyson Tomko – Tag Team Championship
Regal has to teach Eugene to hold the tag rope. Regal takes Christian down by the arm and shoulders him down for two. Another shoulder gets two, and a snapmare into a headlock. Hip toss and back to the front facelock, then a tag to Eugene who gives Christian a wedgie. Eugene is dawning the Hulkamania get up tonight. Eugene then performs some Junkyard Dog action. Tomko comes in and scares Eugene, but the crowd gets behind him, so he charges, then gets beat up. Eugene slides out to say hi to the crowd so they chase him out, so he slides under then comes in and rolls up Christian for two. Well, it’s strategy at the least. Eugene gets the airplane spin then rides Christian, but runs into a chokeslam from Tomko. Yawn. Tomko continues doing his shtick, which bores the hell out of me, and a slam gets two. Christian comes in but Eugene TARDS UP and gets what should be a hot tag to Regal, but the crowd doesn’t care. Regal cleans house for a bit but Tomko clotheslines him and pounds away for two. Christian comes in as the heels continue to isolate Regal, who is now sporting a crimson nose. JR would be very surprised if Regal’s nose wasn’t broken. Tomko cheap shots the nose then comes in and beats on him. Yeah, yeah. Memo to creative: the opening match should NOT bore the hell out of you, nor the beforementioned hot crowd. Regal continues to take his 8 minutes of heel isolation until he just … collides with Tomko, but that doesn’t get anywhere as the dazed, confused, and bloodies Regal crawls to the wrong corner. Tomko misses a charge though, and gets the tag to Eugene who cleans house but hyper extends his knee on a dropkick to Tomko. Well, so much for that. The heels take out Regal, but Eugene sneaks up and schoolboys Tomko for the pin to retain the titles. Match was long as hell, like mid-card Kurt Angle match long, which didn’t fit well for a boring opener. *1/2
Winners: William Regal & Eutard

– Christian runs into Edge in the back who tells him he has an idea to be World Champion, or something.

Lita v. Trish Stratus – Insignificant Championship
The story here for their 178’s match is that heel Trish made fun of Lita’s wedding and had to wear the ugly face mask in return. Lita tackles her to start but Trish hammers back. They botch a spot, imagine that, of Lita tossing Trish out, but work it anyway, then Lita gives her a dive off the apron, but injures her knee. So Trish gets a pin out of it, for two. Trish works on the knee for a while. There’s nothing worse than a DIVA match where the focal point is the cliche “work over the knee.” Trish escapes a DDT and gets the Chick Kick for the rushed finish due to injury … and it’s over. Well that’s two matches and two injuries for two sloppy finishes, so that’s not a good sign. 1/4*
Winner: Trish Stratus

– Edge proposes his plan to Eric, which is Christian taking his place in the Elimination Chamber since Shawn Michaels is ref, and says that the winner should face him on Raw tomorrow. Eric declines.

Shelton Benjamin v. Maven – Intercontinental Championship
Lockup and Maven keeps begging off. The hot Puerto Rican crowd doesn’t like that, so goes outside to soak the boos in then cuts a promo on the fans. I’m going to fast forward through this, because it’s stupid. Well, since it takes about 3 minutes to FF through it must be pretty bad. So finally Shelton decides to go after him, but he decides he’s going to walk. But then he runs back in finally and gets rolled up. Maven says it “doesn’t count,” though, and demands a rematch, and says that Shelton is the second Women’s Champion. So Shelton runs back in and T-Bones him for the second pin. Well, this was a BIG PPV gap filler. If Maven’s whining was cut about 15 minutes short it might have been slightly entertaining, but the fact that it took half an hour for a five second match is ridiculous -**
Winner: Shelton Benjamin

