SLAYER’S WRESTLING AND STUFF!
Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff will now be posted at 12:01am on Friday every week! As opposed to before when it was posted whenever one of the editors got to it. You know, nothing is worse then making a paragraph about your column in your column..how classless. So I better change gears and talk about Last Week’s Column which not only featured exclusive coverage of Lita’s victory speech but also featured this typo I did about 900 times in the column and I found it psychologically interesting that no one caught it. Hell, it was even in the title. Essentially, I kept typing Rita instead of Lita. Rita is a good friend of mine as well as one of the “real life” mistresses I had in this column. And guess who discovered the typo”¦..
How embarrassing”¦.all I have to say is praise the Lord, that THE mistress didn’t catch it”¦yeah”¦that would have been uncomfortable for everybody”¦but of course, I’m saying it here for the sake of the entrainment of the readers, so I better bring it up before this column gets published”¦how does one start that”¦
“Honey, the funniest thing happened the other week”¦”
“Honey,: you never would have guessed who I’ve been sub-consciously obsessed with lately”¦”
“Honey, so my keyboard had this really weird defect”¦”
That ain’t gonna fly
“Honey”¦ “¦you know my friend Rita”¦..menajatroi?”
There we go! Now we can move on!
Hi everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff! Today we’re gonna review one of the most debated DVDs like”¦EVER! The Bret Hart DVD! It also means I have to take it somewhat seriously, so that’ll suck but it must be done. We also got another week in review of DivaLand as well as some other nonsense.
Let’s start out with the other nonsense. So I break my own promise and get involved with another forum conversation”¦.when will I learn? So I go over HERE where they are debating on the merits and worth of the brand split and how it just doesn’t feel like a brand split anymore. This is true, in my head all three shows are the same company. Which was the exact opposite of their business plan from many moons ago. However, it had to be done. Why?
Well, I say the following: They have been 1) trying to build a new brand-ECW and 2) trying to rebuild a brand that had become broken
While #1 is still a work in progress, they have been successful using Raw-Cena to get some of the “monday only” audience over to SD to show people that it’s a good show and no longer the empty vacuum it once was. The ratings have shown that has worked. Smackdown is almost there in standing up on its own again (much depends on if Batista can find his workmanhsip again)and is actually the better overall rasslin show then Raw (just that Raw gets all the McLove). ECW has wayyyyyyyyyyys to go.
Once all three brands are complete again, I’m sure they’ll go back to keeping the brands apart from each other. I just wrote alot more then I was going to.
And then the forumers do what they do best and basically ignore me and continue debating. It’s cool homies. I did have the following convo with Mr. Forum himself, Hatton
Me: I really had to censor myself in the forums…what I wanted to say is “you guys whine they continue the split, then whine that they aren’t split enough”
Hatton: The IWC is stupid
Me: oooo, can i quote you on that
Hatton: Yes, Yes you can. In a big font if you want
There you go Hatton. Have fun defending yourself in the forums. So there, everyone is complaining the forums are too dry, I just added spice and sparkle. However, the real news in the forums is in the tiny little Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff thread labeled ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“The IWC” where the following takes place.
Ellie: Good Read!
I then sing to the tune of whatever that song is called, “Ellie likes my column, Ellie likes my column, Ellie likes my column!” So, I have a small crush on the lady, sue me. Ok, enough of that. 99% of you have no f*cking clue what is going on, so it’s best I quit now and not lose my non-forum audience.
So, everyone likes to do fantasy booking and everyone is trying to think who would make the perfect third member of Edge/Orton. In my fantasy world, it would be King Bookah! With Sir Edge and Sir Orton. And no, Edge and Orton wouldn’t change their personalities, in fact they would just sort of accept him and his wife are insane. AND AND AND, it puts Booker T in the perfect position to finally get revenge in HHH for that godforsaken match at Wrestlemania XIX. Funny how many of us are still pissed about that, eh? AND AND AND AND”¦if they wanted to babyface Booker they could do it easily by having Edge and the Queen have an affair! That would be great”¦.but only in my dreams”¦as real as is it may seem, it was only in my dreams..ok, enough fantasy booking with Booker T.
