IT’S FAMILY REUNION ON RAW…
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Well…
#1 – We’re not entirely live, I upload this after I’ve finished editing it.
#2 – There are Smackdown & ECW folk showing up.
#3 – Maybe we’ll get a new storyline or two.
#4 – We can watch the Rabble & drink beer! How awesome is that!
Anyway – your Family Reunion Rabble-ites arrrreee:
Our Bartender – Jeffrey
Our Girlfriend – Danielle
Our Tequlia Drinkin Suminabich – Hernandez
Our Bringer of Funny Juice – Jen
Our Whiskey Guy – Bill
Our Blackhouse – Eric
Our Shirley Temple (cuz he’s so sweet) – Mike
And me, Sam Adams himself – James Hatton
Also joining us via the Inside Pulse Forums – The Insiders!
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Hey, the new song by Papa Roach. New entrance – and we have all three talk teams – and to start the show – John Cena!
“John Cena has shown me the somatic component of invisibility.” – Jeffrey
“Wow, they are bound and determined to cause seizures with this new opening aren’t they?” – Insider ‘A Faceless Name’
We get a flash of last week’s cage match, with the Dx-erference.
“He should do one handed FUs from now on.” – Mike
So Cena introduces the ‘season premier’ of Raw.
“How is it the season premier of Monday Night Raw” – Dani
He informs us it’s the 698th of Raw – and then says he’s leaving.
“Ok, when’s the crowd going to cheer?” – Mike
As he says he’s beaten tables ladders chairs and ho’s, he’s still here. He is interrupted by King Booker…
“Three way, all three champs.” – Mike
“Well, there’s your ho” – Jeffrey
“Correction, peasant. YOu are a champ, but not THE champ. The champion of champion resides on Smackdown. His name is King Booker.” – Booker T
“Isn’t he then the King of Kings?” – Me
Booker gives us some history the last time they met in the ring, where Book made Cena kiss his feet. Cena grabs the mic and how he ‘smote his medieval monarchy’. ‘This ain’t no frigging Rennasaince Pit – this is Monday Night Raw! This is the season premier, let’s do it here tonight.”
So Cena and Booker begin to disrobe for their match.. and cue Big Show in 3.. 2..
Ok, took longer than we thought – til where they were almost ready to scrap, and HEYYY IT’S THE BIG SHOWWWWWWW!
“He is a big fat motherf*cker” – Some guy at the bar
Show makes his way down to the ring. ‘You got a white guy who talks like he’s black. You got a white guy who talks like he’s Prince Charles. There is only one guy who says what he is.’ – Show
‘You have NEVER referred to yourself as the Michelon Man’ – Cena
He does claim that he’s the most dominant man, pound for pound in that ring.
“Pound for pound – sure… dominant.. no.” – Hernandez
Cena says there is a giant above him – Andre – Comma – The.
“Hey, he’s been getting lighter by the day.” – Me
Show makes fun of ‘The Marine’ a bit. He was in a movie that did $185 mil worldwide – The Waterboy.
“Booker T vs John Cena vs Big Show vs B-B-B-illy Boochez” – Me
“If Kevin Nash was in there… he could claim he was Shredder.” – Hernandez
Book says he was in a movie too.
“Roots.” – Hernandez
…ready to rumble…. to which Cena and Show laugh their asses off. So Cena has an idea to stop them from talking about movies – he then kicks Show – and Booker goes after him… then Show headbutts Booker and Cena runs into a boot. Nice.
Now in run the entire referee roster.
“Is that Travis Blake?” – Mike
“Who’s Travis Blake?” – Hernandez
Later – Cade & Murdoch vs. DX – and Six Man Tag
Batista Lashley Rey vs. Finley Regal Chavo
Kane & Umaga in a Loser leaves town match.
In the back – Heyman, Coach, and Teddy are all arguing.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 8:15
So Heyman wants to put Show in action, so he discusses with Coach. Big Show will have a match of Coach’s design as well as Booker. How about King Booker vs. Rob Van Dam. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy. Coach wants to put John Cena versus the Miz.
