Under what basis is Adam Gadahn committing treason? Treason is the only crime defined in the Constitution. Article III, Section 3, in case you’re wondering:
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.
Is there a formal declaration of war against al-Qaeda? No, there’s only Dubbaya’s statements that we’re at “war” with them. Gadahn is a spokesman for al-Qaeda, true, but al-Qaeda is not a foreign power in a state of hostilities against the United States. Thus, formally, his actions are not treason. The charges against him are just another attempt by the Junta to blur the lines and try to justify their abominable war against Iraq and blind the American public. Thank God midterm elections are less than a month away. We can pull the fangs from this vile conspiracy against the body politic for its last two years of power.
What that has to do with ECW, of course, is nothing. But it’s something that had to be said. Now on to the show…
CM Fuckin’ Punk over Rene Dupree (Submission, Anaconda Vise): Hold it. Just hold it a moment. Over the past few weeks, Sylvain Grenier’s been looking good on Smackdown. Now in this match, Rene Dupree looked good. The thing is, you need more than two data points to make a conclusion. If Rob Conway has a match on Raw next week and looks good…I hate to think of the ramifications for the universe if all three members of La Res turn in good work at the same time. It’s just too scary.
In the realm of asses, Kelly’s is certainly better than Dupree
Tommy Dreamer over Kevin Fertig (Pinfall, Dreamer DDT): Murray said that the result of this match was a pleasant surprise, because we’re almost conditioned by now to accept Tommy losing all the time. That’s true. For him to get a win against someone that they’re pushing as much as Fertig is a huge surprise. Yet Tommy’s the consummate pro. He made Fertig look great, although given Fertig’s resurgence since getting rehired and being placed in an amenable environment like ECW, he didn’t have to try hard. Nice little match here. The split-screens to the women were almost distracting in a negative way. Almost.
Uh, Tommy…Kevin…sorry, but we’re not really paying attention to you
Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Sandman over The Big Show, Test, and Matt Striker (Pinfall, Sandman pins Striker, Rolling Rock): The ECW Originals versus ECW New Breed angle has worked on every level you can think of, and some that you may not have considered. Yes, we the audience are buying it and getting behind the Originals with a passion (which has to be gratifying for someone like Balls Mahoney, who never came close to getting himself above second tier in ECW Classic). Yes, they’re booking the matches quite well, and using the conflict to get Test and Matt Striker some attention. But now it’s clear that there was an unintended consequence, and it’s quite a positive one. The ECW New Breed guys are elevating their game in response to the Originals taking this angle seriously. Look at what Test did with Van Dam last week. No one expected Test to be able to do something like that (and it’s something he hasn’t done in a ring with anyone since Shane McMahon). In this match, Striker made a very favorable impression. Hell, even Big Show’s putting in more work that he has in years, helping to disguise the fact that he sucks sludge as a heel. This has had a very positive effect on the quality of wrestling on the show. Test and Striker have joined Fertig and Dupree on the list of the Unexpectedly Good. Combine this with the focus that the writing staff’s gained since Steph’s been out with the sprog, and it’s made ECW a credible contender for the title of Best Wrestling Show On TV. And when you consider the improvement in Smackdown and (to a lesser extent) Raw, that’s high praise indeed.
There’s something slightly Freudian about this, but I can’t put my finger on it
With Paul’s newfound dedication to his craft, he won’t even look at Trinity’s ass
Since nothing’s happening in the ring, we’ll take you over to look at Maria’s boob job
I’m surprised Balls isn’t participating
And here you go, you deves. There’s only one reason you’re clicking on this column this week, and that’s for screen caps of the women in various states of undress. Hey, I know my demographic. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Of course, a lot of you are reading this at work, and can’t surf for real porn, so you need something to tent your dress pants. Let it never be said that I don’t satisfy my audience.
And now, the Missing Nipple Festival:
So how come it was Candice and Maria, the two from Raw, who ended up catfighting? Could this be leading to an angle on Raw? It doesn’t involve the Women’s title, since they both lost in the tournament. Rather confusing, I have to say. Interesting, of course, but confusing.
And that covers this show, which is more than the show can say for itself. Be back with the coverage of Samoa Joe’s promo and a pretty good eight-man on Impact later this week.