Get it? “Book”ing”¦”Book”er T? Horrible, I know, I know. But lameass Booker T puns are becoming an addiction of mine it seems. I would go back to being addicted to vodka but it stopped working for me awhile back and now is no different then water and that just made this sentence the TMI OF THE WEEK! I really need to stop doing that.
Let’s do a DVD Review
”Bret “Hit Man” Hart: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be (2005)
Some say this DVD is one of the best. Others say it’s one of the biggest disappointments. Let’s see shall we?
I believe it is important when reviewing one of the Superstar DVDs, it’s best to give my personal prejudice so that one may judge this review in the proper context. While I swear I will be fair”¦to truly be fair”¦you should know how I feel about the wrestler personally. As for Bret”¦well”¦lemmie put it this way. I have several wrestlers I consider to be personal favorites and I refuse to list them like I was Michaelangelo but if someone put a gun to my head (what a stupid allegory) and forced me to say who I thought my favorite wrestler was, bar none? I would have to say the Hitman. No other wrestler invoked such passion throughout the many facets of life. When I was a stupid kid, the Evil Version of the Hart Foundation were the first heels I rooted for. Seeing Hitman rise to the top of the ranks in slow and dramatic fashion as I myself grew up in slow and dramatic fashion was like growing up with an older brother”¦actually a little more. Bret Hart was my hero. Bret Hart was my father figure. I believe I was 19/20 when Bret Hart became evil again (to America anyway). Though I was a mark for Stone Cold like everyone else in 1996/1997 and loved seeing him kick Bret’s ass, I loved the anti-American Bret Hart too.
Then a good five days before the Survivor Series, the news was out. He was going to WCW. Then the infamous screwjob, then his WCW stint”¦and his career slowly went down the tubes”¦.as ironically so did my life as well but that’s none of your business.
But just like Bret Hart, I got back up, forgave my enemies, found out who my true friends were and had no regrets.
So, as you can see, for us Bret Hart fans, this DVD is not just another WWE home video”¦..it’s personal.
This DVD actually has some interesting pre-history. It was originally to be entitled Screwed: The Bret Hart Story. Where essentially it would be a bio-DVD with the Montreal Screwjob as the central point of his career. Bret Hart was asked if he wanted to contribute. Not only did he say Yes, he asked to have creative control of the DVD and essentially be the producer. Vince agreed.
This was HUGE in terms of the Hart/WWE relationship. The two sides were already gabbing but this was McMahon’s olive branch to Bret Hart. Vince for the past few years has tried to convince Bret to come back to the WWE on a storyline basis and contribute to the show. To this day, he still refuses. But this DVD was a gigantic step for Bret regarding coming back to the WWE.
All this is clearly seen on the DVD. And it’s what makes the merit of this DVD highly debated among wrestling fans. Let’s check it out
It’s over two hours long and if they released it in theatres, it would be well worth the 10-12 bucks. For lack of a better word, it’s beautiful and is the second-best biography I’ve ever seen WWE produce (if you must know, the best I’ve seen so far is the Legion of Doom). It starts off with a message from Vince as the “olive-branch” given to Bret has been videotaped for all of us to see. For lack of a better word, that is an awesome way to start a DVD. You know how a lot of DVDs have to go through the early years and do it as quickly as they can because it’s borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. Bret Hart’s is not. We even hear a great story about that if it wasn’t for a trip to Puerto Rico, Bret Hart would not have committed to professional wrestling. The first few chapters that focus on Stampede Wrestling are absolute gold. We’ve all HEARD how Stampede Wrestling was the most innovative wrestling company in North America, and now we finally get to SEE it. This stuff they were doing here would put the TNA X-Division to shame. And we see some classic wrestlers that many of us heard about, but never saw. You know every time a wrestling company makes a breakthrough and we hear “Stampede Wrestling did that years ago”, well, it’s true.