“He can flub his lines there too” – Hernandez
No no no – it’s going to be John Cena vs. The Undertaker.
Hey now though it’s Umaga-Time
“Everytime I hear the beginning of Umaga’s music I think one of the Diva Search girls is coming out.” – Guy who doesn’t like the name Insider – Cash Keruoac
“Umaga looks trendy in his skirt and Madonna leggings.” Insider Ellie Mo
KANE vs. UMAGA
Loser Leaves Raw
Armando has come down with a cigar humador… a huge one. Here comes Kane too – and his pyro is set-up! BOOM! There it goes.
“Shit, Kane’s gonna be here” – Eric
They start with fighting. Fist Fist Fist Fist Fist. Kane pushes Umaga into the corner. He whips Umaga into the corner and follows up with the short arm. As he charges Umaga, Umaga returns back with his own clothesline and boots down to the mat. Big fist to Kane’s head.
“So the other guys just sit there while Lawler and JR commentate?” – Eric
“Yep…” – Me
“And hopefully they leave the mics on.” – Jenna
Unagi throws Kane to the corner, but as he charges, Kane throws up the elbow. Umaga then gets tossed FACE FIRST into the corner.
“Set off the pyro NOW!” – Hernandez
Kane goes up top and — thrown to the floor.
“Is that a Golddust sign out there?” – Eric
“I hope so.” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL TWO – 8:24
Back to the show and Umaga has Kane lying in the corner. SOme stuff happened in the corner, but nobody cares about that. Umaga charges forward for the headbutt, but Kane catches him by the throat! Umaga throw grabs the belly to belly suplex. Kane sits up and they go fist to fist – but Umaga hits the standing facedrop. Umaga now heads up to the top.
Kane does NOT sit up – and Umaga actually gets to his FEET! NICE!
So Armando is standing on the apron as Kane stumgbles to his feet. Umaga goes for the spike.. CAUGHT. Kane sidewalks slams him instead.
“ANOTHER deadly manuever..” – Hernandez
“A shiv to the gut?” – Eric
Kane now to the top – Umaga falls way early as Kane clotheslines him. Estrada interrupts Kane – turns and Kane eats a cigar humidor to the face.
“SHOCKING!” – Jeffrey
“..I was shocked..” – Mike
“No, that’s the shocker.” – Jeffrey
WINNER: KANE
“Smoking kills.” – Hernandez
Umaga leaves and Kane is in the middle of the ring… pissed.
“He could go to ECW too, right?” – Mike
Kane seems grumpy.
“That’s just because they are going to make him feud Undertaker again” – Eric
COMMERCIAL THREE – 8:31
Lillian Garcia introduces us to..
‘The Star Spangled Banner?’ – Me
No, the University of South Carolina Head Coach.
“oh.” – everyone
Kane pacing through the back. And who does he run into… the Highlanders!
“You put your heart and soul into everything you did on Monday Night Raw. We’re proud to have been on the show with you.” – Robbie.
Kane then kicks the shit out of them.
“..thanks..” – Kane
Now DX in the background! Standing on a podium!
“Shenanigans will ensue.” – Hernandez
DX apologizes to the Tag Team Division, Spirit Squad, Coach, Chris Masters, and Edge. Triple H stops him at every turn because everyone deserved what they got. Great bit, but you can go find it your damn self.
To Cade & Murdoch for beating you in the Street Fight..
“We haven’t even DONE that yet – we aren’t going to do that til later on tonight!” – Trips
“So what are we suppoed to be doing?” – Shawn
“Cutting a live promo… right now.” – Trips
“Right now?” – Shawn
“Right now.” – Trips
DX then shills.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 8:40
“Do you realize we’ve had more matches in this first hour of Raw than we have in the last three weeks of the show combined?” – Me
“We beat it on the second match..” – Eric
Remember: tomorrow night – Naked Divas… shyeah right.