Muhammad Hussan v. Jerry Lawler
JR is in Lawler’s corner, so we have no commentary. A pretty big “Jerry!” hence the Springer Show chant starts up. As a Cincinnati native, we know Jerry for his former mayor of Cincinnati duties and all. Lockup to start, and Hussan gets a quick powerslam and the crowd dies. Lawler returns the favor, but then Hussan adds two more of them of his own. And there’s another. And another. And ANOTHER. That’s SIX slams! If I had known that coming, and because I’m too lazy to go back and do it now, I would have capitalized all the slams like I do with Steiner’s overhead throws. Hussan misses a charge and Lawler threatens him with a punch so he has to bail and regroup, where he is met with JR. Lawler goes out and slugs on him, but back in Hussan takes him down. Hussan exposes the turnbuckle and Lawler rolls him up for two. Now Hussan goes to the patented Arab-American Camel Clutch. He breaks it though, and thinks maybe he can get a pin out of it, but it only gets two. A suplex gets two. Daviari slips up and yells some English at this point. Rear choke, slam gets two, whatever. Neckbreaker gets two. Lawler has to make the comeback somehow, so some punches piss him off and he Hulks up of course. He then gets the token dropkick and fist drop for two. DDT gets two. Lawler stops to chase Daivari, which of course leads to him turning around into the finishing move, which here is a Muhammad-O-Matic for the pin. As expected, this was slow slow slow, and Hussan didn’t look very impressive with just doing some powerslams and chin locks. And, well, we all know what happened with him anyway. 1/2*
Winner: Muhammad Hussan

– Coach comes out to replace King, saying better luck next year to Oklahoma. JR offers to punch him, and says he’s glad he’s sober.

Kane v. Gene Snitsky
JR says this will be “ugly like most of Coach’s women,” and pulls out his patented “bowling shoe ugly” adjetive. I don’t remember exactly what match or event it was, but I know I did a VR of it, I believe a Scott Hall match, where he last pulled that one out. Snitsky pounds away to start but that doesn’t last and Kane gets a powerslam and drops a few elbows, and then a leg, then it’s choking time. Uppercut, slam, corner whip, uppercut, two. Snitsky manages a side slam then goes out and pulls up the mats to expose the concrete. That of course leads to the cliche “heel tries the piledriver but heels backdrops him onto the concrete” sequence, which Snitsky of course taking the punishment. Kane gets fed to the post. Back in Snitsky adds a slam for two. Yawn. Coach says that all of the “red” that Kane represents is really rust. Oh, so that explains it. Now things have turned to an uppercut contest. Snitsky blocks the Chokeslam and adds yet another slam, but that only leads to a pair of zombie sit-ups. They go back outside and Snitsky sends him to the steps. I had forgotten how long they drag the undercard matches out when you have the lengthy EC coming up in the main event. Snitsky tries a chair wack bur Kane boots it in his face, and back in it’s back to the slugging and pounding. Side slam, big boot, flying clothesline, but all that goes to waste after Snitsky, who looks like he’s struggling to even lift Kane, drapes him over the ropes. And there’s your first double-KO spot. They both try Chokeslams, which Kane gets the upperhand of, but Snitsky goes all Mike Tyson and bites Kane’s ear. What the hell? Well, Kane then just Tombstones him for the pin, because, even if Kane was a boxer, bites to the ear DO NOT phase the big red machine. You can just visualize this type of match and know about what it would be, which is about 1/2*
Winner: Kane

– Diva chicken fight time. Rosey and Christy win. Yeah.

Triple H v. Batista v. Edge v. Randy Orton v. Chris Jericho v. Chris Benoit – Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Championship

We’ll split up the paragraphs here, for easy reading purposes. Shawn Michaels is your special guest referee. We start with Benoit and Jericho, and some mat reversals. Jericho gets a headlock but Benoit takes him down for a clean break and stand off. Benoit chops away but Jericho returns with some of his own, then charges into a boot and Benoit tries an early Sharpshooter, which Jericho tries countering to the Walls but that fails. Benoit snaps off a german then tries applying the Crossface but Jericho rolls out of it. Benoit tries more chops but Jericho shoulders him down for two. Back suplex by Jericho gets two. The fans are chanting for the ref. As JR noted, you don’t hear that often. Benoit snaps off a superplex so they’re both down, and the next entrant is Triple H.