Then we get to his WWE career including the beginning where Bret is fed up being a jobber including a funny story where they tried to make him a babyface-coywboy. Of course, the Hart Foundation changes all that and the DVD does an excellent job explaining why they are considered one of the best tag-teams in the history of wrestling. Then, something happens that for better or worse, sets the tone for the rest of the DVD. At first, we’re seeing the Hart Foundation as heels and at the end of the segment they are faces. The DVD tells you this”¦but they don’t say how. If you knew nothing about the Hart Foundation wouldn’t you be interested how they became faces? The answer is the fans started cheering for them which happens often when heels stick around for long enough and the wrestlers have gained the audience’s respect. Bret Hart explains this in one of his bonus interviews but not in the proper context. The kayfaybe answer is that Jimmy Hart started screwing with them giving them an excuse to dump him. Now you will see this”¦but they won’t tell you this. Nor will they tell you about their great feuds with the British Bulldogs, The Rockers, Demolition, Legion of Doom, etc. You’ll hear about the rivalries but no backstory on the feuds themselves.
This is the route the DVD takes. Some viewers loved it, others didn’t take kindly to it. The DVD rolls along throughout his WWE career and it does a great job showing his up and down battle to solidify himself as a main event wrestler that can draw money. What we learn is that Vince McMahon never trusted Bret Hart to be the last part of that sentence…a wrestler that can draw money. Even Bret himself seem to subtlety admit to this. We also see what really started the HBK/Bret Hart rivalry. It had nothing to do with the Clique as the dirtsheets and IWC totally blew that out of proportion anyway. In fact, Bret goes out of his way within the DVD to compliment Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. The resentment is that HBK somehow convinced Vince that he could be the 90s Hogan so that the company can make all that pop-culture mainstream cash again. Of course, nothing could be further from reality. HBK isn’t exactly a pop-culture money drawer either. Bret knew this, why didn’t Vince? None of this is said outright, but at the same time we’re shown it. This is some real inside stuff we’re seeing and for a true fan of wrestling and Bret Hart, it’s a pleasure. We also see how much of an asshole HBK really is”¦and again, it’s right on camera.
The Steve Austin chapters are excellent. Bret Hart seemed to know before anybody that this guy was IT. And he wanted to raise him to the next level and spent a year of his career doing just that. The USA vs. Canada stuff is amusing and was actually a fun storyline and for those who missed it, you get to see some of its finer moments (though just from the Hart Foundation’s point of view as this also led to Austin becoming the next great face). Then we get to the screwjob”¦.
And this is where the DVD unfortunately lays an egg and continues to do so for the next few chapters. I realize Hart didn’t want to focus on the screwjob. I also realize the program couldn’t be three hours long (or maybe it could have). But the way they go over it on this DVD is quick, short, sweet, and inoffensive to all parties involved. No word on the documentary, Wrestling with Shadows and two FACTS are left out.
1) Vince told Bret to go to WCW (for reasons that are still unclear).
2) Bret refused to lose the title.
From then on, the DVD goes on revisionist history. Hart states WCW had no idea how to use him, Bischoff says Hart was on a cold-spell and lost his zeal. They are both right. The fact is for the couple of years following the screwjob, Bret lost his mind and became an asshole. To the point that most fans who were completely in Bret’s corner started turning on him. In one interview, he stated that the bells-palsy Jim Ross suffers from was God’s revenge for screwing him. Yup, our Bret Hart said that. It’s ok. Like I said, he lost his mind. Happens to the best of us. The DVD decided to not go there. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND SO I’M GONNA SAY IT IN CAPS: THE ORIGINAL DRAFT OF THE DVD BEFORE BRET HART GOT INVOLVED DID GO THERE. That’s obnoxious what I just did.
Anyway, the Owen Hart stuff is done very well and after ripping Bret a little, let me say this about Bret’s response to The Kick that ended his career: Good for him for not blaming Goldberg. Due to the fact that Goldberg is a “flash” and he put an all time legend out of his career, he gets a lot of flack. Bret without admitting to what I just said, does ask the fans not to blame him. That’s class, baby! Also, the DVD does wrap itself nicely into a nice little bow.