JEFF HARDY vs. BIG SHOW
Hey – Hardy got Pyro.. and almost forgot!
“WEeellll… we can go HOoome nowwww.” – Hernandez
“Show’s got a tattoo on the back of his neck… it says Sara!?” – Me
DING DING
Hardy runs after and gets chops, kicks, eats a headbutt and falls. Throws Hardy into the corner. Then into the middle of the ring. Then removes his shirt and chops him down with a big red handprint on his chest.
“Hardy has thin skin – easier on the needles” – Hernandez
Show then chokes him on the floor. As the ref lets him up to his feet – Hardy attacks again – to get booted. Show then slams him down near the corner. Show’s climbing up for a Vader slam!
“..or a swanton!?!?” – Bill
“Then we need an hour to reset the ring” – Eric
So Show misses – and now Hardy attacks… and nobody’s buying it. Til finally he clips Show’s leg – then Show gets up and deposits him gently to the outside – but Hardy runs out and hits the Whisper In The Wind…
“WHY DID YOU STAND THERE!?!?!?” – Me
“Why didn’t you catch him?” – Eric
So Swanton on Show’s nuts for two. Now back on their feet – Show hits the neckchoke droppy bit – and the standing legdrop for three. Easy enough.
WINNER: BIG SHOW
So as Show leaves – in runs Nitro to beat on Hardy. Wait, Big Show’s coming back in… umm…. He hits the choke-backbreaker – then TWIRLS Nitro ….
“I just did it so I could here my music begin again.” – Me
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 8:52
Now it’s Street Fight time…
ARE YOU READY?!
“I want the NWO music..” – Mike
“Kevin Nash signed up with TNA again.” – Hernandez
“Scott Hall & X-Pac” – Mike
“Kill yourself” – Me
“They have a huge roster to pull from for NWO” – Hernandez
“Most of them are dead now..” – Mike
DX vs. LANCE & CADE
.hyuck.
Dx out in the ring in jeans and t-shirts, standard street fight fare.
“ARE YOU READY?” – Triple H
“..no?” – Eric
“Do you think people don’t cheer as much, because they know he’ll ask again.” – Bill
“No.. they just aren’t ready” – Eric
So DX decided to get Vince a present. They chipped in together and came up with something he would love. He can’t get enough of.
“Please tell me it’s the GobbldyGooker.” – Me
Well it seems that South Carolina is the home of…. Cocky….
“Look at the size of that Cock. I see him on the Tron, but he’s supposed to come out here, where is he.” – Triple H
“I was hoping to find a better time to tell you this, but Cocky has representation. So since they have a lot riding on him..” – Shawn
So the crowd chants – Big Cock.
“So what you are trying to tell me is that they have a lot riding on the cock.” – Trips
“They said they weren’t comfortable with them being with us.. so they pulled him.” – Shawn
“So they pulled the cock? The cock is out? All we’re trying to do is give the cock some exposure! I mean, it’s really frustrating. First he was in. Then he was out. In. Out. In. Out. Honestly, Vince would have loved him. Vince would have stroked him and hugged him. Vince would have kissed that cock right on his big bloated red head. You know what Shawn, it’s probably for the best. You know how Vince gets – Cocky might not have liked him, and gotten angry. Vince never hesitates choking a chicken. Vince wouldn’t have hesitated beating that cock like it owed him money. So with that in mind… for Vince and Cocky… leett’s get ready toooo –” – Trips
You know the rest.
Now come Cade & Murdoch, better known as ‘The Redneck Rampage’ – good to know they finally decided on something. Bill sings the Warner Bros theme as they come down. Try it, it fits.
