The Introduction
The opening of the first episode is over five minutes long. It starts off a quick rundown of the premise, a look at the fighters, and the fights to come. The next scene features attention whore extraordinaire Calvin Ayre being mobbed by “the press,” asking for a statement on BodogFight. I want to bite this guy’s face.
We are then introduced to Ayre’s “agents” responsible for selecting the fighters; Bif Naked for Team America, and Natalia for Red Devil Sports Club. Bif Naked is a pop-punk singer/songwriter that most people wouldn’t know if they tripped over. She looks like a shemale Betty Page with a ton of tattoos. Natalia’s apparently known for being from, “the former Soviet Union,” and not having a last name. Well, if those aren’t the people I’d want picking my MMA fighters, I don’t know who is!
We finally get a rundown of the members of Team America and Red Devil Sports Club, complete with nice shots of Russia, Costa Rica, The BodogGirls, and of course, more Calvin Ayre.
The Welterweights
After the grueling intro, we come to the start of the show with Ayre receiving a phone call from Bif. She says she’s found Keith Wisniewski in Portage, Indiana and claims he’s just what they’re looking for. They interview Wisniewski and his family about his career and show clips of Keith training. Typical fighter profile…nothing interesting or new here, as far as television is concerned.
Next up is Bif tracking down Jorge Masvidal in Miami, Florida. Bif’s delivery of the line, “I’ve downloaded his profile for you…online” has all the conviction of porn dialogue. Another segment like this and I’m pulling an Elvis on my monitor. Same style of profile as with Wisniewski, with the addition of Masvidal’s MILF of a mother.
The Red Devil Awaits
We are transported, through the magic of TV, to Russia to meet the infamous Natalia. Call me crazy, but Natalia sounds like a failed Hollywood actress doing a bad accent. She’s almost bad enough to be on a soap opera. Natalia introduces us to Red Devil’s Erik Oganov of Kislovodsk, Russia. Oganov will face the winner of this episode’s fight. Same deal as before: video montage, interview, training footage, but now with subtitles!
In Costa Rica
We’re finally in beautiful Costa Rica and – ooooh! – it’s the BodogGirls, and other assorted compound words that begin with the name of Calvin’s goddamn company. It is revealed that Bif and Natalia will oversee the training of the fighters while they are in Costa Rica. They announce that while only 7 fighters will go on to the pay-per-view to fight the Russians, any one of them could be crowned BodogFight Champ by us, the viewers, and win $50,000. I’m not exactly sure how that’s going to work, and I’m not sure I actually care. We see the fighters training on Monster Island, and then it’s finally fight time!
The Fight
I’m not a recapper kind of guy, and I don’t do round-by-round breakdowns. Quite frankly, I’m too lazy. The fighters are competing under Mixed Fighting Championship rules. No elbow strikes? Ah, bullshit.
The quick version: Wisniewski seemed to control the first two rounds, but wasn’t able to do much in the third. After three rounds we go to a decision, and there’s already controversy in the first episode. The judges saw fit to award the win, by split decision, to Masvidal. Both men are interviewed after the fight, and Masvidal will go on to face Oganov at the pay-per-view.
Next Week
Next week I will not be watching. BodogFight has potential, but this is way too hokey for me. Maybe they’ll get better with age…if they go beyond this season.