So not to much backstory on the feuds in terms of storylines plus a bit of revisionist history from 1997 despite what is before that a very honest DVD. As for the storylines and the feuds”¦I’m letting it go. This documentary was about the Man, not the Wrestler. It was risky, and they did disappoint some fans, but worth it”¦to Bret Hart fans. That’s the problem. If Bret Hart was before your time, you’re not gonna really see what made him so great. The DVD makes the assumption we already know that. The revisionist stuff”¦it hurts the DVD, no doubt about it.
But the rest”¦absolutely incredible. I give it a 3.5 (out of 4). Could the DVD have been a 4? Yes. Should it have been? Maybe not.
First we got interviews. They are ALL incredible. Some are short, others are long, not one will be a waste of your time. The story of Owen Hart calling Stu is a classic moment in this DVD. The tribute videos are depressing, but worth watching..well..one of them is. The tribute to other wrestlers who have passed away..a necessity for a Bret Hart DVD and Bret Hart’s fans.
A tribute to Dean Hart? Who is that for”¦.the plot thickens.
Let’s QUICKLY go over the matches.
MSG/Prime Time Wrestling-7/13/85
Hart Foundation vs. British Bulldogs
Yay! We get to hear Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hayes”¦puts tears to my eyes”¦those two together. *sniff*. Anyway, the match is pretty good, and for the under 35 contingent, you’ll see stuff you’ve never seen before which is cool. But all around the world fans were asking of all the matches these two teams had, why show this one? Because it showcases the talents of all four performers”¦.the plot thickens even more
Hart Foundation vs. Killer Bees
The Killer Bees! Arguably, the best tag-team never to get the gold. Again, not the best match these four had against each other but it shows how good the Killer B’s were. Also, unless you lived in New York and got the MSG channel in 1986 (which at the time was a pay channel) you never saw this match.
Boston Garden/Prime Time Wrestling-3/8/86
Vs. Ricky Steamboat
This is the one of many short-lived single runs that Bret Hart would have in his tag-team tenure. Though this one only lasted a few weeks, we did get this rare gem out of it. Excellent match. If you wanna know the inside-info, they were supposed to go at it in Wrestlemania II but the WWF pulled the plug and put in Hercules instead
Dark Match: Wrestling Challenge-03/08/1989
Vs. Ted DiBiase
Where did this match come from? Why is it shown? Because 1) it’s the only time these two were allowed to truly wrestle each other without their respective gimmicks in the forefront and 2) It’s the first match after the death of his brother, Dean.
Saturday Night’s Main Event-4/28/90
Hart Foundation vs. Rockers
These two had some classics. This wasn’t one of them. But it’s fun. And not every match has to be a classic. Shawn Michaels also gets his ass kicked a lot in this match”¦but I’m sure that’s just coincidence.
Tag Team Championship
Vs. Nasty Boys
Ok”¦”¦”¦”¦.This match is probably one the best in the history of the Nasty Boys”¦and an average match for the Hart Foundation. But it’s fun to see their once loyal manager on the other side.
Summerslam 91 8/26/91
Vs. Mr. Perfect
How can you not love this match? Absolute classic and Bret Hart begins his major run as a singles wrestler. One of those matches you can watch over and over and over again.
Summerslam 92 8/29/92
Vs. British Bulldog
Yes, the one from Wimbley Stadium. The match that proved that Bret Hart was indeed a PLAYAH! See Bret Hart lose and actually gain in stature.
Barcelona, Spain 4/24/93
Vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Why show this one as opposed to the one in the KOTR finals? Maybe to show how international a star Bret was I guess. But what’s funny is that’s essentially the exact same match these two had at the KOTR finals, so there you go.
Vs. Mr. Perfect
Some will say this match is even better then their SS match. Others say no way! Maybe, who knows, who cares. It’s like when a band does an excellent cover of a great original. Feel free to not decide which is better and enjoy them both.
Vs. Owen Hart
In case you didn’t know already, this match is awesome”¦and to provide a little context”¦no one expected Owen to win.
Action Zone 9/29/94
Vs. Owen Hart
This match is awesome too. Bret considers it one of his favorites. And it happened three blocks from where I work! Who cares?