“So they’re the Redneck Wrecking Crew now? I still think they suck.” – Insider darkstar429
“The “Redneck Wrecking Crew” to JR and the King, but to the ring announcers they are still “Fatty and Bigger.” – Insider SpaudlingsGhost
So the bell rings and Trips beats on Cade. Shawn beats on Murdoch. Facebuster to Cade and a clothesline over the top. Screwed up flip spot by Shawn on Murdoch. Trips slams him down and Shawn goes up to the top. Cade pushes him down though! Trips goes after Cade now and goes beating on Cade.
Headslam to the Smackdown table. Headslam on the Raw table. In the ring, Murdoch has gotten ahead of Shawn a bit so he heads out to beat on Trips too. They doubleclothesline Trips into the stairs. Cade grabs Lillian’s chair and in the ring they go…
They go for Shawn, but Shawn kicks Cade in the gut and goes after both – but Cade gets ahead of him with an atomic drop into Murdoch’s boot. Now Murdoch removes his belt and the whippings begin!
“Who knew Murdoch was a Roman?” – Me
“..his mom..?” – Eric
“Good answer” – Bill
So now Cade removes his boot and slams it into Shawn’s head. Looks like the boys are going for Total Elimination, their way – but Trips grabs the top rope and drops Cade to the outside. In the ring Murdoch is getting slammed in the corner as Trips suplexes Cade onto the ring entrance.
Outside Trips is holding up a chair.. waiting for Cade to stand and.. EL KABONG!
Murdoch charges Shawn – and Shawn sends him over as Trips brings out a table and Cade just bladed.
Shawn hanging on the top turnbuckle as Trips is throwing Murdoch on to the table – and Shawn elbows right through him…. nice spot just as it looked like Murdoch was going to move.
In the ring now DX with bloody Cade. Shawn is getting ready to — yep —
J E–
“L L O!” – Hernandez
–S U S— CHRISTKICK! WHACK! Into the Pedigree! WHACK!
WINNER: DX — shocker…
“So… three blown spots in this match?” – Mike
“Yep.” – The rest of us as we count them off.
In the back – Edge and Lita are watching TV. Todd wants to talk to them about DX causing them the WWE title.
“Pan back, I want to see Lita’s tits.” – Mike
Edge is bringing out the Cutting Edge later with a special guest…
“Chris Jericho on… the Cutting Edge.” – Bill
COMMERCIAL SIX – 9:12
There ain’t no stopping him nowwwwWWWwww
“Shelton… how?” – Mike
“They’re keeping him down” – Bill
“By putting him on the show..” – Me
“They could just put in NBA JAM quotes now..” – Hernandez
“IS IT THE SHOES?!” – Me
“BOOM SHAKALAKA” – Hernandez
“THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN” – Me
“FROM DOWNTOWN!” – Hernandez
“He’s got the Eye of Thundara on his neck!” – Bill
“Was that a Thundercats emblem on Shelton’s pendant? Should we start calling him Panthro now?” – Insider Azmodeus
“SHELTON HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Insider SpaudlingsGhost
Shelty wants a spot….. he wants a match…. He gets Chris Benoit.
“..wow… a good match!” – Dani
“Toothless Agression versus.. Panthro” – Bill
CHRIS BENOIT vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
NICE!
Shelty gets chopped to start us off… Then quick knees hots to the gut. Snap suplex from Benoit! Chris hits the ropes and WHAM SAMOAN DROP! NICE!
They fight it out a bit some more – and Benoit is completely on top of this match – minus that samoan… Germans now from Benoit… One… Two… TRES! JR stupidly calls it the Three Amigos… and Benoit heads up to the top!
HEADBUTT HOOOOOOOO-MISS! WHIFF! OW!
Now they both slowly get to their feet – and Shelton charges the corner for the splash. Hits it! Goes for the T-Bone, but Benoit hits the Crossface!!!!!! Just like that.. it’s over.
WINNER: CHRIS BENOIT
“They aren’t keeping him down because he’s black – they’re keeping him down because he tapped” – Bill
“Because Chris Benoit’s awesome.” – Me
Teddy Long in the back and Paul Heyman begin arguing over how awesome Chris Benoit is. Paul says that Benoit is on loan to Smackdown to make it look better. Coach shows up to say that he has decided to bring someone in who has no biase with all three brands. Here comes Supercrazy!