HHH goes to work on Benoit and gives Jericho the high knee. Back to work on Benoit for two. Jericho goes low and chops away on HHH, but gets clotheslined out of the corner. HHH tosses Benoit out onto the STEEL OF PAIN then sends him into the chain wall. Jericho gets the same treatment. Benoit has bladed, so HHH works on that, then sends him to the chains again, and that gets two. He tries the Pedigree but Jericho breaks it up. Not sure what the strategy in breaking up other pins is here, but oh well. Jericho backdrops HHH out onto the STEEL in a nice-looking spot. Jericho follows by slinging him onto the floor and back in suplexes him for two. Jericho turns his attention to Benoit but gets chopped and elbowed. Benoit gets a swinging neckbreaker on Jericho, and now we have entrant #4, Edge.

Edge comes in and jumps Jericho, Spear to the corner on him, Spear to the corner on HHH. Edge-A-Cution gets two on HHH. Belly to belly on Benoit. Yes, Edge is on fire. Back drop on HHH, but Jericho gets the blind pin for two. Jericho gets the springboard dropkick on Edge. Out there Edge catapults Edge into the chains, but the real question with the chains is if we will see that great RVD Spider-Man action. HHH goes out and tries the Pedigree on Edge, but he gets catapulted as well for his troubles. Back in Edge gets a flying clothesline on Benoit for two. Crossface attempt on Edge, but it fails, and Jericho adds an enzigiri on Edge, for good measure. That gets a CLOSE two. Never seen such an effective enzigiri. HHH finally gets back involved and gives Jericho the spinebuster for two. Benoit gets a bridge suplex on Edge for two. Pedigree on the now nicely crimson masked Jericho, but no pin as he strategically rolls out onto the STEEL floor, and the second from last entrant is of course Orton.

Orton comes in and attacks everybody. By the way, random my ass. Of course they were saving up Dave for the last entrant. Orton feeds HHH to the chains a few times and back in gets a snap powerslam. Jericho comes in from nowhere, and he gets an RKO. Well, that’s a Pedigree and an RKO for Jericho, but still no one pins him. He tries the RKO on Benoit, but he smartly counters to the Crossface. HHH gets cocky, so Benoit locks him in the Sharpshooter. RKO on Benoit. Edge is back, and he tries to Spear Orton but Spears the ref. He gets the Spear on Orton anyway, but of course no pin, and Edge tries waking him up but he gets the Sweet Chin Music, followed by a Lionsault from Jericho, and Edge is our first one eliminated. Pedigree attempt on Jericho, but Benoit sneaks up and gives HHH the rolling germans trifecta instead. SUPER SWAN DIVE OF DOOM, from the top of the empty cell, on HHH. Jericho then locks in the Walls on HHH, and Benoit has the Crossface in a swell, but of course the Cerebral Assassin will not tap, and Batista is our final entrant.

Batista comes in and kills everyone. Jericho gets tossed. Spinebuster for Orton. Time for the Batista-HHH confrontation, but that gets broken up when you know, the other guys in the match break it up. Jericho gets tossed into the cameraman. Bad judgment there, Dave. Batista chokes Orton, but Benoit chopblocks him. The injured and eliminated cameraman gets attended to. Very HIAC 97-like. Outside Jericho bulldogs HHH into the STEEL. Well, should have pinned him after say, the Pedigree, Hunter. HHH does a Flair Flop and Benoit chops away on Batista, but that ends in a spinebuster for Benoit, and then powerbombs Jericho onto Benoit, and he’s gone.

Final four time with Batista, HHH, Orton, and Jericho, and Batista has pretty much no-sold everything and went untouched. Hey, there’s a Batista Bomb for Jericho. Gone. Orton back drops HHH onto the STEEL floor and gives Batista some chain shots. HHH catapults Orton to the chains now. So HHH and Batista gang up on Orton but a powerslam won’t put him away. Spinebuster won’t either. Neither will a devastating lariat. Why not, just like, pick him up and give him two finishers, bam? Batista tries the Batista Bomb, but Orton low blows him and eliminates him with a RKO.

Orton repeatedly sends HHH face-first into the chains and connects with a RKO, but Michaels is busy getting distracted with Batista’s exit and Flair getting involved. Batista is able to run in and clothesline Orton in it all. That leaves HHH to get a sloppy Pedigree on Orton for the pin and the 10th World title, setting up the Evolution celebration which just foreshadows the Batista turn coming up. This was the second Chamber match I saw, the first being the original, and I thought this one was far superior, despite the finish. ***3/4
Winner: Triple H