In Your House I -5/14/95
This was a great rivalry. For those of you who don’t know, Hakushi’s short stay in the WWF was very effective and helped change the overall wrestling style. The DVD jips us from one of the coolest entrance themes, but ah well.
WWF(E?) Championship Match
One of the great matches for both these guys. Starts off slow then escalates. Bret Hart has no problem heeling it up for the Diesel fans. The possum/small package Bret does at the end is one of those great moments. Then you get to see Diesel become a bad guy again. Side Note: As much success he found in WCW, he really could have been one of the great WWE heels if he stayed. One of my personal favorite matches EVER!
In Your House V-3/23/97
Vs. British Bulldog
Match is nice”¦not thrilling”¦but nice. Either this was shown to give his sister some DVD time, or to show Bret pinning Davey Boy or both”¦Bret never seemed to like the guy.
Vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
One of the best matches EVER! If you haven’t seen it before then oh how I envy you child.
One Night Only-9/20/97
30 minutes of good wrestling that had absolutely no historic significance”¦ok. Fun Fact: This was supposed to be the first UK Only PPV, but Bret Hart convinced Vince to sell it to Canadian Systems as well. This PPV is more famous for the almost-riot that is ensued when HBK beat Davey Boy.
WCW Nitro 10/4/99
Own Hart Tribute Match
Vs. Chris Benoit
Between everything else that’s going on here, it’s also a dam good match. Nice finishing touch.
EGGS”¦OH HOW I LOATHE THE CONCEPT OF EGGS
Go to Chapters menu. Highlight “Stampede Wrestling”. Click left twice.
A little sneak-peak into the insane chaos that was Stampede Wrestling. Those are the bushwackers by the way.
Go into Extras menu. Highlight “Bret Hart vs Ricky Steamboat 3/8/86”. Click right twice.
Bret Hart essentially taking about believable wrestling. He also takes a shot at the “skin the cat” move which is a not so subtle f*ck you to HBK.
Go into Extras menu. Highlight “Hart Foundation vs The Rockers 4/28/90”. Click left twice.
Interesting little tidbit about Hitman Hearns and how he got the Hitman name.
Gto page 2 of Extras menu. Highlight “Bret Hart vs British Bulldog 8/29/92”. Click left twice.
Hart talking about never injuring any opponent. An egg for the sake of an egg. Oh How I hate eggs.
Go into Extras menu. Highlight “Bret Hart vs Diesel 11/19/95”. Click right twice
The not famous at all “You Start the Fire” video”¦not even enjoyable in the ironic way.
Ok, all together the question is what the hell is going here. Why are some of these matches chosen as opposed to other matches. Where is the backstory to these matches? Where are the title wins? Where are the promos? What’s happening?????????
Folks, at the end”¦these extras had nothing to do with Bret Hart fans. It had to do with himself. A lot of these matches were for him to show how not only good he was, but how his friends and respected peers were. It’s weird. In the goodness of Bret Hart to give up valuable DVD space to these guys, he ends up sort of screwing over his fans.
And that’s what this DVD is. The entire thing is a metaphor for the kiss-kiss makeup that Bret and Vince did. We get to enjoy it along the way, but at the end, this DVD was BY Bret Hart, FOR Bret Hart.
As for the extras.
Total score 5 (out of 6)
Could have been a 6? Easily”¦.Should have been a 6? Maybe not right now.
We need to just accept that this DVD was simply peace-treaty between Vince and Bret. If it means Bret coming back and contributing to WWE and/or making way for another DVD that will be more conscious of the fans and educate younger ones, then it was well worth it.
TOTAL SCORE=8.5 (out of 10).
So Bret “Hit Man” Hart: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be”¦.unfortunately the DVD isn’t. But it’s still an excellent DVD. Putting PPVs aside, I put this behind only the Ric Flair Collection and the Rise and Fall of ECW. (But I haven’t seen every DVD ever made past and present, so take that as you will).
Dammmmmmmmmmmmmm”¦.I’m tired. No more three disc DVD reviews for several weeks kids. Give me a nice generic PPV DVD with no extras.