“Isn’t Raw the flagship show for a reason.” – Coach
“Si.” – SuperCrazy
“Super, now tell these Playahs that Smackdown and the Cruserweight Division gave you a start?” – Long
“Si” – Supah Crazy
“Isn’t it true before Raw & Smackdown even noticed you – ECW gave you the chance to be the insane luchadore that everyone came to see?” – Paul
“Si” – Super Crazy
“All of the action, drama, suspense.. three amazing shows for all fans to enjoy. You know what I mean?”
“They’re gonna deport him.” – Eric
“You speak english?” – Teddy
“Si.” – Super Crazy
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 9:27
AYAYAYAYYYYY
“Hey Eddie’s wife is evil now… she’s got a goatee” – Me
And here comes Chavo.
“That’s Eddie’s wife?” – Dani
“No… that’s Eddie’s widow” – Bill
Here comes Regal in a purple robe.
“He’s not wearing anything else underneath that.” – Me
“Why is he wearing a Dumbledore robe?” – Dani
And here comes Finley!
“Where’s his one armed leather jacket?” – Hernandez
“Do you think Little Bastard is Cloacus, just painted white?” – Bill
Finally Lashley – with his pyro and all…
Now Rey’s turn.
“From the cannon!” – Hernandez
“God I want him to get stuck sometime..” – Hernandez
“He’s wearing a baseball cap.. that’s disrespectful.” – Bill
Finally – Batista Time…
“He should come to the ring in a suit at all times – then rip it off” – Dani
Batista then fires the pyro tommygun… whubwhubwhub…
REGAL CHAVO FINLEY vs. LASHLEY REY REY BATISTA
STUFF HAPPENING!
So Lashley & Batista push Rey to the front.
“It’s Dominick under the mask!” – Hernandez
So Chavo goes after Rey Rey – Rey leaps up onto his shoulders and Rey ranas him over the top rope. Rey leaps to the top rope and DOUBLE rana as he lands on Finley and Regal.
Finley and Regal land on the second rope.. they slide outside and Finley lifts the apron and Rey baseball slides INTO IT… and now all three kick him down in the apron. That’s a hysterical spot. Anyway, everyone attacks everyone and we go to a commercial.
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 9:35
Show’s back on! So Rey in the ring with Finley..
“Hey they found him!” – Hernandez
Rey apparently got pulled under the ring by Lil Bastard during the break.
“He’s bigger than Rey!” – Bill
Finley beats on Rey then tags in Chavo. Chavo throws Rey to the corner, but Rey elbows out of it. Runs, sunset flip, stands up, snap kick to Chavo! Now in runs Regal.. but Rey tags in Batista! Ref didn’t see it though.. Ooooo CHEATING!
Now outside Chavo and Finley beat on Rey! Clothesline from Finley, and a toss into the barricade. Chavo rolls Rey Rey in and sends him to the ropes – Rey hits a boot – runs up – plants – ddt! He runs and tags Batista who goes nuts on everyone!
“I REMEMBER THIS SPOT! KEEP RUNNING AT ME” – Hernandez
Finley gets tossed into the corner. Regal into the same. Batista charges in and slams Regal. Slams Finley on Regal. Jackhammer onto Chavo for the pin…. stopped by bad guys.
Lashley runs in and DOUBLE SHOULDERCHECK! In the middle of the ring, Rey hits a rana on Guerrero into the second rope. 619! Batista catches him for a spinebuster! Rey hits the top rope splash!
WINNER: REY REY – BATISTA – ..and..
“Lashley only got ONE SPOT!?!??!” – Mike
…LASHLEY
COMMERCIAL NINE – 9:45
Hey – Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah are out.
“Why is Lawler waving, they can’t see him.” – Me
“Guilty smile… that’s how he broke in the business.” – Hernandez
“Nope, that was like a week ago.” – Bill
In the back Booker and Sharmel.