Let’s go to
SLAYER’S MINI-DIVA TWO DAYS IN REVIEW
Due to circumstances, I did TEN DAYS in Divaland that was posted on last Monday, so today we focus only ECW and RAW. And, WWE.COM (please don’t sue) did not give me a lot to work with…….
We start of with Torrie and Carlito as their friendship begins to sizzle! And she brought along two friends!
Torrie: So”¦Carlito..since we both have early flights, I was wondering if you would like to join us at the hotel?
Carlito: Welll..uhhh..yeah..sure”¦you know”¦
Torrie: I was thinking we take all take a hot bath, rub each other with massage oil
Carlito: Sounds like my kind of night!
Torrie: Then”¦we can get a little kinky”¦.tie you up a little maybe”¦.
Carlito: Carlito is down! We can do that!
Torrie: Then we’ll put suction tubes into our assholes and urethas, shove the other ends down your throat and force you to eat all out piss and shit!
Carlito: “¦”¦.Kidman warned me about this”¦”¦.
Let’s go to a match!
Lita vs. Mickie James (not for the belt!)
Stipulation: Mickie in Shackles
Good move for the last few weeks that the WWE Divas cater to Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff!. So, we got Mickie in not very tight shackles, Lita doing the evil bitch thing, and DX in the audience”¦.no pictures..so you know”¦a little back and forth..DX f*cks with Lita, she f*cks back, they spray her with mustard, she steal their sausage”¦.what?
Lita gets sprayed with mustard and has to sell that it’s spicy which makes her BLIND! Mickie capitalizes with the sausage”¦.and”¦.bonks her over the head!
Lita: Did you just bonk me over the head with a sauage?
Lita: Stop it, that’s annoying!
Lita: Come on, quit it
Lita: Are you retarded?
Lita: I swear one more time and-
And down goes Lita.
It was one bonk too many as Mickey gets the pin and the win!
Oooo..look..I could dip my sausage in her eye!
That didn’t mean what you thought it meant”¦that joke was really a lot more innocent then that”¦.really!
Mickie gives HBK a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG bear hug as Shawn just freezes and begins to meditate“Oh Christ, Satan’s fire burns down below”¦Jesus see me through this”¦”. Meanwhile, HHH just sadly puts his head down and thinks, “Dam, she’s hot”¦dam, my wife got fat.“
Actually, Mickie James would make a great member of DX come to think of it”¦.nah”¦too good of an idea.
HHH: Ummm shawn..why are you looking like that?
HBK: I just ejaculated in my pants”¦..
HHH: Sucks for you, too bad Tammy Lee Stytch ain’t here to change your diapers anymore
THAT JOKE WAS FOR YOU BRET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s go over to ECW!
My name is Kelly! And I’m an exhibitionist! I totally have Mike Knox around my little finger and have a crush on CM Punk because he is the dreamiest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I’m an exhibitionist too!
My family disowned me when I took this job”¦..
Where the hell is Ariel? It’s been two weeks! I want my freaking Ariel fix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other then that, the Diva of the Week (two days) goes tooooooooooooooooo
MICKIE JAMES!!!!!!!!! Two more weeks hon, Lita is out for awhile, and the division is alllllllllllllllllllll YOURS”¦”¦until you’re forced to job to someone less talented then you.
Anyway, this column is coming off the TNA Prime Time premiere so I should say something I guess”¦you all know my feelings on this promotion. If you don’t, it’s essentially the best roster of talent I’ve ever seen and the storylines are like out of early 90s WCW.
Well, after last night’s episode. TNA still sucks”¦but they are improving”¦a little. Now if they only recapped their show on a timely manner and posted pictures of their”¦knockouts”¦they could make the DIVA recap”¦it’s up to you TNA”¦it’s up to you.
That’s it for this week. Next Friday will be a mini column since I won’t be around for the Holidays. No Diva stuff but I do review the Survivor Series 2004 DVD.
Edit: It has come to my attention, that the “send feedback to slayer” button below will send your email into thin air, feel free to send any feedback to by clicking here
Tags: ECW, Raw, WWE