“..bend over Sweetie..” – Hernandez
Book explains a bunch of stuff that nobody is listening to.
Now it’s time for Melina, wearing a cute lil black bra and Nitro’s tights. She does NOT do the split leg spot….
COMMERCIAL TEN – 9:55
MELINA vs. TORRIE WILSON
Melina Wins
And the logo for Cyber Sunday now has Samus attacking with Nexus Wave… check the logo out, it’ll make sense.
Now their lumberjacks?!?!?! AWESOME!
ASHLEY! (Camo & fencenet!)-
TRINITY! (Caution Tape!)-
MARIA! (Black Sequins!)-
CANDICE! (Boustier)-
KELLY KELLY! (Blue Bikini)-
CRYSTAL! (White Thingy!)
Armdrag from Torrie to start, two… then Melina bails. The lumberjacks watch on, not really understanding their role in this. Finally they all get it and run after her. Melina falls again, and now they all throw her in. So back in the ring – Melina runs and throws Torrie out.
They help her in. Melina crossbodies Torrie for two. Out of nowhere Torrie hits a nice clothesline. Kick to the gut. Suplex and a pin for two.
Torrie lifts Melina up to her feet, throws Melina to the corner – but Melina gets a boot up, followed by a running hair toss. Two count.
Torrie kicks to the gut and swinging neckbreaker from Torrie for two. Melina then throws her to the ring and Krystal grabs her leg! Torrie kicks her! Melina grabs her and rolls her up with the tights….
WINNER: MELINA
So the rest of the girls send in Krystal… just cuz. Torrie then throws her in the corner and gives her the stinkface.
Ha… woo…
COMMERCIAL ELEVEN (A new record!) – 10:05
Here comes Booker – already in the ring.
“Oh Thank God” – Eric
“KINNNNG BOOOOKAAAHHH” – Hernandez
“I want to light whomever came up with that bit on fire.” – Eric
Now – RVD!
KING BOOKAH vs. RVD
KINNNG BOOKAAHHHH
Lock up to start. Booker brings him to the corner. Stomps him down to the mat. Book brings RVD up – goes for the back kick and Book ducks… nice chain of wrestling as now RVD grabs Book’s leg goes for his kick – misses but gets the roll up for two.
RVD throws Booker into the corner – Book hits a NICE monkeyflip! Punches and beatdowns from RVD – as RVD charges in – Book moves and RVD slams into the corner. Book throws RVD to the corner and elbows him.
“Awww right in the EAR..” – Hernandez
Kneelifts to RVD’s face. NOW he hits his backkick. A solid match, but the real gold in this is listening to Taz and JBL… so RVD is bleeding from the mouth as Book throws him to the ropes and RVD hits a kick to the gut. Book throws him to the ropes and follows up with a knee.
RVD gets up and they fight it out with RVD ending up on top. Hits a spin kick and runs up to the top – Sharmel throws him off.
“NECKBUMP!” – Eric
Booker lifts him up and hits the axe kick! That’s it!
WINNER: BOOKER
“How come we only got three minutes for two guys who work well together?” – Eric
“Probably pressed for time?” – Hernandez
“What do we have left?” – Bill
“Undertaker Cena” – Eric
“Well that’ll take at least a half hour in opening intro time.” – Bill
COMMERCIAL TWELVE – 10:16
Brian Pillman’s Back!!!!!!! NICE!!!!!
“He’s back? I don’t know how I feel about that..” – Jeffrey
“You realize he’s dead, right?” – Me
“Oh! That makes more sense.” – Jeffrey
“Oooo ouch… stiff joke.” – Hernandez
Hey – Crrryyyme Tyyyyymmeeee – Debuting at half-volume – Next Week!
Mitch from the Spirit Squad is here… talking… he’s going to beat the greatest world champion ever… Ric Flair. With the Squad… whatever.
Heyman explains that ECW has dominated the show. Long disagrees. Vince though.. HEY IT’S VINCE!
Vince shakes everyone’s hand! What would a family reunion be without the patriarch. Of course they are all his children.
So all of em sit and kiss Vince’s ass. What if we had the ECW Champ, the Smackdown, the Raw champion in one match.
“We’ld be at the beginning of the show!” – Hernandez
To determine who would be the Champion of Champions. When? November 5.. Cyber Sunday.. oy…. Cyber…. yech.
Vince leaves them all pondering.
“They are all thinking ‘God we hate the name Cyber'” – Bill
“At least it’s not Cyber-Slam” – Eric
“That’s a fine point. Get out” – Me
COMMERCIAL THIRTEEN – 10:25
The debut of The Marine… Maria was there! All else is pointless.
Hey, Mitch is facing Ric Flair.. more crap we don’t care about!
MITCH vs. RIC FLAIR
HERE COMES RODDY PIPER!!!!!
Yay! Rodddddyyyy PIPAH!
YAY! MILLION DOLLAH MAN!
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! IRWIN R SCHYSTER!!!!!! WE FUCKING DID IT!!!!!
AND ARN ANDERSON!!!!
(For those who don’t understand, the Rabblecast has been promoting the fact that Mike Rotundo needs a gig with the WWE for months. Here he is, in suspenders!)
This – is the greatest match – ever!
Mich takes down Ric to start as the Legends run the Spirit Squad out of town. Punches in the corner and a choke to Ric, but Ric follows up wiht a chop or two or three and a punch or more to drop Mitch.
Chopblock. Figure Four!
WINNER: RIC FLAIR!
“And we don’t have enough time for an IRWIN chant!” – Hernandez
“And always with that briefcase.. awesome” – Mike
“In there – a Money In The Bank Contract!” – Me
They all celebrate in the ring! And they cut to Edge & Lita.. GAWDAMMIT!
“For the first time ever, I don’t want to look at tits..” – Jeffrey
COMMERCIAL FOURTEEN – 10:35
(And as a note – when Mike Rotundo entered the arena – the Rabble popped harder than it’s ever popped before)
Heeerreeee comes Edge! Lita is wearing cute lil argyle kneesocks.
“I’ll miss Lita” – Jeffrey
“I miss Essa Rios” – Me
“He was at my house for a cookout.” – Hernandez
Edge has a special guest for us tonight that he invited himself – so without further adieu.. The Legend Killer – Randy Orton.
We all sigh..
“HEY!” – Bill
“HEY!” – Me
“HEY!” – Bill
“HEY!” – Me
“there’s nothing to SAY!” – Bill
“Hey Guy!” – Jeffrey
So they sit.
“I’ll get straight to the point.” – Edge
“DIE!” – Eric
“Stop looking at her chest” – Hernandez
“Stop looking at her purse” – Bill
So Edge proclaims that for the last two years Orton has dropped the ball…
“The load?” – Me
Edge has the moment where Randy’s dropping the ball began…. let’s see the footage. And of course it’s when Trips did away with him. So Edge & Orton together? I can agree to that.
“Triple H’s selfishness caught you everything. I know you pulled it all back together, but the facts are the facts. So you might be asking yourself, why would I care. These things tend to repeat themselves, jealousy rears it’s ugly head. Something like this happened again last week.. let’s roll the footage.” – Edge
“The same footage?” – Hernandez
We of course see DX fix the cage match.
“Shawn Michaels cost me the WWE championship. The same man who teaches Triple H every powertripping thing he knows.” – Edge
“That wasn’t Stephanie?” – Eric
“They think I’m a joke. They think you’re a joke. They will keep doing this until someone takes a stand. I know you aren’t a joke. I know you’re not a joke. The reason I called you out is that I think the people that should take a stand are you and me. We should own this show. We should have all the championships. We are the present and the future of this industry, not the tired ol act from a decade ago. So Randy, it’s really simple, you can get mad at the true things I said earlier and we can fight right now.. or..” – Edge
“We could make out.” – Mike
“Strike me down and become more powerful than you ever imagined” – Bill
“join together.. blah blah blah blah blah” – Edge
Randy takes the mic. RKO chant from the crowd.. pretty funny.
“I got two words for ya! IT’S OVER!” – Randy
They shake hands. Randy checks out Lita.
COMMERCIAL FIFTEEN – 10:49
UNDERTAKER vs. CENA
Clusterf*ck Ending Predicted
EEEEE-AYAYAYAYY-Doot-doodadoooooo…. – John Cena’s music
“Thank you all for coming… good night” – Hernandez
Entrance of Undertaker beginning at – 10:54
“Did you know that Undertaker main evented the first Monday Night Raw” – Mike
“Do you want me to write that down?” – Me
“No. As a matter of fact, stop typing that… say Hernandez said it” – Mike
That conversation ended at – 10:56
Undertaker’s entrance still going.
“Takes the hat off – throws it – decapitates John Cena – FATALLITYYY!” – Me
Undertaker’s entrance ends – 10:57
Taker grabs Cena – throws him to the corner. Elbows drops John. He picks him up and grabs his throat. Cena goes to a knee as Taker hurls him to the counter corner. Cena throws an elbow and ducks under a clothesline to start punching Taker all on his own. He charges in – but he gets thrown.
Taker hurls Cena to the ropes, drops down and kicks him. Cena ducks another clothesline hits the ropes and eats the big boot. Goes for the pin for two.
SIGN OF THE NIGHT: “Hey John – what exactly IS Thuganomics?”
Taker goes to the turnbuckle, but Cena runs up and they begin to fight it out up there. Taker throws him, but Cena runs up again… they go up AGAIN… Cena fights and BIIIG SUPLEX to Taker. Pin for two.
Taker sits up, and looks mad. Hits to the face. Throws Taker to the ropes – reversed, bearhug time! SQUEEEEEEEZE! Cena bites his his way out of it. Ducks under Taker’s clothesline and hits the flying shouldertackle!
Cena seems surprised he pulled it off. He goes for the YOU CAN’T SEE ME, but he eats a hand to the throat but fights out of the chokeslam. Taker charges in with a knee though. Taker hurls him to the ropes – but Cena hits the DDT… Cena picks him up for a bodyslam – but Taker leaps out of it – goes for the FU… Taker gets out of it.. and then — SLAP!
Taker hits the chokeslam! In run Booker and Big Show! They charge in and beat on Taker! Kennedy runs down, but Taker leaps on him and fights him up the ramp while Books and Show fight it out in the middle of the ring with Cena.
WINNER: NOBODY – TECHNICALLY UNDERTAKER
Show hits Books and throws him to the corner. Cena hits a DDT on Show, horribly – then the STFU…. Show taps, giggling. Books runs in and stomps on them to end it – but back on his feet Cena hits the FU on Booker and that’s the end of the show.
“Yep, you have to have Cena on top.” – Mike
*awkward pause*
“..that came out wrong..” – Mike
That – has been family reunion! What did we all think of it?
“I’m full of whiskey” – Bill
“I kinda wished I saw the Undertaker get his asskicked some more.” – Jeffrey
“Really f*cking good – liked all the matches. Hate how they jobbed Hardy” – Mike
“I think there needed to be more Iron Mike Tyson” – Jenna
“Mike Rotundo’s back!” – Hernandez
“And gone again!” – Eric
“SHUT UP!” – Hernandez
“How many more botched spots can we have in a show?” – Eric
And what do I think? I think it didn’t start enough new things, but it wasn’t a bad show at all. I mean hey – Edge & Orton as a new team.. pretty neato.
So that’s the Monday Night Rabble – thanks to O’Brien’s Tavern and the Rabble for making it fun.
See you next week yall – and if you want to be an Insider, go hit the forums!
